Twisted Reflections

Home : Stories by Catw00man : The Chase Series : Twisted Reflections

Summary: The end...or is it the beginning?

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: NC-17
SERIES: The Chase Series
CHARACTER: DeLana Harvick/Kevin Harvick, Alternating POV
CATEGORY: General/Romance/Angst
PROMPT: 10_per_genre - #8 Here in my arms
COMPLETED: July 20, 2008
WORD COUNT: 5,025
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes once again I’ve got a song as inspiration. This time it’s Bring Me to Life by Evanescence and you can click the here if you want to see the lyrics.
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: This takes place the last day of The Chase 2005 when Kevin Harvick, Dale Earnhardt Jr and Jeff Gordon all missed The Chase.
AUTHOR'S NOTE3: This is the end of “The Chase.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post Chase Race #10 - Homestead, FL: November 20th, 2005

Lean forward on the rail of the pitbox, seeking, searching, for the familiar black and silver colors...and there he is.  Watch the car round the corner, my hands curled against my chest until…there.  He crosses the line in a blur of speed and I can breathe for the first time in weeks.  Let out the breath I was holding and wince when I see he’s finished 8th but it doesn’t matter.  He could have finished last for all I care now.  The race, the season, The Chase is over.  It’s done.  This insane circus we’ve all been put through is finished and we can go back to our lives as if none of it ever even happened.

“That’s it guys.  Good job.  We gave ‘em all we had.” 

Close my eyes when I hear his voice over the radio and the sound of his voice melts away the chill that’s been wrapped around me for so long.  Hear Todd and Richard answer him but their words don’t matter.  All that matters is him and the fact that now we can leave this racing hell for a few months.  I’ve never seen racing as a misery and I’m hoping come Daytona everything will be right. 

It will be.  I know it will be.  We just need a little time.

Open my eyes when his car rolls to a stop on pitroad and I know he’s unbuckling to face the media…if there’s any to face.  Everything’s been all about those lucky enough to be in The Chase.  Who has time for an “outside” driver finishing in the top ten?  Watch the window net come down and the unseen force holding me in place is finally gone and I’m scrambling down the pitbox as fast as I can.  It’s like I’ve been sleeping for a thousand years, lost and frozen but now I can feel the thaw.  Hurry down pitroad, needing to be by his side when he climbs out. 

I’m his wife.  Where else would I be?

Push my way through the horde of media moving in and crew moving out until I can catch sight of the car I know so well.  He’s sliding out and my breath catches at the sight of him.  I always did adore the way he looked when he climbed out of a racecar and today is no exception.  Hair all messed up and stuck to his forehead from the sweat running down his face.  The way his firesuit clings to him in all the right places and how he slides out of the car like it’s an art.  He can make even a simple move look erotic when he wants to.  I always used to assume it was on purpose, that he knew exactly how sexy he was and the affect he had on people.

But now I’m not so sure.

Maybe he has no idea the power he has over those around him.  Maybe everything that’s happened, everything that’s over now, was a result of the spell he weaves around us all with his smile and those amazingly green eyes.  Watch him run his hand over his face and I can see how worn out he is as I scramble over the wall.  But I can still feel his heat from here.  One touch and I know he’ll bring me back to life.

Push past a fan trying to take a picture and I’m sure it’ll be up on the internet how rude I was…but I don’t care.  They can say anything they want because I have him.  Slip past a photographer and launch myself into his arms when I reach him, pressing myself tightly against him as I throw my arms around his neck.  Rub my face against his skin and I can taste his sweat against my lips before I pull back to press them against his.

Everything’s gonna be alright.  Feel his lips start to move against mine and warm tingles run through my body I haven’t felt in a long time.  His breath, his touch, his kiss, it all breathes life back into me and I’ll never go without him again.  My Kevin.  He’ll fix everything.  He’ll fix us.  He’s already brought me back from the dead.

~*~*~*~

I see the checkered flag fly as I cross the line and my chest suddenly feels so tight I can barely breathe.  The race is over but I’d sooner keep driving, keep going lap after lap so the race never ends.  That flag means the season’s over.  It means the end of The Chase and the end of what could be.  But maybe, maybe it doesn’t have to.  Maybe…

No.  I made my choice weeks ago.  I need to let it go even if I do feel like part of me has died.  It doesn’t matter.  The season, The Chase, the thing that almost was…it’s over and I need to let it go.  No matter that I still feel another pair of blue eyes following me through the garage every week.  No matter it feels like I’m desensitized to everything, that everything about me feels like it’s going numb.  It’s the choice I made and it doesn’t matter if I still see red everywhere I look. 

Ten races and it should’ve been ten weeks.  Could it be symbolic we fell apart at eight?  It was just the circumstances, that’s what I need to tell myself.  It was nothing more than the pressure and the connection at being left out.  But now it’s over and real life beckons me back.  So how long am I going to feel so numb?  Feel the chill spread over me from the inside and wonder if I’ll ever be warm again.  I was warm in his arms.  I was warm from just the look in his eyes.  Now I feel like I’ve burnt out, that everything that made me me has been drained away leaving only a shell behind. 

Why can’t I keep racing?

Turn for pitroad when I have no other choice and why, why does he have to be stopped there?  Why couldn’t they let us drive back to the haulers?  What does it matter now?  Bring my car to a stop and sit for a moment and stare at the shining red car a few lengths in front and to the right of mine.  Grip the wheel tighter and I don’t care who might be waiting, I can’t get out, not yet.  Not until I see him from behind the safety of my helmet.

Watch the window net drop and he eases out of the car like he has the world on his shoulders.  Fuck, I can’t help but think part of that is my fault.  Bite my lip because it’s not like he didn’t already have enough on his plate.  Why did I have to add more?  Maybe he’s over it.  Maybe he doesn’t care.  Maybe it was all just a fling and before long he’ll have someone else to warm his bed.  Watch as he takes his helmet off and in an instant I know I’m full of shit.

Because the first thing he does is look at me.

Breath catches in my throat and I’m suddenly thankful I haven’t pulled my helmet off, not that it matters.  I swear he can see straight through it.  Swallow hard at the intense look on his face and I’d love nothing more than to climb out and chase after him, run away with him into his world and disappear.  But I can’t.  I just can’t.  And he knows it as well as I do. 

Let out the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding and watch him turn away slowly.  Stare after him as the press envelops him and I think I go a little more numb.  Apparently an Earnhardt is still news Chase or not.  Hooray for me, I shouldn’t have the same problem.  Unhook the window net and finally pull off my helmet and HANS device, putting it all on the hook to my right.  Then I pull off the steering wheel and shake out of my belts before sliding up out of the car, not even bothering for my hat.  Right now I don’t care.  Now I just want to get out of here.

Run my fingers through my damp hair, casting my gaze the direction he went when the breath is almost knocked out of me.  Suck in a breath when I’m squeezed tight and the soft scent of vanilla hits my nose.  D.  Of course it’s D.  Arms go around her mechanically and pull her closer like I have a hundred times before…so why does she feel so small?  Feel her lips press hard against mine and I yield to her kiss like a good husband should.

I love her.  I do love her.  So why does it feel like I’m falling with no chance of salvation?

~*~*~*~

Curl a little closer to him.  We don’t usually do this, normally opting for our own ways to pass the time in the air, but right now all I want to do is be close to him.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to be on a plane in my life but every mile we put between us and Homestead takes more and more weight off my chest.   His arm goes around me and I press my cheek to his chest when he shifts against the window.  I’m glad I tugged him back here on the bench seat with me.  I was in no mood to curl up alone.

Feel his hand slide up and down my arm and I breathe a soft, content sigh.  All I want now is to get home to Kernersville.  God it’s times like this I’m so glad we live “off the beaten trail” and away from Charlotte.  With KHI and RCR so close we won’t have to go anywhere near Charlotte…and Mooresville…for months.  We can stay in our own secluded little world.  Kevin never has been much for vacations so this will be perfect.  Maybe I can even get him to work on those plans for our new house he was toying with.  There’s still theland we were looking at…we’ll have time for all of that now.

Turn my head up to look at him and see he’s staring out the window.  Is he happy to be going home too?  Is he glad it’s all over?  He did come back to me, but does he know about Jeff?  He never said anything and neither did I.  What was the point?  We both know what we did.  There’s no point in rehashing it.  But he came back so as far as I’m concerned it’s all in the past.  We were weak.  We lost our way.  Now we have the time to get back to who we were…right?

Suck on my lower lip as he continues to stare out the window at the dark sky and I wonder what he’s thinking about, or maybe…who?  Swallow hard.  Surely he’s not thinking about him, right.  He left him.  He left him because he wanted to.  I know he did.  It’s just been a long season and we both have a lot to feel guilty for.  That’s all it is.  But if I’m honest with myself if he hadn’t been the one to fall…it could’ve been me….  Sure it could.  I could’ve been the one to mess around first….

“Kevin…” I murmur softly and he turns those beautiful green eyes to look at me and I have to catch my breath.  There’s a sadness there I want to make go away.  He shouldn’t feel guilty.  Not when we’ve both done the same thing.  Reach for his hand, lace our fingers together and give it a squeeze.  “I love you.”

Hint of a smile ghosts over his face and I see a flicker in those green eyes.  The same spark I’ve always seen when he looks at me and I feel my heart start to beat again.  “I love you too, D,” he murmurs back and then leans down to touch his lips to mine and with just a kiss he brings me alive.  Shift closer to him and curl my hand in his shirt as I kiss him back.

He loves me.

That’s all that matters.

~*~*~*~

I’ve never been on a longer flight in my life. 

Or maybe I’ve never been on one I wanted to be on less.  Either way I feel more and more lost with each minute that passes by and takes me further away.  Gaze out the window as she shifts closer to me and I slide my arm around her.  It’s funny how easily you can slip right back into old habits.  So how long before I forget…the rest?  She curls against me and it all feels so natural, soft, sweet curves I know by heart.  So why does my body itch for hard lines and rough hands?

Swallow hard and stare into the black night as I try to push these feelings away.  I love my wife.  That should be all that matters, right?  So why’s the thought of how far away Mooresville is from Kernersville eating me alive?  You get so used to the close quarters at the track, seeing the same faces week in and week out but that won’t be the case for months.  It’s probably for the best.  Time apart should make things easier, right? 

I just wish it wasn’t so far….

His look when I left the track told me everything.  He won’t push.  He won’t intrude…but at the same time I know if I did go looking for him….

Shake my head slightly and pull her a little tighter against me.  No.  I can’t go down that road and I wish he hadn’t left the door open.  If he could’ve turned away.  If he could’ve just let it be over this would be so much easier.  But that’s probably a big part of why he did it.  This isn’t supposed to be easy and why should it be?  I cheated on my wife.  How is that ever right?

“Kevin….”

Her soft voice pulls me from my thoughts and I look down to see adoring blue eyes directed up at me.  She’s forgiven me everything, even though I haven’t come close to forgiving myself.  I wonder if she’d be so forgiving if she really knew the depth of my betrayal?  She hasn’t told me anything about Jeff but I saw all I needed to know.  She didn’t love him.  She just needed the comfort.  She may have given away her body but she never once betrayed her heart….  Not like me.

“I love you.”

Sweet, simple words that crack something deep inside.  Those words used to mean the world to me and all they do is twists the knife.  I feel myself grow colder with each passing second but I won’t let it show.  I’ll get over this.  I will.  I’ll find my way back to who I was before I lost my way because she deserves more than this shell I’ve become.  She deserves everything and more.  And I’ll do it because, “I love you too, D.”

Lean my head down and capture her lips in a gentle kiss and she stuns me with the passion she gives me back in return.  This isn’t the woman I walked away from.  This isn’t the same, simple routine we’d mastered over the last few years, barely touching and when we did it was out of nothing but habit.  This is the woman I fell in love with years ago, the woman I had to have by my side at all costs.  This is my DeLana…and I’ll find my way back to her.

I have to.

~*~*~*~

The flight was too long and the drive to the house even longer.  But now that we’re here it feels like everything is falling into place.  Pull him with me into the bedroom and tug the travel bag off his shoulder, letting it fall to the floor.  Mine’s lost somewhere between the car and here but I don’t care, I’m not unpacking tonight.  Maybe it’s time to break with tradition since I think it’s the monotony that got us here.  Normally I’d be all about getting everything put up while he checked his mail or read some racing magazine…but not tonight.  No, tonight is the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

Tug his hand as I back towards the bed and I can’t look away from his eyes, beautiful green eyes I’ll never take for granted again.  He sees me now, sees me like he hasn’t for a long time and now I’m going to make sure they never stray again.  Pull my blouse off when the back of my knees hit the end of the bed and see those eyes deepen when he sees the lacy black bra underneath.  That’s right my love, I was planning this just like I used to.  Feel his hands at my hips and I’m so glad I went with the sexy underwear over changing when we got back.  Somehow it makes it all better, especially since I’ve been thinking about this, him, all day.

His thumbs brush gently over my stomach and over my hips causing shivers to run through me.  God, I forgot I could feel this way.  Tilt my head back to send my long blond hair spilling down my back and tickling my skin as he kisses my neck and I hold tight to his shoulders.  “I love you, Kevin.  Love you so much,” I breathe as his touch warms me up in ways I haven’t been in so long.  I knew he’d save me from the nothing I’d become.  I knew he’d make me me again.

Feel the soft bed against my back and I push up at his shirt, needing to see him, to feel him against me.  He doesn’t disappoint and pulls back long enough to pull his shirt off before tugging down my pants and tossing them aside.  The heated gaze that runs over me is enough to curl my toes with need and I swear he’s nothing less than a predator when he looks at me this way.  No one has ever got me as hot as he does and with only a look he has me dripping with desire.  Pull him closer and wrap my legs around him as I stretch out on the bed and kiss him hungrily and it’s like falling back in time.

There was a time we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, when we were sneaking around to make out anywhere and everywhere.  It’s part of what drew me to him and part of what made me fall in love with him because no one had ever wanted me that much.  We lost fire the last few years but we’re getting it back.  We are.  I swear right now I’m already about to combust.

“You’re so beautiful, D.  So fuckin’ beautiful,” he tells me and the emotion cracking his voice makes me hold him tighter.  It’s ok my love.  It’s ok.  We’re home now and everything’s going to be right again.  Kiss his lips again until I feel his hand between my legs, rubbing me through my damp panties and gasp for breath.  Stare up into his deep green eyes and god, he knows me so, so well.  Grip his shoulders tight when I start to shake and then throw my head back, crying out in pleasure when he already sends me over the edge with his touch.

Tremble hard as I gasp for breath and then tug at his jeans, wanting them, “Off.  Now.”  Open my eyes to gaze up at him and pull at his waist band again.  “Need you.  Want you, Kevin.  Please.”  His lips capture mine again and I can feel him undressing as I run my hands up and down his back.  A moment later I can feel him bare against me and I don’t want to waste anymore time.  We’ve wasted too much as it is.  Shift my hips and wrap my legs around him again and pull him inside all at once.

Cry out again as his eyes go wide and I know I’ve taken him by surprise.  It’s been a very long time since I haven’t needed a lot of foreplay to get me going but as it is I’m already feeling  like I’m on the edge again.  Hear his low groan and I grind my hips against him, encouraging him to let go and that’s all it takes.  Rest my heels at his lower back as he starts to move inside me and every touch fees electric.  I’m alive again.  So alive and it’s all because of him.  Lose myself to his touch as every trace of frost inside is melted away and there is nothing but us.

Feel his breath against my neck and I know when he’s close.  I feel it in the way he trembles and I slide a hand between us.  I’m already about to shake apart and one touch is all I need to fall over the edge again screaming his name.  Arch back against him as he slams into me a few more times and it just intensifies the ecstasy crashing over me until every nerve feels like it’s on fire.   I won’t let myself slip away again.  “Kevin…,” I breathe when I hear his cry and pull him down against my chest, stroking his hair as he trembles and tries to catch his breath.

“Love you, D.  I love you.”

And that’s all I ever need to hear to bring me to life.

~*~*~*~

We reach the house and all I want is to crawl into bed and let this day be over.  I’d give anything to forget about everything and sleep for a week straight.  I’m so damn tired of being emotionally wrung out and I’m sure D’s feeling the same.  But then she takes my hand and…I think I know that look in her eyes…but I have to be wrong.

She pulls my travel bag away and lets it fall to the floor without another glance and I’m confused.  She doesn’t do this.  She doesn’t leave things everywhere when we get home.  I figured I’d have a good hour to get to sleep before she finally crawled into bed.  She hasn’t even done her whole face washing thing she always does…so why is she pulling me towards the bed?  Open my mouth to ask what’s going on when she starts to do the last thing I ever expected.

She starts to give me a strip tease.

 Eyes widen when she pulls away her blouse to reveal a black, lacy bra…I can’t remember the last time D wore something like that.  It’s always about functional and comfortable.  She had to be wearing it at the track.  That means…she was planning this.  When’s the last time she wanted to spend any real time with me…much less want to come to bed with me?  Move forward as I trace curves I haven’t seen this way in a long time with my eyes. It’s usually an old T-shirt, or if it’s hot maybe she’d just sleep naked but there was never anything sexual about it…it was functional and absolutely nothing like this. 

Bring my hands to her hips and feel her shiver at my touch as I trace her skin with my thumbs.  When’s the last time she looked at me like this?  Why couldn’t she have done this…before?  Why couldn’t she have let me know she still wanted me?  Lean closer and I can smell the vanilla scent she always wears and I kiss her neck softly, so softly because her sweet skin I wouldn’t bruise, I wouldn’t scratch.  Not like….

“I love you, Kevin.  Love you so much.”

And you shouldn’t.  You just shouldn’t.  God, DeLana, you deserve so much more than my worthless, cheating ass.  Kiss along the column of her neck and she presses against me, rubbing her body against mine and, fuck, I’m not made of stone.  Slide my arms around her and gently ease her back on the bed and her golden hair spreads out around her, framing her face.  I didn’t even realize she’d taken it down.  God she’s so beautiful when she really lets go.

Feel her hands tugging at my shirt and pull back long enough to tear it over my head.  Part of me wants to rip her apart, be frantic and wild and I roughly unfasten her pants and tug them down her legs.  Shit.  A matching lace thong.  She really does want me and I can hardly remember when I’ve seen her so gorgeous and wanting me so much.  She tugs me by my arms and I lean over her and it’s nothing but soft, beautiful curves beckoning me back from where I never should’ve strayed.  This is who I was.  This is exactly who I was, who we used to be.

So why can’t I feel the same way I used to?

Legs wrap tightly around me and she pulls me down for a kiss with more fire than I can manage to match.  But I try.  I try with everything I have left because she deserves no less.  She deserves to be loved by someone with their whole heart.  She deserves to be loved the way I used to love her.  Why can’t I do that?  Why can’t I find the same fire that used to fill me anytime I saw her face?

Run my hands over her beautiful, silken skin and pull back just enough to run my eyes over her.  She really is a Goddess way out of my league.  Lean over her again, unable to face her love and beauty and my voice cracks, “You’re so beautiful, D.  So fuckin’ beautiful.”  And you deserve so much more than I can give you.  Feel her arms tighten around me, hand tenderly stroking my back and I make a silent promise to us both.  I’ll do anything and everything to try and make this right.  She’s giving me another chance.  I have to give her the same.

Run my hand down her body and I swear she’s so receptive to every caress.  Slide my hand between her legs and watch as her kiss swollen lips part and her dark blue eyes go wide.  That’s right baby, I can still do a few things right.  Give into me, beautiful.  Let me see how gorgeous you really are.  Watch in amazement as I barely even have to touch her and she’s already squirming beneath me.  Feel my jeans get even tighter as she rocks hard against my hand and then, there, God she’s so beautiful when she comes. 

Watch her shudder and tremble underneath me and I start to pull back.  She doesn’t owe me anything tonight.  Right now I’d be more than happy to just pull her into my arms and hold her even though God knows I don’t deserve to.  Cup my hand between her legs and rub her lightly before starting to slide back but apparently she has other plans.  Start slightly when she suddenly looks up at me and tugs hard at the waist band of my jeans.

“Off.  Now,” she tells me in a surprisingly commanding voice and I can’t help but look at her surprised.  I figured once would be all she wanted…it has been a long day.  “Need you.  Want you, Kevin.  Please.”

Oh, God, D.  You don’t ever have to beg me.  You shouldn’t ever, ever beg me.  Lean over and kiss her because I have no words, nothing to say because she shouldn’t want me this way.  Hands make quick work of my jeans and boxers and I drape myself over her, kissing her deeply.  She really is the most amazing woman I’ve ever known and I know a part of me will always love her.  How can I not?  She’s the most--

Oh.  My.  God.

Sweet, wet heat surrounds me and fuuuuuuuuck I don’t remember when she’s done this to me.  Look down at her with wide eyes and I’m met by blue eyes filled with emotion and dark desire.  Shit she wasn’t doing this just for me.  She’s doing this because she really wants me.  I swear to you D, I’ll give you everything I have left.  I’ll try to make things right.  I swear to you I’ll try.

Groan deeply when she arches up to rub against me and there is no holding back now.  Hands move to either side of her head as her legs wrap around me and I rock my hips forward, burying myself completely inside her with each and every stroke.  Hot, sweet heat envelops me and I thought I’d lost this forever.  My arms tremble hard as I gaze down at her and she’s still a vision of beautiful desire.  She’s a siren and I can’t resist her pull.  Not when she looks at me like this.

Watch as bliss spreads across her face again and that alone is enough to push to the edge.  But then I feel her muscles clench and flutter around me and it spurs me on even more.  Thrust deeply into her a few more times, cover her body with mine and in this instant there is nothing but the two of us.  Like it always should have been.  Rock forward, sliding deep and fuck, oh fuck, I come undone.

“Kevin….”

Her soft voice beckons me against her and I there’s nothing else but now.  Rest my head on her chest and I feel her soft caresses, so sweet, so tender and so filled with love.  I don’t deserve her.  I probably never did.  But I swear I’ll do everything I can to try and make her happy again.

“Love you, D.  I love you.”

And I do.  I just hope it’s the kind of love that brings the future it should.

~*~Fin~*~

These authors spend lots of time to write these stories. If you took the time to read this PLEASE take the time to give them some feedback. Happy writers write more ;-)

Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com