Wasted Time

AUTHOR: Jypzrose
EMAIL: jypzrose@aol.com
RATING: R
PAIRING: Buffy/Spike, Angel/Cordelia
SPOILERS: Through “Wrecked”. No mention of current Angel storyline.
DISCLAIMER: Don’t own it. Never will. *SOB*
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The song is Wasted Time by the Eagles.
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Chapter 1

"Buffy?" Willow stood in Buffy's doorway, staring wide-eyed around the room. "I think we need to talk."

"Willow?!" Buffy sat straight up, still in her clothes from the night before.

"I know I had a bad night last night, but, I'm not hallucinating, am I? You DO have garlic hanging around your room. Right?" Willow asked, her pale brow wrinkle in confusion.

"Uhm yeah." Buffy racked her brain for an excuse. ANY excuse. "Uhm, I read somewhere that garlic really opens up the sinuses." Buffy lied, bobbing her head in agreement with herself. The look Willow gave Buffy spoke volumes. "You're not buying that, are you?"

"Is something going on, Buffy? Did Spike do something?"

Yeah, me, Buffy thought, and really, really well. How was she supposed to explain exactly what Spike had done? Oh, hell. What *I've* done, she asked herself.

"Buffy?"

"No, Willow. Spike didn't do anything." Buffy replied, twisting the cross in her hands.

"Then what's with the herbal infusion therapy? And why are you sleeping with a cross?"

"Look," Buffy started, sliding off the bed. "I don't really want to talk about it. Not right now." She saw the look of hurt cross Willow's face and was sorry for it. But Willow would never understand.

"Oh. . .okay. That's fine. I, I understand. I've got to go. . . do something." The red head turned and fled the room.

"Willow. . ." Buffy started, sighing when she head Willow's bedroom door shut. Stupid, Buffy berated herself. She needed to talk to somebody, but who? Nobody would understand. I don't even understand, she told herself. Sighing again, Buffy changed her clothes and headed downstairs.

Dawn was already up, sitting in the couch watching cartoons.

"Hey."

"Hey." Dawn replied, eating a handful of cereal straight out of the box.

"Wouldn't a bowl be a good idea?"

"Couldn't balance a bowl with this." Dawn said, holding up her bandaged wrist. "I didn't want to wake you, so I just grabbed the box and glass of milk. Same concept, just done a little different."

Buffy smiled and shook her head. Teenagers. She turned and walked into the kitchen. She quickly made a pot of coffee, and then dropped bread into the toaster. She groaned when the phone rang, then turned to answer it.

"Hello."

"Buffy."

"Angel." Buffy's heart sped up. Not in the 'ooh, it's my first love' kind of way, but in the 'oh God, I've slept with your childe' kind of way.

"How are you?" he asked. She noticed he sounded a little odd. Pushing all thoughts of Spike and guilt aside, she replied.

"I’m fine. What's wrong?" she pulled her toast out of the toaster and began to spread it with peanut butter.

"I need to talk to you."

"So talk."

"No. In person."

"Okay. Do you want me to meet you again?"

"No. I'll come there. Tell Spike I need to see him, too."

"Why?" At the mention of Spike, bad, naughty thoughts flew into her head.

"We'll talk. I'll be there tonight."

"Okay.. Bye." Not waiting for him to reply, she hung up.

"What's up?" Dawn asked, putting her glass in the sink.

"Uhm, Angel's coming to town tonight."

"Why?" Dawn asked, wrinkling her nose. Buffy rolled her eyes. Why did her family hate Angel and love Spike? She asked herself.

"I don't know. He says he need to talk to me and Spike about something."

"Sounds weird."

"Yeah, You need to get ready for school." Buffy said, sipping her coffee.

"Do I have to go. I had a very traumatic night." Dawn whined.

"Well, I've had a very traumatic life, and I still had to go to school everyday." Buffy replied. "Now go get ready."

Dawn huffed and stomped off to her room.

"I think I'm getting better at this parent thing." she said to the air.

Chapter 2

Buffy walked through the cemetery towards Spike's crypt as slowly as she could. She was NOT ready for this.

She walked up to the crypt door, and pushed it open, mindful of the light filtering in. She didn't normally come here during the day. She stepped inside, quickly shutting the door. Buffy scanned the dimly lit interior, and found him nowhere in sight. He must be asleep.

"He's in bed." she said to nobody.

She would have called out, but as she learned the night before, he wouldn't hear her. She'd have to go physically wake him. At that thought, she stopped short. She suddenly remembered the other thing she'd learned about Spike's sleeping habits. Spike slept naked.

"Oh, fuck."

It's okay, Buffy, you can do this. What happened will never happen again. It's out of your system, she told herself.

Yeah, right. That's why you decorated your room with garlic. NOT because you don't trust him. You don't trust yourself.

"Shut up." she told the annoying voice in the back of her mind. Buffy slowly made her way to the ladder, and quietly climbed down. She stepped down onto the crypt floor and turned around. He'd left three candles burning, and Buffy waited for her eyes to adjust before walking further in. She approached the bed and the sleeping figure in it slowly. Her heart was beating so hard, she was sure he would wake up from the sound.

Spike was on his stomach, the sheet only covering him from the waist to right below his knees. The muscles in his back rippled as he shifted in his sleep, turning onto his side. Buffy watched him, mesmerized. Her fingers itched to touch him, her mouth wanted to taste him. He really is a great kisser, she thought vaguely. She stepped closer to the bed, her eyes drawn to the mouth that kissed so well.

She was taken aback by how young he looked. In sleep, his face was relaxed, and his mouth softened. His cheekbones didn't look as sharp, and his hair was tousled, some falling across his forehead. By their own volition, her fingers reached to brush the soft tresses.

A soft moan escaped his lips as her fingers made contact with his skin. Her hand stilled, afraid he would wake up. When he didn't move again, her fingers resumed stroking his hair.

What are you doing?! Her brain screamed. But her fingers just wouldn't listen.

"Buffy." her name slipped from his lips as a sigh. Buffy jumped back, colliding with the table behind her. The resulting crash definitely woke him up. He shot up in bed, turning to see a very flustered Buffy picking up candles off the floor.

"Uhm, Buffy?" Spike started. She dropped the candle, which luckily had gone out, and spun around to look at him. She looked extremely guilty, and he wondered why.

"Spike. Hi. Uh, I was just going to wake you, and uh, I tripped over your. . ." Buffy searched the floor frantically for anything to have tripped over. Finding nothing, she lied." Your boot. And I crashed into the table." She finished, knowing she sounded weak. Spike sat on the bed, the sheet pooling into his lap. He pinned her with eyes that were as blue as the sea.

"What?" she asked, hoping she sounded exasperated, and not breathless, like she did to her own ears.

"What do you need, luv?" he asked, his voice caressing the last two words.

"Need? Uhm, nothing. Oh, well, Angel." she started, staring down at her nails. She missed the way Spike's eyes darkened, and the flash of hurt and anger that passed through them.

"Angel?" he questioned, his voice clipped. She looked at him then, realizing how what she had said sounded, and started over.

"No, that's not... Damn. Look, Angel called. He's coming in tonight. He says he needs to talk to us." She finished, kneeling to pick up the candles again.

"What could Peaches have to say that I'd want to hear?" He asked, looking around for his cigarettes.

"I don't know. He just said he needed to talk to both of us. So, you'll be at my house after sundown?" Buffy asked, edging towards the ladder. She needed to escape. Fully awake, naked Spike was almost too much of a temptation. Her skin felt flushed, and she felt moist between her legs. This is too much, she thought.

"Sure." He answered. "Could be interesting." Spike's mouth curved into a smile as he picked up the smell of her arousal. He didn't say anything about it. She wanted to deprive herself, he could play the game. He wouldn't let it last long, though. He wasn't going to deprive himself more than necessary.

"Alright, then. I'll see you later." Buffy said, practically running up the ladder. Spike heard the crypt door open and close, then started to chuckle.

Very interesting indeed.

Chapter 3

Spike showed up right after sunset, and was sitting in the kitchen with Dawn when Buffy came in. She had gone to the store and stopped by Willie's.

"Hi." she said as she started to put her purchases away. She threw a packet of blood at Spike, which he deftly caught.

"I didn't know if you had dinner." she explained.

"Thank you." He got up and grabbed a cup out of the cabinet. Buffy watched him for a moment, wondering when he had become so comfortable in her home.

"Uhm, Buffy?" Dawn started, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah?" Buffy answered, pulling the milk out of the bag and moving to put it in the refrigerator.

"Why does your room smell like garlic?"

Buffy slammed the refrigerator shut, while her mind scrambled for something to say. She turned to face them and decided to try out what she told Willow.

"I heard it was great for your sinuses." she said.

Dawn looked doubtful, but decided not to pursue it. But Spike. . . Spike could always see right through her. He raised his scarred eyebrow and gave her a knowing look. He waited until she walked by him to get something from the cabinet before saying anything.

"Trying to keep me out, luv?' he asked quietly, so Dawn couldn't over hear.

"Don't flatter yourself.” she hissed back.

"Don't have to. You're doin' it for me." he whispered back. She shot him a look full of sharp little points, and Spike had to bite back a laugh. He had smelled the garlic as soon as he stepped inside. She'd been a Slayer for how long, and she still believed that garlic nonsense?

That's when the knock came. Buffy went to answer it, and Spike slowly followed, reluctant to face his sire.

"Hi, Angel." she said, stepping aside to let him in.

"Hi, Buffy. Spike." Angel nodded his head in greeting towards his childe.

"Peaches." Spike replied, pulling himself up to his full height. Angel grimaced at the nickname, but didn't say anything.

"Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? I just picked up some blood." Buffy asked from her spot by the door. She knew she was babbling, but couldn't seem to stop herself. It wasn't everyday that her first lover and the last were in the same room together. The last time it had happened, the result had not been pleasant. And Riley had been nothing to Angel. Spike was his childe.

"No, thank you." Angel replied, burying his hands deep in his pockets. Spike rolled his eyes at the two of them.

"Can we forgo the bloody niceties and get to the point?" he said. Buffy shot him a warning look, but Spike just ignored her.

"Yeah, I guess we better. Let's go sit down." Angel suggested. He waited until the walked past him before stepping into the living room. The energy between the two crackled, and Angel's heart sank at what he suspected the cause was. Angel shook his head, tramping down on the small surge of jealousy. He was here to save their lives, nothing more.

Spike flopped on the couch, and reached into his pocket for his cigarettes. Buffy glared at him, but handed him an ashtray. She'd given up on trying to make him go outside. She'd only find the remnants in the bottom of her mugs later. And nothing was grosser than finding cigarette butts soaked in hot chocolate, or worse. Blood. Extreme YUCH!

Their fingers brushed as he took the ashtray, and Buffy jumped back as if burned. That light brush of skin had Spike's body hardening in response. Bloody hell, he thought, dragging hard on his cigarette. He deliberately looked away from her and turned his intense blue eyes on Angel.

"So, Peaches. What brings you back to Sunnyhell?"

"I came back to warn you." Angel began.

"How cryptic." Spike drawled.

"Shut up, Spike." Buffy said. "Warn us about what?"

"You two are in danger."

"We're always indanger." Spike interrupted. Angel glared at him, but continued.

"Wesley got a call from a friend that he still has in the Watcher's Council. It seems they aren't real thrilled with your arrangement with each other."

"What arrangement?" Buffy said, quickly. There was no way they could have found out what happened…. could they? Buffy thought, panicked.

"Vampire. Slayer. Working together." Angel said. Spike scowled.

"They didn't care when it was you." Spike pointed out.

"No, but they weren't very helpful, either. And they knew I had a soul."

"So what? You have a soul, I've got a chip. What's the bloody difference?" he asked, stabbing out his cigarette.

"The difference is, I feel guilt for my previous actions. You don't."

"How do you know what I feel?" Spike asked dangerously.

"Spike." Buffy interrupted, turning her eyes to Angel. "I don't care what the council likes. You'd think they'd realize that by now."

"I know. But they seem to feel that since Spike is chipped, you should have used the opportunity to stake one of the most notorious vampires from the last century. And since Faith is in jail, you are the Slayer. They feel you have been a bit remiss in your duties."

"But he can't hurt anybody." Except me, Buffy thought.

"Which is why they think you should have staked him, while his defenses are down. What if his chip malfunctions? Then what? He'd probably go back to his old ways."

"Hello! I'm still here." Spike reminded them. He rose to his feet and started pacing. He wanted to break something. Stake me indeed, Wankers. "You know, this is so bloody typical. Don't give Spike a chance at redemption. His chip might fail. What about *dad*. You can lose you soul quicker than my chip will blow. But, nooo. Can't stake Angel. And why, do you suppose? Could it be, because Angel works for the PTB's. And what does Spike do? Well, he just runs around helping the Slayer save the bloody world every other week. Nothing much. Nothing important at all."

"Spike, there's more." Angel said, watching his childe pace.

"Oh, well. Bloody wonderful." Spike continued pacing, anger coming off him in waves. Buffy picked up his cigarettes and threw them at him. He caught them without turning his head.

"What else, Angel?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"They're sending bounty hunters after you."

"Well, okay. We've dealt with that sort of thing before. No big." Buffy said. I hope.

"It's never that simple, Pet. He wouldn't of crawled all the way here from L. A. if it was." Spike said, dragging on his cigarette.

"Spike's right."

"See?"

"These bounty hunters, well, they're human." Spike stopped dead, and turned to stare at Angel. Buffy paled considerably. "And they won't stop until you're both dead." he finished quietly.

"Bloody hell." Spike turned on his heel, grabbed his duster and stalked out of the house.

"SPIKE!" Buffy called, going after him. He paused on the edge of the yard, balancing on the balls of his feet. "Don't go. We have to figure something out."

"What are we going to figure out, Slayer? Which dress you want to be buried in, again. Whether or not Dawn wants to keep my bloody ashes, or flush them down the toilet?" A bitter laugh escaped his throat.

"So, you're just going to give up?" Buffy asked, a hard edge to her voice.

"I don't *want* to give up, Buffy." Spike paused, looking at her. "This chip is going to get us killed." Her heart jolted at the raw pain in his voice.

"I can fight them."

"Yeah. That's all you can do. You've got that whole 'can't kill humans' clause that came with your calling. And just you, against who knows how many? You know I couldn't just stand by and watch you get hurt, don't you, luv?" He turned to face her, his eyes desolate in the glow of the street lamp.

"I know." He would kill for her. And the pain would destroy his brain. She walked over to him, and without hesitation wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his chest. A shudder ran through him as his arms came around her, pulling her close.

"Time to call the Scoobies." She said, leaning back to look in his eyes. He nodded, rubbing a thumb over her cheek.

Angel stood on the porch, watching the two people he had loved over the last two plus centuries of his life, a sinking feeling in his stomach.

Chapter 4

An hour later, Buffy stood in the Magic Box, looking at her friends. It still amazed her how, with only a phone call, they pulled together.

Anya and Xander sat at the table, next to a very tired looking Willow. Tara and Dawn were leaning on the counter, with Spike sitting on it, close by. Angel was leaning on the ladder that led up to their research books.

They all watched Buffy expectantly, waiting for her to begin. Taking a deep breathe, and with a quick look at Spike, she told them.

"So, what you're saying is, working with Spike is risking your life?" Xander asked when she had finished.

"My *job* is risking my life, Xand. Remember, I've died twice already. And if it wasn't Spike, there would be another reason. The Council doesn't like me. I don't play well with them."

"So what do you want us to do?" Willow asked.

"What I'm about to say is going to bother some of you. Probably piss you off." She started.

"Oh, come on, Buff. It’s not like you're going to tell us to find a way to get Spike's chip deactivated." Xander said on a laugh. Then he looked at her face. "That isn't what you're going to say, is it. Pleases tell me that's *not* what you're going to say." he pleaded. Buffy steeled herself for what was to come.

"It's the only way." Everyone sat in stunned silence, Spike included. Everyone except Angel.

"That's crazy. You have finally flipped. How can you even consider that?" Xander asked, incredulous.

"Xander, listen. I can't kill humans. Period. Somewhere in the Slayer handbook that I never got a copy of, it says I can't kill humans. You all saw what it did to Faith. Do you want that to happen to me? And Spike can't even yell BOO at them without the chip zapping him."

"So, give them Junior. Tell them you've come back to reality and have seen the error of your ways. We don't need him." The look Buffy gave Xander was enough to shut him up. She glanced at Spike and saw the look of hurt cross his face before he quickly covered it up.

"*I* need him." She admitted quietly. "After I came back, Spike was the only one I could talk to. The only one who understood." she gave each one a pointed look." After all, he is the only one besides Angel, who's come back from the dead."

"But, Buffy. How do you know he won't go back to his old ways? He's said that if he ever got dechipped, he'd kill us all." Xander insisted.

"You know," Angel interrupted, pushing away from the stairs. "Somebody asked me earlier tonight, how did I know how he felt? I suggest we ask him." Angel looked towards Spike. He returned his sire's stare, took a deep unneeded breath, and started to speak.

“How do I feel? Hm. Well, considering that for the past year I have been fighting by your sides, risking my unlife for a bloke who would just as soon stake me as to look at me." he looked pointedly at Xander. "I protected Dawn from Glory, even though I thought Buffy hated me. And this summer, I didn't have to stay, but I did. All because I promised her." he said, nodding towards Buffy. "So, how do I feel? I'd say I'm pretty pissed off right now. I haven't threatened to kill any of you in I don't know how long. I don't want to." He paused, considering hi last statement. "Except you, whelp. You really push it." He said, pointing at Xander.

"Amen." Angel agreed. The two vampires exchanged smirks of agreement.

"HEY!" Xander whined.

"Anyway. What's it going to take for the lot of you to trust me?"

"I trust you." Dawn said quietly. Spike offered her a smile.

"I know, Bit."

"I could do a truth spell." Willow offered. She was met with a resounding NO.

"No spells, Red." Spike said, quietly.

"So, all we have to go on is your word." Xander scoffed. "And we all know how reliable that is."

"ENOUGH!" Buffy yelled. They all turned their attention back to the petite blond. "This is what's *going* to be done. I'm sorry if you don't like it Xander. But there's no other way." she said with a finality that allowed no further argument.

"I think Buffy and Spike should come back with me to L. A. We'll find a way to get the chip removed." Angel said.

"What about us?" Anya asked.

"You should be safe. If they aren't here, the bounty hunters should leave. I would suggest Willow and Dawn stay somewhere else, however."

"They can stay with us." Anya said.

"Can't I go with you?" Dawn asked, hopefully.

"No." Buffy and Spike answered together. The teenager pouted.

"Can I stay with Tara, then?"

"As long as it's okay with Tara." Buffy answered, glancing at Willow. The witch looked hurt. Buffy sighed. They'd have to take care of this quickly, so she could try to fix what was left of her family.

"She can stay with me." Tara said.

"Okay. Thank you." Buffy looked at each of her friends, her eyes coming to rest on Spike. "I guess we're off to L. A."

Chapter 5

They drove down the dark highway in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Two vampires thinking about the Slayer, and the Slayer thinking about two vampires.

Isn't life funny, Buffy asked herself. Here she was, sitting next to her first love, who was a vampire. And in front of the one that she didn't have the first clue what she felt for him, who also happened to be a vampire.

*Some Slayer I am. Sleeping with the enemy. I can see me now, cruising the cemetery. "Come out vampires. Let me kill you with my love.* she cringed at her own corniness. No wonder the Council wanted to take her out. She was a pathetic excuse of a Slayer. Didn't matter how many times she saved the world, she just couldn't seem to resist the ones she was destined to kill.

Buffy stole a look at Angel in the dark. He hadn't changed much in the time she had known him. Still all dark and intense. She found herself mentally comparing the two. Angel, the man that she had loved with all the intensity of a teenager. How tragic they were. Angel so full of guilt. Buffy so drawn to it. She'd wanted to slay his demons. But when he'd changed, she'd had to slay him. A part of her died that day, never to be reborn. Her innocence had been ripped from her when she'd thrust that sword into him. She'd chosen the world over love. Buffy didn't know if she could do that again.

Then, there was Spike. All fire and barely contained emotion. He could act impassive, uncaring. But one look in the liquid blue of his eyes told you that he was far from impassive. He was fierce. His temper was short and often violent. If he cared for you, he would lay down his life, or unlife, for you. And Spike would never leave.

She realized with sudden clarity, that's what was scaring her. This vampire, that could see through her, and tell her so with nothing more than a raised eyebrow, would never leave. He told her things she didn't want to hear because she needed to hear them. He listened when she needed it, and would let silence fall around them if that was her desire. This. . .man. . .would never leave.

They all left her. Starting with her father. Then Angel. Riley, her mother, Giles. Even Dawn would eventually leave. But this soulless vampire wouldn't. No matter how she treated him, he would always be there. And that truly terrified her.

Spike rolled down the window in the back and pulled out his cigarettes. He ignored the warning growl that Angel gave him and lit up, inhaling deeply. He'd been watching the back of the Slayer's head and when he'd seen her look at Angel, he scowled. Spike both hated and envied his sire in that moment. Angel had inspired such devotion from the petite blond.

He knew that the only reason she was determined to get his chip out was so she didn't have to get her hands dirty killing humans. And after he saved her pretty little ass, what would she do? Stake him good and proper, probably. All because he didn't have a soul like his poof of a sire. He didn't want one, if he had to get all dark and broody like Angel. Hell, he was the Big Bad.

*Yeah, right. You haven't been that in awhile, mate* he thought to himself.

His mind drifted back to the night they had spent together. Spike felt himself hardening as he remembered her screaming, his name falling from her lips. He'd taken her that night, over and over. Pouring his love into her with each thrust. She'd wanted it rough, and he'd given it to her. Until the final time, when he had awakened her with soft touches and gentle kisses. Showing her he wasn't the monster, or 'thing', she believed him to be.

That's when she had un scared, shouting her venom at him. He hadn't helped the situation. But when she had gotten that panicked, disgusted look on her face, his defenses had gone up. And that brought out the smart mouth and cocky attitude.

But, he'd always have that night. And if he never got another one, it would have to be enough.

Angel drove mechanically, thinking about the two in the car with him. Especially Spike. His mind wandered back to the days when it had been the four of them-Darla, Angel, Spike and Dru. They had loved, laughed and killed their way across Europe.

Actually, as Angel looked back now, Spike was the only one among them that had known how to really love. Darla was the epitome of a soulless vampire, taking her pleasure from blood ans sex, but never allowing human emotion. Angelus had felt love for his childer, but despised the weakness. He therefore took his ire out on them. Drusilla was too broken to really love, thanks to Angelus and the games he had played with her before he turned her.

But Spike, Spike had loved Dru and Angel with a fierceness that belied the nature of the demon residing in his body. Instinctively, Angel knew that Spike had taken it the worst when he had been cursed. All those years with not knowing what had happened. Only to see him again, then realize that Angel was ensouled, and no longer felt the blood pull between them.

When they had first appeared in Sunnydale, Angel had felt real fear for the first time in forever. Spike had become a master vampire in his own right, far removed from the Spike that Angel had once known.

*Who was Spike now* Angel wondered. It was obvious to Angel that he had changed. Had it been the chip? Or something else. Angel had caught the looks Spike sent at Buffy. He had been staggered by the naked yearning he had seen in the blue depths. Spike was in love with Buffy, and it seemed he was a better man because of it.

Angel felt a surge of pride wash over him for his childe and the man he was trying to become. Despite Angel's love for Buffy, he found himself rooting for Spike. Their time was over, and if anybody could love Buffy the way she needed and deserved to be, Spike could. He just hoped that the change in Spike wasn't lost on Buffy.

Chapter 6

The three weary traveling companions stepped into the hotel just as the sun was cresting the horizon. Cordy looked up from where she was sitting, her eyes coming to rest on Spike.

"You." she said.

"Me." Spike answered, trying not to squirm under her scrutiny. Cordelia tossed aside the magazine she'd been leafing through and walked over to him. *Cor, she's tall* he thought. She stood almost eye-to-eye with him.

"The last time you were in the same town with me, you kidnapped my boyfriend and Willow, threw them in that burnt out factory, where me and Oz found them playing tonsil hockey. Following which, I get myself impaled on some metal thing. AFTER falling through the stairs." she said, pinning him with her brown eyed gaze. Spike smiled sheepishly at her.

"Well, Pet, them playing tonsil hockey wasn't my fault. But would it help to know that Red is a lesbian and the whelp is marrying an ex-vengeance demon?" He asked hopefully. Cordy considered and smiled.

"Strangely, yes." with that she walked away and went to start a pot of coffee. Spike laughed appreciatively.

"That's some girl you've got there, Peaches."

"I don't have her." Angel answered, his eyes following Cordelia.

But you'd like to, Spike thought.

"So," Buffy said, "What's the plan?"

"First, we sleep. Then tonight, we'll go see Lorne."

"Lorne?" Buffy asked.

"He's this really cool demon guy with green skin and horns. He kinda dresses like he stepped out of a 70's movie. He can tell you things if you sing. Oh God, Angel" Cordy started, looking horrified. "You're not going to sing, are you?" She had such a look of terror on her face, that Spike had to chuckle.

"It's kind of like nails on a chalkboard, innit?" Spike said. A large smile split Cordy's face.

"More like a demon dying. You know, one of the really big, ugly one." Spike and Cordy exploded into laughter, and even Buffy chuckled.

"Are you done laughing at my expense?" Angel asked without much heat. Hell, he knew he couldn't sing.

"Never, Peaches, never!" Spike was laughing so hard, he fell onto the couch in a heap.

"Fine. Sleep there, then. Buffy, let me show you your room." Angel picked up her bag and walked up the stairs, followed by Buffy. Neither were aware of the two sets of eyes that followed them.

Chapter 7

Several hours and no sleep later, Spike got off the couch and went into the kitchen. HE was hungry, and maybe if he ate something, he'd be able to sleep. He had just put the mug of pig's blood in the microwave when he heard a creak on the stairs.

He turned and saw Buffy treading softly towards him. She had a pair of old sweats and a t-shirt that seemed to swallow her whole. Her hair was loose, her feet were bare, and her face was devoid of make up. She looked so young in that moment that Spike suddenly felt very, very old.

*Well, what do you expect, wanker? You are very, very old* he scoffed at himself.

"What's the matter, luv?" Spike asked as she slipped onto a stool in front of him.

"Can't sleep." she mumbled.

"Me neither."

"Where's Cordy?" Buffy asked, as Spike walked bag to the microwave.

"Went home. Said something about rude, broody vampires and left." Spike pulled out his mug and put another filled with water in to make Buffy a cup of tea.

"You don't suppose. . ."Buffy started.

"Suppose what? That they're shagging?" Spike asked, bluntly. Buffy scrunched up her nose.

"You're a pig Spike. Anyway, I didn't think Angel could." she finished, staring into the cup of tea Spike set in front of her.

"Slayer, you can have sex without the perfect happiness bit. You should know that."

"Yeah, I suppose I should." she said pointedly. She saw the hurt flash through his eyes and suddenly felt like a cold-hearted bitch.

"I wasn't referring to that night. I was talking about the college boy. Parker." He turned from her, rinsing his mug out in the sink.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." he repeated, walking back to the couch. He flopped down on it, and flung an arm over his eyes, fighting the sting of tears. He felt her move around the couch and cautiously sit next to him.

"Spike, look at me." Buffy said. When he didn't respond, she tugged his arm. He still resisted. "Spike?"

"It hurts to look at you, Buffy." he said, his voice thick.

"Please." Spike sighed at the soft pleading in her voice. He pulled his arm away and looked at her. He took in her golden hair, fanned across her shoulders. Her green eyes wide. Her soft mouth, lips slightly parted. He sensed her breathing quickening and her heart rate pick up. His nostril flared at the sweet scent of her arousal. Spike groaned deep in his throat, then buried one long fingered hand in her hair, gently pulling her to him. She didn't resist, and when his tongue swept across her bottom lip, her own tongue darted out to meet his.

He crushed his mouth against hers at the invitation, their lips and tongues battling in a sensuous dance. The kiss was everything. Soft, but forceful. Gentle, yet possessive.

Spike pulled away when Buffy needed air. His eyes burned into hers, searching.

Buffy raised a hand to her bruised lips. Her breath was coming in gasps, and all she wanted to do was throw him down on the floor and screw him until neither could think. But then, Buffy looked into his eyes. She saw the desire, yes. But now that she REALLY looked, she saw his love. Suddenly, she felt ashamed. Ashamed of the things she had said to him, ashamed of using him. She wasn't sure what she felt for the blonde vampire. She knew it was more than lust, but she couldn't keep doing this to him.

Spike saw the second she started to draw back into herself, and sighed. Releasing his hold on her hair, he leaned back on the couch. Grabbing his cigarettes, he lit one, then started to speak.

"You tie me in knots, Slayer."

"I don’t mean. . . " she started.. He raised a pale hand to quiet her.

"Let me finish. I'm only going to say this once." He raised his cigarette, took a drag, and continued. "I have been in love with you since the second I first saw you. Of course, at the time, I just thought it was this overwhelming desire to make you my third Slayer. You were so strong, so beautiful. And even in the most dangerous of circumstances, you could still shoot off that mouth. Then, I wind up in a wheelchair, because of you. I convinced myself again that I hated you. I worked myself everyday to get out of that chair so I could kill you.

"Then, Angeles returned, and I blamed you for that, too. At first, I was thrilled. Angeles, my sire, the vampire I always aspired to be. But he wasn't the same. He was obsessed with you and with hurting me. He took Dru from me. Of course, later I realized that Dru had never been mine. For her it was always Angeles.

"I got out of that chair, made the deal with you, and dragged Dru to Brazil. The first time she left me, I blamed Peaches. She wanted her 'daddy' in all his evil glory. I was nothing." a bitter chuckle escaped his lips.

"So, I went back to Sunnyhell. Intent on killing you and Peaches, again. Well, you know how that turned out." Buffy nodded silently. She'd never heard him talk this much, not since the night he told her about the two Slayers he'd killed.

"After I got her back, it wasn't the same. I had betrayed her, and to tell you the truth, I had known by then that I didn't love her anymore. She was just all I had known. When she left me for the chaos demon, she told me then that she could see you all around me. I reeked of you, even then. And after she left, I went back. I was going to kill you this time, and purge you form my system. Prove to myself and anybody who would listen that I DID NOT have a thing for the Slayer. Of course after you took the ring of Amara from me, I get grabbed by those bloody Commandos. So stupid of me. Shoulda heard 'em commin'. For that, I deserve this chip in my head." He paused to stab his cigarette out.

"But, you know what?" he said, glancing up at her.

"What?" she asked softly.

"I don't mind havin' the soddin' thing.

Buffy was stunned. All she had heard for the last two years was how he couldn't wait for the thing to short circuit so he could bathe in her blood. Well, she actually hadn't heard that in a year or so.

"Why?"

"Because it gave me a chance to know you."

"You've always known me, Spike. Always. You're the only one that can see right through me." She admitted, shakily.

"I know, Pet." he said. "But I didn't know the little things. You know, favorite color, favorite food and such." He took a deep, unneeded breath and continued. "And, if you want. After all this is over, I'll have the soddin' thing put back in." He watched her eyes grow wide as saucers, heard her sharp intake of breath.

"Why?" Buffy asked, breathlessly, her heart pounding.

"Because I don't ever want to see fear in your eyes when you look at me, ever again." He turned from her then, suddenly exhausted, closing his eyes. Spike felt her shift, waited for her to leave. His eyes popped back open when she curled up next to him, and rested her head on his chest.

"Good night, Spike." she whispered.

"Goodnight, Buffy."

At the top of the stairs, Angel watched as his childe cradled the woman he had once loved in a gentle embrace.

Chapter 8

Buffy woke up a few hours later, feeling oddly rested. Spike had somehow changed their positions without waking her. He was now spooned against her back, his left arm wrapped firmly around her waist. She gripped him gently around his wrist, and tried to ease out of his grip. He pulled his arm more firmly around her waist.

"Where ya goin', luv?" Spike asked, sleepily.

"Bathroom." Buffy answered. He released her, and when she got up, he rolled over, seeking the warmth she left behind. A soft smile touched her lips as she studied him. He looked so peaceful sleeping. So young. She brushed an errant strand of platinum hair off his forehead before heading upstairs to the bathroom.

When Buffy was finished, she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She was pale, and way too thin. Spike was always telling her that she looked like she hadn't seen a hot meal, much less eaten one in the last six months. Lord, had she really been back that long? The dark circles that had been a permanent fixture on her face since she returned, didn't seem that dark anymore. Amazing, since she'd actually gotten less sleep than usual last night.

Buffy thought about how good his arm felt around her waist. How safe and protected she had felt. You shouldn't be thinking about him like that, Buff. Bad vampire thoughts. Soulless demon, soulless demon.

Memories started to invade her mind. The way he looked after he was kidnapped by Glory. He'd taken so much pain for her and Dawn. Her eyes welled up with tears when she remembered his face. His beautiful face had been one massive bruise. And his chest. She knew he still bore scars from that interlude.

The way he looked at her when she walked down the stairs the night she returned. She'd so much emotion in those blue eyes. He had been so gentle with her. She'd felt lost when he'd run out of the house after Willow and the others had burst in. And then she'd snapped into bitch mode after the dancing demon had left and she'd kissed him.

She'd told herself she'd just wanted to feel . . .something. Well, she'd felt something all right. More than she had wanted. And she'd freaked. Big time.

Then, she'd kissed him again, after Giles had left. She knew that she had been playing with fire. Buffy had known that she couldn't keep doing that to him. But she couldn't seem to stop. And then that night had happened. She still hadn't told anybody about Spike's ability to hit her. It bothered her to much. Not that he COULD do it, but HOW it was possible he could do it.

Something had gone wrong with the spell that was obvious. But with Willow's fragile state, she didn't know what to do.

Buffy's mind wandered back to after they'd fought their way into the house. One minute they'd been fighting, the next she was kissing him. Then her hand seemed to develop a mind of it's own, and she yanked down his zipper while Spike's fingers pulled aside her panties. She raised herself up and impaled herself on him.

When his cool shaft had slid deep into her heat, she almost came right away. Then, she had looked into his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that saw everything, held this look of amazement, desire and love. Then she had started to move, slowly at first, and he had turned them, pressing her against the wall, giving him more leverage. His thrust became harder and more urgent. And when she had pushed away from the wall, to the floor, then through the floor, they both climaxed as they landed.

They both still carried bruises from that night, physical reminders of what had happened. But it was the mental image of the last time that she knew would stay with her forever. He had made love to her. She had controlled the pace of every other time, making it rough and hard, keeping her emotions at bay. But, she had fallen asleep. Waking up to his gentle kisses on her cheeks, eyelids and jaw. He had cherished her, making her climax three times before sliding his length into her and sending her over the edge again. Buffy had thought that she was going to die for the third time from the exquisite sensations coursing through her. When Spike had whispered "I love you", God help her, she had almost said it back.

Buffy grabbed a washcloth and wet it, wiping it over her face. She was starting to wonder why she just didn't give in to what she was feeling. She always knew when his eyes were on her. Whenever he was near, she knew. Not just her regular vamp warning, but HIM. Spike.

Okay, Buffy. Get a grip, now is NOT the time, she scolded herself. Fight bounty hunters now, figure out what to do with Spike later.

She had been surprised that he had actually offered to have the chip put back in. It wouldn't do any good towards her, but it would mean not feeding off humans ever again. It would definitely keep him out of the Big Bad for good. And with her indefinitely. That thought was staggering.

A soft knock on the door brought her back to reality.

"Buffy, you okay?" Angel called through the door. With one last look in the mirror, Buffy turned and opened the door.

"Just fine." she said, walking past the dark haired vampire. He watched her walk down the hall and into her room, before going and taking a shower.