Living in the Moment

Home : Stories by Catw00man : Bittersweet Miracles : Living in the Moment

Summary: Kevin’s become a master of living for the now.

AUTHOR: Catw00man
EMAIL: catw00man@cryptoffic.com
RATING: PG
SERIES: Bittersweet Miracles
CHARACTER: Kevin Harvick, Clint Bowyer, Kevin POV
PROMPT: Taming the Muse #99 (#74 for me) - Clamp
COMPLETED: June 20, 2008
WORD COUNT: 2,091
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
DEDICATION: To Zippit for the excellent beta. Thanks so much hun!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: He’s such a sweet oblivious boy. But still, it’s good to see him smile. ;)
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Jeff Gordon Children’s Hospital - Neonatal Intensive Care Unit - February 20, 2008

Hurry down the hall, smile on my face as I head back to the NICU after a quick lunch in the cafeteria.  It’s been a good day, all things considered, and I know I’m on a “baby high” right now.  June called it that once after my mood improved after watching them at the track one day.  I thought he was just messing with me, but now…maybe he was right?

I can’t help it.  They were both so fussy yesterday from vaccinations and Johnny’s surgery the day before that.  I still think they affect each other even if some people think I’m crazy.  It doesn’t matter if they are separated by a few feet and plastic walls, those two are connected, I don’t care what anyone says.  Smile a little more when I turn the corner and catch sight of the glass aquarium that has become my home. I really do feel more comfortable here than most anywhere besides the racecar.  As long as I can see them I feel like I’m home and when I get back they said I could give Lana her first sponge bath.

Johnny got his first this morning and for once I’m actually feeling useful when I’m around them.  They’re letting me change diapers more often than not and I think I finally understand what Jeff was talking about when he said he’s enjoyed every minute of it…because I have too.  Granted they are so teeny and, the diapers aren’t more than wet, at least I’m getting to be a Daddy to them.  A Daddy.  Smile until my face hurts and still I can’t stop.  They need me and for once I can give them something.

Cross the waiting room towards the sliding glass doors when movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention.  Turn my head and then stop in my tracks.  “Shifty?  What are you doing here?”

He spins around so fast he almost trips over himself…and why is his face all red?  Tilt my head to look around him and that’s when I see the shiny pink and blue bags that Athena must have sent.  I think she’s sending him with the baby things on purpose and I glad because the look on his face is priceless.  Chuckle softly and for some reason he looks lost when he sees me.  “Those for the kits?” I ask, motioning to the bags and chuckle again when he still looks a little out of sorts.

“Yeah, um, yeah, Athena picked out some stuff she thought you could use.”  He looks behind him a moment then looks back at me, cracking his knuckles.  “There’s been a lot of stuff coming to KHI and RCR.  She’s tried to sort out what you could…use.”

Smile even more and come closer to squeeze his shoulder.  “Please tell her thank you for me.”  Laugh softly and shake my head when he still seems a little uncomfortable, “Relax, Shifty.  Handling baby stuff isn’t going to make you a dad.”  His head snaps up and I squeeze his shoulder again when he looks even more flustered before pulling away.  “Don’t worry, you guys have plenty of time to think about something like that.”

His eyes widen a little and then he shakes his head before running his hand along the shell of his left ear.  “Actually, I was, kinda hopin’ maybe we could talk.  Athena wants to come see them later but…”

“Sure, sure, I was on my way to the NICU.”  Smile broadens more and I get a great idea.  “Why don’t you come with me?  They’re having a really good day.  Honestly.”  He hesitates and I reach out to squeeze his arm.  “It’s ok, Shifty.  You don’t have to hold them or anything.  I just thought…if you wanted to….”  His reluctance puts the first crack in my smile today and maybe I shouldn’t have asked.  He’s been a rock for me but I don’t want to push too much.  I’m actually surprised to even see him back here so soon.

“No, no it’s alright.  I won’t keep you from them.  I’ll…come in for a bit.”  Turn my eyes up to meet his, trying to make sure he’s not raining charity on us but I’ve never seen that from him and I don’t see it now.  I should stay out here and talk but…I want to get back to Lana before the nurses take care of her bath, or wipe down to be more accurate. 

Pause another moment and walk around him to the chairs and pick up the stuffed gift bags.  Looks like the kits just got some new clothes and a few blankets.  June will be happy about that.  He likes to wrap them up instead of snuggling them under his shirt like I do.  From what I can tell these look perfect but I’ll let Amanda and Linda look them over first.  Glance back at Clint and shoot him an encouraging smile.  “Thank you.  Really.  I know you don’t usually…”

“It’s ok, Kev.  Just let me know what I need to do.  We can talk wherever you want.”  Smile at him brightly again then head back to the door of the NICU, pointing out the paper gowns he can put over his clothes and then lead him inside to our little, sterile oasis from the world.  I don’t know when I started seeing this place as a sanctuary over a prison, but it could have to do with the fact that their isolettes have long since stopped looking like sterile, cold boxes.  With the bears and notes taped to the plastic it’s become a whole different world.

Head over to my little angels and set the bags out of the way to the side of my rocker.  Then I go to look them over one by one.  Johnny’s still sleeping from when I got to change and bathe him earlier but Lana perks up the instant she hears my voice.  I think I agree with Junior.  They see us, even if it’s not in the “traditional” way.  They have to.  Why else would Lana be staring up at me with bright green eyes and gurgling softly?

“Kev, umm…has June been by lately?” 

Smile down at the precious bundle waving her arms at me and shake my head at Clint’s question.  “No, he had his radio show yesterday.  I’m sure he’s been busy with that and stuff at home.”  Open the top of the isolette so I can get to my princess and carefully pull her out, holding her close to my chest to keep her warm for a moment as I turn to face Shifty.  “I’m sure he’ll be by later or tomorrow before we head out to Cali.  Why?  You looking for him?”

“No.  I mean, no, I wasn’t.”  Rub Lana’s back gently as she makes a soft cooing sound and I can’t help but hum softly as I glance over at Clint.  Something’s bothering him, and I hope it’s not the babies.  Watch him a little closer and he doesn’t seem to be shying away or anything.  Seems more like he’s got something on his mind.

“Clint, is everything alright with Athena?  You look…distracted.” His head snaps up at my words and for a moment I think he looks puzzled.  But then he shakes his head and I let out a soft sigh of relief.  I always did like his Goddess and with everything else…I don’t want to see them fall apart.

“No she’s fine.  We’re fine.”  He rubs the back of his neck and then I turn my attention to Lana, laying her down gently to change her diaper.  It’s funny how fast you can get used to things because in only days this has become second nature to me.  Carefully get her diaper off and make faces as she blows tiny baby bubbles and squirms her little feet.

“Good to hear it,” I tell him and as I grin down at Lana and get her all cleaned up like Linda showed me.  Then I put aside her wet diaper and change it out for a new one, tugging lightly at her toes to make her gurgle again.  Smile down into her big green eyes and then sponge her off with the little baby wipes that Amanda left earlier, starting with her tummy and then moving to her arm.  They told me this will become a nightly ritual for them and I want to take advantage of every single chance I get to do this with them.

“Actually, it was June I wanted to ask you about….”

It’s the soft, serious tone to his voice that causes me to stop bathing Lana’s littlehand to turn to look at him.  Is something wrong with June?  He seemed ok after Johnny’s surgery.  Did something happen?  Swallow hard and I can see the concern on Clint’s face and it makes a chill run through me.  What if something happened?  Or what if everything’s too much?  What if I lose him now when things were starting to go right?  Feel Lana’s tiny fingers curl around mine and I hold my breath.  What if we’re gonna be all alone…again.

“Clint…did something…happen?  Is he…did he send you here?  Is he not com--”

“What?  No!  No, Kev its nothing--.”  His eyes widen and he shakes his head but still it doesn’t calm my racing heart.  “Kev, no.”  Feel his hand on my arm but I can’t seem to focus on anything.  Have I been pushing too much?  Relying on him too much?  I didn’t mean to. 

“I wasn’t trying to…take too much.  I…he made it so….”

“Kev, no, it’s ok.  June’s ok.”  Feel him tug at my arm again and I finally turn my head to look at him silently.  “I…I was just wanting to ask if he mentioned anything about the room out at my place.  I wanted to know if you could think of anything else I could do to make things better for him there because you know Earnhardt.  He’d sooner sleep on a bed of nails than ask for a pillow.”

Close my eyes and breathe a soft sigh of relief.  Then Lana’s little hand clamps down even tighter on my finger and I’m captured all over again by sea green eyes and the sweetest baby smile.  Take a deep breath then turn back to finish her mini sponge bath and think about Clint’s question.  “Umm…the last he mentioned being down there he said the sun woke him up.  Does it have an east facing window?  Maybe--”

“Right, right, I didn’t even think of that.  I should get him one of those pull down screens for the window.”  Feel him give me a pat on the back as I finish up with Lana and then get her situated again in her isolette.  She’s already yawning and pretty soon I’m sure she’ll be joining her brother for a nap.  Maybe I’ll read to them for a bit.  They always seem to like the sound of my voice. 

Shake my head slightly when I remember I’m supposed to be paying attention to more than my little angel and look over at Clint to nod.  “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea, Shifty.  If he’s still used to being the night owl he always was I bet he’s used to something covering the windows or something.”  Pause a moment to study him and then force myself to ask.  “Is that all?  Really?  I mean…is he ok?”

“Yes, yes he’s fine, Kev,” he tells me in a rush and I still have the barest trace of lingering doubt.  Is he keeping something from me?  Should I be worried?  “Besides, you know June.  If he knew you were worrying over him for no reason he’d start cussin’ a blue streak.”

Grin at his words and nod because I know he’s probably right.  I shouldn’t worry.  If something was wrong he’d tell me.  Why wouldn’t he?  We talk about everything these days.  I’m just freaking out over nothing.  Maybe I’ll ask him if everything’s alright when he stops by, but for now I’m going to enjoy the fact that both of the kits are having a good day.  Glance over to see Johnny squirming.  He’ll probably be up soon.  Maybe I’ll rock him for a bit and then read to them.  Pity I can’t sing like June.  They love it when he sings.  I think we all do.  Maybe he’ll be here to sing again to them soon….

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Catw00man - catw00man@cryptoffic.com