Move Along

Home : Stories by Jaik : All Alone Series : Move Along

Summary: The aftershocks of Jeff and Jimmie’s break up.

AUTHOR: Jaik
EMAIL: jaik@cryptoffic.com
RATING: PG-13
CHARACTER: Jimmie Johnson/Chandra Johnson, Jimmie Johnson/Jeff Gordon, Alternating POV
SERIES: All Alone
CATEGORY: Sorrow
DISCLAIMER: I own NOTHING and am affiliated with NO ONE mentioned here. Not the drivers, not the teams, no one. This is all fiction and fun. In other words...NOT REAL, NOT REAL, NOT REAL. ;-)
DEDICATION: Elf_Girl_Tarii & Afura
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place 2 weeks after Heart Ache
AUTHOR'S NOTE2: - + - + - + - + - + - denotes passage of time
AUTHOR'S NOTE3: ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ denotes point of view shift
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“Ungrateful little wretch.” I whip open my door and hurl my pack across the room. I get him started, I give him unwavering faith, and I even get him through those tough times.

I kick my shoes off and turn the volume dial all the way up on the radio trying to drown out thoughts of them. How dare he desert me? I sit down on the bed in a fury, music blaring. After all that I’ve, he, we have been through.

Rest my head in my hands and thoughts begin shooting through my mind. Did I do something wrong? Has he always been planning on this? Did she put him up to it? Did someone say something? Did he ever really…love me?

He must’ve loved me, no one is that good of an actor…or is he the exception? I stand up and walk slowly to the bathroom, looking in the mirror at my haggard reflection and can’t help but wonder…would I have ever looked like this when we were happy, when we were alone? All these things stem from one thing. Her.

“But what about Brooke, you would’ve done the same thing,” I think to myself. Turn on the hot water and mix it with the cold, trying to find something to comfort me. Would I have done the same thing? I wouldn’t desert everything for one person….

“But she was your wife, Chandra’s his wife, get over yourself.”

I cup some water in my hands and splash it over my face. I look up to see a person standing at my side, me.

“You’re pathetic,” he says smirking and crossing his arms, “pitying yourself over one bad relationship.” He walks over to me and jabs me in the chest. “You’re nothing, no one wonder he left you.”

“No, he didn’t choose to leave me, she made him.” I look down into the water, not having the courage to face the fact that I might just be making this up to feel better.

“Don’t kid yourself,” the other me slips up onto the counter and leans back against the mirror.” You would constantly go out and be with everyone else and claim that you love them the most when you just finished pouring your heart out to someone else. Honestly I’m surprised they haven’t come to their senses like Jimmie has.”

I’m speechless for a second. “Do you really think that?” I ask my double. He looks at me like I’m insane before hopping down and pulling me away from the sink.

“Look,” he tells me as I pull a towel out of the drawer and toss it where he was sitting. “Just take a long bath and think. Did he ever really stop and just cherish being with you? Why did you always have to tell him that you loved him? Did he ever say it back?”

Suddenly I realize that he’s right. Jimmie never did say he loved me…it was always one-sided. I can’t believe I was so torn up over how I ruined this when it was his fault all along. Why would anyone want to be with someone who never said they loved them?

“Yeah, he even tried to throw in my face that I didn’t ever remain faithful to him. How could I be faithful, when he was never faithful to me in the first place!” I unbutton my shirt and pull off the rest of my clothes and get into the warmed water, the comforting warmth that I never got from Jimmie.

The dopplegang of myself laughs once before he turns and walks out saying “‘Bout time you got over the Brow!”

I lay back in the water, stretching out and closing my eyes, images of my wasted time with Jimmie playing across my eyelids like the rerun of a bad movie. Everything I could remember, but I couldn’t remember Jimmie ever saying “I love you Jeff.” Not even a “you too” when I would say it. Why was I so blind? How could I have never realized what was there, more like wasn’t there, the whole time? I know that I loved him…did he ever try to make me feel that way?

The other me comes walking back into the bathroom and I jump reaching for the curtain. “Relax, there’s nothing you have that I don’t know about. We are the same guy. So, are you done pouting about your mistake?” I glare at him for a second even though I know what he’s saying is true; being with Jimmie was the biggest mistake I ever made. Brooke seems like nothing to this.

“But he wasn’t a mistake!” I know I’m trying to make myself feel better…but I can’t. Especially when I’m trying to convince myself, I hardly believe it honestly. “He’s just, not sure of what he wants! I mean, I’ve done a lot of things that would make him want to leav-” I stop myself short knowing that I just proved myself wrong. I know it was his decision to leave. Chandra had nothing to do with it. She was just his rebound and he got too involved.

“But he wouldn’t have gotten so involved with her if you hadn’t been such an ass.” I glare at…myself, me, Jeff? As he gets back up on the counter waiting for me to admit that I was the reason he left me.

“It was me.” I whisper quietly. I don’t want to accept it, I desperately try to cling to a hope I know doesn’t exist. But anything is better than this, knowing that I was the one who caused him to stop loving me. Maybe if I hadn’t always been out with someone else he would’ve been with me, maybe if I’d have said ‘I love you’ a few more times.

“Maybe you should stop crying like a damn baby and get the hell over it!” The extra yells. He slides off the counter and throws a towel at me. “Come on, dry off and get dressed, we’re going out.”

“Where? I don’t want to go anywhere; I just wanna go crawl into bed. Maybe warm a cup of something up and pass out, I don’t really plan on doing much else tonight, I’m too…tired from everything.”

“Oh get over it! You’re gonna be here forever if you don’t go out tonight! You’ll just stay here, curled up nice and safe, getting older and lonelier until everyone has forgotten you.” I know he’s right and I hate myself for it. “There now, let’s get you all groomed and dressed. Then we can go have some fun.” He hands me my razor and a comb as he walks towards the closet and starts searching for something to wear.

“Where are we gonna go? You still haven’t told me.”

~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~

“Why am I so restless?” I wonder aloud. Hit the play button on the stereo not caring what CD; just wanting to hear something other than the grating of my nerves. I hear the phone ring and hurry to the kitchen as music starts to drift about the house. “Hello?” I hear Chandra’s voice on the other end and I feel myself calm a bit.

“Alright babe, see you later. Love you too, alright, bye!” I hang up the phone wondering about what she’s doing. Is she really out shopping with DeLana? Or is she out cheating on me like I did to her with Jeff? Would anything like that ever happen? Is it happening right now?

No! I can’t think like that about Chandra. She would never do anything like that. She loves me, unlike Jeff. Stop thinking about him, I tell myself angrily. I set the phone back on the receiver and try to focus on some household tasks, but I can’t. Everything I see relates to the number 24. I see two pictures on the mantle and then four pictures on the wall next to it. I look outside and notice two flowers, but then I see four shrubs near them.

I try not to think about it. I know if I do that I’ll just get upset and say stuff I don’t mean; which is never a good thing. I flop down into the recliner and lean back trying to force myself into relaxation, only to end up with a searing pain in my lower back. Crummy chair, bout time for a new one…oh wait, Chan Chan loves this chair. Maybe I’ll give it one last chance, I think as I get out of the chair because it’s so pointless to try and get comfy in the damn thing. I walk aimlessly through the house trying to find something to calm my racing mind.

I glance at the laundry room door and turn away but then think, Chandra always does laundry and never complains. Aww what the hell…I’m feeling generous anyway. Walk over and turn up the CD so I can hear it in the laundry room as I work on it. After 15 minutes of slowly picking through and trying to make heads and tails of this complicated task I suddenly realize why I never do laundry…I really suck at it. I remember the one time Chandra asked me to do laundry and how I ruined her favorite white shirt. To say the least…it’s now her favorite pink shirt.

I shove all the clothes back into the basket and turn to come face to face with…myself. I blink a few times and look again, yep; I’m still standing there. “Jimmie Johnson?” He rolls his eyes at me and gives me a look that screams ‘No duh, moron!’ I walk over to the fridge and grab a cold glass of water and take a drink. He’s still standing there and I’m still thinking I’ve gone off the deep end. “You gonna say something to me or what?” I snap at him and he sits down on the couch and I slowly join him, still waiting for someone to jump up and yell “Gotcha!”

“Who the hell are you?” I ask still unbelieving.

“Tony Stewart. Who the hell do you think I am? I’m you! I’m just not pouting over my long lost boy-toy.”

I’m a bit taken aback at that and reply, “I’m not pouting, it’s just when you lose something that special, it’s like your puppy just got hit by the milk truck, like your favorite CD just broke, or a piece of you kinda dies inside….”

He makes a gagging noise. “Gaawwdd you’re depressing! With monologues like that you should look into soap opera appearances.”

I glare at him and ignore his sardonic remarks; “Do you have a reason to be here?” I grill him…thinking maybe if I annoy him enough he’ll just leave. I laugh at the thought of what I’m doing, I’ve become one of those god awful reporters who can’t stop asking questions.

“I’m here to keep you from being a magnificent poof!” He looks at me and there’s no denying he really is me; everything is the exact same, it’s like a 3D mirror. “Look, seriously, you need to get over Jeff.” I look away and pretend I didn’t hear him. “I know you heard me James. You can’t deny it, if you do it’ll be the end of your career, your friends…even your marriage.”

I slowly bring myself to gaze into the brown eyes I know so well. “Really? What makes you say that?” I inspect his eyes trying to find a hint of doubt or uncertainty, but I only see what I really believe myself. “Nevermind,” I get up and walk into the kitchen trying to find something to distract myself with. I know if I ignore the truth long enough it’ll just go away like it always does, then Jeff will come and fix it all…but not this time. This time Jeff won’t come because he’ll be busy with his new interest. He’s done with me and he won’t be coming back. I look into the mirror above the stove and study myself.

Is there something wrong with me? Is it something I don’t see? What do I have to do to get him back…does Channy really annoy him that much? I finish off the water and turn the glass in my hands, looking at all the fine details of it. The small imperfections near the bottom where it rounds out, where the rim is somewhat warped, how it makes a cone shape.

“That’s your entire relationship with Jeff.” The mirror me walks in and leans on the counter next to me.

“I’m his cup of water?” I ask.

“No! He’s got you completely in his grasp. He says “jump” you say “how high?” It’s disgusting! If he says “jump” you should say “what are you going to do for me?” See what I’m sayin’ here Jimmieboy?”

“Yeah, kinda…” The thought of being Jeff’s puppet pisses me off. I hurl the glass to the floor, watching it fall quickly and smashing into countless pieces against the ground. “There goes our relationship….” I feel like the world has been lifted off me; but I’m still in a fury.

“Ooh, that it big man? You going to break a glass and think the world’s gonna bow at your feet?” He tips a picture of Jeff and I off a shelf, but I don’t even try to make a reach for it.

“No, I’m gonna let everyone know what I really think of being stuck in his damned shadow!” I storm through the house, knocking over everything with his face on it. Shattering pictures, knocking down collectibles, and breaking stupid little mementos.

~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~

The dopplegangs collapse onto Jimmie’s couch laughing. Jeering about what they got their counterparts to believe. How they tricked them into thinking that they hate each other. They laugh again before suddenly vanishing as a scream comes from seemingly nowhere.

~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~ + ~

I sit up in a sweaty daze, realizing that was the most horrible nightmare I’ve ever had. I look over at the clock and can’t help but yawn. “1:41 A.M., damn….” I get up and throw my robe around me, stumbling to the kitchen and grabbing a cold glass of water. I bite my bottom lip as I grab my phone from its charger. I wonder if he’s really upset with me or if it was all a dream. Then I notice I have an unread text message. I open it and get a small smile on my face as I read it:

Hey man, I had this nightmare and I realized that I’ve never said this to you…but I love ya…you’re an awesome person and I’m glad you’re my best friend.

I hit reply and send back:

Thanks JJ…I know I’m an idiot most of the time, and do some stupid things but I’m glad we’re friends too, I’d never change it.

I set my phone down and head back to my bedroom, laying down and nodding off quickly.

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Jaik - jaik@cryptoffic.com