Captain Destruction

Home : Stories by Catw00man : Bear on the Wall : Captain Destruction

Summary: Green Eyes can take him.

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: R
SERIES: Bear on the Wall: Conversations from the Garage and Beyond
CHARACTER: Kevin Harvick, Clint Bowyer, Jeff Burton, Todd Berrier, Casey Mears, Kevvie!Bear POV
PROMPT: Taming the Muse#145 (#14/21 for me 2nd run) - Imbroglio
COMPLETED: May 5, 2009
WORD COUNT: 797
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you’re enjoying this series you really need to check out Zippit’s K.D. Harvey Show. I’ve been betaing it and I swear I laughed so hard I almost cried. ;)
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: Alright instead of our usual little bear picture I’ve added another Fandango clip where Clint and Jeff explain how Kevin acts during team meetings when he’s not too happy. It totally inspired this fic. That part is at the end of the above clip at about 7:40 after Clint tells his story about his fourteen foot yacht the “Hooker.” Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
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RCR Team Meeting – Welcome, NC – April 14, 2009

“Hey Jeff, what do you bet he’s got the notebook today?”

“After Texas?  You kidding?  He’ll be in there feet on the table, scowling and taking notes.”

“What do you think he writes in there anyw-- Oh hey, Harvick.”

“Bowyer.  Burton.  Aren’t you supposed to be Switzerland?”

“I call it like I see it, Harvick.  You know that.”

“Since when do you show up early to team meetings, Kev?”

“Since I’m driving shit week in, week out.  You got a problem with it?”

Cowboy, please don’t poke the Green Eyes.  Can’t you see?  He’s not very happy.  Big Yellow hasn’t been well and Imaginary Todd hasn’t been able to make him better.  I’ve been trying to be lucky.  I really have.  I’m sorry, Green Eyes.  I want to be your lucky bear.  I wish I could make Big Yellow feel better. 

“Maybe the problem’s with your little stuffed animal over there.”

“Excuse me?  You talking to me, Mears?”

“Yeah.  I am.  Hell of a good luck charm you have there.  How many spots have you dropped recently?”

“You son of a bitch.  You still think the sun rises and sets on your fucking name, don’t you? “

“Least I’m focused on my Cup program.”

“What Cup program?

“Take it easy, Kev.”

“For what, Todd?  All the piece of shit has besides the name is one fucking win he lucked into.”

“Fuck you, Harvick!  Like you’ve got a lot to brag about!”

“I have three wins this season, Smears.  Which is more than you’ll probably ever see.”

“Fuck you, Harvick!”

Get him, Green Eyes!  Get him!  Don’t worry about me.  I’m fine here on the table.  You GET HIM.  No one talks to us like that!  He’s a big nothing and he was mean to Cowboy too, remember?  He took Cowboy’s Gil!Fish.  That was MEAN.  Take him out, Green Eyes!  Go over the table.  Yes, yes, wait, Imaginary Todd, no!  Don’t stop him!  Let him goooooooooo.

“Harvick, enough.  RC doesn’t need to see this.  C’mon, get off.  Easy, Kev.”

“This is bullshit, Todd.  You and I both know it.  It’s all bullshit.  We shouldn’t be running like this and that piece of shit has NO room to talk.  We didn’t even want him here.”

“Yeah, but he is, so we might as well deal.”

“Thanks for those pearls of wisdom, Burton.  What would we do without you?”

“Knock it off, Kev.  It ain’t Burton’s fault.”

“I know you aren’t taking his side, Clint.  You of all people--”

“I’m not.  I’m not.  Yeah, don’t look so surprised, Mears.  This isn’t Happy Hendrick Hills over here.”

“I don’t give a shit what you guys think--”

“Of course you don’t!  You’re fucking Captain Destruction aren’t you?  Fuck up everything you touch.  Seriously, stay the fuck away from my cars!”

Captain….  Green Eyes, are you sure?  Brillo Head really doesn’t seem like much of a super hero.  All he does is make people sad.  Maybe he’s the one who made Big Yellow sick.  Maybe he’s an antihero.  He looks like one, all short and pissy looking.  He looks like a stupid villain.  Hey, can we slay him?  We could get Cowboy his Gil!fish back!

“Kevin, shit, calm down.  RC should be here any minute.  We don’t need this now.”

“Todd’s right, Harvick.  Take it easy.  We can deal with this later.”

“This isn’t over Princess.  You touch my shit again I swear I’ll break your fucking hand.”

“Bring it on, Harvick.”

“Oh, you know I will!”

It’s ok, Green Eyes.  He didn’t hurt me.  Just shoved me a bit.  I’m fine.  But thank you for protecting me!  We’ll get him later, just like Cowboy said.  We’ll get him, better than Buzzy even, but…Green Eyes…I don’t think he’s much of a Princess.  He’s too ugly.  And I know I don’t want to see him in a dress.  Don’t worry, we can slay him later with Cowboy.  Then maybe Big Yellow will be all better!

“Relax Kev, it’s not worth it.  We’ll get this straightened out, but you brawling with Mears over the table isn’t going to help.”

“You better be right, Todd.”

“We’ve fixed things before.  This’ll be no different.”

“Before we didn’t have a troll as a teammate.”

“You forget Robby already?”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Hang in there, Harvick.  We’ll get through this together.  Even if we do have to deal with a troll.”

Listen to Imaginary Todd, Green Eyes.  We’ll be ok.  He’ll make Big Yellow better and everything will be fine.  Hey, look!  It’s Daddy RC.  He’ll make things right, Green Eyes.  That’s what he does.  He said so.  Don’t worry.  I bet he can even keep Captain Brillo Head in line!

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Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com