Chandra's Story

Home : Stories by MystikHeather : A Night of Reflection Series : Chandra's Story

Summary: A rainy night at the track leads to moments of quiet reflection by three people who's lives are connected by love.

AUTHOR: MystikHeather
EMAIL: mystikheather@cryptoffic.com
RATING: PG-13
CHARACTER: Chandra Johnson, Jeff Gordon/Jimmie Johnson implied, Chandra POV
SERIES: A Night of Reflection Series
CATEGORY: General Romance
WORD COUNT: 1,014
DISCLAIMER: For entertainment purposes only, if you recognize it, I don’t own it. I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a companion piece to Champion and Mentor and Protégé and Lover.
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It seems like just yesterday, and it seems like it was a lifetime ago, and for a moment I feel like I’m falling as my mind again tries to make sense of it all.  The fairy tale I’d always dreamt about…nothing more than a fairy tale after all.

I press play on the small stereo on the dresser, lie back on the bed and close my eyes, letting the soft melodies wash over me.  Let them draw memories to the surface, and it’s like watching a home movie in my head.  His eyes, his smile, so gentle as he whispers those words I’d always wanted to hear, had dreamed about since I was small…

“Will you marry me...”

That night and the weeks after spent in blissful abandon, celebrating in each other, in this new life we were planning together.  I’d loved him from the moment we were introduced, had immediately fallen for those eyes that were windows to his very soul, and over those weeks my love grew for him even more.  He’d chosen me, I was his bride-to-be, his love and his life…that’s what he’d told me and I’d believed it.  With my entire being I’d believed it…until that night in October.  The night the world seemed to tilt. 

Martinsville. 

The first night he didn’t come home.
 
I’d known their history. I’d known they were close and how much they meant to each other.  And he had told me that it didn’t matter, that they’d both moved on…and I’d believed him.  And I think he’d believed it too.  But there was no way I could blame him, no way I could be angry.  Not when I saw the pain in his eyes, in both of their eyes.  Heart-wrenching.  Devastating.  A pain we all shared, but they had been there the longest…they were the ones who had to try and hold everything together…the ones who had to be strong.  That first week after the crash…the only time I saw the pain ease from their eyes was when they were together. 

I never said a word to either of them about it, only continued to watch.  The physical closeness, the small touches when they thought no one was watching...but I watched.  Watched and observed and felt a small part of me die when I saw how right they were for each other, how happy they were simply in each other’s presence. 

I wanted to hate them, wanted to hate them both, but love does not so easily turn to hate and I truly did love him.  Those first few days after I realized…I tried.  Tried and I just couldn’t.  Watched the way they looked at each other, saw how happy he made him….  No.  There’s no way I could ever hate him or them.  Envy yes, but never hate.

I roll over onto my side on the half empty bed, opening my eyes at the sound of distant thunder to gaze at the candle burning softly on the nightstand.  Soft yellow light illuminating the picture of the two of us on our wedding day, his arms around me as he holds me tight and I can’t help but smile softly at how innocent we both look. 

I was so sure for a while that the wedding I’d been dreaming about would never happen.  A space of a few weeks when he was with him more than he was with me and I was sure it was over.  He suddenly gave me various reasons why he didn’t want me at testing or at sudden sponsor obligations that had come up. Reason after reason, always with an explanation.  Not lies.  No, he never once lied to me.  Just cleverly crafted situations created to give them time together where no one would question.  I knew it...and looking back I think he knew that I did.  Everything was so, off, that neither of us could bear to be the first to break that uneasy silence.  Then one of those rare nights when he was home…we finally talked.  He came to me as nervous as he was when he proposed…and I sat there waiting to hear him tell me that the wedding was off.  Waiting for it to be final.

I sat there in shocked and stunned silence when he told me he still wanted to marry me.  That he still loved me…a different love than he felt for Jeff, but a love nonetheless.  I don’t even remember nodding yes, just remember the feel of his lips on mine as he kissed me breathless.  Knew at that moment, even as I drew back to stare at him incredulous, that it didn’t matter who else he loved.  Didn’t matter if I had to share him.  I loved him, needed him, and if having him in my life meant sharing him with someone else…then I would share him. 

Our wedding day and night was everything I dreamt about and more.  I know he wanted to give me everything he could…saw it in his eyes as he stood in front of me before the alter and felt it in his arms as he held me when we danced under the soft light of the ballroom.  Felt it in his kiss when he made love to me over and over in the Honeymoon Suite.  I knew that night with absolute certainty that his love for me was real, as real as his love for Jeff and that was enough.

I raise my eyes as the thunder draws closer, staring at my soft reflection in the darkened window as the rain starts to pour down on the coach.  Pull his pillow to my chest and wrap my arms tight around it as I imagine them wrapped in each others’ arms as they must be tonight. 

I lean forward, blow out the candle and curl around his pillow imagining it’s him as the music continues to play soft melodies.  Close my eyes and will myself to get lost in my dreams, the one place where he’s mine and mine alone…where I don’t have to share….

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MystikHeather - mystikheather@cryptoffic.com