Unexpected Choices

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Summary: Kevin makes the most important decision of his life.

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: PG
SERIES: Bittersweet Miracles
CHARACTER: Kevin Harvick, Kevin POV
PROMPT: Taming the Muse #88 (#63 for me) – Haste Makes Speed
COMPLETED: April 21, 2008
WORD COUNT: 1,743
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love it when they just talk. :)
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: Thanks to Zippit for the excellent beta!
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En Route to New York - KHI Private Plane: February 6th, 2008

I’m getting used to the fact that I’ve lost all semblance of stability and structure in my life.  There was a time I always knew where I had to be, what I had to do, and nothing ever took me off guard.  I had my private little world in Kernersville away from everyone, just the way I liked it, where I could set the pace and get away from the rush and conquest of speed.  I went to meetings when I needed to at RCR but in all honestly I was always more comfortable at KHI, in my shop, with my guys and the one person who made my world make sense.

I took it for granted.  I know that now.  I took for granted the way she always knew where I needed to be, what I needed to be doing and took care of it all without me even knowing.  Ok, so I had a clue.  It always hit me when she wouldn’t come to the road courses and I didn’t know what to do with myself.  But even on those weekends she’d always check and make sure I had everything I’d need, even when it wasn’t really her job.

D was never my “assistant.”  She was much too independent for that.  D was my partner…in life and just like me she’d forget things from time to time.  Like my suit for the 500 last year.  Who knew the one damn time she forgot to pack a suit I’d win the damn race and have to go jetting off to New York for an insane amount of media.  But it didn’t matter.  I had her by my side and we worked it all out in time.  God I’m glad I got to share that with her….

So now here I am, almost one year later, jetting my way back for morning shows and interviews in New York that before yesterday I didn’t even realize I had to do.  Who knew the winner from last year’s Daytona 500 had to do a prerace media tour.  Not me that’s for sure.  She would have known though.  She would have made sure I looked as nice as I could and teased me about it the whole time.  I swear I still love her so much.

Wipe at my eyes and stare out the window of my virtually empty jet.  It’s just me and the pilot this morning.  The sun is only now starting to rise and part of me wants to curse it, to curse the fact that it still rises and sets when everything should have come crashing to a halt.  But it hasn’t, and it won’t.  I have two tiny babies to care for whose lives hang in the balance every day.  That’s why the lack of structure doesn’t faze me anymore.  In the turn of an hour I’ve seen Johnny and Lana go from stable to critical and back more times than I can count so what’s an unexpected trip to New York?  No, nothing really fazes me anymore.  That is, until this morning.

I didn’t expect him to be there, though in hind sight maybe I should have.  I had to leave before sunrise to make it for Good Morning America so I didn’t even bother sleeping.  I’ll have time for sleep later.  I napped yesterday afternoon so hopefully I won’t look too worn out but if I do who’s gonna blame me?  I just hope this whole media crap stays focused on what it should be because I’m really in no mood to talk about them yet.  But I’ve been assured this is all about the 50th anniversary of the 500 so it should be fine.  It better be fine or they’re gonna get a nice shot of my ass when I walk out.

Trail my fingers along the window of the small plane as my thoughts turn back to the offer I never in a million years expected.  Leave it to Earnhardt to find a way to completely rock my foundation yet again.  And now I have to make the first big decision of my angels’ lives.  I have to figure out what happens to them if I’m gone.

It’s not like I haven’t thought about it before.  Hell, I’ve been making myself sick over it every time I’ve slid into my car or climbed aboard this plane.  Something could happen.  My life is not my own anymore and I have to deal with that.  I just never thought Junior would be the one willing to help me out.  I just thought he was there to look after them while I was gone.  I had no idea he’d offer to look over them for the rest of his life.

Run my hand over my face and down the column of my neck.  I didn’t see it coming.  I just thought he was being a friend, but now that I think about it…he’s been here the whole time.  He was there when Lana first opened her tiny little eyes.  He held them and rocked them and sang them lullabies when no one else could even handle looking at them.  He set up the web cams so I can always check in on them and I bet if I could look right now I’d find him rocking one of them or singing to them again.  He really does care about them though I’d be damned if I understood why.

No one else has cared about them like he has.  No one else has talked to them like they’re people instead of pitying them and looking away.  I just never, ever imagined he’d be the one to come to me and volunteer to be their godparent.  Honestly, were it anyone else I’d think they were just being nice or hadn’t thought it through.  But one look in those stubborn blue eyes and I knew he’d thought long and hard about it.  I started to protest, but only for a moment.  He just told me to think about it and that he’d be watching them while I was gone.  So now I have to decide….

Do I want my babies adopted into the insanity that is the Earnhardt clan?

Ok, so I know it may never, ever come to that.  But at the same time…it could.  Something could happen to me just like it did Dale and they would be left all alone in the world.  So I guess the real question is, could I see Dale Jr raising my little angels?  Could I see them being swept up in that legacy and whirlwind that is Dale Earnhardt Jr?

There was a time in the not so recent past I know I would have said absolutely not.  But hell, not too long ago I couldn’t even see myself fit as a father either.  The thing is, Junior’s changed.  We’ve all seen it.  He’s gone from being the red headed step child, bastard son of DEI to golden boy of Hendrick Motorsports and master of his own destiny.  I really respect him for that and I know firsthand how massive that shadow he lives under can be.  I always dealt with it by being me, brash and loud with a take me as I am or fuck off mentality.  And it’s worked.  It’s caused me a lot of shit too.

It’s taken years for me to finally find myself and to find a way to keep from crossing over the line.  But D and KHI changed me in ways I never really realized until now.  I’ve been changing all this time without even knowing it.  Sometimes people ask me why I don’t jump over barricades to strangle other drivers or stomp on their hoods anymore.  To be honest, I don’t really know.  I still get that same wild anger during the race, now I just…handle it differently.  Maybe its being a car owner or knowing D will--would--never let me live it down.  Either way I’ve grown.  I’ve changed…just like June has.

Raise my head and stare straight ahead as it hits me.  He’s changed just like I have, he just doesn’t have a “D” to make it all make sense.  No, he has that sister of his who looks out for him just like D always did me.  June isn’t the party boy legacy that used to dress like a punk and throw the wildest parties.  If he were he wouldn’t be at Hendrick starting all over.  He’d be coasting along at his daddy’s company content to be the “Bud boy” for life.

It takes serious guts to reinvent himself the way he has in the face of so many who would tear him down.  It takes a strength the likes of which few people have.  It takes someone who could have climbed into the Intimidator’s car and made it his own or built a company from the ground up in a man’s world.  That’s who I want raising my kits if the time ever came.  No one else could possibly understand the life they would have better than him.

Reach to the panel beneath the window and grab the plane phone, dialing the number before I even think about it.  Tap my foot impatiently until the line picks up and I know he’s gonna be pissed at me for waking him up so early but I need this to be done and be done as soon as possible.
 
“Shifty, it’s Kevin.  No, everything’s fine.  I’m on my way to New York.”  Shake my head and snort softly.  “No, I didn’t just call to tell you that.  I need you to do something for me.”  Pause then the line goes quiet and I know he’s waiting for my request.  He’s been as indispensible to me as Junior has and I know I’m never going to be able to fully repay either of them.  Take a deep breath and then finally just say it. 

“Clint, I want to have papers drawn up to make June their Godfather.  Just in case….  Yes, Earnhardt.  We can talk about it later but I want to do this before we head back to Daytona.”  Close my eyes when I feel a peace settle over me at my decision.  This is right.  I know it’s right.  It may be the one right thing I’ve done in…a long time. 

Johnny and Lana are going to be taken care of.

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Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com