The Consequences of Good Intentions

Home : Stories by MystikHeather : The Consequences of Good Intentions

Summary: What are the consequences when a certain points leader takes matters into his own hands?

AUTHOR: MystikHeather
EMAIL: mystikheather@cryptoffic.com
RATING: R/NC-17
CHARACTERS: Jeff Gordon/Jimmie Johnson, Kevin Harvick/Tony Stewart
CATEGORY: General, Slash, Smut
WORD COUNT: 12,347
DISCLAIMER: For entertainment purposes only, if you recognize it, I don’t own it. I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This has been kicking around in my head for a while, thought I’d put it on paper. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Richmond:  September 10th, 2005

He’s…giddy.  He’s actually happy, grinning like he was just after he won the Daytona 500.  You’d think he’d have just won the race, not finished 13th.  But his 13th had been enough, had gotten him in the Chase, just in, 390 points back.  The team had been putting up top tens over the past 5 races, even a win at Bristol, but he had still been too far out, 80 something points back.  They’ve got a chance at another championship now, drive for five and all that jazz.  What would the last 10 have been like without him in contention? 

There’s going to be 12 of us “chasers” this year.  Take that Spencer.  I’ve still got the points lead, for whatever that’s worth at this point.  Kevin’s the other one to benefit from my amazing finish tonight, 40th place, 113 laps down.  He’s walking toward the driver’s pen with Jeff, both of them talking about the chase and their chance at redemption. 

I sigh and start making my way towards the driver’s area as well.  I’m still in my firesuit, even though I haven’t been in the car in over an hour.  Publicity stuff sucks sometimes, but what can you do. 

“Hey Jimmie!” 

Turning, I see Kyle Busch heading my way.  “Hey Kyle!  Always the bridesmaid, huh?  Congrats on 2nd, you almost had Kurt there at the end.”

He chuckled.  “Yeah, that was wild, wasn’t it?  I’ll get ‘em next week.  I’m defiantly going to win this year, just you watch!”

“Sure you are shrub, sure you are.”  And he probably is, too.  He hasn’t finished outside of the top 5 in I don’t know how long.  Just like Kasey, it’ll only be a matter of time. 

“Hey, sorry about your luck out there today.  Crazy how the car came around on you like that.  That hit looked pretty hard, you feeling ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Brakes failed.  Shit happens.  I’m not worried about it, but it killed my Kansas car.  Chad’s freaking over that.  Finally thought he had a car that could win there, and now I’ve wrecked it.  Man’s going to be completely bald by the end of the season.”

Kyle laughed.  “Yeah, I’m sure.  But hey, I’m going to go find Kurt.  Enjoy your celebration, man.  I’ll catch you later.” 

I shook my head and laughed as Kyle walked away.  He was so young, so naïve.  Cars don’t spin out like mine did today without plenty of help from the driver.  But I wasn’t going to be the one to educate the rookie on that, let him find out all on his own.  Hopefully, he never will. 

“Johnson!”

I groaned.  Just when things were looking up, Harvick.  Try to be nice, try to be nice, there’s TV cameras here.  I turned towards him.  “Hey Kevin.  Congratulations for making it in.”

“Yeah, thanks to you.”  God, you could cut the sarcasm with a knife, what the hell is his problem?  Surely he doesn’t suspect…

“Wish I could say it was intentional, but, sorry, it just worked out that way for you.”  I turned to walk back towards the rest of the chase drivers. 

“Sure looked intentional to me.  Couldn’t have been at a more convenient time, either.  Did you have it planned out that way before the race even started?  Or was it a spur of the moment kind of thing?”

Shit, busted.  Well, here’s to cover-ups.  I spun around, “Why don’t you try to get your facts straight before you start making accusations, Kevin. I lost the damn brakes on the car, and my options were rather limited at that point.  What would you rather have me do, go head on into the wall?  And forgive me for not wanting to come back out on the track, with hardly any laps left, in a wrecked racecar, to possibly but not probably gain some positions back.  Guess I just wasn’t in the mood.” 

“Really?  One might assume that you took a dive so that your teammate could get into the chase.  Brake failure, huh?  Easy excuse to cover it up.  Wonder if Jeff’ll buy it.” 

That stopped me cold.  When the hell did Kevin become so perceptive?  God, if Jeff finds out that I dumped myself on purpose for him…shit, he’ll lose it.  Shit shit shit.

I sighed.  “Kevin, give me a break.  You know me better than that.  And don’t be saying stuff like that.  I don’t need Jeff hearing rumors, and then getting all bent out of shape over something that isn’t even true.  Hell, he’s been at his breaking point for the past two months, you know that.”  When pushed into a corner, bluff.

He stared at me for a long moment, sizing me up, I guess you could say.  Finally, he nodded.  “All right, Johnson, if this is the way you want to play it.  Hope it doesn’t all come back to bite you.  But I’ll keep your secret, seeing as it helped me into the chase too.” 

I gave him a hard look.  “Like I said, Kevin.  There’s nothing to play.  Lost the brakes.  End of story.”  If he opens his mouth about this to anyone else, I’ll kick his ass, I swear to God.

He just nodded.  “Whatever.  Lets go.  Burns is looking for you in the Driver’s Pen.”

I groaned.  Probably two hours of interviews and pictures before they let us go.  And then I had the already promised meeting, or ass kicking, as it would probably be, with Chad.  He’d already promised retribution for my wrecking of the car.  Happy face, happy face. 

I squared my shoulders and stepped into the pen area, where I was immediately jumped on by Dave Burns from NBC. 

“Jimmie, your crash back on lap 285 allowed two extra drivers to make it into the chase, one of whom is your owner and teammate.  Your thoughts?”

Man, it’s going to be a long night.

~*~*~*~

Motor coach Lot - After the race...

“Thank god that’s over.”  I groaned as I collapsed onto the couch.  “Could that photographer have been any more annoying?  Turn this way, look that way, head higher, chin lower.  How the hell do you raise your head and lower your chin at the same time!” I exclaimed, kicking and tossing throw pillows left and right.  “Jesus Jeff, do you really need all of these?” I griped, slightly annoyed, trying not to be. 29 years old, and I’m fighting with throw pillows.

Jeff shook his head, laughing at my attempts to get comfortable.  “Tell me about it.  I thought Kevin was going to tackle him.”

“He made a move to, but me and Elliot managed to get a hold on him before he could get too far.  Good thing, too, or you shorties in the front row would have been trampled,” I teased. 

“Yeah, like you’re that much taller than me” he shot back.  Moving into the kitchen, he called back, “You want anything to drink?”

“Yeah.” I answered, watching him walk away from me.  Man, that is a nice view.

“Well, what do you want?” he prompted when I failed to give him any specifics.  He opened the fridge and rummaged through it.  “I’ve got Pepsi, Pepsi, more freaking Pepsi, Gatorade, hell, would the world fall apart if there was a Budweiser here, for crying out loud?  What do I have to do, steal it from Junior?”

I laughed at his frustration.  “I’ve told you before, you really need to take charge of stocking your own kitchen.  You’ve done it to yourself, man.”

He sighed, then chuckled.  “You’re right, I have.  I promise, from now on, we’ll stock the fridge ourselves, with no outside interference. We’ll just have to go shopping at 3 am.”  He rummaged through the shelves for a few more minutes, futilely looking for something that wasn’t there.  “So, what’s it going to be, Pepsi or Gatorade?”

“Neither.  I want something else.”  I knew I was being difficult, but it was so fun seeing him get riled up.

Jeff stood up with an exasperated “What?”  He shut the refrigerator door.  “If you want something else, you get to be the one to knock on everyone else’s doors.  Junior’s probably still here, he’s about 10 coaches to the left, hey, why don’t you find Kurt?  I could use a Crown and Pepsi, that’d be really good.  He was talking about taking off pretty early though, so you’d better start running if you’re going to try to catch him.” 

“Ha ha, you’re so funny,” I said, flipping him off.  “What I want is standing 10 feet too far away from me.  So get back over here.”

He looked around innocently.  “Where?  I don’t see anything else around here that you could drink.”

Oh, I am so not in the mood for him to be playing hard to get.   “Jeff,” I whined.  “Get over here.”

He moved back over to the couch, looking down at me sprawled across the full length of it.  “Gee, there doesn’t appear to be any room.”

I reached up and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him down on top of me, crushing my lips to his, drinking him in.  I swear, I could kiss him like this forever, but eventually we had to come up for air.  His eyes were dark, lips swollen, voice husks, as he murmured something about the bedroom. 

I let him pull me up off the couch, and into the bedroom.  He pushed me onto the bed, taking control, recapturing my lips in another deep kiss.  Within minutes, clothes were being torn off and thrown to the floor.  I briefly thought about reaching over to remove my shirt from the lamp, but my thoughts went blank when he closed his mouth around me.  I jerked at the intense pleasure, bucking and moaning as he licked and sucked up and down my length.  My hands scrambled to grab onto the satin sheets as worked his throat muscles, moving up and down on me.  Just when I thought he would push me over the edge, he stopped, leaving me begging, “God, Jeff, you’re killing me here, please don’t stop!”    He flashed what I could only describe as an evil grin, and then basically swallowed me whole, right down to the root.  My whimpers turned into screams of passion as he started to hum and pushed me over that edge. 

I struggled to catch my breath, looking up at him licking his lips and grinning.  “You are fucking amazing” I panted, then drew him into a deep kiss.  Within moments, he was inside me, moving just right to hit that perfect spot.  I was already close again, hell just being in the same room as him could do that to me.  He moaned into my mouth as he picked up his rhythm.  I fell over the edge again, and contracting muscles brought him with me. 

Jeff barely caught himself from collapsing on top of me, instead rolling to the side.  “Shit, that was good” he panted. 

I chuckled.  “Hell, yeah.”  My voice was hoarse from screaming, which drew a laugh out of him.  “I love you so much,” I whispered, watching him lay there in the dim light. 

“Love you forever,” he whispered back, drawing me into gentle embrace. 

I probably should have known that forever is sometimes just a seven-letter word.

~*~*~*~

New Hampshire, 2nd Practice Session

The week had pretty much flown by.  I’d had three different sponsor appearances in three different time zones, thanks to a complete lack of logical reasoning on the part of my PR staff.  Monday I went straight from Richmond to Atlanta for Lowe’s, Tuesday was testing at Martinsville, Tuesday night was a Levi Strauss dinner in Chicago, back to Wednesday for more testing, off to New York for Lowe’s on Thursday, and then finally to the track on Thursday night.  God, I feel like I’ve spent more time on a plane this past week than I will in the car this weekend.  And the test didn’t go so well, so Chad’s all stressed out about that, which as me stressed out, and when is the last night I had a full 6 hours of sleep much less 8?  It didn’t help that Jeff was playing the sponsor-whore for Dupont and Pepsi this week, traveling everywhere that I wasn’t.  I hadn’t even seen him since we parted ways in Richmond, him going to his apartment in New York, me to Atlanta.  At least he got to spend a day at home this week, I thought bitterly.

We’d talked briefly on the phone a couple of those nights, but both of us had been so tired, neither of us had been much into conversation.  Hadn’t really seen him much today, just a brief kiss in the back of my hauler after a team meeting about qualifying setups.  I hate having to settle for a kiss when what I really wanted after a week of not seeing him was –

“Jimmie!” Chad’s loud voice shook me out of my thoughts.  “Get your ass in the car!  Practice starts in 5 minutes!”

Chad…was not having a good day.  The car was junk in first practice, and he’d gotten so frustrated he’d actually thrown his clipboard, full of the notes we had from earlier in the year and last year, into the garbage.  At one point I had come on the radio, after nearly spinning out, yelling “loose, very loose” and he’d responded with “are you sure you haven’t just forgotten how to drive?  It was tight 10 minutes ago, make up your fucking mind!”

“Well, what ever you did to fix the tight went way to far cause now it’s fucking loose!”  I’d come back in from that session early, and he’d torn the car apart.  Shocks, springs, sway-bar, parts and pieces were flying around the garage area.  I’m actually surprised he got everything done before the second practice session started – I had pretty much prepared myself to be getting only a few more laps of practice, and then having to qualify.  So, maybe things were looking up. 

I grunted as my helmet was shoved into my chest.  “Car.  Now.” 

Ok, so Chad, still not in a good mood.  “Calm down Chad, it’s all good.  I have faith in ya, man, stop freaking out.”  I shoved my helmet on and climbed into the car, starting the engine and pulling out of the garage quickly before he had time to respond.  It always kills him when I don’t let him get the last word in.

I pulled the car down pit road, waiting in line to get back out on the track.  Jeff’s car was already in line, a few spots ahead of me, but instead of being in it, he was standing off to the side talking to Vickers.  They were talking animatedly, Jeff’s body language being what I would call tense, Brian’s being insistent.  Huh, wonder what that conversation’s about.  Apparently it was finished, because Jeff turned his back on Brian and walked back over to the car.  He glanced back towards me before climbing back in the car, with a look I could only describe as puzzled.  Or was it hurt?  I was starting to get that queasy feeling in my stomach, the kind you get when you find out someone you trusted was lying to you.

“Hey Jimmie, practice is about to start.  You ok there man?  You’re not usually this quiet.”  Chad was always the perceptive one.

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Just wondering what’s going on with Brian and Jeff is all.”

“Well, get yourself focused.  Be careful feeling it out the first few laps, I made major changes on the car.  Don’t wreck, I’m not going to have time to get a back-up ready today.” 

“10-4.” 

I could tell the car was worlds better within the first 10 laps of practice.  “It’s like having a different car out here Chad.  I can turn it right to the bottom, but I’m also fast on the top.”

“10-4.  Run up behind some of those guys, see what happens in traffic.”  Chad sounded relieved on the radio, finally. 

I spent the entire practice session in race trim, coming back to the garage in the last 10 minutes to put some tape on the nose and see what I was going to have for qualifying later that afternoon.  And then I came in and parked it when I almost spun off of turn 2.  “Chad,” I whined when we got back to the hauler, “Are you trying to kill me?  Tell me the truth man, I can take it.”

Chad actually had the decency to look slightly remorseful.  “Sorry there buddy, we were a little low on the air pressure in the right rear.  It’ll be fixed before qualifying.”  He slapped me on the back.  “Go get rested up, we’ll get the car ready.  Be back here by 3:30, we’ve got the 38th pick for qualifying.”

I nodded, then left the garage and headed to Jeff’s coach to get some rest.  I wasn’t surprised to find the place empty, he had some hospitality functions to attend to between now and qualifying.  I took a quick shower and then collapsed into the bed we shared almost every night at the track, hugging his pillow to my chest, breathing in his scent.

Two hours later, I’m up and moving again, grabbing a 7-up out of the fridge before heading back towards the garage.  Only about half of the fridge was full of Pepsi products this time, so Jeff must have gone to the store at some point during the week.  I grinned, images of my boyfriend shopping in Wal-Mart at 3:00am, trying not to be noticed.

I nodded to my crew guys as I stepped into the garage.  Everyone looked in high spirits, which means Chad must be happy with the car.  Thank God.  “Car’s already on the grid?” I ask.

“Yeah, pushed it out there 20 minutes ago.  You’re good to go buddy.”  Chad has gotten himself a new clipboard, or fished his old one out of the trash.  He’s scribbling notes across the page as he walks over to me.  “Well, what are you waiting for?  Get out there, get me the pole.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Chad sir,” I belt out, ducking when he throws his pencil at me.  I still haven’t seen Jeff as I walk out to my car.  Along the way, I’m accosted by various journalists and reporters, all asking the same questions, so that by the time I get to the car, it’s time to get in the car. 

I’ve just finished getting my belts tight and the steering wheel on when Jeff steps up to the window of my car.  He’s already qualified, has the pole for the moment.   I look up at him, and my heart skips a beat.  “Jeff?” I start, concerned, ready to jump back out of the car.  His eyes are red, like he’d been crying, and the hurt in them was indescribable.  I move to unbuckle myself – screw qualifying, when he speaks.

“Did you spin the car out on purpose at Richmond?”  His voice is hoarse.  I freeze, thoughts whirring in my head, not sure of what to say, and that silence saying everything.  I never could lie to him.  His hands are shaking as reaches up to rub his eyes.  “How could you?”  The betrayal in his voice was so deep that I nearly lost it. 

“Jeff, I didn’t – “

He cut me off.  “Don’t even try to fucking lie to me Jimmie!  I can’t believe you would do that to me!”  He moved to walk away, then turned back.  “I don’t want to even see you this weekend.  Stay the fuck away from me.”  And he stormed off, heading back to the garage or his trailer, I have no idea.  I sat there in stunned silence, until the official came over and told me it was my turn to qualify. 

I was a mess, and qualifying proved it.  I nearly spun the car out going into turn one after taking the green, not because of anything Chad had done to it, but because the tears were making it hard to see my marks.  I’m going to be starting the race 39th, but I don’t care about that, all I care about is finding Jeff and trying to fix what I’ve screwed up. 

I pulled the car in the garage and scrambled out of it, not even listening to Chad try to talk to me about the car.  I threw my helmet into the front seat, and turned to him, “Chad, fuck the car.”

He took one look at me, saw my red eyes, saw the tears, and questioned softly, “What happened?”

“Jeff” I choked out.  “Found out about Richmond.”

Chad sighed and nodded.  “Figured it was something like that.”  He pushed me towards the front of the garage.  “Go.  I’ve got to get some stuff finished here, and some meetings with Robby.  I’ll catch up with you later.”

I nodded my thanks, and took off at a sprint towards the motor-coach lot to try and fix the only good relationship I’d ever had.

~*~*~*~

“God, please Jeff, let me in!  Jeff please, please don’t lock me out like this!  Please please please, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, don’t do this!”  I was screaming, sobbing, falling apart, down on my knees banging on his door.  Nothing but silence answered me, underscored with the echo my pounding and the sound of rain slamming into the coach. 

He found out, god I don’t know how but he found out and now it’s all falling apart on me.  Fuck it, I’m not leaving here until he lets me in, I don’t care if I fucking die of pneumonia, I’m not leaving until he lets me explain, please let me explain! 

I think I’m there for over an hour before Tony finally showed up and pulled me away.   He had to pretty much drag me over to his coach, where I was dropped unceremoniously onto the couch.  As I came back to myself I noticed my hands were bright red from banging on the motor coach door, and I couldn’t seem to stop shivering.  Way to go Johnson, you really are going to give yourself pneumonia.  I really fucked this up good. 

“Jimmie.  Jimmie!”

I look up to see Tony standing over me.   “Hey Tony” I rasp out.  My voice is pretty much shot.

“Hey buddy.  We really need to get you warmed up, ok?  You feel like ice.”

“Whatever.  Doesn’t matter anymore.”  I drop my head into my hands, despair beginning to overtake me. 

I hear Tony sigh, see him look over to the side at someone else.  I glance over in that direction, and I’m suddenly launching myself at the person standing there, fists flying.  “Fucking bastard!  You said you would keep yourself out of it!  Why the fuck did you tell him!  You son of a bitch!”

Kevin throws his arms up, trying to block my furious punches.  I manage to land a glancing blow to his left cheek before Tony reaches me and bodily throws me back on the couch.  I start to surge back to my feet, and he’s there to push me back down again. 

“Sit down!” he screams at me as I make another attempt to get up.  “What the fuck is your problem Johnson!”

“Ask Happy over there!” I spit out, seething, settling back into the couch, every muscle tight with fury.

When he’s sure I’m going to stay where I am, Tony turns to look at Kevin, a questioning look on his face.  “Well?  Care to fill me in?  Apparently there’s some information that I’m sorely lacking.”

“Just a guess, but I’m betting he thinks that I told Jeff that his protégé intentionally took himself out of the Richmond race so that Wonderboy had a spot in the Chase.”  Kevin winced as he rubbed his cheek, already a little swollen.  “Jesus Jimmie, that fucking hurt.”

“Good.  If Tony gets out of the way, there’s plenty more for you where that one came from, too.”

Kevin began to move toward me, anger evident on his face.  “Calm the fuck down, Johnson.  I didn’t tell Jeff, so back off!”

“You’re the only one who knew, Kevin!” I spit out.  “You’re the only one who could have.”

He laughed at me.  “Don’t be so naïve, Jimmie.  Do you honestly think that no one else could have noticed your little stunt?  It could have been anybody!”

Shit.  Kevin’s right, there were thousands of people watching, and there were plenty of cars around me on the track at the time.  I stared at him for a long moment, reading the sincerity in his eyes.  Finally, I nodded.  “If it wasn’t you, who did it?  Who else was near us on the track?”

Tony had moved into the kitchen after inspecting the damage I’d done to his boyfriend’s face.  “I was already in the garage by the time you spun Jimmie, but I wasn’t really paying attention to the cars around you two.”  He came back into the seating area, a bundled up towel held in his hand.

Kevin accepted the makeshift ice pack that Tony was holding out for him, bringing it up to his cheek.  “Thanks babe.”  Flopping down in the only other chair, he said, “I don’t really know either, I was just concentrating on getting past you.  We’d have to go back and watch the tape, I guess.”

I nodded, looking down at my hands.  It was with detachment that I noticed them trembling worse and worse as the seconds ticked by.  When your mind is going through an emotional breakdown, it takes a little bit of time for your body’s warning signs to be heard.  As I watched my hands shake, I suddenly realized that I was really cold, and probably going into shock.

Kevin must have realized it too, because suddenly I’m being pulled back up and pushed towards the bathroom.  I vaguely recall Tony and Kevin stripping my wet clothes off, one of them murmuring something about needing to get me warmed up.  I remember scalding water, though later Kevin told me it was barely warm, it’s just my skin was so cold.  I must have passed out shortly after that, because when my awareness came back the rain had stopped and I was in a bedroom.

There’s nothing like waking up in a strange bed in a room so black that you can’t even see your hand in front of my face to help you understand the reality of your situation.  I was contemplating a continuation of my wallowing, when murmured voices coming from the other room caught my attention.

“…don’t know what to do for him.”

“…be fine…just needs time…”

“I guess…checked on Jeff?  I can’t believe…left him out there…so long.”

“…hurt Tony.  Give him time.  They’ll find a way back to each other.”

“I hope you’re right Kev.  God, I hope you’re right.”

Me too.  I curl into a ball, hoping the morning brings a resolution, and not more heartbreak.

~*~*~*~

This time when I wake up the sun is shining.   I must have slept the entire night.  I looked at the clock.  10:00 am.  Damn.  I was supposed to be at a team meeting at 9:00.  I sighed.  As if Chad wasn’t pissed enough at me already.

I stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom.  The face in the mirror was almost foreign, with dark circles and day-old scruff.  The eyes staring back at me were dull, and swollen from a night spent crying. 

I straightened myself up as best as I could, finding a new toothbrush in one of Tony’s drawers, washing my face, and attempting to get my hair straightened with some water.

The smell of coffee drew me into the kitchen.  I made my way straight over to the large pot in the corner, poured myself a cup, and drank it down in two gulps.  Shit, that burns.  I was pouring myself a second cup when a voice behind me about made me drop the mug.

“I refuse to be held responsible for any damage you my inflict upon yourself when you do stupid things like that.”

I turned around, slightly surprised to see Kevin sitting at the table and not Tony.

“Jesus Kevin, you scared me.  I didn’t realize anyone was here.  Where’s Tony?”  My voice grated.

Kevin looked a little unsure of how to respond, then said, “He’s checking on Jeff.  Then he had a meeting with Zippy about the car setup, and some sponsor stuff.  By the way, Chad’s looking for you.  And he doesn’t sound too happy, either.”

“Yeah, had a meeting this morning myself.  Guess I missed it.  And he’s still a little pissed about Richmond too.”  I took a slower sip of coffee, then moved over to sit across from Kevin.  “I really fucked this up good, didn’t I Kev?”

Kevin nodded.  “Yeah, you’ve really created a mess.  Usually your on-track chaos doesn’t spill over to off-track, but you did a good job of it this time.”

I growled in frustration.  “I don’t understand why he’s so upset!  I just did it because I love him.”

Kevin laughed at me, and then gave me an incredulous stare when he realized I was serious.  “You really don’t know why he’s upset?”

I shook my head.

Kevin sighed.  “Jimmie, he’s upset because you hurt his pride.  He’s doubting himself now, probably thinks that you have no faith in him.”  Rubbing his eyes, he continued “In a way, all you’ve done is give credit to all of the ridiculous rumors surrounding him, that he’s past his peak, that he can’t drive, that his career’s over.”

“That’s not…I wasn’t doing it because of the rumors!”

“Weren’t you?  God, Jimmie, listen to yourself.  If you didn’t believe it, then you wouldn’t have done what you did!”  He got up from the table and walked over to the sink, throwing his coffee cup in the small sink, staring hard at the wall.

I flinched at the sound of breaking ceramic.  “You’re right,” I whispered.

“What?” 

“I said you’re right.”  My hands played with the mug, sliding it back and forth across the table, almost to the edge, not quite.  Kinda like how my life felt right now – right on the edge, just about to fall over and shatter into tiny little pieces.

“I’ve ruined everything, haven’t I?  I’ve hurt the one person who I would give the world for.  I thought it would make him so happy, you know?  It didn’t seem right without him.  And it was so easy, so easy to do.  And I thought that it wouldn’t hurt anybody, if anything, wouldn’t more drivers create even more excitement?”

I raised red eyes to Kevin’s.  “I only wanted him to be happy.  He’s been so depressed this year, and I just wanted to give him something to be happy about.  It wouldn’t have mattered if he had finished last in the chase, Kevin, just making it in would have been enough to eradicate the demons he’s been carrying around.”

“Jimmie, I told you that night that I understood your intentions.  I know why you did it, I understand – I’ve been where you are right now.  But you have to make Jeff understand.  And that’s what’s going to be the hardest thing.  He’s so hurt right now – he can’t see around what he feels is a huge betrayal on your part.”

“How do I make him understand?  Kevin, I’m so lost.  I don’t know what to do.”

“I know.   I wish I could say it’s going to be easy.  It’s not.  But we’ll try to help.”

“We?”

“Yeah, me and Tony.”  He gave me a wry smile.  “I told you, I’ve – we’ve been where you guys are.”

“I don’t know, Kevin.  Somehow, I think Tony was much more forgiving than Jeff’s going to be.”

I was interrupted from my next thought by a loud banging on the door.  “Jimmie Kenneth Johnson, get your ass out here NOW!”

Kevin winced as the banging continued.  “Now, getting yourself out of the mess with Chad, for that, you’re on your own.”

“Jimmie, either get the fuck out here, or let me the fuck in.  You’ve got 1 minute!”

I pleaded with Kevin, “Hide me?  Please?”

He laughed at me.  “No way man.  I’m not up to facing the wrath of Chad.  I ain’t crazy.”

“Jimmie!”

“All right, all right, don’t get your panties all up in wad!  You can come in.” 

Kevin walked over to the door, looking at me before he turned the lock.  “If he breaks anything in here, Tony’ll kill you, just so you know.”

“He may have to wait in line,” I mumbled.

Kevin shook his head, and opened the door to reveal a very angry Chad Knaus.  “Hey Chad.  S’up?”

“Oh, same old, same old.  Wandering the infield looking for my missing driver, who, as usual, doesn’t feel the need to let anyone know where the fuck he is!”

Damn, he sure was pissed off about me missing the meeting.  I haven’t seen him this pissed off since – well, since I spun the car around.  Which meant he was also very worried about me.  

He stood in front of me, hands on his hips.  “Jesus, Jimmie.  You look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks Chad.  Way to cheer a guy up.”

“Hey, I’m a realist.  What can I say?”

I looked up at him and noticed the dark circles under his eyes – looked like Chad had a rough night too.  “You don’t look so dapper yourself.”

“No sleep last night.  Thanks so much for that, by the way.”  He walked over to poor himself a cup of coffee, then sat down on the bench across from me.

“Hey, why are you blaming me?” I asked once he was sitting. 

“Because it’s your fault, that’s why.” 

“How do you figure?”

“Jeff’s upset, which has Rick worried, which has Robbie upset, which has the crew nervous, which has me nervous and not sleeping.  On top of that, I’m worried about some of the adjustments we’ve made on the car, with the drastic turn that the weather has taken.”  Chad rubbed his eyes.  “I’m not trying to be a dick, buddy, but you need to find a way to fix this.”

“Yeah, I know.  I have no idea how the hell I’m going to, though.  He locked me out Chad.  He’s never locked me out, that door has been open for me since the day we met, no matter how mad we were at each other.  This is different.”

“I know buddy, I know.  We’ll fix it.  Can’t have the team falling apart when what we should be doing is celebrating.”

I looked up at Chad in shock.  “What are we supposed to be celebrating?”

“You winning the championship.  It’s in the bag.”  It was that simple, matter-of-fact attitude that made me put so much faith in Chad.  Laughter from across the room drew my attention away from my crew chief.

“You two are hilarious.”  Kevin was watching us with amusement written across his face.  “Never should have let me in Jimmie-boy.  I’m gonna smoke your ass.”

Chad and I looked at each other, and burst out laughing.  “Give it your best shot Happy.  You ain’t got nothin’ on us.”  I shook my head.  Kevin had managed to break the tension in the room – probably what he intended in the first place.

The door opened and Tony walked into the motor coach with a confused look on his face.  He looked exhausted.  “What are you guys laughing at?  I could here you outside.”

“Oh, nothing much.  Kevin was just telling us how he was going to smoke the rest of the field in the chase and take home the championship.” 

Tony took a few seconds to process that information, then burst out into laughter.  “That’s a good one Kevin.”

“Hey now, you of all people should have faith in me.”  Kevin pouted.

“Of course I have faith in you Kev, really, I do.”  Tony tried to put on a straight face, but his exhaustion had claimed him and he couldn’t stop the giggles. 

“I’m glad I’ve been a source of amusement for you people.  Really.  Now, I’m tired, so if you’re done laughing at me, get out.”

“Hey,” Tony objected.  “This is my coach.”

“You don’t say.  And I’m going to bed now.”  With that, Kevin walked into the bedroom and closed the door.

Tony stood there with his mouth hanging open.  “That arrogant, self-absorbed – if he thinks he can kick me out of my own bedroom…”

The bedroom door opened again, revealing a half-naked Kevin.  Boy sure wasn’t wasting any time.  He looked over at Tony, “Well, what do you need, a written invitation?  Get in here before you fall over.”

Tony glared at him, then stalked into the bedroom.  “Ha ha, very funny.”

Kevin watched him turn past the dresser into the room, then came back over to the table.  “Jimmie.  I know you want to know whatever Tony knows about what’s going on with Jeff.  Let him get some sleep, and we’ll reconvene here at 6:00, ok?”

I looked over at Chad, who nodded.  “Sounds good.  Thanks Kevin, for all your help.”

I sigh as Chad and I get up from the table.  I’m trying not to think of Jeff, but he’s all that’s on my mind right now.  I really want to know what happened with he and Tony last night.  It’s going to be a really long day.

~*~*~*~

Chad swings an arm around my shoulders as we walk towards my own coach.  As we step inside, I look around and everything feels so unfamiliar.  I try to remember the last time I spent a night here – and I can’t, it’s been that long.
 
I feel so helpless, so lost, and the tears are coming and I can’t help them and suddenly I’m on the floor sobbing like a boy whose dog has just died.  There are arms around me, holding me, and I cling, knowing it’s Chad, wishing it was Jeff.  And the unfamiliar feel of the coach is starting to press in on me, and I think I’m starting to panic.

“Shhhh, Jimmie.  It’s going to be ok buddy, we’re going to fix this.”  Chad’s rubbing circles on my back, trying to calm me down.  “Deep breaths Jimmie, just breathe for me buddy.  Calm down, it’s going to be ok.”

After about 5 minutes of Chad just repeating these things over and over, I was finally able to get my breathing calmed down, and with that manage to quell the rush of tears.

Chad continued to hold me until the shaking went away completely, then, when it looked like I’d gotten myself under control, stood up and brought me a glass of water.

I accepted gratefully, taking a big gulp.  “Thanks, man.  Didn’t mean to fall apart on you there.”

“No problem, mothering drivers is in my job description.”  He took the empty glass from me, carrying it back over to the sink.  Motioning with his hand, he asked, “More?”

“No, thanks.  Actually, I think I’d like to try to sleep, if you don’t need me for anything pressing.  Tony’s bed is really not comfortable.”

“Nah, I think we can manage without you for one day.  Get some rest, do your best to get your head back on straight.  I’ll come back and check on you later, ok?”

“Yeah, thanks Chad.”  I moved towards the bedroom, turning just a Chad opened the door to leave.  “Hey, Chad?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“If you’re able to…if you get some time…do you think you maybe could check on Jeff?  Or, at least, maybe talk to Robbie?”

“I’ll head over there after my meeting with Rick, ok?  Just, try to get some rest if you can.”

I watched him leave before turning to enter my bedroom – a room that was almost as unfamiliar as Tony’s had been.  Jeff and I had always preferred his coach – the bed was just a little softer, and just a little bigger. 

I crawled under the covers, and spent the next three hours trying to get some sleep, but unable to turn my mind off.  I had to find a way to make him forgive me, let me into his heart again.  God, how could I have been so stupid.

I must have fallen asleep an hour or so after lying down, because the next thing I knew the phone was ringing and it was 5:00.  I groaned, rubbing at eyes that felt like sandpaper.  Chad’s voice came over the answering machine: “Jimmie, just calling to check on you.  Kevin called, said that Tony’s still sleeping, but that he’s going to wake him up in about 40 minutes.  He said if you’re up to it, he’ll pick you up at 6:00, and you guys can drive into to town for dinner, get away from the track for a little while.  I’ve got a meeting, then I’ll meet you guys somewhere if you want me too.  Anyway, hope you were able to rest a little bit.”

I sighed.  Part of me wanted to stay in this bed forever, but I had to talk to Tony if I was going to figure out how to fix this mess.  I stumbled over to the bathroom, turning the shower water on as hot as it could go.  The heat did little to calm my nerves, but did help loosen up muscles tight from restless sleep. 

Looking in the mirror, I noticed the dark circles getting darker.  Or maybe it was just that my skin seemed more pale in the harsh lighting.  The fact that I really needed to shave wasn’t helping the look either, so I grabbed a razor and some shaving cream out of one of the drawers and tried to clean myself up a bit.  Good thing I had Gillette as a sponsor – I’d have never remembered to pack these kinds of things in here.

I was just finishing up pulling on a pair of old jeans when I heard a knock on the door.  Taking stock of my appearance in the mirror, I figured it could be worse.  At least I matched.  Looking for a pair of shoes, I settled on some black flip-flops – my tennis shoes were still wet from yesterday.

I opened the door to find Kevin standing next to the passenger window of his truck, talking to what seemed to be a very unhappy Tony Stewart.  “Hey guys.  Where we going?” I asked as I climbed in behind Tony.

Climbing into the drivers side, Kevin answered, “It seems that’s the main topic of discussion right now.  I want steak, Tony wants pizza.  What are you up for?”

“Don’t care.  Not hungry.”

I watched as the two of them shared a look, all sorts of communication going on. 

“Alrighty then,” Kevin said, putting the truck in gear.  “Mexican it is.”

I couldn’t help grinning at the shocked look that Tony gave to Kevin.  I swear, it was like his chin hit the floor of the car. 

“When did Mexican become an option?” he whined.

Kevin’s voice took on the tone of someone trying to explain something to a three-year-old child.  “We’re having Mexican because Jimmie likes Mexican.  And he’s the one who’s have a bad time of it right now.”

Tony slouched down in his seat.  “Oh.  Well, that’s ok then.”  But the look he shot Kevin promised payback.

“So, Jimmie,” Kevin started, looking at me in the rearview mirror, ignoring the glare directed at him from the passenger seat.  “Were you able to get any sleep?  You’re not looking so great.”

“A little, I think.  Maybe an hour or so.  Just couldn’t get my brain to turn off.”

Kevin nodded, pulling out onto the main road leading away from the track.  The three of us sat in silence, caught up in our own thoughts, or demons, in my case.  After about 10 minutes on the road, Kevin pulled into the parking lot of a rundown restaurant.  The sign out front was worn, but “Tres Amigos” was still visible.  It was one of those places where it looked like the building should have been condemned, but there were always few cars in the parking lot, and if you were willing to chance it, you were guaranteed the best food you’d ever had.

It was also one of those places where there was a good chance we wouldn’t be recognized.

We walked into the dimly lit room, and were escorted to a table in the back by a four and a half foot woman wearing a purple bandana.  Tony and Kevin both ordered margaritas, and I ordered a Corona.  Just as our drinks arrived, my cell phone rang.  Chad was done with his meeting, and would be on his way to meet us as soon as we told him where we were.  I handed the phone to Kevin so he could provide directions, taking a long pull of my beer. 

I looked over at Tony has Kevin handed me back my phone.  “So, tell me.  How was he last night?”

Tony sighed.  “He’s upset, Jimmie, and angry, and hurt.  I’ve never seen him like this before.  It would be different if his season hadn’t been so up and down like it was this year.  He feels like he’s been betrayed by the one person he trusted the most; even worse, now he’s doubting himself.  He thinks that you’ve bought into the talk of him being ‘on his way out’ and a ‘has been.’” 

“Yeah, that’s what Kevin said too.”

Tony looked surprised at that for a moment, then nodded and said “well, he’d know, I guess.  He’s been there.”

“Someday you two are going to have to share that story with me.  You’ve both alluded to it, without supplying any real information.”

“It’s a story very similar to yours, but we’ll save it for another day.”

Just then Chad walked up to the table.  Nodding to Kevin and Tony, he sat down next to me.  “You look a little better Jimmie, sleep any?”

“A little, not much.  Who was you’re meeting with tonight?  I wasn’t aware of there being one on the schedule.”

Chad squirmed a little, then said “Just a meeting between car owners and crew chiefs.”

Uh oh.  This couldn’t be good, based on the way Chad was fidgeting.  “Chad, just tell me.  Things really can’t get much worse.”

Chad pursed his lips, his hands slowly tearing a napkin into shreds.  His voice was flat as he shared the details of the meeting.  “Jeff announced that he was selling his share of the 48 team to Rick, and is going to focus on his own team from now on, due to an unfortunate situation that has arisen in his personal life.  He’s also requested that the 5 and the 24 cars switch shops, so that the two veteran drivers can work more closely with the younger drivers.”

I think the world actually shattered around me at that minute.  Everything suddenly looked very bright and sharp, then blurred around the edges.  I saw Kevin give Tony a concerned look, but didn’t hear what he said.  Chad grabbed my shoulder, giving me a shake.  The world was suddenly back in focus, but I felt like things were slightly off-center.  I went to take another drink of my beer, and noticed that my hands were shaking.

“Chad, was Jeff really being serious?  He didn’t mention any of this last night.”  Tony looked as shocked by the news as I felt.

“He seemed pretty serious about it Tony.  He had a long meeting with Rick and Robbie today.”  Chad shook his head.  “I don’t know if he really knows what he’s doing, but he’s putting a confident face on.  Anyone that doesn’t know what’s precipitated this would have no idea that it just doesn’t have to do with his running bad.”

“This is all my fault,” I whispered.  “Now I’m costing him his dreams on top of everything else.”  I looked at Tony, vision blurry as new tears formed.  “Why did he have to find out?” 

Then another thought struck me.  Not why, but how did Jeff find out.  The only people who knew I spun the car out were me, Chad, Kevin, and obviously Tony.  Who else knew?  And who would want to hurt me or Jeff so much to bring that information to him, knowing what it would do?

My thoughts must have been evident on my fact, because Tony answered them.  “Brian is the one that told him, Jimmie.  I guess he was standing behind you and Kevin when you were talking about the incident.”

“That fucking bastard.”

I looked over at Kevin in shock, surprised that he was echoing my sentiments exactly.

“Tony, please tell me you’re joking,” I said, my voice breaking.  Please tell me that a teammate of mine did not do this to me.

“I’m sorry, Jimmie, I wish I was.”  There was sadness warring with anger in Tony’s voice.

My sorrow was quickly turning to anger.  “That fucking, ungrateful little prick.  What the fuck does he think he’s doing?  Who the fuck does he think he is?”

Chad spoke up.  “He’s a jealous kid who finally saw an opportunity to drive a spike between the two of you.”

“But why!” 

“Probably because he’s always been jealous of you guys’ relationship.”  Kevin’s voice was thoughtful.  “Actually, hasn’t he been following Jeff around a lot lately?  I thought it was maybe just because of Ricky, but maybe there’s something more to it.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.  I have to talk to Jeff.  I have to make him listen to me, now, before things keep snowballing.”

“How are you planning on doing that, Jimmie?” Tony asked.

“Tie him to a chair if that’s what it takes, but I will make him listen to me.”  I look over at Kevin, plans already taking shape.  “Can you take me back to the track now?”

“Sure thing.  Gonna let me know what you have in mind?”  Kevin reached in his pocket for some cash, and threw it on the table as he stood up.  Tony and Chad quickly finished their drinks.

“Nothing really solid yet, but I’m sure that begging will be involved.” 

We got back to the track just as the sun was beginning to go down.  I had ridden with Kevin, while Tony had gone with Chad.  Kevin was going to drop me off outside of Jeff’s motor coach and then meet up with the other two.  Their task was to track down Brian, and find out just what the hell his deal was.  My only concern was mending the rift I had driven between Jeff and I. 

I had just reached his door, raising my hand to knock, when I felt him behind me.  “What the hell do you want?”  His voice was like acid on concrete.

I flinched as though he had actually hit me.  As it was, it felt like someone had come along and just punched me in the back.  I had never heard that much hate in his voice before.

I kept my back to him, whispering, “I…I wanted to talk…to explain to you…why.  Why I did it.”

“Explain?  What the fuck is there to explain, Jimmie!”  I watched his reflection in the glass, watched him run his fingers through his hair, a gesture I had seen him do a thousand times, always when he was getting frustrated, not sure of how to handle a situation.  “You know what?” he continued.  “I really don’t give a shit anymore.  I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want you around.  Apparently, you don’t know how to take a subtle hint, so here it is plain and clear – stay the hell away from me.  On the track, off the track, I don’t care, I don’t want to see you anywhere near me.”  He came right up to me as I turned around, and finished “Do I make myself clear now, Johnson?”

Johnson.  Not even Jimmie anymore.  Well, fuck that.  If he doesn’t want me around him anymore, he’s at least going to listen to what I have to say right now. 

Squaring my shoulders, I said “Yeah, you’ve made yourself clear, Gordon.  But before you walk away from me, I’m going to say my peace, now that you’ve said yours.” 

He looked like he might walk away for a second, but I basically had him blocked in.  I wasn’t going to make the door accessible to him, and the only other place he could go was back to the track.  Not the best choice, as thunder crashed around us.  He opened his mouth to say something, and I immediately cut him off.

“You know Jeff, in all of this, you’ve never once listened to what I had to say.  The one person you should be listening to, you’re blocking out.  And instead you’re listening to someone whose only goal is to drive us apart.”  I laughed, bitterly.  “Guess his plan worked, didn’t it.”

“At least he was honest about what happened.  He’s not the betrayer Jimmie, you are.  You’re the one who jumped on the ‘washed-up Jeff’ bandwagon.  You’re the one that took a dive because you felt I couldn’t do it on my own.”  God, could his voice have gotten any colder?

“For once, can you look past your own demons and listen to me?  Jesus Jeff, did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I did it for myself as much as I did it for you?  I love you.  I was so caught up in everything, I couldn’t imagine standing up on that stage without you, so I made sure that I wouldn’t be.  Only now, it looks like I will be anyway.  Just goes to show you about the best laid plans, huh?”

“And please, tell me.  What else was I supposed to do?  God, Jeff, for the past 2 months, you’ve been so obsessed with making the Chase, it’s all you’ve talked about.”  I slammed my fist into the side of the motor coach in frustration.  “Dammit, you wouldn’t even talk to me half the time!  So please don’t even think that you’re the only fucking victim here.”

I collapsed down onto the stairs.  “I’m sorry.  I’m so fucking sorry.  I screwed up, I know that.  If I could take it all back, I would, but I can’t.”  I looked up at him staring at me.  There was turmoil in his eyes.  “Please don’t say that I’ve ruined us beyond repair.  Don’t tell me that this can’t be fixed Jeff, please.” 

He gave me no response, just stared off into the distance.  After 5 minutes of watching him in silence, I figured I’d gotten my answer.

I stood up and pushed past him, heading back towards my own coach.  I paused and looked back, just as I was about to turn the corner, just as it started to rain again.  “I thought you loved me.”

And, with tears streaming down, I left him there, standing in the rain.

I was almost back to my coach when he caught up to me. 

“Jimmie!”

Oh, so I’m Jimmie again, not Johnson.  Maybe there is hope.  I stopped, but didn’t turn around to face him.  If this was over, I didn’t want him to see me break down. 

The silence between us seemed to stretch on for hours, though I know it was probably only 20 seconds.  But I wasn’t about to make the first move here.  It was his turn.

“Jimmie, I…” Jeff trailed off, apparently not know what to say for what could be the first time.  At least, since I’d known him.  “I’m…God, Jimmie, I don’t know what to say!” he blurted.  “I don’t know what to do, where to go from here.”

I lay my forehead against the side of the motor coach.  “What do you want me to say, Jeff?  What do you want me to do?  Just name it, it’s yours.” I whispered. 

“Tell me you love me.”

“More than I ever thought was possible, I do love you.”  I still couldn’t face him, not until I knew.  “Jeff, I would give up everything if that’s what you wanted.  If you asked me to walk away from racing tomorrow, I would do it if that’s what it took.”

“Don’t say that!” his voice was anguished.  “Jimmie, I don’t want to you to live your life around or for me.  I don’t want you to give up anything!”

I spoke softly, “Jeff, that’s what love is.  It’s a willingness to do whatever is necessary to bring a smile or a sense of worth to the other person in the relationship.”  I closed my eyes.  “You’re the one that taught me that, don’t you know?”

“I don’t understand!” 

I finally turned to face him--hair plastered to his head, tears rolling down his face, he couldn’t have been further removed from the image of a 4-time champion.  “You’ve always given so much of yourself for others.  You put everyone and everything above what is best for you, to the point where it’s almost driven you to collapse.  Even this Chase deal.  Most of the stress you were putting on yourself was not because you wanted that 5th championship, even though that’s what you told the media.  It was for Rick, for Robbie, for Randy.  Never for you.  Why are you surprised that someone would want to do something for you for once?”

He shook his head, not quite ready to accept what I was saying as truth.  The look on his face was tortured.  “Where do we go from here?  What do you do next, when something like this happens?” he whispered, brokenly.

“I guess that’s up to you.  What do you want?”  My voice was subdued; I couldn’t risk getting my hopes up just yet, that this could be mended. 

“I want all of this to have never happened.  I want it to go away.  I want to trust you like I did, I want you to believe in me like you did.”  He looked up at me, tears brimming.  “Is it even possible to get back to where we were?”

I chose my words carefully.  “I think we can get to someplace better than where we were.  But I think it’s going to take some work.  I’m willing, if you are.”

The silence seemed to stretch between us, until, finally, he nodded.  “Someone once told me that love is knowing when to forgive.  I’m not promising that it’s going to be easy, but what we have is worth fighting for.”

He moved towards me, and I pulled him into my arms.  “I’m so sorry Jeff.  I promise, I’ll make it up to you.  I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Jimmie.  Now, can we please get out of this rain?  You’re shivering.”

I hugged him tighter, then pulled back so I could look at him.  “How about we go back to your place?  I’m soaked, and all of my comfy clothes are in your coach.”

A slight smile crossed his face.  “Yeah, your clothes have taken over.  I think I’m now down to one drawer, and not even half of the closet.”

“What can I say, I’m a clothes whore.” 

He hesitated for a moment as I started to pull him in the direction of his coach.  “Jimmie, baby?”

I looked over at him, a questioning look on my face. 

“I’m sorry too, for not giving you a chance to explain.  I should have at least talked to you before I pushed you away.  I was just, so hurt, it was hard to think straight.”

I squeezed his hand.  “Jeff, you’ve got nothing to apologize for.  I’m the one that screwed up, that thought with his heart before his head.  I’m sorry I hurt you, I swear, I’ll never do anything to cause you pain like that again.”  I grinned.  “Chad would kill me if I did, and I think Tony and Kevin would help him.”

He laughed.  “You’re probably right about that.  C’mon, let’s go home.”

We were almost back to the coach when I froze, a terrifying thought striking me. 

“Jimmie?”  Jeff looked at me, concern evident in his voice.  “What’s wrong?”

I stared at him, shivering, unable to find my voice.  How could I have forgotten, oh my god…

“Jimmie.”  Jeff shook me hard.  “I can’t help you baby if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

I swallowed hard, tears threatening, and spoke, voice thick with emotion.  “Chad said you were gonna sell the team.  Shift the shops around, replace -- ” my voice choked, “replace me with Vickers.” 

“Oh, Jimmie,” Jeff said softly, reaching up to wipe away my tears.  “I was upset, and made some decisions that probably weren’t the greatest, like selling the team.  Lucky for us, Rick was wary of the rashness of my decision, told me I was letting my emotions rule and not my head.  He took the papers, but said he wasn’t going to let anything be finalized until after I’d had the weekend to think about everything.”

I looked at him, tentative relief plain in my eyes.  “So, you’re not going to…”

“No, baby.”  Jeff grinned.  “You’re stuck with me for a while.”  Kissing me gently on the lips, he finished, “for a lifetime, if I have any say.”

I sighed as he pulled away from me, wanting the kiss to continue, wanting to lose myself in the taste of his lips, but recognizing that this wasn’t the place.

We walked hand in hand through the endless aisles of coaches, not caring who might see us.  After the weekend’s events, there probably wasn’t anyone left that didn’t know we were in a relationship anyway.  I don’t think I’d ever felt so free as I did in those few minutes of walking, knowing anyone could see, and that it didn’t matter if they did.

~*~*~*~

The next morning, if there was a Cloud 9, I was on it.  Once we had gotten warm and into dry clothes last night, Jeff had made us some hot chocolate, and we had talked most of the night, revealing secrets and fears and concerns, reveling in each other’s company.  I fell asleep and woke up in his arms, and finally everything felt like it was going to be ok.

I was startled out of my thoughts by the phone ringing.  I heard Jeff mumble into the receiver, the yelped as he elbowed me in the ribs.  “It’s for you.”

I reached for the phone, then moaned as he used my movement to pull me into a deep kiss.  I became lost in the taste of him, only coming back to my senses when I heard distant yelling. 

“This had better be really good” I growled into the phone.

“I guess it’s safe to assume that you two have kissed and made up?” Kevin laughed.  “But hey, try to keep the show a little more private next time, ok?”

“Hey, no one invited you.”  I bit back a groan as Jeff’s hand began to move down my body.  “Kev, you got something important?  If not…um…I really gotta go…ohh.”

“Ok, ok, just, call me, or come by later.  We’ll fill you in on last night.”

“Uh huh, no problem.  Later.”  I dropped the phone to the floor next to bed, reaching over and pulling Jeff on top of me, feeling his tongue shove deep into my throat, hands moving everywhere. 

“Jeff, I want you…inside me…NOW.”  My body was on fire, every nerve tingling.  I whimpered as he pushed into me in one, long stroke.

“Jimmie, baby, so tight” he groaned, then began to move, touching places inside that stoked a fire throughout my body.

“Jeff…love you…so much.” 

He groaned, moving faster.  “Jimmie, baby…mine…love you…”

“Don’t leave me…again…ever…”  We were both right at the edge.  Jeff drove in deep and pushed us both over, pleasure wracking my body until I screamed. 

He collapsed on top of me, panting, head buried in my stomach.  When he got his breath back, he looked up at me.  “Never again.  You’re mine forever.”

“I like the sound of that,” I murmured. 

“Me too,” he whispered, rolling off of me.

“Can we just stay here, like this?”

He laughed.  “I wish.  Somehow, I don’t think Rick would be too happy if his drivers decided to stay in bed on race day, though.”

“But Jeff,” I whined.  “I don’t wanna get up.  We’ve got, like, 3 hours before driver introductions.  This way, we can avoid the media.”

“Too bad, lazy bones,” he said, reaching over to pull me up.  “Time to face the world.  Besides, I’ve gotta kick Ryan’s butt after he knocked me off the pole at qualifying yesterday.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed at him.  “Well, what did you expect?  No one can beat that kid at qualifying.  He’s got some kind of qualifying magic potion that he’s not sharing.”

He looked at me, mock hurt on his face.  “Hey now, you’re supposed to support me.”

“I do support you, babe.  But what can I say?  I’m a realist.”  I ducked the pillow that came flying at my head, then reached down for the phone.  “Go take a shower, I’m gonna call Kevin back.”

Jeff nodded, then leaned over and gave me a gentle kiss.  “Sure you don’t want to join me?” he asked, voice dripping with seduction.

I leaned into him, really wanting to take him up on his offer.  “I’d love to, but like you said, places to go today.  We’d never leave if I got in there with you.”

“Well, I guess that just leaves more for later.”  He moved to the closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a polo shirt – typical pre-race attire before the uniforms go on.  Stepping into the bathroom, he glanced back, “You know where to find me if you change your mind.”

I threw a pillow at him, missing by a mile of course.  “Stop tempting me.”

He grinned back at me, and then closed the door.  I found the phone, still in one piece after I had dropped it to the floor, and dialed Kevin’s number as the water in the bathroom turned on.

After 6 rings, Kevin finally picked up the phone, sounding out of breath.  Wonder what’s going on over there. 

“Hey Kev, what’s going on?”

“Same old, same old.  Had some --- hold on for a second, will you?”

I heard muffled voices in the background – Kevin must have covered the receiver with his hand.  “Hold ON a minute, will you? …Jimmie …Yeah, I’ll be right there…no, chocolate.”

Kevin came back on the phone, “Sorry about that.  Tony needed some help with…something.”

I coughed, “Say no more, please.  I really do not need to know the details of your sex life.”

“Ditto Johnson.  Like I needed the free show earlier,” he shot back.

“Hey now” I protested.  “That was Jeff’s fault.”

“Yeah?  You certainly sounded like a willing participant.”

I grinned, mind flashing back to 30 minutes ago.  “Well, can you blame me?  Everyone knows Jeff has quick hands.”

“No more, no more!” Kevin begged, laughing.  “Man, I think you’ve scarred me for life.”

“Aw, so sorry.”  I heard the shower turn off in the bathroom.  “Anyway, as much fun as this conversation is, did you call for something specific?”

Kevin’s voice took on a more somber tone.  “Yeah.  Wanted to let you know that you don’t have to worry about Vickers anymore.”

I stilled.  Brian.  Still wasn’t really ready to deal with that.  “Go on.”

“Tony and I had a little chat with him last night after I dropped you off.  Let him know that messing with you and Jeff means messing with us.  And that if he wanted us to, we’d help him remember what the definition of teammates is.”

“And how did he seem to take all of that?”

“He seemed to take it well.”  I heard Kevin sigh.  “Honestly, Jimmie, I really don’t think he intended it to go this far.  I don’t even think he realized what the consequences of his little revelation would be.  I don’t know, he looked like he was either feeling really remorseful, or…”

“Or what?” I ground out.

“Or really scared.”

“What?”  Ok, so now I was confused.  “What was he scared of?”

“He was scared that I was going to pound him into the ground for his stupidity!” Tony called out from the background.  “No worries, though.  I left his ‘supermodel good looks’ alone.  Now, if you two are done gossiping?  The chocolate’s drying here.”

I cringed.  “Oh, god, way too much information.  Go on, Kev, I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Yeah, much later…” and the connection cut off. 

I was still shaking my head when Jeff emerged from the bathroom, unfortunately for me fully clothed.  “What’s going on?” he questioned.

“Nothing much, Kevin was just filling me in on the little visit he and Tony had with Brian.”

“Yeah?  I’d like to have a talk with the boy myself.” 

I nodded.  “Me too, but I think Tony and Kevin have done most of the work for us.  Kevin said Brian was really sorry, said he didn’t know things would snowball so far out of hand.” 

Jeff threw his towel down in disgust.  “Yeah, well, I’d like to hear that from him myself.” 

“Well, I’m sure we’ll see him at driver’s intros.  We can corner him there.”  I grinned.  “That boy’ll be scared of his own shadow by the time we’re done with him.”

Jeff grinned back.  “Better believe it.”  He threw a clean towel at me.  “Go shower, babe.  You stink.  And we’ve only got an hour left before we have to be at the track for, whatever it is we need to be there for.  It’ll take you almost that long to pick your socks out.”  He ducked, laughing, as I threw the towel back at him.

“Ha ha ha, you’re so funny.”  I crawled out of bed and reached over to grab my towel back, stealing a quick kiss before moving past into the bathroom. 

I went to wipe the mirror off where it had fogged from Jeff’s shower, and paused.  There, written in the fog, was a simple message.  Love you.  I smiled, and put the towel down.  Raising a finger, I finished the thought, writing Forever underneath his words.

As the water coursed over me, I smiled.  For the first time since this whole thing spiraled out of control, I felt that everything was back where it was supposed to be.

“Jimmie!  Let’s go!”

“Just one more minute!”  I yelled.  We were, of course, going to be late.  But at that moment, I couldn’t have cared less, and I think Jeff felt the same way. 

5 minutes later, I was once again thrown into the harsh reality of what had happened.  Walking down the front steps, I came to a halt in front of the dejected form of Brian Vickers.  I smiled in grim amusement at the darkening bruise on his lower jaw.  “What’s up, Vickers?  Have a run in with a door or something?” 

He glared at me.  “Or something.”  Turning to face Jeff, who had stepped up close beside me, Brian continued, “Look, it’s been strongly suggested to me that I shouldn’t have gotten in the middle of things with you guys.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but was cut off before I could finish forming words of agreement.  “Let me finish, please.  Maybe I shouldn’t have gone straight to Jeff without talking to you first, Jimmie.  But you shouldn’t have done what you did, either.  You didn’t even consider what the consequences your actions might have been to the other 42 drivers out there.  You only thought about yourself.”  He shook his head in disgust.  “I never thought that you of all people, would do something so stupid.  Look, I’ll stay out of you guys’ business.  But I’m warning you.  If I ever see something like that again, I’m going straight to Helton.” 

I started to move forward, but Jeff’s grip on my arm held me back and calmed me down.  Ever the diplomat, he addressed Brian, “Thank you for your warning, Brian, it’s duly noted, but unnecessary.  Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have someplace to be, 10 minutes ago.”

As we continued towards the track, Jeff reached over, entwining his fingers through mine.  “Don’t worry about him, Jimmie.  It’s over and done, and we just need to keep moving forward.  Ok?”

When I didn’t answer, he stopped and used my momentum to swing me around.  “Hey, trust me, ok?  I love you Jimmie, Brian hasn’t ruined anything between us.  I’m not going anywhere.”  His eyes were so full of love as he looked up at me, I had to fight back tears.  Smiling, he continued, “Are we ready to go race now?  I’ve got a championship to go win, thanks to you.”

God, I love it when he’s cocky.  I laughed, the tension leaving me.  “I know of a few people who might have something to say about that, you know.”

“Since when do I listen to other people?” he questioned.

I shook my head and laughed. 

“Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson, get your asses over here NOW!”  Shit.  It’s bad enough when Chad’s angry, but team him up with an angry Robbie Loomis, and you’ve got trouble. 

Jeff turned to me, giggling at the sight of two red-faced crew chiefs heading in our direction.  “I think we’re about to be grounded.”

I pulled him in for a kiss.  “So long as we’re together, I don’t care.”

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