Buffy watched her. Willow had barely talked since that accident with Dawn two weeks ago. She hadn’t said anything when Buffy had asked Amy to leave. And she hadn’t used any magic.

- Yeah, she said. And I hope it will be a demon-free Christmas.

- And Vampire-free, added Willow.

Buffy winced. She was so hoping to be free from a certain vampire.

She hadn’t seen Spike since he had helped her with Dawn. Or, to be really honest, she had been avoiding him like hell. And surprisingly, he hadn’t tried to see her either. To her confusion, she wasn’t sure she was entirely happy about it.

She sighed.

- I have to grab some more food for our dinner tomorrow. Could you pick Dawn at school?

Surprised, Willow stared at her. Was Buffy really asking her that? Did that mean she trusted her again? Willow smiled.

- Sure.

Buffy nodded, took her coat and prepared to leave when Willow stopped her.

- Buffy…thank you.

The Slayer simply smiled and left. Feeling much better for the first time in days, Willow focused on the second relationship she desperately wanted to save: Tara.

1.

Buffy walked in the Magic shop. Anya was sitting alone, reading a bridal magazine.

- Hey, Buffy. It’s awfully quiet today.

- Really? I thought that with Christmas people would want to buy special gifts.

- Obviously, they prefer to keep their money. It’s so sad.

- I wanted to do some training before going home, so if you want you can leave now. I’ll watch the store ‘til closing time.

Anya’s face brightened.

- Oh, thank you, Buffy. That’s very nice of you.

- No biggie. Don’t forget I want you and Xander tomorrow at 7.00 PM sharp!

- We’ll be there. See you!

Buffy went to the training room and made a face. She wasn’t really in the mood for exercise…she wasn’t in the mood for anything, these last few days…she felt like there was something missing. Of course, it has nothing to do with the fact that she hadn’t see Spike for some time. No, that was, like, the biggest relief of the century …wasn’t it?

I have to think of something else, Buffy told herself. Think, think…Christmas decorations. Yes, she wanted to check if there were Christmas decorations in the basement.

She went downstairs and started looking among the boxes.

- Hello Cutie.

Buffy jumped and screamed.

- Oh my God, Spike, you scared me!

That seemed to please him immensely.

- Well, I haven’t lost it entirely then…you’re looking for something?

- Christmas decorations, she said, rummaging through the boxes nervously. She was suddenly very hot and her heart was pounding furiously. Why did he always have to look so incredibly sexy?

- I think Giles put them there, he said showing a grey door.

She gave him a suspicious look.

- How do you know?

He smiled.

- I lurk.

She opened the door, a heavy door that led to a closet. Another bunches of boxes were there on several shelves.

- Since you’re there, make yourself useful. Hold the door for me.

2.

He lifted an eyebrow.

- And what’s the magic word?

Buffy looked at him innocently.

- Abracadabra?

- Very funny, Slayer.

Nevertheless he held the door for her.

Buffy looked among the boxes and finally spotted one with « Xmas » written on it. Of course it was on the higher shelf. Spike had seen too it and released the door.

- Here, let me help you with…

- NO !

Too late. The door got closed with a tiny clicking sound.

- What? said Spike, confused.

- The door! It can only be open from the outside!

Spike watched and noticed there was no button.

- Oops. Guess we’re locked inside.

He turned to her with a huge grin.

- Don’t even start to think about it, she warned.

- You don’t know what I am thinking. In fact, I thought we could talk.

- Talk?

- Yes, you know, when there are words coming from our mouth and forming phrases that make sense…most of the time.

She gave him an annoyed look.

- Don’t play smart-guy with me, Spike. And I don’t want to talk. Besides, there’s…there’s nothing to talk about, she added, feeling more and more nervous. She had trouble breathing. Here she was, locked in a very small room with the last person on earth she wanted to be with right now.

- Hey, Buffy, can you spell « denial »?

- What? No! Look Spike, I don’t feel comfortable in closed spaces, so could we not for the moment? Please?

He watched her closely. She was all flustered and clearly looked uneasy.

- What scares you? Being locked in a close space or being locked in a close space with me?

He must have hit the point because she became even redder… if that was possible. He giggled and sat down.

- You’d better sit down, pet. I bet we’re here for some time.

- Thank you for pointing the obvious, she sighed, sitting in front of him. He took a pack of M&M’s out of his pocket.

3.

- Want some?

- No.

She tried to look everywhere but at him. Which was a challenge, considering the small area? So she focused on her hands resting on her lap. That’s how she saw a tiny red M&M’s disappear into her cleavage.

- What…?

She stared at him. He was watching her with a mischievous smile.

- What do you think you’re doing?

- Playing basketball, he said, throwing another candy right between her breasts.

- Stop that!

She took them back and threw them at him.

- So you wanna play?

- No! Oh my God, this is hell…no, wait, I’ve been to hell…this is worse!

She got up and started pounding on the door.

- Hello! Is someone out there?

- You’re wasting your time…and the oxygen, said Spike, putting the M&M’s back in his coat.

She slammed her fist against the door rageously.

- I bet this door is soundproofed.

He laughed.

- What for? So the Christmas decoration can’t scream for help?

- Will you shut up? You are the biggest pain in the ass in the whole…

He stood up, anger in his face now. He grabbed her shoulders and pinned her against the door.

- And you’re the meanest bitch I’ve ever known. What are you afraid of, Buffy? You’re the Slayer. Being locked in a room with a neutralized vampire shouldn’t be a big deal for you. Oh, but wait…The vampire is me, and I can hurt you if I want…remember?

He gave her a menacing look and she felt shivers down her back.

But not from fear.

He had pressed his body against hers and she could feel his tight muscles…her breath caught. She couldn’t help but be excited by him. He felt it and smiled.

- Don’t you see, Buffy?

He ran his tongue on her neck and she moaned.

4.

- You can deny it with words all you want…but your body knows better.

She felt incapable of moving. It was like she was paralyzed…by lust! Say something, she thought. Push him away, punch him, whatever…Then she felt his hand between her thighs and forgot who she was.

Dawn and Willow entered the Summers house. Everything was quiet.

- Buffy’s not there yet, said Dawn. I hope she will not forget the Christmas decorations.

- Do you need help with your homework? asked Willow.

- No. Because I am not gonna do it.

Willow gave her a disapproving glance.

- Dawn…

- I know, I know. But it’s Christmas tomorrow, and…oh, by the way, she said with an innocent look, did I mention I invited Tara?

- What? Why didn’t you tell me before?

Willow didn’t seem happy about it. Embarrassed, Dawn said:

- I am sorry. I thought you wanted to fix things with her.

- I do…but…

- Then what better occasion than Christmas Eve?

Willow didn’t look convinced.

- Maybe…but I don’t know what to say to her.

- Don’t ask me. I am just a ball of green energy, remember? I am not a specialist in relationships. But you and Tara are really miserable since she left…and it made you do pretty stupid things.

- You still haven’t forgiven me for that, haven’t you?

Dawn smiled.

- Don’t worry, I did. But I don’t want it to happen again. And Tara and you are meant to be together.

- Says the 14 year old wise girl, said Willow smiling. Maybe I can ask Buffy when she comes back.

Dawn laughed ironically.

- Yeah, my sister, the great relationship adviser…

The air in the closet was thick and hot. Buffy and Spike were lying on the floor, breathing heavily.

Oh my God, thought Buffy. I did it again…with him. And it was better…she hadn’t thought it possible, but it was even better than the last time. And she had felt something so powerful, something

5.

so much stronger than the pleasure itself. There, in the Magic Box basement, making love to Spike, she had felt right at home. She had had a feeling of belonging…a true desire to be alive again. And to be alive with him by her side.

That was the scariest thing she had ever thought.

She got up. Spike groaned.

- What are you doing?

- What does it look like? I’m getting dressed. And you should do the same.

Spike sighed.

- C’mon, Buffy. I don’t want to play that scene again.

- What scene?

- That little act you gave me the other day after we made love.

- We didn’t make love.

- Oh no ? And what did we do? Play bloody Monopoly?

Angry again, he grabbed his jeans and put them on.

- I am tired of your games, Buffy. If you can’t make up you mind, then it’s over.

- Great, that’s exactly what I want! she lied.

- Fine!

- Buffy? Are you in there?

It was Xander’s voice.

- Xander! We’re here!

- Timing of the year, muttered Spike.

The door opened and Xander appeared, with Anya.

- Buffy! What happened to you…and Spike? What’s going on here?

- I was searching for decoration and Spike let the door go. We got locked.

- It smells funny in here, Anya said.

- Yeah, well, its all that old dusty thing, said Buffy while pushing them outside hurriedly, trying not to notice the mockery grin on Spike’s face. Can we go please? I can’t stand confined places.

She and Anya took the stairs but Xander grabbed Spike’s sleeve.

- What happened in there? You didn’t hurt her, did you?

- Does she look hurt to you?

- No. But that doesn’t mean anything.

Spike shrugged.

- You wouldn’t believe me anyway.

- Try me.

Spike watched him then said:

6.

- Buffy and I had wild sex.

Xander smiled.

- You’re right. You need to be a little more convincing than that. Nice try, though.

- How come you came back? Buffy asked.

- I had forgotten my agenda, Anya said. I called but nobody answered. I figured you were gone already so I came back here with Xander. We found the door opened and your stuff still on the table. You know the rest.

- Well, thank God for that. We could have been stuck in there all night.

- Yeah, imagine that, said Spike with fake horror on his face.

- Don’t you have somewhere else to be? asked Buffy with an exasperated tone.

He looked at her very seriously.

- So, Slayer. Is that it?

She didn’t look back.

- Yes Spike. That’s it.

- All right then. Merry Christmas, Buffy.

And his tone intended to be everything but merry. Buffy looked at him just in time to see his very hurtful face while he left.

She closed her eyes. Why did she have to treat him like that?

- I am such a bitch, she said.

Surprised, Xander protested.

- No, you’re not.

- Well, Anya interfered; she can be really mean sometimes.

- Anya!

- Especially to Spike, pointed the ex-demon girl with a « I know what’s going on here » look to Buffy.

- Being mean to Spike is not really being mean, Xander said. It’s being…normal.

- Don’t, Xander.

Suddenly Buffy couldn’t stand the Spike bashing. Mostly because she was so good at it, and she hated herself for that.

- Look, I thank you both for rescuing me…us, but I’m going home now. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Anya and Xander watched her leave.

- What do you think happened in there?

- Xander? Are you blind? If I had light a match, everything would have go Boom! I’ve never seen so much sexual tension between two people…even between you and me.

7.

She frowned.

- I don’t like it. Come on. Let’s go home. I have some whipped cream left in the fridge…

Everybody was there, celebrating Christmas. Willow was helping Buffy in the kitchen.

- Have you talked to Tara?

- Not yet, I…I don’t know what to say to her.

- Tell her you’re sorry…that you didn’t mean it…that you miss her and want to try a fresh start.

Buffy realized she could have said those words to someone else…that she would have really meant them.

- Oh my God.

- What?

- Buffy composed herself.

- Nothing. I just…understood something.

Willow smiled.

- Well, I thank you for making me understand I was going the wrong way. All that black magic stuff was a really bad addiction. I am glad to be free of it.

I don’t want to be free of my addiction, Buffy thought. And I would want nothing more than to be with him right now. Then she felt that cold fear again, and shook all the disturbing thoughts away.

Tara chose that moment to come into the kitchen. She looked at Willow with that shy way of her but didn’t say anything.

- Well, I let you guys…talk, Buffy said, leaving the kitchen.

The room was silent for a moment. Then Willow said:

- I am sorry.

Tara nodded but stayed quiet.

- I don’t know what happened…it was stronger than me, I couldn’t stop doing that horrible magic…and you leaving only made things worse. Not that I’m blaming you, she added hastily. You were right all the way. Dawn got really badly hurt because of me, and I almost lost my best friend. They have forgiven me…Do you…

She swallowed hard.

- Do you think you can do the same?

Tara smiled gently.

- I miss you, Willow.

- Oh, God, Tara…I miss you too…so much.

8.

She started crying, and Tara came to her and held her tight. They kissed.

- Don’t give up on me, said Willow softly between two sobs.

- I don’t intend to.

- Does that mean you’re coming back ?

- Well, we have a lot to talk about…but I guess this could be a good start.

They came back in the living room hand in hand and everybody cheered up. They all exchanged presents. Anya got a shiny safety box to put her money. Xander opened her gift to him then closed it back quickly with a very embarrassed smile.

Dawn gave Buffy a small gold cross on a chain necklace.

- I noticed that you weren’t wearing the one Angel gave you anymore. I thought that maybe it was too painful and that you could wear that one instead for protection…

Buffy hugged her sister.

- Thank you, Dawn. I love it.

Angel…Buffy realized she hadn’t think about him since their last encounter. He definitely belonged to the past. For one moment, she let herself flooded by the memories of what could have been…

She had let Angel go, and then Riley…Was she about to make the same mistake for the third time?

- I have to go, she said, suddenly standing up.

Everybody stared at her with surprise.

- Uh…to go patrolling.

- Patrolling? asked Xander. Come on, it’s Christmas. Can’t the Forces of Darkness give you a break?

Buffy smiled.

- Guess they don’t have the Christmas spirit.

She grabbed her coat.

- See you guys later.

She left and they all stared at each other.

- That was a rather sudden and quick exit, said Willow. Not really Buffy- style.

- She’s acting weird since we found her yesterday at the Magic Box locked in the basement with Spike.

- What?

Willow got wide-eyes.

You never told me that! What happened?

- They had sex, said Anya matter-of-factly.

- What? Ok, sorry for repeating myself but what happened?

9.

- We don’t know exactly, Xander said. And the sex part…I so don’t want to go there.

- Come on, It’s so obvious! Don’t tell me you bought her little story of “patrolling”! She left to go see him…and probably more. He must be really good, she added with a knowing smile.

They all stayed quiet for a moment, digesting Anya’s speech.

The Dawn smiled.

- Well…it’s about time.

Xander raised his hands.

- Wait, wait, we are not sure about this yet. And I really don’t think it’s the best news I’ve heard lately.

- Why don’t we let Buffy decide for herself? proposed wisely Tara. We didn’t let her much choice when we brought her back…She’s a big girl…she will tell us when she’s ready.

Willow took her hand.

- You’re right…as usual. Buffy deserves to be happy, and if she finds that happiness with Spike, then so be it.

- I just don’t want her to get hurt again, Xander said. And Spike doesn’t really look like Prince Charming to me.

- But he may be the right person for Buffy. He proved himself right a lot these past few months…we should give him some credit. And let Buffy give her side of the story, when she’ll feel like it. We could be surprised.

Xander looked at Anya.

- Since when did you become so wise?

She smiled brightly.

- Since I became a bride-to-be! So now, could we talk a little bit more about my marriage and me please?

Buffy was running and when she arrived at the cemetery she forced herself to slow and catch her breath.

That’s the moment a vampire chose to raise. She staked him on the spot.

- Oh, it’s Christmas for God’s sake! Can’t you give me a break?

She composed herself and went ahead to Spike’s crypt.

She opened the door. Everything was quiet. No TV on. Only some candles illuminated the place.

- Spike?

He suddenly appeared from the shadow. Buffy froze in schock. He was wearing blue-jeans and a blue shirt that matched his eyes perfectly.

10.

He was to die for.

- Are you going out?

- No, and not that’s any of your soddin’ business.

Good start, Buffy, she thought.

- Well, you’re all…colorful.

And damn sexy, she added silently.

He shrugged.

- It’s Christmas.

She smiled.

- Guess the vampires do have the Christmas spirit after all.

He looked startled.

- What?

- Never mind.

She looked at her feet, not knowing where to start. She had come with a lot of things to say but now it was like everything had been erased from her mind.

- So, Slayer, what’s the purpose of your visit? Did you bring me a present?

- No! I…I don’t know, I…I wanted…

She stopped, feeling miserable.

- Are you drunk? he asked

- Of course not! Stop interrupting me!

- You haven’t said anything yet, Sunshine.

Buffy desperately wanted to make things right but she couldn’t find the words. And what was it about him that made her want to kiss him and yelling at him at the same time?

- Did you come to talk about us? asked Spike, not really believing it.

- Yes, she admitted.

- Do you feel guilty? Because you can, you know. You were really mean. And I think this relationship…

- It’s not a relationship, it’s a bad addiction!

She regretted the words as soon as they were out. But he was so annoying being right all the time! And now the hurtful look on his face made her want to beat herself very hard.

- Well, Summers, you really know how to please a man with words. Now, if you’re finished ruining my Christmas…

- No, I am not. I mean, I don’t want to ruin your Christmas, you idiot.

- Then stopping insulting me would be a good start.

She sighed.

11.

- You’re not helping, Spike.

- And why would I do that, now, luv?

- Because you want to hear this. Now let me talk.

She took a deep breath.

- What’s going on between us…I don’t know how to call it, I just…I admit there is something going on. Does that make sense?

He raised an eyebrow.

- Kinda. Go on.

- Until now, it has always been so violent…

She blushed.

- And passionate…and disturbing.

- Well you were the one who initiated it, pet. You were the one in charge. Not that I’m complaining! And you know…

He hesitated.

- You know that’s for me it’s much more than that. You know I love you.

Hearing those words from him made her heart jump. She was so happy and at the same time, so afraid…she had to tell him.

- I am scared, she said, and the relief was so strong she started to cry. She put her arms around her waist.

- I am so scared of all those feelings I have for you. We were enemies for so long, that it seems so wrong…then how can it feel so right ?

Spike stood frozen, not believing, not hoping she was actually saying these wonderful things to him. He made a move to her but she stooped him.

- No, wait. All the men in my life, well, the few of them…they left me. They all did. As soon as I loved them, they went away. And Riley left because I didn’t love him enough. And I’m terrified that you’ll do the same one day.

Spike stayed there a few seconds, digesting what she had just said. Then he went to her, took her face in his hands. He looked straight in her eyes.

-In case you haven’t noticed, he said softly, I am not easy to get rid of. Besides, I really enjoy being the pain in your ass.

She smiled through her tears.

- I am so sorry for being such a bitch. I wasn’t thinking clearly.

- Does that mean you’re ready to accept we have a relationship? A boyfriend- girlfriend thing?

She laughed.

12.

- You sound like Dawn! And yes, I am more than ready. You will just have to be patient with me.

- Yeah, I’m kinda use to that, he said with his oh-so-sexy smile.

She pulled him closer but he stooped her.

- Wait. It’s Christmas. We have to do this properly.

He led her on the threshold.

- What…?

She followed his gaze. There was mistletoe hanging over them.

Buffy smiled fondly.

- You are quite the romantic.

- Yeah, that’s me, Romantic evil-guy.

They kissed passionately, and for the first time, very tenderly. They took their time to enjoy it. Then Spike whispered:

- I know a perfect way to celebrate Christmas…Wanna join me?

With a loving smile, she followed him downstairs.

THE END