Walls

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Summary: The walls came tumbling down and it’s too late to save him.

AUTHOR: Zippit
EMAIL: zippit@cryptoffic.com
RATING: G
CHARACTER: Dale Earnhardt Jr./Tony Stewart, Tony POV
CATEGORY: Angst
WORD COUNT: 861
COMPLETED: July 4, 2005
DISCLAIMER: This is all a product of my imagination. I don’t know these people and don’t claim to. No profit is being made. I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written in response to the “wall” prompt over at oneword.com and before all the stuff that happened at LMS. It changed to include the LMS stuff so it might not fit together properly.
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: Thanks to lady_rocker8920. Otherwise, all errors are mine.
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A wall goes up and there’s nothing he can do. A wall torn down months ago, now up again, stronger than ever. He tries to reach past the wall, to reach him, the man he loves, the one who has his heart. But it is futile. The wall is only going to come down when the man behind it feels safe, when he feels the shelter is no longer needed. Days, weeks, months from now when it may be too late for them, for the fledgling love between them.

The walls are up in self defense, trying to keep the hurt, the pressure, the disappointment at bay, trying to keep everyone away. To prevent any more pain from coming his way.

Oh, he shows them a persona that’s dealing with it all, handling the struggles with the ease of his father, presenting it even to family and friends, but it’s a far cry from the truth. It’s not the real man that the media, the other drivers, the friends and family see. It’s not the man he’s come to love. The man he’s gonna lose if he doesn’t find a way through to him.

The struggles this season have beaten him down, placed him in unfamiliar territory. Unsure of his footing, unsure of his friends, and even more unsure of his future in the sport. Afraid to ask for help, not wanting to show any weakness. So from family, friends, and other drivers he isolates himself.

He sees himself as alone in this struggle when it’s far from the truth. All he has to do is reach out a hand and many will come to his aid. Just like his father though, he’s too stubborn and independent to see it. Wanting to forge his own path, wanting to prove that he’s just as great as his father, if not more so. Wanting to show them that he earned his way here that he deserves to be here even with his last name.

The wall was only half built until that final blow. The unexpected, public criticism from his own family had laid the final brick in the wall. It had hurt him deeply and had taken away the last vestiges of that ever present confidant man. Cocky, aggressive, confident, yet humble when he came into the sport. Now the cockiness is dimmed, the aggressiveness replaced by hesitancy, and the confidence replaced by doubt. The humility is still there, but seems out of place without the rest of the brash attitude that accompanied it.

There’s no denying the talent waiting to be used to its fullest, but the personality behind it is no longer as vibrant. No longer as carefree and comfortable in the world he grew up in, the world of NASCAR.

Despite a life lead in the limelight, Junior can be as private as anyone in obscurity. Shut away in that house of his, away from friends and family, letting the disappointment and uncertainty eat at him, letting it get so deep inside until nothing’s left. Behind his walls, physical and otherwise, he hides, throwing himself into racing, burying the pain in trying to improve when the struggles don’t bury him first. Only letting it show when it could be disguised as some other emotion; frustration, exhaustion, disappointment, anything else but what he really feels. Draining his will and making him lose bits and pieces of himself.

He misses the sparkle in those eyes, the life that always surrounded the man. Now all that life seems to be gone, leaving him a husk of what he was. Passion overcome by pain, love overcome by anguish. He misses the man he fell in love with, the man they called the Dominator when they raced in the Busch series.

The man that was so carefree, so at home in the world he found himself in. The man that was a professed night owl and mischievous as could be, dragging whoever would follow into trouble. He misses the twinkle in those blue eyes, the passion, the love, the determination. The Junior that came after that fateful Daytona 500 win.

But most of all, he misses all that was Junior before the 500. The day when everything was looking so bright for the father and son. The whole future ahead of them, a father son combination that the rest of the field would grow to fear as the son grew in his experience under the careful tutelage of the father. The bright hope for a new talent proven in the year past, all overshadowed by the loss of one near and dear to the whole racing community, but none so than to the son.

He can’t reclaim that Junior, no matter how much he wishes, but he has to bring back the one they’ve come to know anew from that Daytona 500 win. He can’t lose that Junior; he won’t, not without a fight. He’ll find some way to get past those walls. He must or else risk losing the other half of his soul. Somehow they’ll get through this, a little wearier from the struggle but stronger than ever before, hopefully together in the end.  

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Zippit - zippit@cryptoffic.com