Fool for Love

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Summary: She’s made a fool of him, but it’s nothing he couldn’t have done on his own.

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: R
SERIES: The Chase Series
CHARACTER: Kevin Harvick/Dale Earnhardt Jr, Jeff Gordon/DeLana Harvick implied, Kevin POV
CATEGORY: General/Romance/Angst
PROMPT: Taming the Muse #34 (#9 for me) - Trollop; 10_per_genre - #3 Nightmare
COMPLETED: March 17, 2007
WORD COUNT: 2,131
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
DEDICATION: To Heather the sweetest beta. I hope you feel better sweetie.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the third fic in my Chase series and this time we get Kevin’s POV. Once again I’ve got a song as inspiration. This time it’s Everybody’s Fool by Evanescence and you can click the link if you want to see the inspiration.
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: This takes place Saturday night before the third race of The Chase 2005 when Kevin Harvick, Dale Earnhardt Jr and Jeff Gordon all missed The Chase.
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Chase Race #4 - Kansas Speedway: October 8th, 2005

She really is the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.

She’s strong, determined and very beautiful, not that it’s ever been a hindrance to her.  Unlike every other woman I’ve known she doesn’t let the trappings of beauty and vanity hold her back.  She really is as comfortable walking down pit road in a firesuit with her hair in a ponytail or hat as she is anywhere else.  She doesn’t care what anyone else thinks or what anyone else says as long as she gets what she wants.

I knew the instant I met her that I wanted her…I’m just lucky she felt the same because I know no amount of Harvick charm could have ever “won” her over.  I watch her come towards me, as I lean against my car waiting for the race to start.  Long blond hair and piercing blue eyes as intense and focused as mine or any other driver’s and I know without a doubt she’d trade places with me if she could.  She’d be the badass racecar driver in a heartbeat and I think part of her wishes she could have been the man with all the opportunities.  She really is exactly like me…probably in too many ways. 

And that’s probably our problem.  She’s always been an equal to me in drive and determination; I never have to push her to keep her going.  If anything she’s pushed me, a perfect match for my temper and sarcasm.  I know she’s made me a better driver, that she’s made my career her own.  But maybe, just maybe, that put too much strain on us.  Maybe that complete devotion to my racing and lack of success is what’s driven the wedge between us.  Or maybe I’m just kidding myself.

I shake my head as I look to her again and see that she’s not her usual efficient self with her hair pulled back and out of her way.  No, it’s down and falling over her shoulders in soft waves, framing her face and accentuating her classic beauty.  I see the sparkle of the large diamond earrings I bought her in the bright light of the sun and the decadent charms only seem to highlight the beautiful contrasts that define her.  She’s still wearing her form fitting firesuit, opting for safety and practicality over fashion and to me she couldn’t look better except….

That’s not the black and white colors of my sponsors that she’s wearing.

I blink in surprise as I suddenly realize she’s in red and blue with yellow highlighted flames running up her arms and legs.  Colors that can only belong to one narcissistic person, and I feel a chill run over my skin despite the heat of the day.  Cold sweat runs down the back of my neck as I watch her walk past me, not even sparing a glance as she glides over to the Dupont Chevrolet parked next to my 29 on the grid. 

I turn in silent horror as she makes her way to him and cringe with disgust as he pulls her into his arms.  Watch his fingers run through her silky hair as he claims her lips shamelessly for all the world to see and I want to vault across the car separating us and tear her out of his arms.  He has everything, the self indulgent prick, and now it seems he even has her.  Time stands still for an instant and then the world changes and spins and the heat of the day melts into the cool of my coach and it takes me a minute to get my bearings.

She’s coming down the hall in a slinky black patterned negligee that ties and splits open right under her full breasts, revealing the smooth skin of her stomach.  I can feel my body react instantly at the tiny string bikini panties that barley cover anything and I know this memory intimately as my eyes run over her curves.  She wore this for me after I won the Brickyard, surprising me after all the interviews were done.  I remember the feel of her silky skin as I pulled down the wisp of satin covering her sex and tasted her desire as she moaned my name.  And I remember her eyes, dark pools of molten desire, as she looked at me, sultry smile on her lips then just as now and I try to move towards her, try to take her in my arms again.

But I can’t seem to move.

That’s when I realize we aren’t alone and it’s not me she’s looking at.  I watch him move towards her, and she meets him halfway in a fiery kiss that turns my stomach.  His hands are in her hair again as he mauls her mouth and I try to lunge at them as she molds her body to his.  But I can’t.  I’m nothing more than a captive audience to this display, and my eyes widen in horror as he scoops her up and carries her to our bed.  I watch as she kisses his neck and moans his name the way she used to moan mine and I hate her with every fiber of my being as she breaks each and every vow we ever made to each other.  I try once again to go after them as I hear the moans and cries of pleasure from my bed and an anguished cry of my own slips from my lips. 

Darkness.

I blink my eyes as they rapidly adjust to the dark room that I realize isn’t my own.  I feel a strong arm tighten around my waist and a stubbled cheek against my shoulder and I instantly know where I am.  I’m in June’s coach, in his arms, and I try to force my racing heart to slow.  It was a dream.  A horrible, horrible dream, but I know with all certainty that it might as well not have been. 

June was right.  I realize that now, the dream finally opening my eyes.  He was right when he told me they were sneaking around together; I just didn’t want to see it.  I didn’t want to believe she would betray me just for the sake of fucking someone.  But he’s right, and I can’t believe I’ve been so blind.

I reach my hand down to cover his at my waist and squeeze it softly, still surprised at the comfort and understanding he’s given me.  I wasn’t looking for someone else.  I sure as hell wasn’t looking for a man.  But as she pulled away, as our every conversation turned to vicious battles for supremacy…he was an understanding ear and a strong shoulder for support.  He’s struggled as much as I have this season and when the world finally came crashing down around us a month ago I found he was the only one who understood.  He was living it with me.

I never intended to end up in his bed when we started our innocent flirting.  I didn’t even know the rumors about him were true.  But beer and shared adversity finally loosened his tongue and when he made a move…I wanted to stop him.  I wanted to tell him I was married.  That I had a wife who loved and adored me, who understood me and stood beside me no matter what, except…I couldn’t remember the last time that was true.  More and more I felt like a disappointment to her, a complete and utter failure in the eyes of us both.

But when June looked at me…I didn’t feel like a failure anymore. 

He didn’t put pressure on me.  If any thing it was the opposite.  With him I don’t even have to be a driver, if that makes any sense.  I run my thumb across the back of his hand and lean more into his comforting and protective touch.  He just accepts me…for me.  He doesn’t put any pressure on me and I think--no, I know--I needed that.

I take comfort in his touch a few minutes more and then slowly pull his hand away, sliding under his arm.  I climb out of bed and cross the small room, shivering slightly at the loss of his warmth, and move over to stare out the window.  The motor coach lot is fairly dark in the middle of the night as everyone else is doing what they should before a race…sleeping.  But as the dream run through my mind again, I know that I’m not going to be able to rest yet.

Is she lying in his arms tonight, hiding from the world?  They’ve been more than discreet and I guess I should be thankful.  But as I turn to look at June, his arm stretched out where I was laying just moments ago, I know it’s not the same.  I know she’s only using Jeff, seeking to hide behind his perfected mask that shelters him from the world.  But I also know she’ll never find herself in a lie.  I know her too well, just like she used to know me, and she’ll never be happy in something so meaningless….

I reach out, my hand curling against the glass in front of me and I wonder where it all went wrong.  She loved me, I know she did.  I know she wanted me and it wasn’t just the racing, at least…I don’t think it was.  I think she really wanted me, that it wasn’t all just a means to further her career and instill herself in the sport.  Sure we spent every waking moment building our own little legacy but…surely that’s not all I was to her.  Surely she still loved me when I didn’t win.

Then why am I sharing June’s bed?

I close my eyes and slide my hand slowly down the cool glass and drop my head forward until I’m leaning against the window.  He’s shown me kindness and I know he cares even more than he tells me.  He wants me.  He’s been more than clear on that and to be honest…I want him.  I love the way he makes me feel like I don’t have to be “Kevin Harvick the Nextel Cup Driver.”  I like that I can just be “Kev,” his friend and lover and nothing more.  He doesn’t expect anything from me.  He just lets me be me and…I’d forgotten what that felt like.

I turn around slowly and watch him sleep, his hand clenching at the sheets where I was before and I know he’s missing me looking for me even in sleep.  Would she still do that?  It seems the last year we’ve made an art of sleeping in the same bed and making sure not to even touch.  Does she miss me now that I’m gone?  Or has Jeff taken my place in her heart as well as her bed?  He can sure as hell do more for her career….

I move back across the room and slide back into bed and he immediately presses up against me, wrapping his arm around me again.  I smile softly as I feel him brush a kiss to my shoulder and his sleepy words take me by complete surprise.

“I thought you were finally going to leave this time,” he whispers soft and I turn to see surprisingly awake blue eyes staring into mine.  He was awake the whole time…and never said a word.  God, he does care.  He really, really does and he breaks my heart as much as it warms me through and through.

I lean closer, brushing my lips against his and whisper softly back to him as I speak from my heart.  “I’ll never sneak out on you, June.  I swear to you I’ll never walk out on you that way,” and I wish I could promise him more.  I wish I could tell him I’d never walk away but…I’m still not sure what it is my heart needs.  It’s wrong, just as wrong as leaving her and I hate myself as much as I hate her.  But I don’t want to think anymore.  I just want to feel safe in his arms for as long as he’ll let me.

He nods and kisses me back before breathing “Thank you,” softly against my neck.  Then I turn towards him and rest my head on his shoulder as I feel his fingers card through my hair.  He cares too much about me, just like I know I care too much about him.  But is it enough?  Can I really leave her?  Can I find my happiness in his arms or would she really take me back?

God, I feel like such a fool.

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Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com