Beardango

Home : Stories by Catw00man : Bear on the Wall : Beardango

Summary: A Bear never forgets.

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: PG-13
SERIES: Bear on the Wall: Conversations from the Garage and Beyond
CHARACTER: Kevin Harvick, Tony Stewart, Dale Earnahrdt Jr, DeLana Harvick, Kevvie!Bear POV
PROMPT: Taming the Muse #143 (#118 for me) - Gossip
COMPLETED: April 18, 2009
WORD COUNT: 1,052
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: If you’re enjoying this series you really need to check out Zippit’s K.D. Harvey Show. I’ve been betaing it and I swear I laughed so hard I almost cried. ;)
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: Oooooook so I got a little behind on our favorite little bear because we packed up and went to Texas. But no fear. I’ve brought a little Texas back with us. If you want to get a better idea where this fic came from check out all my Fandango videos on YouTube here of just click the clip above to see the bits with Tony and Kev. Enjoy!
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Texas Motor Speedway Post Fandango – April 2, 2009

“She’s gonna kill you.”

“She ain’t gonna kill me.  Hell, she’s heard worse and you of all people know it.”

“You better hope no one got to her first.”

“Smoke, could you possibly be a little less obvious lusting over my wife?”

“One of these days, Harvick, she’s gonna get a clue and wanna see what it’s like with a real man.”

“So where’s that gonna leave you?”

“I’ll never know why she puts up with you.”

“You’re just jealous.”

“Probably.”

Green Eyes, why are we still friends with the Bear Man?  He stole me, remember?  And put me in the trophy!  It was dark in there and I didn’t like it…but it was fun being rescued in Victory Lane.  Almost as fun as shooting at the funny Snow Flake Man tonight.  We should do this more often.  I like this Fan-Dan-Thing.

“Harvick, is that a suitcase sitting outside your coach?”

“What?  Oh, bullshit.  She wouldn’t-- Dammit!  That coach better not be locked.”

“Don’t worry, you can always bunk with me.”

“Hell, no!  You’d enjoy that waaaaaaaay too much.”

“One of these days, Harvick….”

“Don’t you dare finish that.  Ok, it’s open.  D, what’s up with this?  D….”

Are we going somewhere, Green Eyes?  I don’t wanna go stay with the Bear Man.  He might try and squish me or something.  He really is weird.  He looks at you and the Blonde Bitchy One like Hairy Brow looks at Poppa Ella!bear and I don’t like it one bit.  He needs to back off!

“Looks like she isn’t here, Kev.  Maybe we should check my coach.”

“I swear Smoke if you don’t give it a rest….”

“Oh, c’mon.  Don’t get pissy now.  Maybe we can go back to that Ice Cold guy and get his handcuffs so you can chain her to the bed.”

“Stewart!  I’m thinking I should’ve found a better place for that firecracker.  Maybe I can go back and see if Eddie’ll give me that gun back.  Surely someone around here has real ammo.”

“Easy, easy, c’mon.  Let’s go check my place.  She’s probably just screwing with us both.  Petty probably tipped her off.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, she just better know payback is coming.”

“Isn’t it always with you?  Hey, you still dragging that bear around?  I can’t believe you brought him up to Fandango.”

“Why not?  Didn’t you think it was funny when Shifty had him sittin’ in his lap?  He’s the RCR mascot.  We were all there so why shouldn’t he be?”

“Yeah, Burton looked thrilled.”

“What do you expect from Switzerland?” 

“Yeah, yeah, you know…if she is in here I just might keep her.”

“In your dreams, Stewart.  Would you just get the damn door open?”

“Alright, alright…hey Hot Lips, you in her--ow.  Dammit, Harvick, that hurt.”

“She’d do a hell of a lot worse if she heard you calling her that.    D, hey D, you here?  Joke’s over sweetheart.  D?  Smoke, she ain’t here.”

Of course not, Green Eyes.  Unlike you she has better taste in friends!  No, no don’t go in there.  It’s icky in there.  Big Bear Man runs around all hairy in there.  He’s a very big bear, Green Eyes.  You don’t wanna see!  He almost got me dirty with his orange chipy fingers.  It’s not clean like our home away from home.  Let’s get out of here!

“Hey, looks like Earnhardt’s light’s is still on.  Maybe he’s seen her.”

“Do you really wanna know why that light’s still on?”

“Oh you’re just jealous cause he turned you down like I did.”

“You wish, Harvick.”

“I don’t have to.  Watch it now, don’t have to take it out on me.  Hey, Earnhardt.  You seen my wife?”

Hey look, it’s Pissy Redhead!  Your home away from home is always by ours.  Does that mean you like us?  If so, could you stop knocking me over all the time??  K, thx.

“What if I have?  Maybe she wouldn’t want me to tell you.”

“D, stop hiding out with Earnhardt and get out here.”

“Why don’t you come in here and make me?”

“Dammit.”

“Maybe you should’ve brought back those handcuffs, Kev.”

“Shut up, Smoke.  D, what are you doing in here?”

“Catching up with Junior and driving you crazy.”

“It was Petty wasn’t it?”

“He’s been texting up a storm.  Something about Tony and the condom depot?”

“Good thing you have me back here to look after you, huh?”

“As if you’d be able to handle her, June.”

“Like you’d know Smoke.  D, Tony called you a cow.”

“It wasn’t a cow!  It was a bucking bull!  And it was better than you calling her a corpse in bed.”

“I never said THAT!”

“Might as well have.”

“You might as well have called her a slut!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

Is this really what we’re reduced to?  See Green Eyes, this is why you don’t hang out with the Bear Man.  He’s mean to the Blonde Bitchy One.  We’re the only ones who get to do that.  Hey!  Pissy Redhead, stop knocking me over!  And can you kick out the Bear Man?  That would be great too.

“Boys.”

“Did not!”

“You know you just wanna get in her pants.”

“She’s not the only one.”

“TMI Stewart!”

“Booooooooys.”

“What’s wrong, Earnhardt?  Wouldn’t you like to watch?”

“He’s just got better taste than that, Smoke.”

“I do not, I mean, dammit!”

“BOYS!”

“Oh you done it now.  You made Momma mad.”

“Don’t call her that!”

“What’s wrong, Harvick?  Scared?”

“Just the thought of you using ‘Momma’ and D in the same sentence!  Earnhardt, think you could take out the trash?  It’s starting to smell in here.”

I told you Green Eyes.  I told you he needed to go.  You really should listen to me.  And Bear Man better not be thinking about following us home.  I’d rather stay here with Pissy Redneck.  Hey, Pissy Redneck, you have room for a little bear?  I’ll even let you knock me over again if you’ll kick out the Bear Man.  You didn’t see his place.  I’d rather hang out with you than him.  Think you could talk some sense into Green Eyes?  I’d be eternally grateful, and you can ask Green Eyes.  It’s good to have a bear on your side!

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Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com