“Anything He Can Do…”

Home :Stories by MystikHeather : Silly Fic Series : “Anything He Can Do…”

Summary: If he can do it why can’t I?

AUTHOR: MystikHeather
EMAIL: mystikheather@cryptoffic.com
RATING: G
SERIES: Silly Fic Series
CHARACTERS: Jimmie Johnson, Chad Knaus, Jimmie POV
WORD COUNT: 823
DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, I don’t own it. I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
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He drove a tractor through his house.  I shake my head and gaze at the small radio as if it’s a foreign object, wondering if I could have possibly heard that right.  I must be wrong, there’s no way that they really said that Dale Earnhardt Junior, NASCAR superstar who’s adored by millions, drove a tractor through his own house.

“Chad?” I hear his muffled voice from somewhere deeper in the house, unable to tell what he’s really saying but assuming that he’s calling back to question what I want.  “Are you listening to the radio?”

Push to my feet and start to head back down the hallway, really not wanting to shout anyway even though I’ve been told to stay away from his office.  Like I was going to risk a water balloon fight after what happened last time.  Some people have no faith.  Pause in the doorway and watch for a while, sure that he doesn’t even know I’m there as he pours over pages and pages of notes, finally after 5 minutes clearing my throat, impressed at even my patience for standing there that long.

“Chad.”

“What.”

“Were you listening to the radio?”

He finally puts his pen down, a little sharply really, the sharp tap against the dark wood echoing in the room.  “Jimmie.”

“What?”

“Does it sound like I have a radio on in here?”

Ok…ok so he has a good point but still, I don’t feel like giving it to him just yet.  “Well…maybe you turned it off?  How am I supposed to know.” 

Long sigh, and even though he’s trying to make me feel bad I can see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips that he’s trying to hide.  “What did I miss on the radio that’s gotten your lazy ass off the couch this afternoon Johnson.”

Suddenly stand up straight, hands going immediately to my hips.  “Hey!  I’m totally not lazy!  I just had a long ass day yesterday and Monday’s are my recovery days!” 

He snorts softly and gazes back down at his notes, lines and drawings and scrawled handwriting taking up most of the pages.  Every now and then a pretty color graph or chart that I’m sure tells something very important about why we’re sucking this year. 

“Seriously!  Anyway…so you weren’t listening to the radio?”

The pen hits the desk again.  “Jimmie…what do you want?”

“I want to know if you heard about Junior driving a tractor through his house.”  Simple, to the point, straightforward and all that jazz and I smirk as his mouth actually drops open.  It’s not often I get to take the great Chad Knaus by surprise.  And I certainly cherish the moments when I can.

“He..did you…I’m sorry…did you just say that Dale Junior…the driver of the 88 car…just drove a tractor…through his house?”

Silent nod, moving to lean back against the door again. 

“His real house?”

Nodding again, this time clarifying a bit.  “Yup…that’s what they said.  Tore right through a couple of the walls and rooms.”

“Our Dale Junior?”

Nod emphatically, rubbing my hands together.  “Can I drive a tractor through something?”

“No Jimmie.”

“But why not?!?”  Hands on my hips, tapping my foot. 

“Because it’s a ridiculous idea Jimmie.”

“How come it’s ok for Junior to do it and not me?  That’s totally not cool Chad.”  Starting to pace around the office, picking things up at random, putting them down again. 

“Jimmie!” 

Jumping as Chad’s voice booms out across the room, whirling to face him.  “What?!?”

Chad very slowly sets his pen down and leans back in his chair.  “Sit.”  His voice leaving no room for argument as he actually points at the chair in front of his desk. 

Grumble softly to myself as I move forward and flop into the chair, leg bouncing rapidly up and down, tapping my hands on the arms of the chair.  Watch as Chad tries to pick up his pen again.  “I still don’t understand why he can and I can’t.” 

Duck as Chad throws the pen at me.  “Ok Jimmie.  Tell me something.  What.  Would you drive.  A tractor through?” 

Tilt my head as it’s obvious that Chad’s trying, unsuccessfully at that, to hide the irritation in his voice.  “Well…Junior drove his tractor through his house.”

“You can’t drive a tractor through your house Johnson!”

Nod slowly, he does have a point there.   “Can I drive a tractor through your house?  It’s not like anyone uses it since you live here now.”

Watch as Chad literally buries his face in his hands, hear him murmuring softly to himself.  Push to my feet, walk over to him, patting him softly on the back.  “You’re working too hard buddy, maybe you should come crash a tractor through something with me.”

“And just what…in the world…could we possibly drive a tractor through Jimmie.”

“Junior’s got a gazillion acres.  He’s gotta have something else that needs to be destroyed.”  Grin wider.  “And, guess what else Chad!”

“What.”

“He’s already got a tractor!”  Grab his arm and pull him up, not paying attention to his soft groan as I drag him out of the office, whistling softly the entire time.

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MystikHeather - mystikheather@cryptoffic.com