From the Desk of... September 2, 2008

Home : Stories by Mick : From the Desk of... : September 2, 2008

Summary: A look into the mind of a champion.

AUTHOR: Mick
EMAIL: mick@cryptoffic.com
RATING: G
SERIES: From the Desk of...
CHARACTER: Jeff Gordon, Jeff POV
WORD COUNT: 890
DISCLAIMER: If I owned them, I'd be too busy to write this stuff. Just fiction, folks. I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
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The sand is cool and soft under my feet, squishy between my toes. The waves crash down onto it in a smooth, pounding rhythm. Up and down, back and forth. Slow and steady and so very relaxing. It's late afternoon, the sun high and bright, covered by a scattering of fluffy white clouds. Next to me, on my left, Ingrid lays stretched out on her stomach, topless so she doesn't get a tan line across her back from the bikini she's wearing. To my right, Ella is playing happily in the sand, wearing her favorite sundress and floppy hat. She's been flinging sand around all afternoon, completely content to pour it into a bucket and then dump it all back out again. I really can't believe she's a year old already. It seems like just yesterday we were in that delivery room…

I love coming here, to our private little slice of paradise. We were married here, we stayed here for the holidays, it's just…so perfect. Ella seems to like it as much as we do. She's always so much more playful and curious than she is when we go home. Not even the baby animals in the Central Park petting zoo can get her as worked up as our little bungalow in Mexico does. I love to watch her play. She can find amusement in the littlest of things. Earlier this morning, we were walking in the surf and she found a seashell. She plopped down right there and studied it for a long while. Turned it over and over, watched the sun shining on it, buried it and unburied it in the sand. It was only when a seagull landed a few feet away that she lost interest. She's so curious about everything these days. Growing up so fast, my beautiful little girl.

I can't wait to have another baby. I've wanted to be a father for as long as I can remember and now that I have one baby, I can't help but want more. I want Ella to have lots of brothers and sisters to play with. I want to have a home filled with love and laughter, and all kinds of toys lying around. Ingrid wants to wait until Ella's potty trained before we start trying again, but I don't know if I can wait that long. She's growing so fast and I don't know if I can handle her not being a baby anymore. I want lots of babies, even if they do eventually grow up.

Another seagull just swooped down by us and Ella's giving it the once over. She can't decide whether it's worth abandoning her bucket and shovel or not. It's so damn cute. Ingrid's got out the camera so she can snag a couple of pictures and I can't help marveling at how gorgeous she is. My girls, my two beautiful girls. I still don't know how the heck I got so darn lucky. God blessed me with two perfect women in my life. I must have done something right somewhere along the line.

I'm so eternally thankful to have Ingrid and Ella in my life. With the way things have been going with my career lately, it's nice to have people around who don't give a damn. I feel like I haven't been performing the way I know that I can, the way I know that I should. It's been ages since I've seen victory lane, or even felt like I've run up to my potential. The cars have been inconsistent and so has my ability. I'm in the chase by some complete miracle but there's times when I don't really feel like I deserve to be there. Jimmie and Junior have been busting their butts all season and they've got the wins and top tens to show it. I haven't made it to victory lane once this season. It makes me feel inadequate.

Rick will never outwardly tell me to step up and fix whatever's wrong, but I can see it in his eyes sometimes. He looks and Jimmie and there's nothing but pride. He looks at Junior and you can feel the emotions coming off of him in waves. Those two have gotten incredibly close this season, and I think a lot of it has to do with a sort of father-son bond between them. Not that either will ever replace what the other lost, but you can see it sometimes, the way Junior goes to Rick for advice the way he never could with his dad. When Rick looks at me, though…sometimes I feel like he just wants to throw a porkchop at me and tell me to get my act together.

Or maybe it's just a guilty conscience. I've always been good at beating myself up.

Ingrid just pulled her top back on and looks about ready to go get some dinner. Think we might go to this cozy little restaurant just up the beach tonight. We all love it there, it's so homey and warm. Right now, all I want to do is spend a little more time with my girls before I have to get back to the real world. The pressure cooker is about to turn way up and I want to put off jumping into it just a little bit longer.

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Mick - mick@cryptoffic.com