Grumpy Is Not Just The Name Of A Dwarf

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Summary: I swore never to write this kind of blood play fic but then...*sigh* Buffy's a tad grumpy at that time of the month.

AUTHOR: Laure Alexander
EMAIL: lara@sunflower.com
RATING: NC-17
PAIRINGS: Buffy/Angelus, Willow/Spike, sortof
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the characters on the show. Joss Whedon and the WB Network own them (for now). No copyright infringement intended, so please don't sue.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm really, really sorry about this. I swore I'd never write one, but then I wanted to write something smutty and silly and B/A(us) and, well, to be graphic, I was rather hormonal and so that spawned this and...Please forgive me. I'll never do it again. Buffy comes across as pretty much a bad stereotype, but then I do know women who get almost this bad, so hopefully it's not too terrible, and, if so, do the forgiving thing again.
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Angel awoke slowly and just as slowly became aware of the bundle of hormonal frustration glowering down at him from murky hazel eyes.

He winced. She saw it.

The glower deepened.

"How can you just sleep?" Buffy demanded, her face pale, her lips trembling. She wrapped her arms around her waist and rose to her knees on their bed. "How can you just lay there all unmoving and uncaring?"

He winced again as her voice rose to shrill levels.

"And stop wincing!"

"Buffy, honey, baby, sweetums."

"You don't think I'm nauseous enough?"

Watching her fists ball up until the knuckles shown white, Angel decided getting out of bed was probably the safest bet.

"How about I find that heating pad and get you some chocolate," he said in his most soothing voice as he slid towards the edge of the bed.

"Don't pamper me. I'm not Drusilla. I don't need to be pampered. I need you to be awake. Why weren't you awake?" Buffy snapped, and then smacked him on the shoulder, sending him tumbling off the bed.

Angel growled and rose to his feet in one graceful movement. "I am awake, you silly girl."

Her mouth opened. Her eyes opened.

Then they filled with tears, and the first sniffle sounded.

"Oh fuck," he muttered, agitatedly running one hand through his hair.

"And you might as well put that away," Buffy sobbed angrily, pointing to his semi-erect cock, "Because it'll be five days before you get to use it on me." Her voice rose to a wail and she collapsed onto her side facing away from him.

"Shit, shit, shit..." Grabbing up a pair of sweat pants, he put them on, then placed one knee on the bed, and leaned over to hesitantly pat her shoulder. "Buffy? What can I get you, sweetheart?" he continued after she didn't shrug off his touch.

"...Heating pad, chocolate ice-cream," she sniffled.

Behind her back, Angel rolled his eyes--he was evil after all--but then hurried into the bathroom to find the heating pad. After making sure it covered her stomach and thighs, he hurried out of the suite and nearly bowled over Spike.

His favorite childe gave him a languid look and continued to lick his fingers.

"So, the bitch is back?"

Angel snarled and reached for Spike, but the younger male ducked, grinning. "How come yours doesn't complain and pout and throw things?"

Shrugging, Spike replied, "Different symptoms, I guess." Then he shot his sire a nasty grin. "Mine just gets horny.

Angel's eyes narrowed to slits.

"And it's a real treat." Spike rubbed his stomach and made yum- yum noises.

The eyes went wide in surprise. "Willow lets you..."

"Well, it's not like I haven't tasted her blood before. Y'know, it's the bite that triggers the bond. You could..." He winked at Angel.

The older male snorted. "Somehow I can't see getting past her industrial sized heating pad."

"Your loss. And it's quite a loss. Nothing sweeter."

The door behind them opened and Willow peeked her head out. She wore only a skimpy black silk chemise and a sultry smile on my face. "And where do you think you're going?"

"You were asleep. Thought I'd replenish my energy," Spike smirked back.

"Come back here. I'll replenish it for you." Reaching out, she snagged his arm and pulled him into her embrace, her lips eagerly meeting his.

"Gag me," was Angel's only comment, then he winced as Buffy let out a plaintive cry of his name.

Ten minutes later Angel cautiously opened the door to his bedroom, holding out the large bowl full of chocolate chocolate chip ice-cream as a peace offering.

"What are you doing hovering? You're letting the ice-cream melt," Buffy snapped caustically.

Hurrying forward, Angel nearly tripped over the extension cord to the heating pad, but managed to get the ice-cream in her hands before she grabbed the spoon. Her pouty, angry expression melted at the first taste, and bliss spread across her flushed face.

"Ohhhh, double chocolate." Buffy licked the spoon, her little pink tongue lapping up every drop of ice-cream.

Angel groaned as he immediately grew as hard as the ice-cream had been when he'd had to use a knife to cut the damn stuff out of the container.

Buffy took another heaping spoonful of choclatey goodness and jammed it in her mouth, sucking until her cheekbones caved in.

Angel groaned louder and headed for a cold shower.

"Where are you going? Aren't you going to rub my back like you did last month?

"Later honey, later," he gritted out as he hobbled to the bathroom, his cock throbbing painfully.

"Jeez, you'd think he didn't want to be around me or something," Buffy mumbled around another spoonful.

Then she frowned, her eyebrows furrowing together. "He's supposed to be around me all the time, for better or for worse and all that hooey, even if he won't say the words. Damn man type male." Inhaling more ice-cream, she shoved the heating pad off and slid from the bed, groaning as a cramp hit. "No, he's off showering and making himself all pretty probably to go to some party without me and make out with some bimbo vampire who never gets cramps and icky and where's my ice- cream?"

Grabbing the bowl off the bed, she shoveled another two bites into her mouth as she stomped into the bathroom and stumbled to a halt as she caught him masturbating rapidly beneath a spray of water.

"What the hell are you doing?"

At her piercing shriek, Angel slipped on the soapy floor of the shower and crashed onto his ass, his feet in the air. His hand flew off his throbbing erection and he lay there crushed in the corner, stunned as cold water pelted down on him.

"Oh, baby!" Buffy dumped the bowl in the sink and skittered to a halt next to the shower door. Pulling it open, she dropped to her knees. "Are you okay?" She began to pat at him, ignoring the cold water hitting her. "Did you break anything?" Her hand roamed down his chest and flat stomach, then skipped over crucial bits to fondle his thighs.

"You're killing me," he finally got out through tightly clenched teeth.

The angry pout returned. "Well! That's the last time I show you any compassion. I..."

Angel grabbed her shoulders and dragged her down to him for a hungry kiss. "Shut up," he grumbled, and kissed her again, his hands roaming down her back to cup her bottom.

"Angel, stop," Buffy protested weakly, kissing him back between complaints. "We can't...and it's freezing...and I'm all icky...and..." A warmth of a different kind blossomed in the pit of her stomach and she squirmed, rubbing her sensitive breasts against his wet chest.

"You smell like heaven," he murmured, his voice husky with lust.

"Ewwww." Yanking free of him, Buffy scrambled to her feet and fled the bathroom.

In frustration Angel punched his fist through the shower wall.

A bit later, hand no longer bleeding, cock still hard, Angel stomped into the bedroom wrapped in a towel. Buffy was burrowed under the blankets, facing away from him, the heating pad back in place. Stumbling over her wet nightgown, he kicked it aside and tossed his towel after it.

"Go away," came mumbled from the bed as the blankets went higher to half-cover her head.

"Not likely," he growled back, yanking the comforter up from the bottom of the bed and diving beneath it.

Buffy's eyes went wide and she kicked out at him, only to have her legs grabbed and pulled apart. "Angel! Stop! What are you....oh god, stop, that's...no...gross...no...Help!" Her voice rose to a squeal, then she fell back, gasping helplessly. "Ohhhh shit..." Her eyes rolled back and she arched her hips to his hungry mouth.

Much, much later, Buffy lay whimpering in pleasure, as limp as a noodle, as Angel licked his fingers clean, and smiled smugly down at her. They'd need to change the sheets at some point-- just the taste of her had made him come all over himself--but for now they were both relaxed and replete.

"You're so gross," Buffy muttered, unable to look at him, her face bright red.

"I'm a vampire, lover. You'd think you'd remember that. Blood is blood." He nuzzled her neck. "And that blood's so damn sweet."

She reddened even more, the blush creeping down her chest. "Normal people just do not do that."

Angel snorted. "Yeah, and we're so fucking normal." His hand gently trailed across her stomach, making her shiver. His voice softened. "Need the heating pad back?"

And the blush deepened as she squirmed. "Uh no...Cramps all gone. Guess that old wives' tale was right."

His brow furrowed. "What old wives' tale?"

"That an orgasm can make the cramps go away," Buffy mumbled, not looking at him.

Angel's eyes widened and his mouth flew open. "Are you saying that for the last several months all I had to do was eat you out and you'd stop bitching and moaning?"

Rolling over, Buffy hit him across the chest. "Pig!"

Grinning madly, Angel shoved her onto her back again and reached for the hem of her nightshirt. "Right. Round two?"

"NO!"

But she didn't protest for more than a couple of seconds...

End

I'm very, very sorry.

*g*