Unexpected

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Happyverse Series: Part 6/15

AUTHOR: JodyorJen
EMAIL: jodyorjen@yahoo.com
DISCLAIMER: All hail Joss Whedon, UPN, the WB, FOX , Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation. GO team!
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Part 6: Unexpected

The front row of the lecture hall was filled with girls. They were decked out in low cut sweaters, silky dresses and tight jeans. Faces perfectly made up, the scent of their perfumes overpowered the room. They gazed straight ahead, eyes glazed, checks flushed.

On the desk in front of them sat Spike, legs splayed wide open. His left hand held open a large literature textbook. He gestured wildly with his other hand as he read. "If thou dost marry, I'll give thee this plague for thy dowry: be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape calumny." He stopped and peered over the book. Glancing over, he checked the seating chart. "Miss- Brooks, can you define calumny?"

A purple haired girl decked out in black stood up in the middle section, smoothing her skirt. Nervously, she wrung her hands. "Um- calumny is defined-" her voice cracked as she continued, "defined as the act of slander. Um, saying disparaging things about another’s reputation."

He grinned at her broadly. "Spot on. Exactly. So what Hamlet is threatening here, is that even if Ophelia plays the virgin for her hypothetical husband, she will be revealed as the opposite. What would Hamlet’s motivation be for saying this?" He looked up and scanned the room, seeing only downcast eyes. "Sexual jealousy. "

He stopped and pointed his finger in the air. "It’s all about sex!" Spike declared passionately. "The whole gist of this dialogue. The passion between these two. The way they interact. Can’t you feel the undercurrent of thwarted desire in their exchange?" The underclassmen nodded in unison, murmuring their assent.

"Ophelia, the bint, has broke it off with Hamlet. He’s had her, has known her carnally, or he wouldn’t have any ammunition against her. He tells her that he loved her, than turns around and denies that he ever did. But then he says-" He looked down and found the passage he was looking for. "Or, if thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them." Spike put the book down on the table and crossed his arms. "How do you turn a man into a monster?" he asked the class.

A petite blond girl in the first row raised her hand. "Hurt him?"

"Right!" Spike exclaimed. "She hurt him! Why does he care if she marries another man? Why would he care if she is chaste or not? Because she broke his heart." He thumped his fist down on the desk, shaking it. "That’s how you make a monster from a man. Take away meaning, take away feelings, take away hope. Ophelia has denied the man, and brought forth the monster."

Spike began to pace back and forth. Every woman in the room, and a few of the men, turned their head, following his form as he strode. "Now, as we discussed last week, much controversy has taken place over the centuries in terms of the relationship between Ophelia and Hamlet. Many critics have argued that the relationship was a platonic one, while others have voiced the opposite. Next week we’ll screen selections from Olivier’s film, which supports a platonic relationship, and Branagh’s, which graphically supports a sexual one. I’ll let you form your own opinions on the subject, but I believe you all know mine." He chuckled, his face lighting up with humor. "I’ve never been one for the subtle approach."

Spike glanced down at his watch. "That’s all, kiddies. See you next week. Same bat time, same bat channel." The students filed out as Spike gathered his books and papers and placed them into his black briefcase. He grabbed his duster from the chair and moved to switch out the light.

"Professor?" said a soft voice. Spike turned to see Buffy standing in the doorway.

"Hey there, love." He kissed his fiancee. "What are you doing in this neck of the woods?"

She held up a stake and jabbed it in the air. "The usual." They left the building and walked across the quiet quad of UC Sunnydale. "How was your lecture?" she asked.

Spike glanced at Buffy and gave her a sigh. "Well, half the time I feel like they’re really getting what I have to say. That I’m really turning them on to the Bard, you know? The rest of the time, I’m not even sure they’re hearing me."

Buffy smiled at him and held his hand. "I saw some of those girls as they were leaving. All dolled up for a nine o’clock class. They may not be hearing you, but they’re definitely seeing you."

Spike looked irritated and dropped her hand. "Oh well, that makes it all right then. Doesn’t matter if they process a single word that I’m saying. They’re getting their parent’s money worth undressing me with their eyes," he said, his voice seething with irritation.

Buffy opened her mouth and promptly shut it again as he started pacing and waving his briefcase. "I have something valuable to say. I have some wisdom to impart. I’m trying to make a bloody difference here, Buffy!" She slipped her hand inside his duster and held him, patting his back until he settled down a bit. He kissed her on the forehead and took her hand in his again. "Sorry, love. Just feeling a bit sensitive. This teaching gig is really important me, and not just for the money. I have to prove myself."

They reached the DeSoto and Spike opened the door for Buffy. She opened the glove compartment and pulled out a big of Twizzlers. He grabbed one and held it in his hand like a cigarette while he drove. "The Dean came by to talk to me. He says that they’re considering giving me two more sections next semester. One for English Literature and another for Perspectives in Shakespeare , same as now. It’s be more money and more responsibility, and I could work from home."

"How can you work from home and teach?" asked Buffy curiously.

"Well, they’re distance learning classes, which means that students watch my lectures on television and then send me assignments with e-mail. Quite handy for my whole avoiding the campus during sunlight thing." Spike pulled up to a stop sign.

He turned the corner and a truck barrelled into the side of the Desoto. The force of the crash slammed the car up on the curb and into a telephone pole. Steel buckled and glass shattered with the force of the impact. Steam rose from underneath the hood. The silence after the roar of the accident was broken by the sound of the truck peeling off and racing away.

Minutes later, Spike lifted his head from the steering wheel, disoriented. He turned to Buffy. "Sweetheart? Are you alright?" She was turned away from him, her head lolled against the cracked glass of the window.

A tap sounded on Spike’s window. ‘’You’re going to be okay," said a policeman, shining his flashlight inside the car. "An ambulance is on the way."

Spike opened the car door, getting out. "I’m fine, really," he said, "but my fiancée is hurt." He moved to go around the car, but the cop grabbed him arm. "Just wait for the paramedics, sir," he said firmly. "Don’t try to move her. You don’t want to do anything to hurt her."

Spike looked at the car, a twisted pile of metal. "I can’t believe this is happening."

************************************

"I’m fine," said Buffy, as they walked out of the emergency room. "I’m sorry I scared you."

He looked down at her. "It was horrible, seeing you like that, unable to help you." He pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly and rocking her in his arms. "I was afraid that I’d lost you again."

She pulled his face down to hers. They kissed, a long loving embrace that reassured and soothed. She took his hands in hers, looking intently into his face. "I want to marry you," she said softly.

He kissed her nose gently. "Good thing we’re planning a wedding then," he replied with a grin.

She put her hands on his shoulders and gazed into his eyes. ‘I want to get married now. I want to elope," she said seriously.

He tilted his head and looked at her searchingly. "But we’re making all these plans for the wedding in June. The music, and the food, and …"

She rested her finger against his lips. "None of that matters. I just want you. I want to take you and my sister and my best friends to Las Vegas, and just do it."

"That doesn’t sound like the perfect day you wanted, love," said Spike.

"It’s not about romance or some fairy tale," said Buffy fervently. "It’s about real life. I want to marry you, and start a family with you, and be with you until I die. I don’t know how long we have. I don’t want to waste any time."

He kissed her gently, and he ran his hands down her front. She stopped his hand and held it over her abdomen. "I want you to drink the potion. I want to have our child," she said.

He looked at her, shocked. "We’re not even married yet, love. There’s no hurry. You need to be sure that this is what you want," he said.

She looked up at him, uncertainty clouding her features. "Have you changed your mind?"

He ran his hand through her hair, smiling at her. "How could you even think that? Just take a week to think this over. You’ve just been through a stressful situation. Be sure you’re thinking clearly. Creating a child is a huge decision."

"Fine. But we are planning the Vegas trip starting now," she said. He handed her into a taxi, cuddling her close as they drove home.

**************************************************

A hand came down on Buffy’s shoulder. She whirled. ‘So, little lady," said the man, giving her a close up view of his dentures, "what can I do you for?"

She smiled at the salesman. "We’re looking for a nice, safe family car. It has to seat four comfortably. "She leafed through a folder in her hand. ‘I want something with side airbags and tethers for car seats." She looked around for Spike. "Hold on a second." She spotted him and walked over to him.

Spike sat behind the wheel of a minivan on the showroom floor. He adjusted the drivers’ seat while he flipped through the user manual. "I think that we should get one of these," he said to Buffy. "We could take it on the trip to Vegas, pile everyone in here and go together. And it’s safe, and it can hold a lot of gear."

The salesman trotted over. ‘This one’s a real beauty," he said. "They’re hard to come by. We can order you one, but it will take three months to come in. We do have one used one on the lot. It’s from this model year, has less than three thousand miles on it."

Spike looked at Buffy, and she nodded. "Okay, we’ll take a look," said Spike. They walked outside and around the lot with the salesman. Spike and Buffy held hands. The salesman stopped in front of a minivan.

"You must be joking," said Spike. The minivan was painted a metallic purple. The window glass and windshield were tinted black. Chrome hubcaps shone from all four wheels.

"I know that’s it’s a little…loud," said the salesman nervously. "But it’s fully loaded, with aftermarket leather seats, built in refrigerator, video and family entertainment center with DVD."

Spike walked around the back of the van. He stopped and tilted his head, looking amused. ‘Why don’t you go get the key and we’ll take a look," suggested Spike. The salesman went off. "I have to get this, honey," said Spike. "It is so…me."

"God, I hope not," said Buffy as she strolled over to him. He put his arm around her shoulder. She saw what he was looking at. Blazoned across the black glass of the rear window in large white letters was "Big Bad Daddy."

***************************************************

Buffy and Spike sat cross-legged on their bed, staring at the bottle that held their hope of having a child. Spike looked at her uncertainly. She smiled and nodded reassuringly. He cracked the wax that sealed it shut and uncorked the bottle, pouring the foaming green liquid into a cup. Corking the bottle, he set it carefully down on the floor.

Buffy peered into the cup. "It smells like my herbal shampoo," she said.

"Well, there are a great many herbs in it," he replied.

"Do you know exactly what is in there?" she asked.

"Yes, I do," `he said seriously.

"And it’s safe? Nothing weird will happen?" she asked, looking at him.

"I may wax a little poetic while I’m under the spell. Just ignore it. I’ll be back to myself when it wears off." He smiled at her uncertainly. He stared at her as he drank the elixir. His eyes rolled back in his head. She grabbed him by the arms.

Spike?" she said anxiously. His body temperature rose underneath her touch, becoming feverishly warm.

His eyes fluttered open. He gazed at her adoringly. "You’re a goddess," he murmured. He slipped his hands inside her nightgown, making her gasp at their warmth. "Your skin is like alabaster, perfect and unblemished." He rubbed his hands over her breasts, delicately fingering her nipples. He rolled on top of her, kissing her. His hands untied the small ribbons that closed her nightgown, revealing her nakedness. "Cones of ivory," he whispered, placing his hands over her breasts. He kissed her gently on each nipple. She leaned up and placed her hand on his neck, pulling him close to her. He traced his finger lovingly over her face. "Let me worship at the temple of your body," he said, looking at her sweetly. He bent to kiss her, and slid carefully inside her. He moaned, and moved uncertainly inside her. She held his hips, moving him into a pleasurable rhythm.

"I love you," she murmured, licking his neck. He cried out, reaching his climax. Buffy looked up, watching

him come. He gasped, breathing hard, as he rolled next to her. "Did you forget about something?" she asked teasingly.

"What, my divine one?" he replied, smiling widely.

"What about me?" she said, gesturing to her naked body.

"Of course," he said, as he smacked his head. "I must pay homage to you." He brightened. "Mortals must

give an offering to the gods. I shall write an ode, praising your glorious radiance. "

She laughed, humoring him. ‘I know you said you’d be a little poetic, but this is ridiculous."

"I must know your name. Are you Aphrodite? Ishtar? Isis? " he asked, tilting his head.

"I’m Buffy," she said sarcastically.

"Buffy, the sweet goddess of love,’ he said tenderly, grasping a tendril of her hair.

She rolled onto him and slid down his body. "I think I like you better when you aren’t talking. You’re kind of a babbling idiot under this spell," she said, taking him in her mouth.

He moaned, and quickly hardened. She moved over him and thrust him inside her, moving up and down along his length. He looked up at her, shocked. "Oh, my darling…" he said. She cut him off, slipping her tongue inside his mouth. She rocked back and forth, and he became more and more fervent. He rolled her on her back, pounding hard inside her. "Oh yes, oh yes," she moaned. "Oh, Spike!" She came, and so did he, grabbing her shoulder as his head arched back.

"Much better," she said. He lay upon her, his head resting on her chest.

"Why did you say spike?" he asked, his voice muffled.

‘Why did I say your name when I came?" she asked, confused.

He looked at her, equally puzzled. "My name is William."

"William," she repeated blankly.

‘William Walthrop."

**************

They sat at the kitchen counter in their bathrobes, eating bowls of ice cream.

"You haven’t read anything by Tennyson?" William said, flabbergasted.

‘I think I’ve heard of him," said Buffy helpfully.

He placed his hand on his chest. "On either side the river lie," he declaimed," long fields of barley and of rye, that clothe the wold and meet the sky..." "What’s a wold?" interrupted Buffy.

He sighed. ‘Focus on the images, the flow, not the words." Abruptly, his eyes rolled back in his head. He fell out of the chair, his bowl shattering on the floor. Buffy continued eating her ice cream, casually glancing down at the man lying at her feet. He began to stir, moaning and clutching his head. ‘Buffy?" he said.

She peered down at him from her chair. "You are so busted, Spike."

He lay back, looking up at her. "Didn’t much care for William, I take it. Seeing as how we’re both clothed

and all." He sighed. "Poor bloke never was a hit with the ladies."

‘I had sex with someone I didn’t even know," she said angrily. ‘Twice."

He raised his eyebrows. "Twice?" Glaring at him, she stomped upstairs. He sat up hurriedly and followed her. "You had sex with me, love. William is me, or he was me, or I used to be him. It’s confusing, pet."

She turned, swinging at him. He ducked. "Yeah, it was confusing for me, too," hissed Buffy. "All of a sudden you’re a pompous idiot and a lousy lay." She slammed the door in his face.

"Hey!" he said. "That’s not very nice!"

The only response was the sound of the lock sliding home and something crashing into the door.

Later that night, Spike awoke with a start. Someone leaned over the couch where he slept. "I can’t sleep

without you in the bed," said Buffy. He took her into his arms and kissed her as he carried her upstairs. "I

love you," she whispered, "not someone else."

"But you want a baby, love, and I can’t give you that," said Spike. "Only William the stupid git can do that."

She rested her head against his chest. "There must be some other way."

"The elixir is the only way, Buffy. The only way to turn back the hands of time and make me as I was, a living man with living seed," he said as they reached their bedroom.

"I don’t think we should use it," said Buffy. "It just doesn’t seem right."

"Then we won’t," reassured Spike, closing the door behind them.

********************

Willow and Tara sat on a bench in the park, kissing. Buffy walked over, smiling and beautiful in a short pink dress. "Sorry to interrupt, guys," she said, as they broke apart. "Did you both pick up your dresses today? If you need anything altered, you need to do it now. We’ve only got two days left until we leave for the wedding."

"They’re perfect," Tara reassured her," and Anya looks beautiful in her dress too. She’s complaining that

she’s showing, but we couldn’t tell."

"Dawn and I have our dresses ready. Spike and Xander are getting their tuxedoes tomorrow. I just have to

pick up the rings this afternoon, and call the hotel again to confirm. Everything is all set," said Buffy happily.

The two witches exchanged a look. "We wanted to talk to you about the research you asked us to do," said

Willow.

"So what did you come up with?" Buffy said eagerly.

"There is no way other than the Elixir of Gordath for a vampire to impregnate a woman," said Willow, her

face serious.

Buffy’s face fell, and she scrambled to cover her disappointment. "Well, it doesn’t matter..." she said, trailing off.

"But," said Tara," I found an obscure text. It agreed with the others, that the Elixir is not guaranteed to work every time on a mortal woman. But it indicated," she looked deeply into Buffy’s eyes, "that it would work every time on the Slayer."

Buffy’s eyes opened wide. "Get out!"

"No kidding," said Willow. "I don’t mean to pry, but did you and Spike Lite, you know, do the deed?"

Buffy blushed. ‘Twice."

"Then, if this thing is right, you’re probably pregnant," concluded Tara. "Do you want to know for sure?"

Buffy looked bewildered. "Of course I want to. But it’s too early. It’s only been a week."

Tara stood in front of her, whispering and waving her hands. A golden glow spread around her fingers, and she placed them gently on Buffy’s belly. The glow spread over her, growing brighter and brighter, until it formed a globe. The orb spun faster and faster, until it stopped. A slight pink tinge took over the ball, until a glowing pink orb of energy floated in front of Buffy.

"A girl," gasped Willow. "You’re going to have a baby girl!"

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JodyorJen - jodyorjen@yahoo.com