Drowning

Home : Stories by MystikHeather : Drowning

Summary: “I feel like I’m drowning and every time I feel like I’m getting my head above water, something else comes along and pushes me back under.”

AUTHOR: MystikHeather
EMAIL: mystikheather@cryptoffic.com
RATING: NC-17
CHARACTERS: Kurt Busch/Carl Edwards
CATEGORY: Angst, Slash, Smut
WORD COUNT: 2,804
DISCLAIMER:If you recognize it, I don’t own it. I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
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“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”  Carl’s voice was a mixture of concern clashing with fear.  As soon as he’d heard the news from Kyle, he’d dropped everything to drive out to his teammate’s secluded house.  He found Kurt sitting on the back porch, holding his current drink of choice – a bottle of tequila.

Kurt had become increasingly withdrawn over the past few weeks, and as usual refused to tell anyone anything, including his own family.  The drinking, that had started at the beginning of the season, when pressure to perform grew with each bad finish.  It had started out innocently enough, with a beer or two after a race.  It had gradually gotten worse, two beers becoming four, then the switch to hard alcohol, and by the mid-point in the season it was an every night occurrence.  But most people would never even know.  Kurt had always been so good at hiding what he was really feeling, putting on that “good old boy” act for the media, the sponsors, the team.  Always pretending that everything was right and good in the world, letting everyone hear what they wanted to hear.

Kyle and Carl, one brother and one teammate, had been the only two to realize that something was going on underneath the surface.  There was an unwritten agreement between them to keep an eye out on Kurt, but increasing sponsor obligations on all their parts had made that increasingly difficult. 

Carl had briefly thought about going to Jeff about the situation, had even dialed his number, but had hung up before speaking.  Jeff had so much on his own plate right now, dealing with the Chase, and his struggling team, that Carl just couldn’t add more weight to that already on his shoulders.  Although, looking at the situation now, he realized that he might not have a choice.  Everyone knew, even though no one talked about it, that Jeff had battled his own demons after going through his divorce, and the leaving of his friend and crew chief.  He had traveled the same road Kurt was on now, and would probably have drank himself to death if it hadn’t have been for Jimmie coming into his life.  The story around the garage was that Jimmie had walked in on Jeff drinking his way through a 12 pack, while sitting in his car, and had promptly emptied out every bottle of alcohol in the house.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Carl moved further out onto the porch, and sighed as he noticed the smoke from a burning cigarette surrounding his friend.  “The alcohol isn’t enough, you have to start smoking now too?” 

Kurt’s only response was another drag of the cigarette, another pull on the bottle. 

Carl stood there watching him for another minute, until racking coughs drew him into action.  He moved quickly, grabbing the bottle out of Kurt’s hand, and stomping on the dropped cigarette.  “Jesus Christ Kurt, you’re gonna fucking kill yourself!  Talk to me, please!” he pleaded in an anguished voice. 

“I feel like I’m drowning, Carl.”  Kurt’s voice sounded like it had been drug across broken glass.  “I feel like I’m drowning and every time I feel like I’m getting my head above water, something else comes along and pushes me back under.”  He leaned forward and buried his head in his hands.  “I don’t know what to do, how to stop the spiral.”

Carl knelt down in front of the older driver.  “Kurt, I can’t read minds.  You have to fill me in on what’s going on, man.  I want to help you.  Please, help me help you.” 

“I don’t want to marry Eva.”

Carl sat back on his heels, shocked.  “What?  I thought you were in love with her, you’re always together…I don’t…I don’t understand.”

Kurt snorted in bitter disgust.  “I guess I do put on a pretty good act, don’t I.  If I had any say in the matter, she wouldn’t even be in the same state as me.”

Carl was even more confused.  “If you don’t want her around, then why is she?”

“She’s Jack’s way of keeping an eye on me, keeping me under control.” he sighed, lighting up another cigarette, ignoring Carl’s grunt of disapproval.  “A few months after I signed my contract, one of Jack’s business partners walked in on me in a…compromising position with one of the guys from the shop.  Needless to say, when Jack found out…well, let’s just say he wasn’t happy.  The next day, the guy was gone, and Eva was here.” 

Kurt took a long drag of the cigarette, watching the smoke dissipate as he exhaled.  “Oh, I fought him, fought against the entire situation, but Jack made it clear that if I wanted to have a racing career, I would keep my mouth shut and do what I was told.” 

“So I had a decision to make, but what choice did I really have?  Racing, and winning, was what I’d wanted to do for my entire life.  So I took the deal, kept my mouth shut and walked around for two years pretending to love someone that I’m disgusted by.”  He raised tormented eyes.  “What else was I supposed to do?”

Carl sat there in stunned silence.  His mind was a whir of images, seeing things in a different light, as if for the first time – Eva, hugging Kurt tightly in Victory Lane, but Kurt pulling her off to talk to the press; various questions about their relationship where he had seemed so put together, sure of what he wanted, now coming across forced and rehearsed.  He was so caught up in his thoughts he almost missed what Kurt said next.

“…why I have to leave, have to get out before I’m completely swallowed up.”

“Kurt, I’m…” Carl’s voice was choked up.  “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”  He shook his head.  “I don’t…how the hell did you do it?”

Kurt stared at him with seemingly dead eyes.  “I wanted to race.  I did what I had to do.”  He looked away, eyes on the distant tree line, searching for a resolution.  “Now, everything’s swirling around me, spinning out of control.  I thought signing with another team would free me from this.  But Jack’s not backing down, still wants me to marry Eva.  Said I will marry her before the end of this year, and that he’s not letting me out of my contract for next year.”  Tipping the bottle back, he grimaced at the burning taste.

Carl stared up at him, confused.  “What is he hoping to gain by making you go through with the wedding?  Why not call it off, if you’re leaving.  I mean, I guess I understand why he’s not going to release you from contract a year early, but the wedding, I don’t get.”

Kurt laughed, a harsh, grating sound.  “He’s punishing me, for what he sees as a betrayal.  Showing me that just because I’ve gone and found a way out, that until the day my contract expires, I still belong to him.”  He looked down at Carl, still kneeling in front of him.  “I just want something for myself, something that doesn’t come with restrictions or conditions.”

Carl gently grasped Kurt’s knees from where he was kneeling.  Leaning up towards his older teammate, he whispered, “I can give you that tonight, Kurt.  Let me help take it all away, if only for tonight.”

Kurt stared at him, hope mixed with growing lust in his eyes.  “No conditions?”

Carl’s hands moved up to Kurt’s waist, making short work of the buttons.  Reaching in, he found Kurt already hard.  Softly stroking, he leaned up and swallowed Kurt’s moans with a deep kiss.  “No conditions.  Just let go,” he whispered.

Kurt whimpered as Carl drew him out, and he was suddenly encased in wet heat.  Gently sucking, Carl moved up and down, changing speeds every few seconds to keep his teammate on the edge.  He started to hum as he felt fingers gripping his hair, urging him to go faster.  Speeding up, slowing down, he kept Kurt on the edge, wanting to make this last.  Finally, when Kurt’s whimpers reached their peak, he drew Kurt all the way in, swallowing around him, vibrating low in his throat.  That was all it took, and Kurt spasmed as his orgasm hit, emptying himself down Carl’s throat. 

Licking his lips, Carl couldn’t hold back his moan of desire as he looked over the figure sitting in front of him – Kurt’s eyes were glazed over, his lips parted, slouched back with his legs spread open.  Growling low in his throat, he pulled Kurt into a deep kiss, lips mashed together, tongues tangling, hands groping. 

Pulling back, Kurt held Carl’s face in between his hands, staring into lust-filled eyes.  “Carl,” he growled, voice like silk, “I want you to fuck me, now.”

Carl hesitated, “Are you sure Kurt?  I don’t have anything…”

“I don’t care, please Carl, please fuck me, help me forget for a little while,” Kurt begged.

Carl nodded, determined to make this a night that Kurt would never forget.  “Here?  Or inside?”

“Here,” Kurt whispered.  “Under the stars, for the world to see.”

Carl nodded.  Reaching over, he grabbed the bottom of Kurt’s shirt, quickly pulling it over his head, throwing it to the ground.  Kurt shivered slightly as the cool air hit his chest.  Carl ran his hands down Kurt’s chest, fingers grasping the waistband of his jeans.  “Lift your hips up Kurt,” he whispers.  Once the jeans have joined the shirt on the deck, Carl pulls his own clothes off. 

Carl stared at Kurt for a few moments, mesmerized by the way his pale skin glows in the moonlight.  “Are you sure you want this?  Because once I start, I won’t be able to stop.”  Receiving a nod, he settled back on his heels.  “Scoot forward a little, and lift your legs up over the sides of the chair.”  The directed position left Kurt spread open, vulnerable. 

Reaching forward, Carl’s fingers massaged and teased, running lightly across skin, rubbing small circles.  Wetting one finger, he slid it in slowly.  “God, Kurt, you’re so tight,” he said, working that one finger in and out, trying to loosen muscles.  Kurt had closed his eyes, tensing a little at the invasion.  Pushing back in, Carl crooked his finger slightly searching for that spongy button of nerve endings, knowing he had found it when Kurt’s eyes shot back open. 

Carl focused on rubbing over that one spot, delighting in seeing Kurt writhe in his chair.  Sliding almost completely out, he added a second finger, and soon after a third, stroking himself in the same rhythm he was using on Kurt. 

“Oh God…” Looking up, Carl was drawn in by the site of Kurt, head thrown back, mouth open, fingers scratching for purchase.  “Carl, please,” he begged.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Kurt, tell me if I hurt you.”  Carl stood, positioning himself.  He slid in slowly, the limited amount of lubrication adding a slight degree of difficulty.  Once he was all the way in, he froze, feeling Kurt’s muscles fluttering around him.  “Ok?” he gasped.

Kurt’s response was hidden behind a groan.  “Move, damnit, I’m not going to break.”

Struggling to maintain control, Carl pulled almost completely out, leaving only the tip still inside, then slid all the way back in with one smooth thrust, Kurt’s tight heat sucking him down.  The position Kurt was in created the perfect angle for Carl to hit that bundle of nerves with every thrust.  Picking up speed, he reveled in the feel and the sight of Kurt writhing in complete abandon.  He reached down and grasped Kurt with his hand, moving in time with his thrusts. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck…ohhhhhh, god, Carl, I’m going to come…” Kurt was becoming incoherent, completely lost in the sensation.

“Come for me Kurt, come with me inside of you.  Let it go.”

“Ungh…come with me…inside… please…”

Carl sped up his thrusts, pounding hard into Kurt, rocking the chair back and forth.  Kurt peaked first, spilling himself across Carl’s hand and his stomach, and contracting muscles drove Carl over the edge seconds later, filling that tight heat. 

Supporting himself with only his hands, Carl fought to get his breathing under control.  When he looked down, post-euphoric bliss turned to concern when he saw tears streaming down Kurt’s face.

“Kurt?  Oh my god, are you ok?  I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you…”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Kurt whispered, maneuvering himself into a more comfortable position.  “That was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Then why are you crying?”  Carl questioned, confused.

“Because I’ve never felt like that before, haven’t even felt close to that in years, and I don’t want it to go away.”  Kurt stared into Carl’s eyes.  “I don’t want you to go away, or be taken away.”

Carl pulled Kurt into a tight embrace.  “Baby, I’m not going anywhere.”

Kurt let out a strained laugh.  “That’s what I used to think, too, Carl, remember?  Look where I ended up.”

“I’m not afraid of Jack, Kurt.”

“You should be,” Kurt warned.  “Really, Carl, he’s—”

“Shhh,” Carl whispered, bringing his fingers up to Kurt’s lips.  “We’re not worrying about that tonight, remember?”  When Kurt opened his mouth to speak again, Carl swallowed his words with a deep kiss.  He ran his tongue along Kurt’s teeth, the roof of his mouth, tasting every bit of him, knowing that this might not happen again. 

Carl pulled Kurt down to the deck next to him.  Reaching between the other man’s legs, he found him to be hard and slick again.  “God, Kurt” Carl whispered.  “You are so beautiful.”  This time when he entered Kurt, there was little resistance.  He pushed all the way in, then twisted their bodies so that Kurt was on top.  The new position forced Carl in as deep as was possible, and he felt like he was drowning in that tight heat. 

Kurt groaned at the feeling of being completely filled.  He was experiencing some feelings for the first time, other feelings that he had thought were lost to him forever.  Placing his hands on Carl’s chest, he moved him self up and down, clenching his muscles in time with the other man’s thrusts. 

“Gnghhhh,” Carl moaned.  “If you keep doing that, I’m not going to last very long.”

“That’s ok, come for me baby,” Kurt gasped, moving his hips faster.  He was so close to the edge himself, when Carl came, the spasms sent Kurt over as well.  Gasping, he collapsed on top of Carl, feeling the other man softening inside of him.  “I’m going to have a hard time walking tomorrow, I think,” he said with a small laugh. 

Carl shivered at the sudden sense of loss he felt when Kurt slipped off him.  Trying to shake it off, he sat up slowly, putting his back to the deck railing.  He watched in silence as Kurt found his discarded cigarettes, lighting one and inhaling deeply. 

He was so mesmerized by the sight of Kurt’s lips, the way his eyes closed when he exhaled, that he almost missed it when the man spoke to him.  “Will you…will you stay here tonight please?  With me?” 

Carl nodded, surprised by the question.  “If you’ll tell me why, why you want me to be here.”

“Because I don’t want to be alone tonight. Because…I think I’ve fallen in love with you.  I think I have been since I first saw you.”  Kurt’s eyes were downcast, as if he was afraid of the rejection he might hear from Carl.  Stabbing out the remains of his cigarette, he sat in silence.

Warm arms enfolding him in a tight embrace, and a whispered promise of love, made him feel whole for the first time in over a year.  “I’ll stay with you forever, if that’s what you want,” Carl murmured. 

Kurt turned in that circle of arms, laying his head on Carl’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.  “I’m afraid for tomorrow.”

“Don’t be.  I’m here, I’m not leaving.  If Jack doesn’t like that, then he’s gonna lose two drivers instead of one.”

Kurt shivered, the air suddenly seeming cooler, snuggling into Carl’s frame as the younger man rubbed circles on his back.  “I hope it’s that easy,” he whispered.  “For both our sakes.”

“It’ll be fine, trust me.  Now, let’s go inside, you’re cold, and both of us need showers.”

Kurt nodded, standing up and reaching down to help pull Carl to his feet.  Hand in hand, they both walked towards the house, alcohol and cigarettes left behind.  Tomorrow they would face whatever was to come, together.  But tonight was just for them—the start of their new lives—together.

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MystikHeather - mystikheather@cryptoffic.com