Laundry Day

Home : Stories by Catw00man : Bear on the Wall : Laundry Day

Summary: Even bears need to get clean.

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: PG
SERIES: Bear on the Wall: Conversations from the Garage and Beyond
CHARACTER: Kevin Harvick, DeLana Harvick, Kevvie!Bear POV
PROMPT: Taming the Muse #139 (#114 for me) - Bemused
COMPLETED: March 18, 2009
WORD COUNT: 721
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you’re enjoying this series you really need to check out Zippit’s K.D. Harvey Show. I’ve been betaing it and I swear I laughed so hard I almost cried. ;)
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: This takes place at the end of the first “off week” in 2009 around the time Jeff Burton’s appearance on General Hospital aired. For those that didn’t see it, a douchey actor in a bar rambles about how he’s a “semi-pro” racecar driver to Jeff Burton who he doesn’t recognize. The guy actually give Jeff racing advice. What a douche!
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Harvick “Mansion” - March 18th, 2009

Green Eyes, I’m confused.  Why aren’t we getting ready to go race?  Shouldn’t we be packing?  It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Big Yellow.  What’s going on and…why am I half naked???

“Deeeeeee…do we have any color safe bleach?”

“Whaaaaaaaaat?”

“Bleach.  But for colors.  Do they make that?”

“I can’t hear youuuuuu.”

“D, c’mere.  I need to know….  There you are.  I need to know if we have color safe bleach or something.”

“What are you talking about?  Since when do you do laundry that needs bleach?  What are you…Kevin.  Seriously?”

“What?  The bear’s filthy.  He needs his shirt washed.”

I do have a name Green Eyes.  But you can call me Kevvie!bear.  You should know my name, though.  It’s right there on my sleeve.  See?  Kevin Harvick TM.  That’s my name.  Seriously, Green Eyes, be more observant, will you?  It’s on my hat too!

“Maybe if you didn’t take him everywhere.  Here, give me that.”

“Hell, no!  I’m not letting you ruin his shirt.”

“I’m not going to ruin his shirt, Kevin.”

“Like I trust you.  You wanted to let LO use him for a chew toy.”

“Well she liked him.  I thought it was cute.”

“And that’s why I don’t trust you.  Hey, you think the Tide pen will work on his hat?”

“Just throw it in the wash with the shirt.”

“That would ruin it!”

“For God’s sake, Kevin….”

That’s right, Green Eyes.  You don’t let the Blonde Bitchy One ruin my clothes.  I can’t run around like a naked bear!  That would be EMBARASSING!  Really, you need to do something about her.  She’s always so bitchy.  Not like Pretty Momma.  Hey, maybe she needs an Ella!bear like Pretty Momma has?  That’s it!  Get her one of those, Green Eyes.  Then I’ll have someone to play with that can hear me! 

“I’m gonna try the Tide pen.”

“You are putting something else in there aren’t you?”

“What? And have you sneak in something to make it pink or something?  Na-uh.  The shirt washes alone.”

“You have seriously lost your mind.”

“Yeah, but you love me anyway.  Hey, look.  He has a pudgy little belly.”

Hey, hey, HEY!  Don’t poke my tummy!  That’s mean.  Besides, I’m supposed to have a tummy.  I’m a beeeeear.  How many bears have you seen without one?  Anyway, I’m fit for a bear!  You should see Ella!bear’s friend Pooh.  He has a HUGE belly.  You wanna go poke someone, go poke him.

“Ok, fine.  I admit it.  He is a little cute.  I still don’t see why you have to take him everywhere.”

“Because it’s fun.  Besides.  He’s a good luck charm.  You should’ve seen Shifty with him in Vegas.  He swears he saved his ass at the Blackjack tables.”

“So Clint’s as insane as you are.  Big surprise there.”

“Hey!  I resent that.”

Let me get this straight.  Now she likes me?  Now, while I’m naked bear?  Now I’m cute?  I think you need to be worried about her Green Eyes.  She has a thing for naked bears.  Hey, you don’t get to poke my tummy!  Don’t try to cuddly me.  You just like me because I’m all naked!

“Isn’t Burton supposed to be on that soap opera today?”

“Oh yeah!  I almost forgot.  It should be on TiVo so we can blackmail him later.”

“Kev-in.  Does it always have to be about who’s getting who?”

“I need some leverage after what I did to his coach last week.”

“You have a point.  I heard Kim actually rolled out of the bed.”

“Yeah, uhhhh, she wasn’t too pleased.  But I still say he can’t prove it was me.  Besides, Earnhardt and Bowyer were there too….”

Yes, yes it was a very successful mission.  We did good, Blonde Bitchy One.  You should’ve seen us.  Hey, you know, you’re pretty soft when you’re being all nice.  And you don’t carry me by my neck either.    Maybe Green Eyes should wash my shirt more often.  I’m willing to take one for the tea-- 

Hey, is that Buzzy on TV?  Why is he talking to the doofy looking guy?  That guy’s a moron.  You should teach him a lesson Buzzy!  “Semi-pro racer” my bear behind.  Put him in the waaaaaaaaaaall, Buzzy.  Put him in the wall.

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Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com