Home : Stories by Author : Stories by Inell : Another Chance Series
Summary: An alternative ending to when Faith and Buffy change bodies.
AUTHOR: Inell
EMAIL: inell@aol.com
RATING: PG-13 to R
PAIRING: Buffy/Willow, Willow/Faith, Buffy/Willow/Faith
SPOILERS: Starts during 'Who Am I?' Season 4
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Willow heard the door open and glanced up from her book, smiling slightly when she saw the slayer walk inside. "Hey Buffy. I'm surprised to see you. No Riley tonight?"
"Nope," Buffy said with a large smile. "Got better things to do."
"Oh. OK." Willow said, shrugging and looking back at her book. She had been supposed to stay over at Tara's and do some spells, but had decided that she could use some quiet time. So, she had just left her new friend and gone back to the dorms after leaving the Bronze. She hadn't counted on Buffy coming home. Ever since she and Riley had become intimate, the slayer was rarely home at night. Willow could count the hours they had actually spent together the past two weeks on both hands. She looked at the words on the page in front of her, each one not really penetrating her mind. She was confused and just wanted to think. She heard a loud sigh and squeak as Buffy sat on her bed.
"Whatcha doin?" Buffy asked, her eyes on Willow.
"Reading," Willow said, not looking up. "Did you and Riley have a fight?"
"No," Buffy said, groaning. "What is it with you and Riley? You've mentioned his name more than I have."
"Well, since you're never here anymore, I assumed you must have fought with him," Willow said, her tone sharp as she continued to look at her book.
"Meow," Faith said, leaning forward in Buffy's body. She continued to eye the redhead that had tempted her so many months ago. She had originally planned to find the blonde lunkhead that was currently fucking Buffy and give him the ride of his life, but, after running into Willow and the pasty faced girl at the Bronze, she had known exactly how she wanted to spend the evening. She wanted Willow. Always had, even before she'd killed Alan. There was just something about the redhead that got under her skin. She had almost forced her that night at the mayor's office, forced her onto the floor and feasted on the redhead's taste. She had assumed though that she'd have plenty of time for such treats. The mayor had promised to keep Willow alive for her, sort of a new toy to reward her for her service. And then she'd had to go and get put in a coma and he'd had to get himself killed. She had woken up with no boss and no redhead. Discovering that Willow seemed to be playing with that silly little witch, well, it had reminded her of every fantasy she had had about Willow. What better way to get her girl than in her new body? Willow would never have allowed Faith in her old form to get close enough to touch, much less fuck. But good old Buffy? Well, damn, she even lived with her. It was too perfect. "Since when were we fighting?"
Willow sighed, shutting the book and looking up at Buffy. "We aren't fighting."
"Then why the 'tude?" Faith asked. "What's got your panties in a twist?"
"My panties are not in a twist," Willow said, frowning. "Why don't you go find Riley? Or patrol? Or something. I'm trying to read."
Faith laughed, "Always reading. Haven't you ever wanted to experience life instead of read about it? Speaking of experience, where's Wolfboy? I haven't seen the mutt, only that sniveling little witchy bitch."
Willow gasped, "Buffy, why are you doing this?"
Faith scowled as she saw the tears glimmering in Willow's eyes. She let out a breath, "He left you, didn't he? That stupid fucking moron. How could he leave you? I'll skin him alive. I could always use a new rug."
"What's going on?" Willow asked suddenly, seeing the flickering of emotions in her friend's eyes. "You're acting like you don't remember."
"He hurt you, didn't he?" Faith asked, moving to her knees in front of Willow.
Willow looked into Buffy's concerned eyes and was strangely touched. She hadn't seen this kind of concern since Oz had originally left. After that, she had messed so many things up that all of her friends had been pushed away. She thought back, wondering if she and Buffy had ever actually talked that much about Oz. She knew there had been some words of support, but so much had been happening and had happened since that she honestly couldn't remember actually discussing it. Now, so many months later, Buffy seemed to have decided she wanted to be there. Willow sighed, nodding, "You know he did."
"I'm sorry," Faith said, meaning her words. She hated the idea that anyone had hurt her redhead. True, she had done her own damage, but she cared for the girl. That should counter any negative things she had done. Or at least she hoped it did.
"For what? It wasn't you," Willow said. She smiled, "Hey, did you find Faith?"
"Let's not talk about her," Faith said quickly, not wanting to ruin this moment she was having. Frowning, she realized it wasn't really her. It was Buffy who was having this moment. But, she was Buffy now. So it really was her, in an odd way. "I want to talk about you. It seems like forever since I've seen you."
Willow laughed, "Not that long, Buffy. You pretty much know what I've been up to. School, research, spells."
"Spells, huh? Dancing around naked and chanting?" Faith asked, wriggling her eyebrows as she felt her stomach tighten at that mental image. She slowly smiled as her new body reacted to the closeness of Willow. Well, well, well. Seems that B had a bit of a lust thing for Red too. She always wondered about them, the way Buffy was always watching Willow during the research sessions. Miss. Priss may have been too uptight to admit to her feelings, but Faith wasn't. She wanted Willow. And tonight, before she left Sunnydale for an uncertain future in her newly acquired body, she planned to have her.
"No naked, no dancing, but there is chanting," Willow said with a smile. She jumped slightly when she felt Buffy's hand on her thigh. She glanced at her friend and saw the innocent expression on the slayer's face. Deciding that she was overreacting, she whispered, "I'm not into the public nudity thing."
"Why not?" Faith asked, moving her fingers slowly in circles. She was keeping her gesture non threatening, but testing Willow. So far, Buffy's wide eyed aw shucks looks were convincing the girl that it was all completely innocent. Faith wondered what Willow would think if she knew that her best friend got wet from watching her lick her lips. She also found herself wondering why the hell Buffy hadn't made a move. It was obvious to her that Red was into girls if her closeness to the witch had meant anything. Why shouldn't she be into Buffy instead of that little twit? B had always been rather stupid, never taking any chances or trying to go after what she wanted. Seemed to think that being the slayer meant not having any fun. "You've got a great body."
Willow snorted, "Yeah, right. Sorry, Buff. I know you well enough to know when you're lying."
"I'd never lie to you, Will," Faith said, wondering if this counted.
"If you'd like, I could start listing them," Willow said, her smile fading as she saw the sincere look in her friend's eyes. "I know you'd never hurt me, Buffy."
"Why don't you teach me one of those spells?" Faith asked, changing the subject. She tried to keep her mind empty, knowing that she wanted nothing more than to see Willow laying on her back, her red hair framing her face on the pillow. She pulled back, her hands on the hem of her shirt. She pulled it over her head before Willow could protest, looking innocently at the redhead as she sat in her bra. She stood, glancing down at Buffy's breasts and comparing them with her own. She wasn't used to this body, missing her own for a brief moment. She'd always imagined herself making love with Willow in her own body, not in Buffy's. But, she could adapt. She was good at playing with what hand was dealt.
"Um, you want to learn a spell?" Willow said in a strangled voice. She couldn't help but admire Buffy's body, no matter how she tried to divert her attention. This was so not helping her confusion. Ever since she had met Tara, she had found herself becoming attracted to women. If she wanted to be truthful, she had always been sort of interested in women, but she had ignored those desires. After Oz had left, though, they had reawakened.
"Why not?" Faith sat back down clad only in her bra and panties. "Strip 'em and teach me, Willow."
Willow stood and began to strip, her movements hesitant. She felt shy for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that she was standing half naked in front of one of the first females she had feelings for. Maybe it was because Buffy was looking at her as if she was the main course on the dessert menu. Either way, she was suddenly self conscious as she sat down on the large pillow Buffy had thrown down. She set up some candles, deciding to just do a small relaxation spell, knowing that if Buffy was serious about learning a spell, this one would be the perfect one.
Faith watched Willow set up the candles and she repeated the words softly after the girl. She kept her eyes open, sighing as she felt her body start to relax. Without even realizing it, she leaned forward, brushing her lips against Willow's. She saw green eyes open and look at her with surprise. When she didn't feel any protest, she deepened the kiss, pushing Willow back among the pillows. With shaky hands, she touched the girl that had haunted her thoughts, forgetting that it was not really her hand and not really her body. She felt Willow's tongue tentatively brush hers and she groaned, moving between Willow's legs. Pent up emotions came forward in a flood as hands began to move and lips continued to kiss. Clothes were lost as both girls gave themselves up to pleasure.
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Faith gently brushed a lock of red hair away from Willow's sleeping face. She looked her lover over, memorizing every detail. She knew that when she left the room, she would never be coming back. It was too dangerous. Laying in Willow's arms as they slept after making love, well, she knew if she stayed, she'd never leave. It was too comfortable, being with Willow. Of course, Willow had no idea she had spent all night and early morning love to Faith. She couldn't stand Faith, after all. With a soft sigh, she leaned down and brushed her lips over Willow's, tasting the redhead one last time. "Mine," she whispered before standing up straight. Last night had been the first time in Faith's life that she had ever made love. Even if it had been as Buffy, it had been her experiencing the emotions, her experiencing the love. She turned away from the bed, grabbing her bag and walking out, closing the door softly as Willow slept.
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"Now boarding at gate twelve," a garbled voice announced over the loudspeaker.
Faith stood, shouldering the bag as she made her way to the gate. She pushed Willow from her mind, trying to adjust the weight of the bag. Buffy was shorter than she was, something she couldn't adapt to as easily as the rest. She was used to stalking, moving with her own grace. In this body, she looked more like she was plodding. She happened to glance at the television, stopping in her tracks as she listened to announcer. She glanced at the gate that would lead to her freedom, to a new life away from Sunnydale and everything she had done in the past. Her eyes cut back to the news and she groaned. Guess you can't take the slayer out of the girl, she decided in acceptance. She moved around a group of business men, heading for the exit and the church, knowing this was the right choice.
Willow watched the girl below laugh with her friends as the group of students passed under her window. She sighed, pulling her arms around her body as she leaned her head against the cool glass. She had been sitting at the window for hours, ever since she had woken up to an empty bed. She knew she should leave the room, probably running away would be of the good in fact. It was obvious that Buffy was confused about their night together, but Willow didn't know how the blonde could be as confused as she herself was. After all, Buffy had been the one that had instigated the kiss and everything that had followed. Yet, Willow could understand that things had gotten carried away. She had not planned on having sex with Buffy, even if that thought might have entered her mind on a rare occasion. It was always just that random thought, the wondering what Buffy would feel like in her arms. Willow had those thoughts about people all the time, in the back of her mind. She'd never really put much into it, knowing that Buffy would never return those brief thoughts so there was no reason to even dwell on the fantasy.
But, last night, Buffy had changed all of that with one soft brush of her lips. Suddenly, fantasy had become reality. Willow would not have stopped it even if she had wanted to. She didn't know why Buffy had decided to take their friendship to that next step, and she now had to wonder if it had all been a mistake. No, she couldn't accept that. Not after their love making. She wasn't by any means promiscuous, but she wasn't a virgin either. She knew that last night had been about emotion, not just sex. The soft caresses, the gentle kisses, the tender words. Willow could still hear the sleepy whispered words of I love you spilling from Buffy's lips as they had snuggled after their third time together. There was no way that Buffy could have been lying. There was such truth in her eyes, in her words. That was what was keeping Willow the most confused. If Buffy did love her, why did she wake up alone?
Willow knew it might have been because she did not repeat the words. She had kissed Buffy after hearing the slayer tell her that she loved her, but she couldn't say something she didn't know was true. She cared about Buffy, loved her dearly as best friends should. She honestly couldn't imagine her life without the blonde, and knew that she, in fact, owed her life to the slayer. She could have said she loved Buffy with truth in her voice, but she knew it wasn't the type of love that Buffy was talking about. She knew she could love Buffy like that. There were small seeds that had been planted for so many years, the depth of their friendship and the slight feelings of attraction that had heated up the night before, but she had never given them room to grow. Now, though, she couldn't help feeling scared. What if she realized she was in love with Buffy and Buffy had decided that she was no longer in love with her?
She was caught in those thoughts when she heard the soft squeak of the door. Startled, she turned to see Buffy walking slowly into the room, looking exhausted. She frowned when she noticed a small cut on her lover's face. Concerned, she asked softly, "Are you ok?"
Buffy looked up at Willow, seeing the tiny redhead sitting by the window. She was wearing baggy sweats and an old T-shirt that she had stolen from Xander, her red hair mussed from sleep. Buffy had to smile, feeling the usual calm spread over her that Willow always brought. There was something about the girl that grounded her, brought her back to reality no matter how unreal life seemed. In a way, the redhead was her anchor to humanity. For that, she was thankful. She nodded, covering a yawn as she moved to her bed. Laying down, she sighed in contentment, "Ah, this feels good. After the last twenty four hours, I just want to lay here and not move."
Willow looked away, not able to keep the look of hurt off of her face. She got to her feet, moving towards her bed. "I didn't realize it was that awful."
Buffy frowned, moving her arm and laying her head in her hand as she looked at Willow. Her best friend had moved away from the window and was now sitting cross legged on her bed, her green eyes staring at the wall as she avoided looking at Buffy. The slayer could hear the obvious hurt in her friend's voice, having known Willow long enough to recognize every mood and emotion that the girl felt. Buffy looked at the floor, thinking back over the past day and a half. She had been in Faith's body, living Faith's life. She had almost been killed several times, hunted by the council, completely lacking in friendship or love. She had hated it all, finally realizing just how lucky she truly was for having her friends and family. Faith was alone, completely on her own. In a strange way, Buffy could admit to herself that she had been allowed a glimpse into the girl's existence, understanding in a way why Faith had ended up becoming what she had. She honestly couldn't say that in the same circumstances she too wouldn't have turned her back on her calling. Without Willow and Xander and Giles, well, there were many times she had considered just giving up and forgetting it all but they had always made her realize how much she was needed. She guessed that Faith had never had that in her life, so Buffy could see where things went wrong.
She could understand, but she could not forgive. Faith had made the decision, choosing her path back a year ago. It had been the wrong one, but the girl had made it without coercement. There was a difference in understanding how things went wrong and accepting the choices made. No, she had been surprised to see Faith at the church earlier, knowing what it had taken for the girl to accept her calling, but she still felt the same animosity for the brunette. There was too much past between them now, between them all, for her to merely shrug it all off because Faith had decided now to be good and help. For all she knew, this was just another act. Another game to ensure a few more months on a rather short life span. No, she didn't trust Faith as far as she could throw her, which had turned out to be several feet. Yet, she was glad that her former friend had managed to escape the Council. It was just too confusing to deal with at the moment, she decided as she brought herself out of her thoughts to look back at Willow. She thought back, remembering what they had been talking about. Oh, yeah, last night.
"Well, I guess it wasn't that bad," Buffy said softly, thinking about it. "Just weird, you know? It felt...weird. Definitely not something I'd want to do again, but it could have been worse. And Faith is gone, so that's an added bonus. I really hope she doesn't come back either. I don't think I could handle the excitement."
"I," Willow started, unable to continue. She had no idea how to respond to her lover's words. Weird? Not something she wanted to do again? Willow reached up and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, wondering how Buffy could use those words to describe something that was so special. "I'm sorry you felt it was a mistake."
"Are you all right?" Buffy asked, watching Willow wipe her eyes. She sat up, her eyes on Willow's profile. "It was a mistake, Willow. I really doubt it was meant to be."
"That's just mean," Willow finally said, glancing at Buffy before looking at the bedspread in front of her. "I can't believe you're being so nonchalant and cruel about it."
"Mean?" Buffy repeated, confusion marring her pretty face. "Willow, look at me. I'm really confused right now and I have no idea what you're talking about."
Willow looked at Buffy, seeing the general confusion on the features she had kissed just hours before. She stared into the familiar hazel eyes and said, "I knew this morning, you know. I just hoped that maybe I was wrong. That it might have meant something. I guess I was just stupid."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Buffy asked, irritation in her voice. She was tired and confused and just wanted some sleep in her own body. She watched as Willow's eyes flashed with hurt and the redhead looked back at the blanket. The girl's shoulders straightened and Buffy could visibly see her gathering her strength. "Willow? Talk to me. Please?"
"Why?" Willow finally asked. "Why did you start it if you didn't want it to happen? Why are you trying to act now as if it never did happen? I thought it was special, that it meant something. It felt like it meant something. Was I just stupid? Goddess, I wish I'd just said no. Were you drunk or something? I just can't get it, and I really want to understand why you're doing this now of all times."
"Special?" Buffy repeated, her face puzzled. Suddenly, her eyes widened as she replayed their conversation. "Oh my God...." she finally whispered, her face falling as she understood.
"I should leave," Willow said, not able to sit there and deal with everything anymore.
"No, wait," Buffy said, her face still stunned as she glanced at the bed and the floor, noticing the pile of blankets and pillows still laying spread out. "Oh God...not that. Anything but that."
"I can't do this right now, Buffy," Willow said, "You're my best friend. I don't want to lose that because of last night, but I thought it meant something."
"Willow, honey, it wasn't me," Buffy managed to say in a soft voice. She looked at the redhead and saw Willow's eyes narrow as she looked at her. Why did Faith do it? Why Willow? She could have dealt with anything but Willow. Even Riley wouldn't have hurt so much. Anyone but Willow.
"What?" Willow finally said.
"It was Faith. She did this body switch thing," Buffy explained, not able to meet Willow's eyes. She couldn't believe that her body had spent the night having sex with Willow and she didn't even have the memories. She felt violated in the worst way. Faith had used her to hurt her best friend. "We switched back this afternoon, at a church. I didn't know...Will, look at me."
"Faith?" Willow whispered, looking into Buffy's teary eyes. "It was her? She said those things? Did those things? It wasn't you?"
"It wasn't me," Buffy said quietly, wondering why she felt as if it should have been. Startled, she frowned, pushing that thought away. Willow was her best friend. That's why she felt responsible for her. There was nothing else there. She loved Riley. She did. He was a nice guy and he seemed to love her. She had to love him. Then why did she want to go to Willow and hold the girl until she stopped crying? Why did she suddenly find herself hypnotized by the sight of Willow's lips as the girl struggled to speak? Buffy sighed, deciding that she would sleep for several days. She was so exhausted she couldn't even think straight.
"I need some air," Willow said, getting to her feet as her mind tried to understand everything. Faith loved her? Or was it just some joke? Some way to get back at Buffy? Screw her best friend and leave her to deal with it? But, remembering the nice, softly spoken conversations they had had during the night, Willow couldn't believe it had been a joke. There had been real caring in her eyes, in Buffy's eyes. She groaned, rubbing her temples. She was getting a terrible headache.
"Willow, we need to talk," Buffy said.
"No, we don't," Willow said quietly but forcefully. She looked at the blonde slayer and tried to smile, "It wasn't you, remember? I'll deal with it. You don't um remember anything, do you?"
"No," Buffy said softly. "I spent the night in Faith's body while she was in mine. She has the memories."
"Oh, OK. Get some sleep, 'k?" Willow said, "You look tired and your body didn't get much sleep last night." Realizing what she had said, she blushed, "I mean, well, um, I gotta go."
Buffy watched Willow leave, closing the door behind her. She sighed, laying back on her bed and pulling her knees up to her chest. As her arms went around them, forming a protective shell around her heart, she closed her eyes. A tear drifted down her cheek as she began to cry silently, knowing that nothing would ever be the same between her and her best friend. She had seen the look in Willow's eyes, knew that things had happened that neither could take back. She could only hope that they could pull through this the same they pulled through everything. Together.
Buffy stood in the dorm room, her nude body cast in the glow of the lamp. She trailed her fingers delicately over the fading bruises on her breasts, the bite mark already gone. It had been four days since her entire world had been changed. Four days since she had realized that Faith, while in her body, had seduced and made love with Willow. Four days since Willow had looked her in the face. Now the redhead was rarely in the dorm, and when she was, she always seemed to be *busy*. Too busy to talk or even smile. It had been four days since she had felt the warmth of Willow's smile, and she missed it. Missed it far more than she had ever thought possible. There was an ache that was starting to spread over her heart and Buffy had no idea what to do.
The day she had found out, after Willow had run from the room, Buffy had taken a shower to try to wake up so she could think. During that shower, she had discovered the undeniable proof that her body had made love with Willow's. There had been a bite mark on her left breast, nothing deep but obviously made in the height of passion. There had been the bruises around her breasts, bruises that fit against her lover's fingers as they had kneaded her breasts. She had trailed her hazel eyes down her body, finding the other evidence of a night spent making love. The love bites on her stomach, the redness of her clit, the teeth marks on her upper thigh. She had never imagined that Willow could be that rough and the thought that her body had experienced that, well, it had made her wet despite the situation. To her horror, she had found herself running her own fingers over the marks, closing her eyes and imagining vividly how they had appeared. She had forgotten that it had not really been her and was soon pushing her fingers into her wetness until she had cum with a small cry of Willow's name.
Even now, remembering that Willow had touched her, bit her, tasted her, it made her wet. She couldn't understand why. She had never thought about Willow in that way, had she? Sure, she loved Willow. She was her best friend. The only female friend she had ever had. She wanted to protect her and keep her safe. And she had always found her attention drawn to those Willow's lips as she had wondered what the redhead had tasted like, she reluctantly admitted to herself. But, their friendship meant more than some passing lust. That was why she had never said anything. Well, that and the knowledge that Willow would have run screaming from her had she known some of the thoughts Buffy had had that she would not even admit to herself. And now, she had lost Willow. Only, it had not been something she had done or said. It had been Faith. It was all Faith's fault. It was always Faith's fault. If they hadn't traded bodies, well, she and Willow would still be friends and she would be able to be around Riley without comparing him constantly to Willow.
Buffy ran a hand through her brownish blonde hair, deciding that she had done enough thinking. This was stupid. It had not been her, it had never been her. It had just been her body. While she could understand if Willow was embarrassed, if that was why the girl was ignoring her, it didn't make things easier. She missed her best friend. All these thoughts she was having were new, or at least the fact that she would acknowledge them was new. She was so confused she could barely patrol. She found herself drifting off into an inner debate on whether her growing feelings for Willow were real or just some competitive reaction to the knowledge that Faith had had the redhead. She didn't think she was cold hearted enough to actually want Willow just to best Faith, so she discarded that idea, but it still stayed there in the back of her mind along with all the other doubts she was feeling.
Was she gay? For that matter, was Willow? Was this merely a friendly love that seemed to be blurring the lines of friendship and that of lovers? If she was gay, could Willow ever love her? Could they have a future with Faith's deed always in their past? Or was it Faith that had the redhead so thoughtful? Buffy knew from her time in the other slayer that there were emotions there. Maybe they weren't often shown, but they were there. Did Faith really love Willow or had it just been a stunt, a game? And, that night, had it been Buffy that Willow had made love with or had it really been Faith? She knew it had been her body, but it had been Faith inside. Faith's words and Faith's caresses. Faith's knowledge. Willow wouldn't talk about that night at all, so Buffy didn't know who Willow honestly believed it was. Sure, she knew at the time Willow had thought it was her. Now, though, knowing the truth, did Willow still want to believe it had been her or did the redhead understand it had been Faith? Buffy shook her head, knowing she was doing her best to give herself another headache.
Buffy moved towards her bed, pulling a large shirt over her head and then finding her sweat pants. She knew she wouldn't be going anywhere that night, having told Riley yet again that she had to study. She just found it uncomfortable being around him when she was dealing with so much inside. He was such a nice guy that she felt guilty for thinking about Willow when she was with him. He deserved better than that. So, she had decided to avoid him until she could understand what was happening inside. She was stuck though. Willow wouldn't talk about that night. Buffy couldn't understand it and move past it without knowing what had really happened. She knew Willow well enough to know that she had not been forced. Sure, Faith may have started it all, but Willow had been a willing participant. The big question that seemed to remain unanswered was did Willow have feelings for Faith? If she did, there was no way Buffy could come clean about her own doubts and fears and emotions and burden the redhead with that unwanted knowledge. But, if Willow wasn't talking, how was she supposed to find out?
Groaning, she knew the only path that she really had. She needed to find Faith. To look into the slayer's eyes and ask her if she loved Willow. If she did and Buffy felt that Willow could love Faith, there was nothing she could do. She'd have to deal with all of it privately, as she usually did. But, if she saw nothing in Faith's eyes, there would be nothing to stop her from going after Willow and making the girl see who really loved her. She hated the idea of losing to Faith, in a way, but she had to worry about Willow's happiness. While she didn't see a bright future being had for the girl with Faith, that was Willow's decision. It wouldn't be fair to make it into a contest as they usually made things. This was too important. If Faith hurt Willow, well, she'd be there to pick up the pieces. Buffy stood, knowing what she needed to do finally.
She was going to find Riley
and break up with him. It wasn't fair to him to keep him around if she loved
someone else. True, she wasn't sure the exact depth of her feelings for Willow,
though she had a pretty good idea they were of the forever after kind. After
that, she would find Faith. And she knew exactly who might know where the slayer
was hiding. She glanced down, deciding there was no point in changing. She didn't
need to be dressed up to break up with Riley. She hoped he understood, knowing
somehow that he just might. She grabbed a bag and threw a couple of changes
of clothes into it. If she hurried, she might be in LA by dusk.
Faith studied the man in front of her, resisting the urge to lean forward and hit that smug smile off the handsome face of Lindsey McDonald. Instead, she just smiled back, hoping he would not see the disgust in her eyes. She heard Lilah laugh and cringed, covering it by looking at the floor. She had left Sunnydale just three days before, headed to L.A. to get lost. Lost? That was a joke. She hadn't been been in town twenty-four hours before they had found her. Wolfram and Hart. They had approached her tentatively at first, just saying that they had a proposition for her. She had ignored them, claiming she didn't know what they were talking about. But, they had persisted and so now here she sat. Listening to these two morons offer her money to kill Angel. It was rather amusing in a completely unamusing way that she had run away from her past in Sunnydale only to end up in the same town as Fang. Now, these lawyers wanted to pay her to kill him.
While she might have jumped at that chance a year ago, probably paying them for the chance, that was then, this was now. She had wanted him dead a year ago. Now, she didn't care. The way she saw it, he was like her in a lot of ways. They were both survivors. So, she smiled and accepted these fools offer, seriously considering it for only a few moments. When she thought of killing him, she saw green eyes and a shy smile instead. Then, she felt guilty for even thinking about killing someone that Willow considered a friend. Groaning, she ran a hand through her hair, looking up to see both lawyers watching her almost like people would study a wild animal at the zoo. Smiling, she moved quickly, grabbing a can of soda from in front of Lilah. She almost laughed when the woman jumped at her movement, shooting the bitch an innocent smile as she popped the top of the soda and took a sip. Sitting back, she gave them her best bored look and asked, "Are we done yet?"
"Yes, I believe that takes care of everything," Lindsey said, straightening his paperwork to conceal his amusement at Lilah's unease around the brunette slayer.
"Well, I'd say it's been fun, but I hate liars," Faith said, leaving the office and not looking back. She walked into the sunlight, blinking at the sudden brightness. She hadn't realized just how dark they had kept that office. She stopped at the corner, pausing a moment and taking a deep breath. She calmed her nerves, having a sneaky feeling that she was being followed. She glanced behind her, seeing people walking but not seeing anyone watching her. Shrugging, she started off towards the one place she might feel safe.
Two hours later, she stood outside the door to Angel Investigations, feeling something very similar to fear for the first time since she was eight. She turned, her back to the door as she squinted at the sky. Was she making the right decision? Should she really be on the fastest bus out of town instead of getting ready to face yet another enemy? Thinking of running made her remember Willow and the last time she had run away. That had been different though. She hadn't had any reason to stay in Sunnydale. But, did she really have a reason to stay in LA either? She had never liked Angel. It wasn't just because he was a vampire, though that was probably part of it. She just hadn't trusted him. He'd reminded her too much of herself. Rather ironic that she had turned out to be the one no one should have trusted. She turned back towards his door, opening it before she lost her nerve and ran again.
"Fang, love what you've done with the place."
Angel froze, closing his eyes briefly at the familiar voice from the past. Looking up, he said, "Faith."
She frowned, "You look surprised to see me."
"Shouldn't I be?" he asked, having thought he had kept his face emotionless.
"I'd have thought B would have called you," Faith said, shrugging. "Guess she's too busy doing the farm boy to call."
"Did you need something?" he asked, his voice strained.
"What?" she asked, frowning as she found her thoughts wondering what exactly had happened after they had switched bodies back. Did Buffy run right into Riley's bed? And if so, what was Willow going through? Knowing it was really Faith she had made love with and not Buffy as she had thought. She knew Willow would be disappointed. That night had been wonderful, and she had relived it every night since. But it hadn't been her. It had been Buffy.
"Faith?" Angel asked, a slight hint of concern in his voice as he watched her face and saw the emotions flickering in her eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm supposed to kill you," she answered truthfully, pulling her thoughts away from Sunnydale and concentrating on the present.
"It's getting late and I'm not in the mood to play your games," he said sharply, seeing no threat from her.
"Touchy touchy," she said, looking him over. "Looking good Fang. But, you know, there's this nifty thing called color."
"Faith," his tone was warning.
"I woke up last week. Came here to get lost. Instead got found by some law firm that wants your lovely head on a platter. Imagine that," she said sarcastically.
"Wolfram and Hart," he said, running a hand through his hair and cursing. "Damn."
"Yep. Seems someone's been a bad vampy," she said, moving to sit on the edge of the desk. She looked at him, the amusement leaving as she said seriously, "They mean business, Fang. You'd better watch your back."
"Why are you telling me all this?" he asked, leaning back in the chair and studying her.
She shrugged, "I dunno. Don't want them to win, maybe. Maybe I don't want you dead. Maybe this is my good deed for the millenium. Who knows why I do anything anymore."
He heard the soft sigh in her voice, raising his eyebrow as she again appeared to drift off into memories. "You said you woke up last week? Did you cause any problems for Buffy?"
She snickered, "Angel, baby, you should know me well enough not to ask that."
"Did you at least leave Sunnydale in one piece?" he asked, studying her intently.
"Don't look at me like that," she said suddenly, picking up his paperweight and tossing it back and forth between two hands.
"Like what?" he asked.
"Like I'm some soul you can save," she said, giving him a narrow eyed gaze before turning her attention back to the tossing paperweight.
He snorted, "As you said, I know you Faith. There is no soul there to save."
"Thanks," she said sharply, not letting his words affect her. She could care less what anyone thought. Anyone except Willow, that was. Thinking of the redhead caught her off guard as she found herself sighing.
"Well, since you're here, why don't you come downstairs, have a drink, fill me in on your plans and why you came to warn me instead of finishing what you started last May," Angel suggested.
"I'm not gonna kill ya, Fang," she said, putting the paperweight back on the desk and staring at it for a full minute before looking at him. "I'll come downstairs just cause you seem lonely. Wouldn't want to leave you all alone with the brooding."
"Thank you for the concern," he said, his lips twitching.
"Yeah, whatever," she said, snorting as she followed him towards the elevator.
Three hours and a bottle of wine later, Faith set her glass down and looked at a surprised Angel. "So you see why I had to leave."
Angel just looked at her, not able to speak. He had no idea what to say to the drunken slayer. For the first time in his active memory, he was honestly speechless.
"Whas the matter, Fang? No stoic words of wisdom?" she asked, staring at him. "Can't you make it better?"
"You really changed bodies with Buffy?" he asked, wondering if this was an alcohol induced story.
"Yep," she said, seeing his disbelief. "She has a small birthmark on the left cheek of her ass."
"Fuck," he hissed, shaking his head slightly. "Wait, you could have known that."
"Trust me when I say that I never checked out B's package," Faith said, disgusted at the very idea she had found that bony bitch attractive. "My taste ran to redheads."
"Willow," Angel sighed. "You really seduced her and then just left Buffy to deal with it all? You claim you care about Willow, but I don't see that in your actions. I see a selfish girl that decided that it didn't matter who got hurt as long as she got what she wanted."
"Fuck you," she said, looking at the floor and frown. "You don't get it. You can't tell me that if the opportunity arose and you could fuck B again without that damn curse you wouldn't."
"I," he started to argue that his feelings for Buffy were gone, which was the truth, but he flashed back to Thanksgiving and couldn't deny her words. "I wouldn't just leave her afterwards."
"You don't get it, do you Fang? Red's not mine. She was never mine. She's always been hers," she spat out the last word as she looked up and glared at him. "I was in her body, Angel. I felt what she had felt, saw what she had seen. She loved you, but it was never anything like what she felt for Willow."
"I know," he said softly, seeing the widening of her eyes at his words. "Faith, I'm not an idiot. I could smell the soft hints of her arousal even when she didn't realize she was aroused. And she did love me, probably loves me even now in her own way, but she and I don't work. We can't be together and it wouldn't be fair of me to try to keep hold of something that isn't mine."
"I know," Faith said, sighing as she took a sip directly from the bottle. "You'd probably run away if you knew a big confrontation was coming and that you'd lose, wouldn't you?"
"It isn't the same," Angel said. "If Buffy does have feelings for Willow that extend beyond the physical, well, that is something she needs to deal with. You are what concerns me at the moment. How could you experience the obvious pleasure you had with Willow and then just leave without resolving anything?"
"What's the use in resolving anything?" she asked. "She wanted Buffy. She made love to Buffy. It was never me. It was always her."
"You were too scared to let Willow make that choice," he said. "Why? Was it because you knew she'd choose Buffy or because you thought she just might choose you?"
"I'm not what she needs," Faith said. "Hell, her little blonde witchy friend would even be better than me."
"Where did your self esteem go," he wondered softly, watching her retreat into her memories again.
"What?" she asked, looking at him and focusing on his face. She saw the obvious concern in his eyes and frowned, not used to anyone really caring. She yawned, putting the bottle on the table and snorting, "Damn, I'm drunk. Forget anything I said, Fang. I didn't know what I was saying."
"I think for the first time since I've met you, you actually finally spoke the truth," he said quietly.
"Truth, smuth," she said, looking at him again. She smiled slightly, "It hurts, you know? To want someone that bad, to finally get them just to lose them the next morning."
"I know," he whispered, flinching slightly.
"Yeah, you do, don't ya?" she said, sighing. "You're over her, aren't you? You say her name and don't get all broody and mushy."
"I'll always care for Buffy, but it's the past. We've both moved on. Time heals," he said.
She laughed weakly, "Does it? That's good to know. It should only take me what? Two, three years tops?"
"More like fifty," he said, smiling.
"Damn, I must be drunk. I could have sworn you just smiled," she said, laughing again.
"Faith," he warned again, seeing her yawn for the tenth time in the past half hour. He had deliberately gotten her drunk, wanting to test her to see if this was yet another game. Faith had shocked him though with her story of unrequieted love for Willow of all people. Thinking back, he could see the small signs. While he hadn't wanted the vivid pictues of Buffy wanting Willow, he couldn't deny that he had not seen that before. Again, small things that had made him wonder but that he had chosen not to explore. Now, he had been forced into exploring them. He had no idea if Buffy cared about Willow as anything other than a friend, and it wasn't really any of his business. But, he could see clearly that Faith did care about the quiet redhead and he felt sorry for her, knowing exactly what she was feeling. Stirring from his thoughts, he saw her close her eyes briefly. Smiling he said, "Come here."
Faith looked at him and chewed on her bottom lip, not sure if she trusted him. Sure, she had spilled out the entire sordid story of her lust for Willow and everything that had happened in Sunnydale plus the entire meeting with Lilah and Lindsey, but she didn't know if she trusted him. Finally, she decided fuck it. She moved onto the couch and settled between his legs, laying her head on his large chest. She felt the softness of his black sweater against her cheek and snuggled closer. "Color, Fang. It's a nice thing."
Angel smiled slightly, running his hand over her head as he brushed her hair slowly. "We'll see."
She laughed softly, "Yeah, I've heard that before." She was quiet for a few minutes, listening to her own heartbeat and not hearing his. She closed her eyes, saying what was on her mind, "I wonder what Willow is doing right now."
"Why don't you call her and ask?"
Faith shook her head as she felt sleep start to claim her. She mumbled, "Nah...she's not mine. Was never mine. Always Buffy. Willow's hers."
Buffy stood outside the door, her eyes moving over each letter as she read Angel Investigations over and over again. She had been standing outside for nearly twenty minutes, just putting off going inside. In a way, she wondered if she was doing the right thing. To go to Angel and ask for his help after everything that had happened between them just seemed so wrong suddenly. She should simply turn around and go back to Sunnydale. Go back to seeing Willow lost in thoughts about her. Gathering her strength, she pushed open the door and walked inside. She glanced around the office, not surprised to find that Cordelia had already gone for the evening. She knew she should call out for Angel, let him know she was there, but she remained silent, instead moving towards Delia's desk. Papers were stacked in neat piles, familiar handwriting covering small yellow post it notes, a picture framed beside a lamp. Buffy looked closely at the picture, somewhat surprised to see the faces of her and her friends looking back at her. She remembered when the picture had been taken, during senior year before everything had gone to hell. Well, before Angel had come back, before Faith had arrived....when they thought their only enemy that year would be Snyder, not having any idea of what lay ahead. Her fingers traced over Willow's face, a sharp rush of jealousy shooting through her as she saw the possessive way Oz's arm was laying around the pretty redhead's shoulders.
"Buffy?" Angel asked softly, surprised to see the blonde slayer. He glanced behind him at the elevator, knowing that downstairs Faith was waiting for him. He covered his surprise, seeing the face he remembered all too well look at him silently. "What are you doing here?"
Buffy was taken aback at the sharp tone in his voice. True, they hadn't really spoken for several months, but the last time they had seen each other, she had thought they were going to try to be friends. She almost laughed at that thought. They could never be friends, not true friends. That was probably the only thing Spike had ever been right about. She decided to get straight to the point, not wanting to be around Angel anymore than necessary. "I need your help."
"My help?" he asked, his eyes softening in concern as he looked her over. She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was a mess and she was wearing old sweats. He had never seen her look so bad, yet her eyes were the same. The same fight still in their hazel depths. "What's wrong, Buffy?"
Hearing him say her name in that soft way of his almost did her in. She almost went to him, just to feel the embrace of someone that had once wanted her love. Just to be held by a friend, to cry on his shoulder and tell him everything. She couldn't do that, though. "Faith."
Angel stiffened at the hissed word, irritation crossing his face, "Buffy, I don't have time for this."
"Well, thanks a lot," she said, crossing her arms in front of her chest and glaring at him. "What's with this attitude? I just said her name."
"Why don't you just go back to Sunnydale," he said, sighing as he ran his hand over his face. "I'm not in the mood for some stupid slayer rivalry at the moment."
"I only came here because I thought you could help me find her," Buffy said tightly, thankful that she had resisted the urge to tell him everything.
"Why me?" he asked, looking into her eyes.
"Because, well, because you're Angel," she said, knowing that was a stupid excuse. She sighed loudly, "because you're the only person I knew of to ask. I couldn't really go to Giles about this, and there was noone else."
"What do you want with her?" he asked.
Buffy's eyes suddenly narrowed, "Wait a damn minute here. You knew!"
"Excuse me?" he asked, wondering if it was possible for a vampire to get a headache.
"You didn't seem surprised that I was looking for her. You knew she woke up from her coma. How did you know? Do you know what else she did?" Buffy demanded.
"This is my house. I am not going to have you come in here and demand answers from me," he said quietly.
"Angel, how did you know?" Buffy asked.
"Damn, B. Don't you ever shut up?" Faith asked, stepping into the room. "No wonder he came to LA...."
"This is rich," Buffy said, looking at Faith and seeing the brunette wearing a shirt that obviously belonged to Angel, and nothing else. Her hair was wet and she appeared to have just gotten out of the shadow. "You bitch!"
"Buffy," Angel warned softly, having no desire to see slayer blood spilled on his office floor.
"Guess you weren't that good, Faith. I mean, he's still got the soul and all. Too bad he can't share it with you," Buffy spat out, staring daggers at the other slayer.
"Wait a fucking minute!" Faith said, her eyes widening. "You think I fucked Fang?"
"Why not? Completely ruin Willow's life and then run to LA for a nice fuck," Buffy said, shaking her head. "You stupid bitch."
"Quit calling me that!" Faith shouted, anger setting her nerves on edge. "And what do you mean, ruin Willow's life?"
Buffy faltered as she heard the obvious concern in Faith's voice when she spoke of Willow. She stared at Faith for several moments, considering lying and just leaving, going back to try to make Willow love her, but instead she sighed. She glanced at the floor, whispering, "You seduced her and then left."
"It wasn't me," Faith denied, glancing at Angel with a puzzled look at Buffy's behavior. "It was you."
Buffy snorted, looking up and glaring at Faith, "It was never me. You made sure of that. It was all you. Sure, it was my body, but I wasn't there. I didn't feel anything. She won't even talk to me now! Just ignores me, acts like I don't exist. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"
"Yeah, I do," Faith said, remembering all those meetings where Willow would never even glance her way, or when she did, there would be curiosity mixed with fear in those green eyes. She had always scared Willow, threatened her in some way she didn't understand even now.
"I hate it," Buffy hissed, having to move as she spoke. "She never talks to me, never laughs with me, never even smiles at me. It's all your fault. You took her away from me."
"Yeah, right," Faith snorted that time, moving to sit on the edge of Cordelia's desk. She noticed that Angel had disappeared sometime during her and Buffy's talk and she almost smiled. Trust him to get away while he could. She said, "She was always yours, B. How the fuck did I take her away?"
"You just did," Buffy said. "You made love to her in my body. MY body. When she looks at me, she hears your words, whatever the hell they were. I don't know, you see, because I WASN'T THERE!"
"That's what bothers you the most, isn't it?" Faith asked sharply. "The fact that I actually beat you to something you wanted."
"This isn't a game, Faith," Buffy said, suddenly tired. "This is Willow's life."
"You think I don't know that?" Faith asked, anger in her voice. "Why do you think I left? I'm not stupid, B. She never even liked me. There's no way in hell she'd have ever let me touch her like that, ever let me talk to her like that."
"She always liked you, Faith," Buffy said softly. "She would usually defend you when we argued, always claimed that we just didn't know you. Even when you went evil, she always thought there was hope. Until you almost killed her. Then, well, she gave up. We all did."
"You're full of shit. She always blamed me for everything. It was always my fault. She never even gave me a chance. None of you did," Faith said.
"No, we didn't," Buffy admitted. "But you never gave us one either."
"Fine. We both fucked up. That doesn't mean a God damn thing now. Past is past," Faith said, "there's no changing it. No going back. What's done is done."
"God, you're starting to sound like Angel," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.
Faith almost smiled, "Well, he and I have done a lot of talking the last couple of days. What can I say? He's pretty smart about shit like this."
"I guess so," Buffy said, frowning.
"Why were you looking for me, B?" Faith asked after several minutes of silence.
"I wanted to know what happened that night. Wanted to know if you could possibly give Willow even half of what she deserves," Buffy said softly, staring at the floor again. "Faith, you can't run from this, not this time. It won't go away."
"What do you know?" Faith asked. "She doesn't want me, B. Probably doesn't have any idea what she wants. Hell, I was the first girl she'd ever fucked. She may not even be gay."
"She needs you," Buffy said quietly, remembering the look on Willow's face when she had told her she was going away for a few days. Relief mixed with worry mixed with confusion. "She won't talk to me about what happened. Maybe she'll talk to you. If she doesn't, well, I don't think she'll move past this anytime soon."
"I can't go back," Faith said sharply.
"I can make you," Buffy said just as sharply.
"Why? Why bother doing this? It was just one night. She'll get over it. Soon, you'll both be back to whispering about frat boys and slaying vampires. Why do I need to go back?" Faith asked.
"Because, she's hurting and she won't talk to me! I will not stand by and watch her push everyone away because she's confused and upset. Because I miss having her smile at me, damn it," Buffy said.
"And me being there is going to help?" Faith said, not at all convinced.
"It might make her face up to what happened and allow her to get her feelings into the open," Buffy said, a slight edge of hope in her voice. "That night, whatever you two talked about, I think she started to fall in love with you."
"You're kidding," Faith said, looking at the other girl and freezing when she saw the regret and sorrow in the hazel eyes of the other slayer. "Fuck me. You're in love with her too, aren't you?"
Buffy's face closed up instantly, "I don't know what you're talking about. Anyway, my feelings aren't the issue. The issue is Willow and the shit she's dealing with at the moment. Now, are you coming to Sunnydale to help fix the mess you made, or do I have to force you?"
"I'd like to see you try," Faith taunted, seeing the blonde straighten up, the look of determination enter her pretty face. "But not tonight. I'm too tired to fight with you."
"Will you come with me tomorrow?" Buffy asked again.
"I don't really see the point, but what the hell? You can stay here tonight. Angel has a couch and all. Tomorrow, we can go to Sunnydale. After all, the first step into maturity is facing up to your actions and trying to fix them," Faith said, reciting some of Angel's earlier words. "But, I don't think it's going to help."
"It will help," Buffy said. "Willow's cut me off, but she may let you in. You'll know what happened that night, what was said, what you made her feel."
"It was never me though," Faith said softly, her eyes flashing with regret as she stared at the picture on Cordelia's desk that Buffy was looking at earlier.
"No, it was never me," Buffy corrected quietly. "She was never mine. She was always yours."
Willow glanced at the other side of the room, wondering where Buffy had gone. The slayer's side of the room had not been touched since the day before at least. Willow had checked the closet and noticed a duffle bag missing but everything else was the same. She couldn't believe Buffy had just left. There was no note, no message. Nothing. Just an empty half to the dorm room. Willow couldn't really blame Buffy for not talking to her. She hadn't been the easiest person to get along with lately. Since that night with Faith, well, she'd been so confused she'd pushed everyone away. Especially the girl that looked just like the woman she had spent an entire night making love with. It wasn't Buffy's fault, that Willow knew. It had been Faith. But, how could she forget that it had been Buffy's body that had brought her such pleasure?
Willow just had no idea how she was supposed to act in a situation like this. A one night stand was bad enough without it being your best friend's body with someone else inside. Why did she have to live on the Hellmouth? Nothing was ever simple or easy in this damn town. She had felt things that night, things she had never felt before. She had started to fall in love that night. The problem was that she had no idea if it had been with Buffy or Faith. She had done nothing but think the last few days and she still had no answers. She could admit that she had had feelings for Buffy for a long time. Friendship that had drifted into something deeper that she hadn't even realized until faced with this. And Faith? Well, she had never really liked the brunette slayer. Resenting her for trying to take her place in the group, for making her feel things she didn't want to feel, for ruining her senior year in so many ways. But, it had been Faith she had talked to that night. Faith who had said such insightful things. Faith she had found so much in common with. Faith she had fallen in love with. She groaned, rubbing her temples. It seemed as if she had had a constant headache since the morning after that night.
She had hardly spoken to Buffy in the past week. She couldn't look at Buffy without remembering. Remembering made her deal with the messed up reality of everything. It was easier to avoid it and hope that it would go away. She knew that was wishful thinking though. It would never go away. And she would have to deal with it all. She was worried about Buffy. Despite what she was going through, she knew Buffy was dealing with far worse. After all, Buffy had not been given a choice in anything. Her body had been used, her entire life changed by her old enemy, and she had been helpless to stop it. Willow knew her best friend well enough to know that Buffy was in pain. There was never a day that went by that they didn't meet for lunch or spend hours talking. The past week or so, there had been maybe three words spoken between them. It had hurt her so she knew Buffy was hurting too.
She had to admit that she cared about Buffy, could maybe even be in love with the blonde. She hated the thought that she was the one causing her best friend pain. When Buffy got back, they needed to talk. Willow was not
going to be able to forget what had happened, to forget the things that she had learned about herself from that night, to forget. But, she was not going to lose her best friend because of her insecurities. Buffy was too important to her for that. Without Buffy, Willow didn't know what she'd do. So, it was time for them to openly discuss what had happened and move past it. Together, maybe they could reclaim their friendship before it was completely destroyed. She just wished she knew where the slayer had gone so she could stop worrying. She didn't want to even consider the possibility that Buffy was gone for good. That the slayer had finally grown tired of the silence and cold shoulder. Buffy was too strong to give up on their friendship that easily. She knew the blonde hadn't pushed out of that friendship but maybe that was what Willow had needed. A big push into reality to make her deal with what had happened.
Willow sighed as she looked
back at her book. She had fallen back into an easy pattern of hiding behind
her books since that night. She had finished all of her assigned reading, a
couple of papers and had taken notes on chapters they hadn't even reached in
class yet. Anything to avoid dealing with questions or concerns. Not that anyone
except for Buffy knew what happened. It wasn't exactly something you'd broadcast
to others. She could just see hanging with Xander and dropping a comment concerning
her night of passion with Faith while in Buffy's body. He'd faint then want
details. She closed her book, deciding she needed some fresh air. She hadn't
been out since getting out of class the day before. She'd grab some lunch, maybe
drop by Giles and see if he knew where Buffy might be, then come back and wait.
She and Buffy were going to have a talk and deal with what happened. She closed
her eyes, knowing that would be the worst talk she had ever had. Unfortunately,
there were no easy answers to this dilemma. She left the room, hoping that when
she got back Buffy would be there so they could talk.
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