Sneaky as a Snake…on AMP

Home : Stories by Catw00man : Bear on the Wall : Sneaky as a Snake…on AMP

Summary: Mission #2 is a go.

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: PG-13
SERIES: Bear on the Wall: Conversations from the Garage and Beyond
CHARACTER: Kevin Harvick, Dale Earnhardt Jr, Clint Bowyer, Kevvie!Bear POV
PROMPT: Taming the Muse #138 (#113 for me) - Filch
COMPLETED: March 18, 2009
WORD COUNT: 1,185
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you’re enjoying this series you really need to check out Zippit’s K.D. Harvey Show. I’ve been betaing it and I swear I laughed so hard I almost cried. ;)
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: This takes place Saturday night before the Cup race at Atlanta Motor Speedway. The wreck Kevin refers to happened during the Sam’s Town 300 Nationwide race in Las Vegas were Jeff Burton spun out right in front of Kevin and totaled his potentially winning car. Jeff was complaining all weekend about how bad his car was.
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The Night Before the Kobalt Tools 500 - Atlanta, GA - March 8th, 2009

“Ok Little Guy, it’s time Burton got what’s coming to him and you’re gonna help me.  You hang out right here and play look out.”

Finally!  I was wondering if I’d ever get another mission.  But I’m ready and Green Eyes has been planning this for a week.  Teammates aren’t supposed to spin out in front of other teammates.  It’s not fair.  And it’s NO fun dragging in a smooshed car.  Mr. Buzz Cut Almost Cowboy shouldn’t have done that.  He shouldn’t have been in the Cowboy’s Holiday car.  Now he gets to PAY!

It’s really dark out here but I’m good at keeping watch.  Green Eyes put me up high on Buzzy’s door mirror so I can see all the home away from homes.  He said he had a good plan for him but we had to wait until the Blonde Bitchy One was asleep.  Now she is and it’s mission time!

*hisssssssssssssssssssssssss*

What is that?  Green Eyes, I can’t see you.  Do you have snakes back there?  That’s gotta be a BIG snake.  Don’t let it bite you.  We have to ride in Big Yellow tomorrow.

*hisssssssssssssssssssssssss*

*crunch, crunch, crunch*

Green Eyes, I think someone’s coming!  I can hear then.  Look, look, LOOK!  There he is!!  GREEN EYES LOOK OUT!  It’s Pissy Redhead!!  Don’t you knock me over again Pissy Redhead.  I don’t wanna fall!

“Harvick?  That you?”

“Shhhhhhhh, dammit Earnhardt what the hell are you doing up?  Get over here and be quiet.”

“What are you doing on your knees?  You fuckin’ with Burton again?”

“He deserves it.  Now shut up and help me or go away.”

“What the hell are you doin’?  Weren’t you the one who stole his shoes?”

“Shut up.  That was a long time ago.  This is better.”

“Are you taking the air out of his tires?!”

“Shhhhh, yes dammit but just the right side.  Just hope he and Kim don’t wake up ‘fore I get this done.  You gonna help or not?”

“Aight, but lets space it out.  I’ll take the ones in the front.”

“Knew I could count on you, Earnhardt.”

“Yeah, yeah you’re just lucky I don’t bust your ass, but I gotta see the look on Jeff’s face when he wakes up in Casa Magnetica.”

“In what?”

“You know that crazy tilted hous--oh never mind.”

“You really are strange sometimes, Earnhardt.”

“I’m not the one carrying around a racing bear.”

“Shut up.  He’s good luck.”

“Suuuure he is.”

*hisssssssssssssssssssssssssss*

I AM good luck, Pissy Redhead!  Except when other people do stupid things.  Hey, why am I starting to tilt?  Are you trying to knock me over again?  I hate it when you do that.

“Do you have a bear phobia or something?”

“What?  Why?  I ain’t scared of a damn bear.”

“You always have to knock him over.”

“I do not.”

“Junior, I saw you knock him over in the garage today.  What’s up with that?”

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

*crunch, crunch, crunch*

Both of you SHUT UP!  I hear someone coming.  Green Eyes, someone’s coming!!  I see them.  Why are there so many people up in the middle of the night?  Shouldn’t they be sleeping?  What’s wrong with these people?  Look out, look out, oh, wait.  It’s just Cowboy.

“Hey there buddy, what’re you doing out here?”

I’m keeping watch, Cowboy.  Do you wanna go play cards again?  Maybe we can get you a bunch more discs again.  You’re fun when you’re happy.

“Are you talking to the damn bear?  What the hell is wrong with you guys at RCR?”

“Earnhardt?”

“Dammit, Shifty, be quiet!  Can’t you see we’re being sneaky here?”

“Huh, what?  What are you fuckin’ with Burton for?  You know how pissy he can get.”

“You a squealer, Bowyer?”

“I just don’t want to end up on the wrong side of one of Harvick’s prank wars!”

“Shhhhhhh, dammit Shifty, be quiet or leave!  I don’t care what you do, but weren’t you ticked that he fucked up the Vegas car?”

“Damn right I was!  She was a good ‘ol girl.  She did not need you running into her.”

“SHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“What planet is he from, Harvick?”

“Kansas.  Land of the red skinned, goofy haired farm boys.”

“I ain’t no damn farm boy.  Scoot over Harvick, I’ll get the back tire.”

*hissssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*

“But you do have goofy hair.”

“Do not.”

“Looks like you ran into a damn wall and it got stuck.”

“Does not!”

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Hey!  Nimrods, there’s someone over there.  And I’m starting to tilt a lot.  Shut up, shut up or we’re all getting caught.  You guys are BAD at being sneaky.  Whisper quieter!

“Hey, duck, someone’s coming.”

“Ow, dammit Shifty”

“Shhhhhhhhhhh”

“Is that Johnson?  What the heck is he doing wondering around so late?”

“I’m married and I’m out late.”

“You’re the exception, Harvick.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.  Pffft.  I know where he used to be going.”

“Jeff’s a family man now, Harvick.  Can it.”

“Oh really?  I guess you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you Earnhardt?”

“Shut up, Harvick.”

“What are you two talking about?  You sayin’ Jeff and Jimmie….”

“Dear god, Shifty, you deaf, dumb and blind?”

“Besides, it’s in the past.  Jeff’s all devoted to his model now.”

“But it was TRUE?”

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

Are you talking about Poppa Ella!Bear?  He loves his Pretty Momma.  Anyone can see that.  He doesn’t like the Hairy Brow beast that just walked by.  Not like that.  But…Hairy Brow does make eyes at him when he’s not looking.  He’s always watching Poppa Ella!Bear.  I thought he just liked black fire.  But maybe it’s more….

“I can’t believe all those rumors were true.”

“It ain’t Jeff you need to be lookin’ after nowadays.”

“Ohhhhhh Earnhardt spill.  Give us the Hendrick dirt.  If Gordo’s out of the question who’s in play now?”

“You ain’t gotta look no further than his crew chief.”

“EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!”

“SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

“You mean Johnson’s got it on with Chia Pet Chad?

“I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“Take it over there, Bowyer.  Get away from me.”

“What are they having over on the 48, a hair club for men party?  Is that what’s up with the beard?  Who can get the hairiest?”

“Seriously, Harvick, knock it off.  That’s just so….”

“What’s wrong Bowyer?  Not your taste?”

“Ew, Earnhardt, don’t touch me!”

“Alright, alright, I think that’s the last of them.  Would you look at that!  It’s a wonder he hasn’t fallen out of bed much as this thing’s tipping.”

Help, Green Eyes, I’m about to fall off this mirror thing.  Wait! Oh, no, the lights are on!  Buzzy’s AWAKE!  We need to get out of here!!  Don’t forget meeeeeeeeeeee.

“Oh shit!  I’m outta here.”

“Grab the bear.”

“You and your damn--”

“Shut it Earnhardt, c’mon!  Run!”

No, Pissy Redhead don’t throw me!  Ok, you’re just lucky Green Eyes caught me, otherwise you’d be the next one on the list.  Thank you for not forgetting me, Green Eyes.  I knew you’d take care of me.  So is this a successful mission?  Did I do good?  I made sure Hairy Brow didn’t see us.  So, who’s next?

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Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com