Truth Outside the Lights

Home : Stories by Catw00man : Bittersweet Miracles : Truth Outside the Lights

Summary: Kevin finally sees what’s been going on around him.

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: PG
SERIES: Bittersweet Miracles
CHARACTER: Kevin Harvick, Dale Earnhardt Jr, Kevin POV
COMPLETED: June 21, 2008
WORD COUNT: 3,113
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This one hit me months ago when we were actually watching this truck race and I tried to jot some notes down then. I was afraid I’d lose the feel I had then but I think it turned out ok. :) It’s about time Kev starts to open his eyes a little bit...don’t you think?
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: Thanks to Zippit for the excellent beta!
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Daytona Motor Speedway - February 15, 2008

Hear the engines fire and I quicken my pace, hurrying across the motor coach lot and through the garage on my way to pitroad.  I should’ve been out here sooner.  I should’ve been doing a lot of things, but it’s been so easy to lose myself to the past or my tiny angels on the screen.  Sometimes I swear I wanna go back to Kernersville, lie down beside her, and never wake up.  Last night was one of those nights, and if it hadn’t been for Earnhardt looking in on me….

He really shouldn’t be doing that.  But I don’t know how I’d survive without him.  Part of me still feels like a fool for breaking down the way I did…again.  I promised myself I was done with that, that I wouldn’t let it happen at the track.  But when those gifts showed up unannounced…I couldn’t help it.  And somehow, he knew I’d need him.  This morning when I finally woke up, after sleeping better than I have in weeks, he was gone and so were the gifts.  I don’t know what he did with them, and I don’t really care.  I just hope he knows how grateful I am.

Rush down pit road when I see the trucks start to roll and I head straight for Ron’s box.  I probably should check in at Jack’s pit but right now I want a little familiarity.  I’ve been way too absent from KHI this season and I need to take the time to do something I’m supposed to do for once.  I came real close to staying in my coach and watching from there but somehow I think she’d frown on me for that.  These teams were our babies before Johnny and Lana came along and I need to make sure they’re still ok.

Reach the pit and immediately haul myself up on the box but freeze halfway up when I see him, headset on, and from the sound of it talking to the boys.  I had no idea he’d be here.  I had no idea he’d even want to be.  The guys don’t need him here to run.  Shouldn’t he have something better to do?  Pull myself all the way up on the box and shoot him a sheepish smile when his head snaps around and his eyes lock on me.  I swear I never know what to say to him after I…lose it.

“Hey, um, everything, good to go?”  Grab a headset and shove it on my head.  Could I be more awkward?  Glance over when June starts to stand and I motion him back in place.  He doesn’t need to move for me.  There’s plenty of room.

“Yeah, ah, yeah.  Ready to run.”  See him glance around and shit, I’m probably making this all weird for him.  I didn’t mean to.  But how do you look someone in the eye after watching them fall apart.

“June, look…”  Glance around and lean closer so only he can hear me.  “About last night…I’m sorry….”

“No, no,” he cuts me off and pulls the headphones around his neck.  “You didn’t do a damn thing wrong.”  Force myself to hold his gaze when intense blue eyes lock on mine.  “Really.  It’s fine.”  Stare into his eyes another moment and find myself nodding despite myself because I know without a doubt he’s being straight with me.  I guess I was reading him wrong because I know that look.  He’s telling me the truth.  We’re ok.

Nod again and give him a small smile before looking out at the trucks circling the huge track and I move to the rail, watching them get ready to race as I turn on my radio.  It’s already set to flip between the two trucks and it hits me that I just want things to be…normal.  Key the mike to Ron’s radio and a small smile curls my lips as I tease him the way I always used to do.  “Ron, it’s Harvick.  I hope you plan on going out there and tearing it up tonight.  I’m in the mood to see some action.” 

There’s a slight pause on the radio and for an instant I’m holding my breath even though I’m not sure why.  But then he’s on the radio and the familiar voice puts me more at ease as things start to fall into place again.  “Good to hear your voice, boss.  I’ll try not to disappoint you.  I think either way it’s gonna be a good show.”

Smile and relax my hand on the rail as I key the mike again.  “Oh, I know you’ll make sure of that.  Make sure you play nice with your new teammate.  Don’t want to scare him off too early.”

Grin as I catch part of a chuckle on the radio before he replies, “10-4, 10-4.  No wrecking the teammate.”  Another short pause and then he adds, “Enjoy the race, boss.  We’ll make you proud.”

Shake my head at the title that still feels a little strange.  Who would’ve known when I was sleeping on his couch for months, trying to make it big, that Hornaday would ever call me “boss,” and mean it.  I should’ve been here before.  He and Jack are counting on us--on me--to give them the trucks they deserve.  It’s a good team, a championship team.  I know it is.  Shoot a glance back at Junior, still surprised he’s here and wonder how much he’s really done.

Look back at the track when I hear one to go and then flip to Jack’s channel to wish him luck.  The banter isn’t quite as easy as it is with Ron and I hope to hell his truck is every bit as good as the 33 should be because I’ve heard about his temper.  He can get as “vocal” as I can when things don’t go right.  Smile a little to myself.  It should be an interesting year.

Stand at the edge of the box to watch the green flag and then move back to sit with Junior, nodding to him again.  I’m still not always sure what to say to him, but it’s nice to have him here for whatever reason.  Maybe he just wanted to see a truck race up close.  As far back as I can remember he never has.    I hope he enjoys it as much as I do.

Sit back and let myself get lost in the race, the roar of the engines and chatter on the scanners taking me away from the stress and constant worry that’s become my life.  Focus on nothing but our trucks, moving through the field, even though there’s a nagging at the back of my mind that it shouldn’t be June sitting beside me.  But I ignore it.  Right now there’s nothing but this.  I can deal with the rest of the world later.

The screech of tires and smell of smoke has me instantly to my feet.  See Kyle’s truck sideways and the mess he’s caused pile up behind him.  Lean over the rail, trying to see if we’re involved and shit…I think that’s Jack.  Chatter over the radio confirms it and for a moment I hesitate until I feel June’s hand on my arm.

“I’ll head down and check on Jack’s pit.  See how bad it is.”  Look to him in surprise at his “all business” tone, but before I can form a reply he’s climbing down the ladder of the cart and quickly heading down pitroad.  Watch until l lose sight of him and then flip over to Jack’s radio to try and sort out what’s going on.  Lean over the rail again, looking down pitroad, and catch sight of our truck coming down to its stall. Focus on the frantic chatter on the radio and try to decipher how bad it is when my phone vibrating in my pocket causes me to jump.

Hold tighter to the rail as I scramble to pull out my phone and after a moment of staring at it I realize I got a text message.  I’m still not used to this phone, beyond using it to keep an eye on the kits, so it takes me another minute to remember how to actually read the message.  Sit down once it comes up and I realize it’s from June telling me the truck’s not banged up too bad and they’re going to fix it in the pits.  Good.  This really isn’t how I wanted Jack’s debut for KHI to go, but at least it’s not a total loss.  Not to mention I’ll be very surprised if this is the last caution of the night, especially with Busch out there driving like a wild man.

Flip back to Ron’s channel as they get ready to go back to green and after a couple tries manage to fire back a reply to June.  “Thx.  Nice to have another set of eyes.  Enjoying the trucks?”  Palm the phone as I lean forward to watch the trucks fly by and wonder how many of these races he’s really watched close up.  Sure we have several dates in common with the series but that doesn’t mean he’s watched them, and part of me wonders what he thinks of the little obsession I’ve never been able to let go of.

Small smile curls my lips when I feel my phone vibrate again and take a peek down to see his reply.  “Tryin to figure why JRM doesn’t have one.”  Grin a little more at his words and the fact that I might be corrupting him a little bit.  I know his reasons for starting JRM aren’t the same as mine were for KHI but in the end we’re all racers.

“Sure youre rdy for real competition?” I text back and for a moment everything seems so much…easier, and I’m not sure why.  Maybe part of its having real racing starting again when I know Johnny and Lana are sleeping soundly.  A quick check on their link lets me know that’s still the case.  Or maybe it’s just having someone to talk to for fun instead of dealing with what you can’t control.  Either way it’s…nice.

Eagerly look down when I feel the next message received and I can’t help but smile even more because I know what my reply will be.  “You sayin were not competitive?”  he sends me and I immediately text back with, “Sure now that you sold out to big brother.”

Chuckle as I hit send and I know I should be paying more attention, especially when Ron starts screaming on the radio about smoke.  Head snaps up as the top of the pit cart gets a lot more animated.  Push to my feet and I see it, Ron on the apron and I can smell the gear oil from here.  Shit.  That’s going to put us behind the wall.  Wait until the crew vacates the cart then quickly climb down the ladder to follow.  I know I really can’t do much, but hell, I should be there.  Maybe if I’d been around more….

Shake my head before I even let myself get lost in that train of thought.  This is racing.  Things happen, parts break and my being around or not has no more to do with preventing a part failure than it does preventing a certain Shrub from running over the field.  It is what it is and now we have to deal with it.  Speed up my pace when I see the blue and yellow of Ron’s 33 truck pull behind the wall and I see the guys are already trying to assess the damage.  Looks like they’re heading straight for the garage.  I bet they’ll have to change the whole damn gear.  Hurry after them and before I know it the boys are already tearing the rear end of the truck apart.

Do my best to stay out of the way and I feel so out of place.  This is our team, our championship team, so why are there faces I haven’t seen?  I feel like I should be saying something, doing something, but right now I feel like someone who’s in the way.  The whole mood of the team feels so panicked and rushed until all of a sudden there’s a shift and for a moment I don’t know why. 

And then I see him.

It’s subtle at first, almost unnoticeable, but then when you look closer it’s impossible not to miss.  I should’ve seen it earlier when I got to the box, but I was so surprised he was even there I didn’t take in the rest.  Now I don’t know how I missed it, and for an instant, it’s like having her back.

It’s the way the crew stands up a little straighter when he walks in the garage and the way idle cursing and bitching tapers off.  She had that presence about her and it’s one I never completely mastered.  But maybe that’s because half the time I was screwing around with the guys or taking them out to my go-cart track to whip their asses.  Sure I was still the boss, but I was a boss they could go out and play with.  She was the boss that kept them all in line and took care of them.   And now here they all are looking at him the same way.

Move back out of the way to observe and try to let everything sink in.  Clint told me June was taking care of the shop, that he’d stepped in to do what was needed.  I’d assumed he’d handed off the work to people in the shop or maybe even brought in someone new.  I trusted him completely, I still do, so I figured whoever he chose would have to do because it’s not like I had the time to second guess him.  But one look at the way the crew reacts to him, the ease with which Rick explains the situation to him and I know he didn’t hand anything off.  You can’t command that type of respect.  You earn it.

Watch him as he looks in on the repairs and I can’t help but make the comparisons.  He doesn’t really have the same self assurance she did and he sure as hell doesn’t walk in like he owns the place.  Not like D could.  She had a way about her that would make anyone sit up and take notice.  But whatever it is, he’s done something special because it’s obvious everyone loves him.  He leans in to say something to Ron and I can’t believe how much I’ve missed.

It’s still a good team and they make short work replacing the rear end gear and getting Ron ready to go back out.  When the truck’s fired up again I continue to stay out of the way but as I look to the other side of the truck I realize June’s finally noticed me outside the bright circle of work lights.  Our eyes meet across the roof of the truck and when he realizes I’m watching him I see it.  Something happens in that moment and his whole demeanor changes.

Watch as he looks away and nods distractedly when some of the guys try to talk to him.  He shoves his hands deep into his pockets and I swear he looks like he’s trying to disappear.  I’ve seen this look on him.  He wore it the beginning of last year when his entire world was in limbo and he didn’t belong anywhere yet.  And that’s when it all falls into place.  He wasn’t all jumpy and uncomfortable when I joined him on the box because of last night.  He was worried about what I’d think about him...running the team.  And to be honest…I’m still not sure.

See the familiar blue and yellow truck back up and head for the track with most of the boys in tow.  But as I expected, June doesn’t follow.  No, he’s still too busy trying to disappear.  But that’s not happening.  Not when we need to talk.  Slip into some of the shadows outside the bright halogen working lights and make an end around, heading him off before he can slip away.  He starts to trail after the other guys but I stop him with a hand on his arm.  “June….”

He spins around and it’s obvious he wasn’t expecting me to have snuck up on him.  Watch as he shifts on his feet and for once he’s not meeting my eyes.  “Kev, hey, probably aughta head back,” he mumbles at me and for a moment all I can do is stare.  He’s walked in and taken over everything, my team, my life, my angels back at home.  That’s when I think about the mounds of papers I’ve signed the last two months without even reading.  For all I know he could own half of KHI by now.

And I wouldn’t care if he did.

Someway, somehow he’s taken care of all of us without even letting me know why.  Study his bowed head and I can see the deep lines of exhaustion on his face that mirror the ones I know are on my own.  Shifty’s tried to tell me more than once with his little updates and hints about the team but until now I never really got it.  He’s taken us all under his wing, he’s run my team and helped me keep my sanity and there’s only one thing I can possibly say.

“Thank you.”

His eyes snap up to meet mine and I try so hard to let him really see the meaning behind my words.  I want to thank him for promising to take care of Johnny and Lana and for taking care of me in the meanwhile.  I want to thank him for keeping mine and D’s dream, our first “baby” alive and running smooth when I couldn’t even bear to think about it.  I want him to know all of it but how do you find the words for all that?

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Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com