Restoration
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by Author : Stories by Ghostwriter
: Restoration - Page 1
Summary: Our girls get back together, face Willow's addiction and fight an enemy, not necessarily in that order.
AUTHOR: Ghostwriter
EMAIL: ghstwrtr7@aol.com
RATING: R or possibly NC-17
PAIRING: Willow/Tara
SETTING: Up to and including "Older and Far Away."
DISCLAIMER: BTVS and all characters belong to Joss Whedon, ME and Fox, I own
nothing.
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Willow sat in the chair next to the bedroom window; her eyes were staring, unseeing out at the street below. Her feet were pulled up onto the chair, her arms wrapped around her knees, her head lying back. She spent a lot of time in the chair, looking out, almost as if she were waiting for someone to walk up the front walk. Someone she knew would not.
"Hey, are you antisocial girl again tonight?" Buffy asked from the doorway. She had been watching her best friend silently for the last few minutes. Her heart ached for the sadness she saw in Willow, but the practical side of her said it was a situation of her own making. Buffy told the practical, cold side to shut up. It was a fight she fought every day since being brought back. She didn't want to listen to that side any more. She didn't want to have to remind herself to feel, to care what was happening. Maybe if she had paid more attention to Willow her friend would not be in so much pain. If only she had not hid the truth from them. If only she had not turned to Spike. Buffy sighed mentally at all the what ifs. It had broken her heart to watch Willow fight the addiction but it gave her strength to fight her own inner demons. To fight the apathy that had surrounded her and to fight the temptation that was Spike. As she stood watching her best friend she felt helpless, she wanted to protect her from the pain, to shield her, to fix it. But this was not something she could fix. All she could do was watch, helpless, as her friend floundered from day to day fighting an addiction and mourning the loss of her light.
Willow turned her head to look at the blonde Slayer. The pale light shrouded her eyes, but Buffy knew they contained a deep pain. Buffy hated seeing that pain in the redhead's eyes and she hated that a part of her still couldn't feel enough to care. Once again she pushed that aside sternly, reminding herself to feel, to care, to love.
"I'm sorry. I just couldn't be there anymore," Willow answered before looking back out the window.
"No biggie," Buffy shrugged and moved into the room. She sat down on the end of the bed. "You okay?"
"As okay as I can be," the redhead answered not turning from the window.
"Will, I know this has been hard on you, but this," she gestured to the room and chair. "This staying away is not good, it's not healthy," Buffy told her, her voice filled with the concern she felt.
"I know," sighed Willow brushing a stray lock of hair away. "But there's nothing else I can do."
"What do you mean?" the Slayer asked with a frown, not understanding. She leaned forward on the bed her eyes intently on her friend. Willow sighed before answering.
"If I go to the Bronze, all I do is think of her, of her birthday party. If I go to the Magic Box, everything there reminds me of her, or I go all jonesy for the magic. If I stay here, in our bedroom its worse, but at least here I know I am safe from temptation."
"Will," Buffy breathed her name softly. She knew how much her best friend was hurting. She had watched as Willow had pined for Xander, how she had been devastated when Oz left, but nothing compared to what she saw now. Her vibrant, kooky friend looked lost, broken. She was broken and the Slayer didn't know how to fix her. Tears sprang to her own eyes, surprising her a little as silent tears slid down Willow's cheeks. She sat unsure, lost a little herself as her best friend stared out the window.
* * *
"How is she?" Xander asked when Buffy joined them downstairs.
"The same," Buffy sighed and sat down on the couch next to Dawn. The cast had come off sometime ago, but the teenager still cradled it protectively on occasion. The broken arm was a reminder, both to her and Willow. She had gotten it when the car Willow had been magically driving had crashed into a wall. The two had been running from a demon Willow had inadvertently summoned while getting a magic fix from Rack. Willow's addiction to Dark Magic had gotten so out of control that she had taken Dawn to her dealer's place while she had gotten her fix. It had resulted in the accident and Willow finally recognizing she had a problem.
"I'm worried Buffy," Xander said finally, his brown eyes warm with concern. He sat forward in the armchair his hands rubbing together as he looked around at the others.
"Me too," Buffy said softly her own eyes cast downward. Her fingers picked at a stray thread on the couch.
"Well I'm not," Anya piped up. The others looked at her. "What? She brought it on herself," she said defensively.
"Yes she did. She knows that but, we've all made mistakes," Buffy pointed out with a frown.
"I hate to see her so down," Xander said softly looking down at his hands. He felt so helpless. His best friend was hurting and he couldn't help her. He wanted to help her, to protect her but he didn't know how.
"Broken," Dawn whispered. Buffy, startled looked at her.
"What?"
"She's broken," Dawn said looking up her eyes earnest. "Inside."
"Exactly," agreed Xander snapping his fingers. "Exactly, broken."
"Well how do we fix her?" asked Anya sitting down on the arm of the chair Xander was sitting in. Even though she said she wasn't worried, she really was. She and Willow had had their disagreements but the ex-demon did care about her.
"I don't know if we can," Buffy answered pulling Dawn into a loose one-armed embrace. "I'm not even sure if she wants to be fixed."
"Would Tara?" Xander began, his voice trailing off, opening his hands in a helpless gesture.
"She won't even ask about her," supplied Dawn. She and the blonde Wiccan had spent a lot of time together since Tara had moved out. "I have to bring Willow up."
"Same here," Buffy agreed. She stood up and walked away from the couch, from her friends and ran a hand through her blonde hair. Her thoughts running chaotically through her mind as it searched for a solution.
"Well I say just leave her alone," Anya said decisively. "She'll either come out of it or she won't."
"It's been months Ahn," Xander said turning to look at the blonde ex-demon.
"Yes it has. But I've seen broken hearts last years, centuries even. She may never get over it."
"Well I for one don't want to watch Willow mope around for centuries," Buffy commented dryly turning to look back at the others. The thought of Willow being that sad for that long caused a pain to lance through her heart.
"Hear! Hear! I vote no on the century long mope," Xander agreed. He ignored the look Anya shot him.
"So what do we do?" Dawn asked looking around at her family. They all looked at each other; hoping one of the others had an idea.
* * *
"Buffy tell me again why I'm here?" Willow asked later that night as she walked with the Slayer through the cemetery. She could not believe she had agreed to accompany Buffy on patrol, when the blonde Slayer had come back to her bedroom she refused to take no for an answer. So Willow found herself reluctantly walking through the cemetery a stake in one hand and a cross in the other. She looked at the cross and wondered, not for the first time how the cross could work for her since she was Jewish. Willow thought about asking Buffy if a Star of David would work against vampires.
"You're keeping me company while I patrol," was the droll answer. Besides , Buffy thought to herself. It keeps me from temptation as well.
"Yes because I am oh so helpful," Willow said bitterly waving a hand dismissively. She kicked at a clump of grass disgusted with herself and her perceived inability to contribute.
"You are helpful Will," Buffy said cheerfully. "And you can help me now by ducking!" she pushed Willow to the ground and expertly staked the vamp that had snuck up behind them.
"Yuck, vamp dust," Willow whined, standing up. She brushed the dust from her clothes. Willow cut her eyes up at her friend a slight pout staining her lips. The redhead bent down to pick up the cross she had dropped.
"Sorry," Buffy shrugged sounding anything but.
"Hey Buffy," Willow began with a small frown as she studied the wooden cross. "Why did a cross work on Vamp Me? Hello Jewish," she said waving the cross a little. Buffy's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to speak, not quite sure how to answer.
"Hello Slayer," came the seductively crooning voice. Spike stepped out from behind a tombstone. Buffy rolled her eyes and turned to face him. The blonde vamp blinked when he saw Willow. "Red," he greeted, his voice more its normal tone. He stopped and put his hands in the deep pockets of his leather duster.
"Spike, what are you doing here?" Buffy asked exasperated. She so did not want to see him. Buffy put her hands on her hips and stared at the platinum blonde vamp, aggravation pouring from her.
"Looking for you."
"Well you found me. See ya later bye," she grabbed Willow and started to walk off. Willow looked between the two a small frown on her face at the tension that filled the air.
"Guess you don't want to know if a Bad blew into town," he called out after her, not following her.
"No I don't!" she shouted over her shoulder. She continued to pull Willow away, further into the cemetery, trying to get as far away from Spike as she could.
"Well you should!" He watched them walk further away without stopping. "Bloody Hell!" he muttered before stalking off in the opposite direction. He wondered if Clem was busy, maybe he could find a game of kitten poker, maybe he could just mope in his crypt. Spike continued walking, muttering softly.
* * *
Tara sat at the table at the Espresso Pump and nervously tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. Buffy and Dawn sat opposite her. Each had a Styrofoam cup in front of them. A small pile of used sugar packets littered the table.
"What do you want me to say?" Tara finally asked.
"Well say something, anything," Buffy answered leaning forward intently watching the play of emotions that passed over the Wiccan's expressive face. Dawn looked between the two women, hoping that Tara would agree.
"This is really between Willow and I," frowned Tara fiddling with her cup, she kept her eyes down.
"Yes, but if you won't even talk to each other how can you get it resolved?" Buffy asked a little exasperated. She had been asking herself this question for weeks and she wanted an answer.
"She's been really good Tara. No spells, nothing," Dawn piped up her eyes bright. Tara smiled gently at the teenager.
"I know Dawnie, but there is more to it than that," Tara's voice was soft and gentle as she spoke to Dawn. The teenager held a special place in her heart and she knew that the breakup had been hard on her.
"Yes there is, and what she did was wrong, so very wrong, but Willow knows what she did, she understands, isn't that enough for a start?" Buffy asked urgently, leaning forward again. She could see Tara was wavering. She and Dawn had spent the afternoon working on the blonde, hoping she would agree to at least talk to Willow. After Buffy's birthday party, when they had been stuck in the house without being able to get out, the Scoobies had had high hopes that the two would start talking. They had seemed to reconnect then. But they hadn't, they had slipped into the familiar habit of avoiding each other. Buffy studied the woman opposite and decided to pull out the big guns.
"It's not like you've never used magic to influence us," Buffy said softly, her meaning clear her eyes boring into Tara's. Dawn sat back, surprised at Buffy's tactic. Tara's eyes widened and she quickly lowered her head. She knew what Buffy was talking about. She cringed inwardly as she thought of the spell that she had cast against the Scoobies so that they would not see the "demon" in her. It had resulted in them being unable to see real demons as they attacked. They had forgiven her for that and had stood up to her father for her, accepting her as one of them. She frowned as she thought about that time.
"L-let me think about it," she finally said, her eyes faraway, her mind already whirling. Buffy and Dawn shared a pleased smile.
* * *
Willow had been staring at the same page in her textbook for almost half an hour. The soft sounds in the college library were barely perceptible to her. Today had been a bad day. Willow had woken up with tears staining her cheeks, never a good way to start the day. She knew that Tara would dominate her thoughts even more so. She had pushed the dream from her mind and started her morning routine. The day got really bad when she had looked under the bed to find her clogs when she found a small clear crystal. Apparently it had been missed in the clean out. Willow had reached out for it, trembling as if it were a frog ready to hop out at her. As soon as she had touched it a craving had gripped her, slamming into her so hard she had gasped. Sweat had sprung up on her brow; her eyes had never left the crystal in her hand. She could feel the magic gathering, aching for a release. Willow had taken a deep shaky breath, preparing herself for the spell she could feel on her lips when the door to her bedroom had swung open. Dawn stood there her mouth open to ask the question she never finished. The teenager had looked at Willow and the crystal in her hand, her dark eyes flashing in anger once before firmly walking up to Willow and taking the crystal from her. The relief that had coursed through Willow at the time had almost been palatable. She had broken down in tears then falling into Dawn's arms as she cried for what she had almost done.
Willow finally sighed, sat back and shut the book with a loud thud. The craving had followed her around all day causing her to break out in a sweat even in the coolness of the classroom. She had been trembling so hard in one class that she could not even hold a pen to take notes. The redhead skipped lunch, knowing that if she put anything in her churning stomach it would quickly find its way back up. With a stern frown Willow pushed the days events from her mind firmly. She was sick and tired of feeling like this.
"Willow?" asked a voice to her side. She jumped guiltily and looked up to see a vaguely familiar dark haired girl. "Hi I'm Tracy Wilson, we have Medieval History together," the girl supplied shyly. Willow remembered her then.
"Oh yeah, that's right, sorry. How are you?" she asked impatiently pushing back a lock of hair.
"Good, listen, uh," Tracy moved around the table and sat down across from Willow. "I'm a little behind and I was wondering if you could help?"
"You mean like tutor you or more like a study buddy?" Willow asked unsure as to what Tracy wanted, unsure also if she felt up to it.
"Well, both, that is if you have the time," Tracy finished, her eyes downcast shyly. She looked down at her nervous hands as they fiddled with her books.
Willow opened her mouth to say no when she mentally shook her head. No, she would do it; she was tired of moping, of sitting around waiting. Buffy had been right, sitting around wallowing in self pity was not good for her. No matter what the future held for her and Tara she could not spend the rest of her life just existing, just going through the motions. How could she help Buffy if she herself was guilty of the same thing? She decided then and there to step out into the daylight, she knew it would not be easy but she had to take that first step.
"Uh, sure, I've got the time," Willow rolled her eyes. "I've got nothing but time."
"Great!" Tracy's dark brown eyes lit up. "That's great! You have no idea how much I appreciate this!" Willow smiled at her enthusiasm. "When can we start?"
"Well, since we have a class today, why not tonight? You can come over," Willow suggested, suddenly feeling excited about the prospect of having something to do.
"All right, sounds good," Tracy agreed smiling shyly again.
Willow quickly gave Tracy directions and gathered her books. The two girls walked out of the library chatting.
* * *
Tara walked slowly toward her dorm room, deep in thought. Ever since she had met Dawn and Buffy for coffee the day before her mind had not been silent. Buffy had raised a good point. Granted she had not tampered with memories but the principle was similar. She had forgiven Willow for that, somewhat, but she wondered if Willow had really stopped using Black Magic for herself or for Tara. The blonde had told Willow it was time to walk without the net and she hoped Willow had taken her advice. Tara was afraid for Willow, she knew how seductive magic was and she knew her lover. Willow's thirst for knowledge had lead her to this, had opened doors that should have remained shut. Tara was afraid that Willow would give in to the siren pull of magic and open the door again. How could she trust that Willow in her desire to step through that door would not manipulate her memories again? If she couldn't remember what she was afraid of how could she be afraid? And she needed to be afraid. Because being afraid kept her from giving into the temptation as well. Tara had left because she felt that if Willow saw what the consequences were she would stop. She had left because she felt this was the only way to help Willow fight against that pull. She had left because she felt that it was the only choice she had. Could she now go back for the same reason? There were so many reasons she had left, but there were only a few for her to go back.
Buffy and Dawn though had been making a point of every time they had seen Tara to tell her how well Willow was doing. She had also seen for herself at Buffy's birthday party. Granted Willow had kept supplies, but she hadn't used them. That in it self was a good thing. They had made a good start that night but since then neither had made an effort to see or talk to the other. Maybe it was time, she thought. Maybe it was time. With a lighter step she continued on to her dorm.
"So is there an ooglie booglie or are we just in research mode for general purposes?" Dawn asked the afternoon after their coffee date with Tara. Her sister and Xander were sitting at the research table when she had come into the Magic Box from school. Anya was stocking some shelves.
"I think you've been told that there are no ooglie booglies," Buffy said not looking up from the magazine she was reading. Xander's attention was on the comic book in front of him.
"Oh, there are, but they don't really like that term," Anya supplied over her shoulder. Dawn smiled smugly and sat down.
"How did your talk with Tara go yesterday?" Xander asked, ignoring Anya's comment about the ooglie booglies.
"Good, I think she may talk to Will," Buffy told him. She had a good feeling about their talk. Buffy closed the magazine and stood up, stretching. "Dawn, homework. I'm going to train a bit before we go home."
The bell above the door tinkled and Willow came bounding in a small spring to her step. She was so busy looking forward to something that she didn't have time to think about her reaction to the things in the magic shop. Some days she could go in and not feel a thing and other times she could not even be on the same block.
"Hey guys!" she greeted. There was a small sparkle in her eye. For the first time in a long time she had something to look forward to. "Buffy, I'm going to have company this evening is that OK?" she asked stopping at her friend. Her fingers wrapped around themselves and she swung her arms slightly.
"Boy that was fast!" Xander stated. "Way to go Buff!" Willow frowned and looked between Xander and the blonde Slayer.
"What are you talking about?" she asked confused.
"So who's coming over? Tara?" Dawn asked with a little squirm. A wave of sadness crossed Willow's face and she frowned again.
"What? No," she shook her head. "Tracy, a girl from school is coming over to study."
"A study friend?" Anya asked moving over to stand next to the seated Xander. "Is that another euphemism for sex buddy?"
"What?" Buffy and Willow asked together, both horrified. Buffy shot a warning glance at the ex-demon, cutting her eyes toward Dawn. Willow looked down at her hands before taking a deep breath.
"No Anya. She's a just a friend. We have a class together and she needs some help," Willow explained. The bell above the door tinkled again. Willow stiffened, she knew without turning who had come into the shop. She could feel the other woman.
"Hey Tara!" greeted Dawn shrilly. She ran over and hugged the woman. The others greeted her as well. Willow waited until she was closer before turning to face her ex-lover. She smoothed down the front of her skirt nervously before bracing herself.
"Hey Willow," Tara said softly, lowering her eyes. The two stood facing each other, the others watching intently.
"Hey," Willow replied shyly. Her heart was pounding and she was sure her palms were sweating.
"Hi," said Tara again, nervously biting her lower lip and lowering her head.
"How are you?" asked Willow her hand moving toward the blonde to touch her. Quickly she lowered it and held onto her fingers with the other hand, hoping to keep it from straying again.
"Good you?" they were awkward with each other, each unsure what to say. Tara looked at everything but at Willow. The redhead drank in the sight of her ex-lover, her heart in her eyes for all to see.
"Good, good," the two lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, each shifting nervously.
"Dawnie, help me in the training room," Buffy said suddenly. She grabbed her sister's arm and pulled her toward the back before the teenager could protest. "Xander, don't you have to help Anya?" she asked pointedly. Xander opened his mouth but the hard look from Buffy stopped him.
"Right! Help Anya!" he stood up and guided Anya to the far corner.
"Not very subtle are they?" Tara asked with a shy lopsided smile looking fully at Willow for the first time.
"They put the "b" in subtle," Willow agreed nodding her head, smiling back tentatively at the blonde.
"Uh, Willow, um, I was wondering if we c-c-could get together to t-talk," Tara managed in a rush taking a step toward her.
"Oh sure!" the redhead readily agreed, her heart beating rapidly. "When?"
"Are you free tonight?" Tara asked hopefully. After deciding to talk to Willow she wanted to do it as soon as possible. She felt if she waited she would never gather the courage again.
"Yes. Oh no, I mean, no. I just have this thing. I could cancel," Willow said hurriedly her hands reaching out to Tara again before stopping just short of Tara's clasped hands. She would give up anything just to be with Tara.
"No, no that's okay. I know it's short notice," Tara said trying to keep her disappointment from showing.
"No listen, it's just a study session. I can reschedule, or no wait can you come by after?" Willow suggested her voice trailing off, and hopeful.
"Okay, sure," Tara agreed readily with a relieved sigh. The two women fell silent again. Each still nervous with each other wanting to talk but knowing that the things that needed to be said would be best said in privacy.
"Willow has a date tonight," Anya said matter of factly despite Xander trying to quiet her. She had been listening and felt it was her duty to her friend to tell Tara about Willow's plans.
"What?" both Willow and Tara said together turning to look at the ex-demon. Tara's face fell and her heart started to race. Tara wondered if she was too late. She had never considered this possibility. She never considered that Willow would move on and start dating some one else. Jealousy ripped through her even though she tried to tell herself that she had no right to feel that way.
"No Tara, it's not a date!" Willow stressed quickly seeing the distressed look on Tara's face. "It's just a study session with a girl from my Medieval History class." She didn't want Tara to think that she was off dating again.
"It's okay Willow, I un-unders-stand," Tara said softly. Willow took a step closer to the blonde, her hand aching to touch the other woman. She stopped her hand mid journey again. She didn't have the right and a fresh pain lanced through her.
"Really Tara, it's just a study session," Willow told the Wiccan, her voice soft, earnest, her eyes begging Tara to believe her.
"Really?" Tara asked relieved, her voice just as soft as Willow's. Her eyes were filled with longing. Willow found herself unable to look away. Tara's hair was pulled back into a ponytail and Willow longed to pull the other woman into her embrace, place slow lingering kisses on the exposed throat, her mouth moving up to take a sexy earlobe between her teeth. Willow shook her head, pushing those thoughts far far away.
"Really," Willow replied firmly.
"Ahn honey, I thought we talked about the difference between study friends and study friends," Xander pointed out his head bobbing with emphasis.
"Well we did, but I'm not convinced that this is a study friend," Anya pouted.
"Anya!" Xander warned.
"Well I'm not," she huffed off toward the cash register. Muttering under her breath she opened the register and started to count the money.
"It's really a study session," Willow repeated again, turning back to the still silent Tara. The other woman just nodded. Tara wanted to believe her. She had a choice, she could believe what Willow said or she could not believe it and fight for what she wanted, either way there was no going back from here. Tara raised her eyes and shyly smiled. Willow's eyes widened and she tentatively began to smile. Something in her chest moved and she smiled brightly.
* * *
"So are you going to the witch's house?"
"Yes Myra," Tracy answered her voice very subdued. She watched as her sister paced the room. Myra was as light as she was dark, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Myra was smiling evilly. Tracy kept her eyes down trying to stay small so as not to garner any more of Myra's attention than necessary.
"Good, good. Now I want you to pay attention to everything !"
"Myra, I don't think...."
"That's right you don't!" Myra whirled around to face the dark haired woman. "You listen to me, you will find out what I want to know. You know what will happen if you don't," she threatened softly, her blue eyes blazing with anger.
"Yes Myra," Tracy sighed sadly, resigning herself to her fate. "But how will I know what to look for?"
"Don't worry about that," Myra waved her hand dismissively, before continuing her pacing. "This is excellent. The time is almost at hand. Once I find the Key I will be exalted beyond all others!"
"I still don't understand what the Key does," Tracy said almost sullenly. Myra had been going on and on for weeks about this key. When she was talking about the key she was pontificating on the wonders that was her chosen God. Tracy shuddered as she thought of some of the things she had read about her sister's deity.
"I don't know everything it does, but I do know one thing it can do," Myra moved over to the fireplace. On the mantle sat a clay urn. She lovingly ran her fingers across the surface. "With the Key I can restore Glorificus to form," she breathed. "And then I can bask in her Glory," she smiled evilly again the smile not reaching her cold eyes as she stroked the urn. Tracy felt the cold finger of dread slide through her.
* * *
"So I think that went well," Willow said later closing her book. She had been nervous and jittery all throughout their study session. The redhead had glanced at the clock on the dining room wall a dozen times in the last ten minutes alone. Tara would be arriving soon she kept saying to herself.
"Willow, thanks so much for everything. I think I'm getting a handle on this," Tracy said closing her book as well.
"I'm glad," Willow answered, somewhat distractedly. The butterflies in her stomach were doing the Macarena. Her thoughts were swirling around so fast that she wondered if she would ever be able to form a coherent thought.
"Are you okay?" Tracy asked looking at her closely.
"What? Oh, I'm fine," she waved her hand. As fine as I can be what with the love of my life coming over and me not knowing what she wants to say .
"Hey Willow!" greeted Dawn coming into the dining room. She had been at Marcie's for dinner. She stopped short when she saw the brunette sitting close to Willow. Her eyes flew to Willow, accusation in her eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for Willow to explain.
"Hey Dawnie, this is my friend Tracy. Tracy this is Dawn," Willow introduced the two.
"Hi Dawn," Tracy said with a shy smile. She reached for the glass in front of her and frowned when she saw it was empty. "Uh, Willow, do you mind if I get some more water?"
"Sure, go ahead," Willow stood and began stacking her books as Tracy went into the kitchen.
"Study date?" Dawn asked in an accusing tone. She had been shuffled out of the room by Buffy earlier so she didn't know about Willow's insistence that it was just a study session.
"No Dawnie, just a study session," Willow sighed, not looking up. Her relationship with Dawn while improving was sometimes exasperating.
"Uh, huh," Dawn said unconvinced. Before Willow could comment there was a knock on the door. Willow rubbed her suddenly sweaty palms on her skirt and nervously straightened her blouse. She felt panic begin to set in. She wondered if she was ready for this.
"She's here," she said softly her eyes wide, not leaving the door. Dawn looked at her strangely not understanding why Willow was so nervous.
"Who?" Dawn asked moving to the front door. "Tara!" she shouted after she had opened it revealing the blonde Wiccan. She enveloped the older woman in a hug.
"Hey Dawnie," Tara hugged her back. They moved apart and smiled at each other.
"What are you doing here? I thought we were going to the movies tomorrow night."
"We are. I'm here to see Willow," Tara told her. Dawn raised her eyebrows in surprise before smiling.
"Hey," Willow said softly from the doorway to the dining room. Tara looked up and the two locked eyes, drinking in the sight of the other. Dawn watched them watch each other a smile stretching across her mouth. She bounced a little on the balls of her feet, very pleased with the situation.
"Uh Willow, I guess I'll be going now," Tracy said from behind the redhead. She had come back into the dining room unnoticed by the other three. Willow turned, breaking the compelling eye contact.
"Oh okay. I'll see you tomorrow," she answered. She quickly introduced the two women before Tracy left.
"Well, I'll be just going upstairs, you know, homework and all," Dawn said as she backed away toward the stairs. Neither woman answered, their eyes were still on each other.
"Are you thirsty? Or hungry? I could make you something. Juice, would you like juice? We have juice. Or do you want to sit, because sitting is good, all with the sitting," Willow asked suddenly babbling. Tara smiled fondly.
"No, I'm fine. Yes let's sit," Tara answered, she moved into the living room and sat down on the couch. Willow followed and looked around, unsure where to sit. Taking a deep breath she sat on the couch next to Tara. The blonde smiled reassuringly letting her know that it was okay. Willow carefully sat and nervously folded her hands in her lap. The two sat silently for a moment, each unsure.
"So, uh, Buffy tells me you've been doing good," Tara finally said, her voice soft. The silence between them had been almost oppressive. The sounds of Dawn moving around upstairs drifted to them soon followed by the strains of the teenager's latest favorite song by the current boy band.
"Yes, I've been doing great, still clean!" Willow said proudly glad to be able to point that out for herself. She looked shyly at Tara before looking away.
"Willow that's excellent!" Tara moved to sit facing her ex-girlfriend.
"I think so. It was hard in the beginning but it's getting better. Some days I only think about it once an hour," she waived her hand before dropping it back in her lap. Willow felt uncomfortable talking about her addiction with Tara. She didn't want the other woman to know what she suffered. She didn't want Tara to know of the shakes, the nosebleeds and the trembling. Willow hated this weakness and she didn't want Tara to have to know how bad it was.
"Tara, not that I'm not glad to see you, but why?" Willow asked suddenly, moving to mirror Tara's pose. She could hold back no longer, she had to know why Tara was there; she had to know if there was a chance. Tara took a deep breath.
"I miss you," she finally said truthfully. "I saw Buffy yesterday and we talked about some things. And I really miss you Will," tears sprang to her eyes. Willow moved closer and wiped a tear away gently.
"Oh Baby, don't cry. I miss you too," Willow whispered. She had wanted to say that to Tara for such a long time. Willow felt relieved to be able to say it. Now all the words she had wanted to say were pressing against her lips begging to be let out. "I've felt like such a fool Tara. I can't believe what a mess I've made."
"Wasn't I enough Willow?" Tara asked, almost afraid of the answer. She looked up into Willow's eyes the hurt in her own causing the redhead pain. Willow swallowed, her face showing the anguish she felt.
"Tara! You're my everything!" Willow took Tara's hands in hers holding them tight.
"Then why?" Tara managed to say, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I hated fighting with you. I just wanted everything to be perfect. I mean I watched Xander's family over the years and I didn't want that," Willow tried to explain looking down at their hands, her fingers toying with Tara's.
"But Will, if you don't want to fight, you don't fight, I've told you that before. Besides, arguing is normal," the blonde told her. Willow didn't look up.
"I know, but my parents never raised their voices to each other, I have never heard them have an argument in my entire life. I was confused," Willow looked up at the other woman before sighing and looking back down at their interlocked fingers. "On one side I saw my parents who never fought and on the other I saw Xander's family and that was all they did. I didn't know how to be anything else. So, when we fought it scared me. I was afraid that if we fought you'd leave me," she said in a small voice.
"What?" Tara asked clearly surprised. She knew it had bothered Willow when they fought, mainly because it didn't happen very often and when it did something major happened. Tara herself hated arguing with the redhead but never once had she considered leaving Willow because of it.
"I mean, why would you want to stay? I'm not special. I'm not the Chosen One. I'm just geek Willow," the redhead said bitterly still looking down at their hands.
"I love geek Willow. I never expected you to be super Willow," Tara told her gently. She disentangled one hand and brushed back a lock of Willow's hair, her fingers tingling from the touch.
"But I did!" Willow insisted looking up her eyes imploring Tara to understand. "I was never special until I started using witchcraft."
"But Willow, you've always been special. Don't you know that?" Tara asked. She looked at the redheaded witch sitting close to her. Willow's head was bent again, hiding her pain and insecurity from Tara.
"I never felt special. I mean here was Buffy, the Chosen One, the Slayer. And here are her Slayerettes, la la la," Willow's voice was filled with self-disgust. Tara sighed.
"Buffy is different. She has a hard task, you can't compare yourself to her," Tara told her softly.
"My head knows that!" Willow lifted her head and looked at Tara, her eyes stricken. "But from the moment we met it's always been Buffy. She had Xander in love with her, Angel in love with her, she had a Watcher, and she had the merry band of Scoobies. The only thing I was better at was school, but that didn't really count because I was better at that than most kids. Then came the magic. I was good at it, eventually. It didn't matter that Oz left me because deep down I knew that if I had used magic on him I could have him back. Then I met you. You were better at magic then I was. And magic was what made me special, made me stand out.
"Once again I was the junior member. You had been practicing longer, had been out longer and I wasn't special anymore," Willow finished softly, ashamed at her feelings. Tara remembered the last time they had had a similar discussion and shuddered. The discussion had escalated into a fight and Willow had stormed out, leaving Tara to go to the cultural fair alone. She had been sitting alone on a bench when Glory had found her. The Hell God had gotten angry when she refused to reveal who the key was and Glory had brainsucked her. She shuddered again and forced her attention back to the woman who was so close to her that she could smell Willow's tantalizing fragrance. The soft, spicy scent that was uniquely Willow's.
"But then I got better," Willow continued. "I was becoming more powerful and suddenly I felt special again. I could do things no one else could. I mean I hurt a God! I brought Buffy back from the dead! And the more I did the more I wanted to do. I had to do more and more, to push the envelope, be better, have more power. All because I could," she finally finished. It felt good to say those things; a weight had been lifted. She took a deep breath. "I figured if I was super Willow you'd love me more," she added softly looking at the woman who held her heart.
"Oh Willow," Tara breathed and pulled the other witch to her. "You are special, even without the magic. I love you not your magic."
"Sometimes I wonder," Willow said her voice muffled as she snuggled deeper into Tara's embrace.
"You shouldn't!" Tara said fiercely. She pulled back and lifted Willow's face, her hands on either side, cupping her cheeks. "Please don't ever doubt how I feel about you," her eyes blazed into Willow's. "Don't you know how special you made me feel? Don't you know how special loving you makes me? I wish I could have made you feel that way," tears sprang to her eyes. Regret clung to her. All she had ever wanted was to love Willow and be loved by her. She felt it was her fault that Willow had turned to the magic so completely. Willow saw that in her eyes and something broke in her chest, she felt fresh guilt wash over her.
"I'm sorry," whispered Willow. "I'm so sorry," tears fell in earnest from her eyes and she pushed herself into Tara's embrace. They held each other tight as the cleansing tears slid down their cheeks.
Much later the two lay on the couch. Tara was holding Willow from behind, her cheek resting on Willow's head. Willow was absently stroking the arm holding her with her fingertips. Not a word had been spoken for the last half-hour.
"I'm sorry Tara," Willow said softly, her voice rough from tears.
"I know Sweetie," Tara whispered before placing a light kiss on the top of Willow's head.
"I can't believe things got so out of control," Willow's eyes stared out into the darkened living room as her fingers continued to stroke Tara's arm.
"You're only human Will," Tara pointed out.
"I know," she sighed. The two lapsed into silence again and a few minutes later both dropped into an exhausted sleep. Buffy, coming home later from patrol found them sound asleep wrapped up together. With a small smile she gently covered them with a blanket. The Slayer watched them sleep for a moment before heading for her own room.
Willow opened her eyes, blinking as she surveyed her surroundings. She realized she was on the couch and familiar arms were around her and Tara's breathing was caressing her neck. She saw by the glow of the clock on the VCR that it was almost three thirty in the morning. She debated on whether or not to move, but the tingling in her arm made the decision.
"Tara," she said softy rubbing the arm still around her. "Tara baby, wake up."
"Five more minutes," she muttered, snuggling closer to Willow. The redhead bit back a moan. She had missed Tara terribly and the closeness was causing an almost physical ache.
"Baby, we fell asleep on the couch, let's go upstairs," Willow tried again. Tara moved and sat up, blinking in surprise.
"Oh my God, we fell asleep."
"Yes," Willow chuckled, standing up. "It's late, come on upstairs." Tara frowned slightly and hesitated. "It'll be okay. It's late I don't want you to be out this late," she paused. "Besides you're safe. As safe as you want to be," she tossed in with a grin, hoping to alleviate the tension. Tara smiled slowly, that lopsided grin that always made Willow's heart skip a beat and make her weak in the knees. The blonde rose off the couch gracefully.
"As safe as I want to be?" she asked her voice low, seductive. Willow backed away toward the stairs, almost tripping over the coffee table. Tara reached out and steadied her, their fingers intertwining naturally.
"Yes safe," Willow gulped, her mind shutting down as her body reacted to Tara's tone.
"How safe do you want to be?" Tara asked leading Willow up the stairs. She chuckled softly at Willow's low groan.
"Tell me everything again. What you saw, what you heard, everything!" Myra insisted. Tracy sat defeated, exhausted in a chair. Myra paced in front of her. Tracy sighed and recited her evening with Willow again.
"Damn, it's not much. You'll have to meet with her again. Befriend her, gain her trust. I need to know everything."
"Myra...."
"Enough," Myra interrupted whirling around to face Tracy, her face a mask of rage. "You will do this Tracy, you know what will happen if you don't," her voice was low, threatening.
"All right," Tracy reluctantly agreed. Myra smiled grimly; there was no pleasure in it, merely a stretching of the muscles. Her eyes remained cold, flat and hard.
* * *
Willow reached over and shut off the alarm. The Tara-shaped lump moved and snuggled back to her side. Willow smiled and lay there enjoying the closeness. They had started out on the opposite sides of the bed despite their flirtatious manner. Both had grown suddenly shy and unsure once they were in the bedroom. But sometime during the night, while they slept their bodies had gravitated to the other and entwined themselves together. Willow breathed in Tara's fragrance and felt her body responding to her closeness. Being this close was a bittersweet feeling for her.
Willow had felt a weight lift from her shoulders last night and she hoped they could move forward. Lingering doubts still plagued her though. Glancing at the clock she sighed and realized that she needed to get up. She knew Tara didn't have a class until ten. Willow carefully got up, despite Tara's muttered protests and went to the adjoining bathroom. The redhead quickly showered and wrapped herself in a towel then went about getting dressed as quickly and as quietly as she could so as not to wake Tara.
"I'm awake," Tara's hoarse voice startled her. She jumped and dropped the garment she had been holding back into the drawer.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Willow said her eyes raking over Tara before moving off. Tara's features were soft from sleep and her hair was spread out over the pillow, her eyes were hooded. Willow's body ached to join her.
"You didn't," Tara stretched and Willow's eyes bugged as she watched the tank top Tara was wearing stretch tautly over her breasts. She felt the instant flush spread through her body.
"I, uh, I," she stammered, wringing her hands in front of her. She looked everywhere but at the bed, her weight shifting from foot to foot as she grew more agitated. "I, uh, I'm going to go get dressed," she whirled around, grabbed her clothes and bolted into the bathroom. Tara frowned, perplexed.
"I'm sorry," Willow said coming back into the room. She was dressed in olive green jeans with a matching blouse. Tara's heart skipped a beat at the sight of the loveliness in front of her.
"It's okay," Tara shrugged, still unsure what Willow was apologizing for. Tara watched as Willow floated around the room, putting on her shoes, brushing her hair. "Are you okay?" she finally asked.
"What?" Willow asked turning around to face Tara. The blonde was surprised at the panicked look on the redhead's face.
"Are you okay?" she repeated.
"I'm," Willow paused, took a deep breath and moved to the bed and sat down facing the love of her life. "I'm sorry. I'm just nervous and scared."
"Scared?" Tara asked surprised. "Of me?" Willow looked down at her nervously fidgeting hands. She nodded, not looking up. "Baby, look at me," Tara whispered. She gently cupped Willow's chin and raised it. "Why are you afraid of me?"
"Because I'm afraid that this is really a dream. That you're not really here and if you are here nothing has changed and when I leave I won't see you again for months," Willow told her. Tears were pooling in her eyes.
"It's not a dream Willow," Tara whispered, her eyes soft and loving as she looked at the woman opposite her. "And I'm not going anywhere," Willow raised her eyes; hope entering them for the first time.
"You mean?" she asked her voice soft. Tara smiled, she remembered asking that question the night of the blackout. The night Willow had come to her room with the candle, the night she had chosen Tara over Oz. They had made love for the first time that night, finally giving themselves fully to each other.
"I mean," Tara answered firmly, echoing Willow's words. "I know we have a lot to work out, but I'd like to, work things out."
"Tara, I, uh," Willow began, but Tara stopped her with a finger to her lips.
"Willow I love you. I have always loved you and I will forever love you. You're lost and I want to find you."
"I want to be found Tara but I am so afraid," Willow whispered her voice tight with anguish. Her eyes were locked with Tara's, she was afraid to look away, afraid that if she did the moment would be lost and they would be strangers again.
"I am too Will," Tara told her. The two women looked deep into each other's eyes, finding the truth in them.
"My world is all askew," Willow whispered. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"What do you want to do?" the two women looked at each other, their eyes lost in the other. Willow would have gladly stayed there for the rest of her life. She moved closer to the blonde. Willow felt her pulse racing. She noticed Tara's quickened breathing and felt a smile slide over her features.
"I want to kiss you," she said moving her eyes to Tara's mouth, aching to touch her lips to Tara's. The blonde's breath hitched, Willow could tell she was just as affected by their closeness.
"Oh yes," Tara breathed softly. She watched as Willow moved ever so close. Every nerve ending tingled. She felt she would die if Willow didn't kiss her that very instant. Willow closed the distance between them and she felt the electricity spark. Their lips were bare millimeters apart.
"Willow!" the two jumped apart as Willow's bedroom door burst open. Dawn stopped, looking between the two women on the bed. She felt the tension and her hand went instinctively to her stomach, feeling the rumblies that always were present when there was tension between the two witches. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were busy," she said in a small voice.
"It's okay Dawn," Willow said. "Is everything okay?"
"Oh yeah, I just came to ask if you could give me a ride to school if you're taking the Jeep. I'm running late and Buffy went to work already."
"Sure, no problem," Willow stood up and moved away from the bed, trying to put some distance between her and Tara so her thoughts would clear. She looked at her alarm clock and realized she needed to go or she would be late to class herself.
"Thanks, I'll just wait downstairs. Hey Tara," she finally greeted the woman on the bed. "Are we still on for tonight?" she asked unsure.
"Of course. Uh, Dawnie, would you mind if I asked Willow to join us?" Tara asked throwing a teasing glance at the redhead. Dawn grinned and looked at both women.
"Nope, it'll be fun. See ya!" she flounced out of the room. The two women fell into silence.
"Will," Tara called softly. Willow turned around to look at her. "Would you like to go to the movies with Dawn and I?" she asked suddenly nervous for some reason. She decided to slow things up a little between them, to help both of them get a handle on their emotions. Willow smiled gratefully as if she understood.
"Yes I would Tara. I'd like that very much," Willow answered. She felt her heart soar. But she was still afraid. What if Tara decided she really didn't love plain Willow? What if Tara became bored? What if Tara... Her heart started to pound and her mind whirled. What if she herself was not ready? That thought frightened her. Her emotions passed quicksilver over her face. Tara stood up and walked to her, concerned.
"Willow are you all right?" Tara asked concern evident in her voice. She placed a light hand on Willow's arm. Willow looked at the woman her eyes drinking in the sight of the blonde in a tank top and pair of boxers. The clothes had been left behind when she had moved out.
"I'm fine. Just having a bit of the fraidy cat syndrome," Willow told her with a roll of her eyes.
"Will if you don't want..." Tara began as a white-hot pain lanced through her heart.
"No, no I do want," Willow was quick to reassure her. "It's just this is happening so fast."
"Is that bad?" asked Tara unsure. She was afraid that Willow didn't want the same thing she did.
"I don't know, see Tara, I want to be with you more than anything. But I'm so scared," tears sprang to her eyes again. Willow wiped them away almost angrily, she was so sick of crying. She felt the fear welling up in her chest. She couldn't even really say what she was afraid of.
"Oh baby," Tara pulled Willow into a fierce embrace. "I'm afraid too. But we can be afraid together. Slowly okay?" She fought her own tears. "Okay sweetie?"
"Okay," Willow agreed her voice soft and childlike. She held onto Tara tightly never wanting to leave the blonde's arms. She was safe there. They stayed like that until Dawn's voice calling to Willow filtered to them. With a quick squeeze Willow stepped out of the embrace. The two shared a smile before Willow left.
* * *
"Hey Willow," Tracy greeted the redhead. Willow looked up from the book in her lap. She was sitting under a tree studying. Actually she had been thinking of the events of the previous evening and this morning.
"Hey Tracy, how are you?"
"Good," the brunette dropped down to sit next to Willow. "I had a chemistry test this morning that I think I flunked."
"You look tired," commented Willow, noticing the dark circles under her brown eyes. She looked Tracy over concerned about her friend.
"I am. I, uh, stayed up late studying," she answered, averting her eyes. "So, thanks again for all your help. When can we do it again?"
"How about tomorrow afternoon?" Willow suggested.
"Sure that would be great!" Tracy readily agreed. "What time?"
"Three? I'll be finished for the day by then."
"Me too. Maybe we can get something to eat afterwards?" Tracy asked. Despite the fact that Myra wanted her to spend time with the redhead, Tracy really liked Willow and enjoyed hanging out with her.
"Uh, sure," Willow agreed. She didn't think she and Tara had made any plans. It felt strange to think of Tara before she made plans. Strange but good, she smiled to herself, her thoughts once more on the blonde who had bewitched her all over again.
"Great!" Tracy brightened. "So what are you doing tonight?" she asked and inwardly groaned at the lameness.
"Uh, oh I am going to the movies with a friend, uh friends," Willow told her. Her thoughts were already racing with images of her and Tara sitting in a darkened theatre together.
"Sounds like fun," Tracy said with a wistfulness that was real. Willow looked at her. She knew how the other felt. She had always been on the outside looking in, surrounded by people but always alone. Until Buffy. Buffy had befriended her and brought her to life. Looking at the loneliness that Tracy tried to hide Willow felt sorry for her. She could repay that debt to Buffy now.
"Tracy would you like to join us?" she asked. Tracy looked up surprised.
"I don't want to impose" the brunette shook her head.
"You won't," Willow insisted. Not really , she thought to herself. I hope Tara understands .
"If you are sure?" Tracy asked hoping that Willow really meant it.
"I'm sure," was the firm answer.
"Okay, I'll come, thanks for asking!" Tracy agreed, her eyes sparkling. Seeing the excitement on Tracy's face made Willow smile and she knew she had done the right thing.
* * *
"So this is like a real magic shop?" Tracy asked as they approached the Magic Box later that afternoon. "They sell trick cards and all that?"
"Uh, not exactly, they sell charms, potions and things," Willow answered reaching for the door.
"Wow," Tracy said. She looked around curiously. She knew Myra would want to know about this place. Tracy quickly pushed the thought of her sister away. This afternoon was for her.
"Hey guys," Willow greeted the Scoobies. Xander was working on a schedule for the construction site and Buffy was heading towards the training room. Anya was at the register happily counting money. "Everyone, this is Tracy, Tracy this is Buffy, Xander and Anya," she introduced.
"So what's up?" Willow asked after the greetings were accomplished.
"Nothing, I just got off work and I'm about to work out some aggression," Buffy told her with a grimace at the thought of the Palace.
"Are you Willow's new friend ? " Anya asked coming around the counter, her curious gaze moving over Tracy like she was a cow at an auction. Tracy backed up a little at her intense gaze.
"Uh, yeah," Tracy replied hesitantly.
"Are you her new orgasm friend?" the shopkeeper persisted.
"Anya!" the Scoobies shouted in unison, their expressions ranging from dismay to disgust.
"What?" the ex-demon asked bewildered. "Xander said they were study friends, I just asked what everyone else was thinking!"
"No Anya, we are not that type of friends, I told you that," Willow said with a sigh. "I'm sorry Tracy," she turned to her new friend.
"It's okay," Tracy managed. She looked a little wide-eyed.
"Why aren't you orgasm friends? What's the point of having a friend if they don't give you orgasms?" Anya asked looking around at the others. Xander dropped his head in his hands in embarrassment.
"Anya honey, we have already had this discussion," he said his tone flat, defeated.
"I know we have, but I still don't get the principle," Anya grumbled and moved back toward the cash register.
"Tracy, I'm really sorry," Willow apologized again.
"Don't be, it's okay. Uh, is she always this direct?" she asked looking at Anya as she rifled through the cash drawer.
"You have no idea," Buffy answered dryly.
"You want to be right?" Anya piped up moving back to the women. Tracy looked confused for a second until she realized that Anya was referring to her earlier question. "I mean it's been a long time for Willow, since Tara up and left her so I'm sure she'd be willing."
"God Anya!" Willow exploded, her face red.
"Ahn, honey," Xander got up and moved over to his fiance.
"Xander, I'm trying to be helpful and to understand lesbian dating habits," Anya told him, pleased with herself and her willingness to learn.
"Anya!" gasped Willow. "Tracy please don't listen to her, she's on medication. I'm so very sorry. I can't believe..."
"Willow," interrupted Tracy. "It's okay, really."
The bell tinkled as the door opened and everyone turned to see Tara and Dawn enter. Tara smiled her lopsided grin upon seeing Willow. The redhead's smile grew brilliantly.
"Tara! Come and meet Willow's new orgasm friend!" Anya called out. Tara stopped, her smile faltering.
"No, no Tara," Willow began moving toward the confused woman in a controlled panic. Behind her she could hear Buffy and Xander yelling at Anya. Dawn looked at her in disgust. "No baby, that's just Anya talking. You met Tracy last night remember? We're just friends, study buddies, not study buddies ," Willow quickly explained with a blush. "Please, don't listen to Anya," Willow's eyes were wide and tears pooled in them. Her heart was beating against her chest and fear coursed though her. Willow felt herself losing control and suddenly the deep ache for magic filled her chest. She fought to control it, to push it away, she didn't want this, not now, and she didn't want her craving to taint her time with Tara.
"It's true, we're just friends. I'm not even gay, not that there's any thing wrong with that," Tracy supplied hastily; her eyes still a little wild. Tara looked between the two women.
"Oh," she said softly. Tara took a deep breath choosing as she did before to believe Willow. She reached for Willow's hand and gave it a squeeze, her smile returning. Willow took a deep calming breath and smiled. "Hey Tracy, how are you?" the blonde greeted the other woman.
"Well I've been better," Tracy looked back at Xander and Anya who were in the corner whispering fiercely.
"I really am sorry about this," Willow said to them both.
"Stop apologizing Willow," Tracy insisted.
"Yeah, stop apologizing," Tara said with a big smile. Willow grinned and playfully stuck her tongue out at Tara. The blonde raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Promises, promises," she said softly a wicked glint in her eyes. Willow's eyes grew wide and her voice left her.
"Uh, Tara," Willow squeaked. "I invited Tracy to the movies with us," Tara looked surprised but quickly recovered.
"Great! Hey Dawnie, are you ready?" she called out to the teenager who was
talking with Buffy.
"Could you believe Anya?" Willow asked with a shake of her head. She and Tara were walking behind Dawn and Tracy as the four made their way to the movie theatre. Willow's hands were waving angrily in the air. "I mean all with the "Willow's new orgasm friend," it was downright irritating. It's not like she doesn't already know that Tracy is just a friend!" Tara smiled at Willow's mini rant.
"I think she was trying to get a reaction," Tara cut in when Willow took a breath to start again. Willow was silent for a moment, frowning. Tara caught her breath as their shoulders brushed together.
"Well, I'll give her a reaction," the redhead grumpily said and Tara giggled.
"Actually, I think she was trying to get a reaction out of me ," the blonde pointed out cutting her eyes toward the redhead walking close to her.
"You? Why?" Willow asked looking at the woman next to her. Willow's skin was tingling where it had connected with Tara's. She could feel the heat from the other woman and shivered.
"I think Anya feels that if I believe that there is something between you and Tracy then I'll get jealous and come back to you," Tara told the redhead. Willow turned her attention forward a slight frown marring her features as she digested what Tara had said. "Or she was just being Anya," shrugged Tara with a small smirk as she watched Willow's mind work around what she had said. Willow's eyes widened. She wondered if Tara thought something was really going on and the thought horrified her.
"Tara, you do believe me when I say there is nothing between Tracy and I right?" Willow asked concerned, her voice small. The redhead stopped and turned to face the other woman who also stopped.
"Of course I do," reassured Tara with a nod. "I would under-ss-stand if something were going on though," the blonde managed to get out around the sudden lump in her throat. Willow's face was stricken and she recoiled as if she had been slapped.
"Tara, no. I mean Tracy is nice and all, but she's not," she paused and swallowed. "She's not you."
Tara looked at Willow, her eyes searching Willow's own. She wanted nothing more at that moment than to take Willow in her arms and kiss her senseless. Tara believed Willow, but the insecure part of her wanted to stake her claim, to let the world know that her heart belonged to Willow and that the redhead belonged to her. But the other, scared part of her held back.
"But, it's much too early to be talking of such things!" Willow said with a forced brightness. She turned and began walking again, with Tara following. "But it's still true," Willow added with a small grin. Tara chuckled and fell in step with the redhead.
"Uh, Will, can I ask why you invited Tracy? Not that I mind and all but..." Tara shrugged again. Willow sighed and kept her face forward as they walked.
"I felt sorry for her," she said simply brushing away a lock of hair that had fallen forward. "She just transferred to UC Sunnydale and hasn't made a lot of friends. When she asked me what I was doing today and I told her she looked so sad and lonely that I invited her," Willow explained. "I remember feeling like that and I didn't want someone else to feel that bad," she finished. Tara smiled softly; she knew just how kindhearted her ex-girlfriend was.
"That was nice of you," Tara told her, pride in her voice as she looked at the woman at her side. Willow smiled brightly.
"I'm glad you understand," Willow replied her eyes glowing.
"I wish I had met someone like you in high school," the blonde said with soft regret. "I wouldn't have been so alone."
"You're not alone now," Willow said quietly, her eyes filled with emotion. Tara, her eyes caught in the depths of Willow's smiled slowly, her lopsided smile causing Willow's heart to skip a beat.
"No, I'm not," the blonde agreed just as quietly. With matching brilliant smiles the two women turned their attention to the other two who stood at the corner waiting for them.
* * *
Dawn was muttering to herself. It was just supposed to have been her and Tara, and then Willow was coming and now Willow's new friend. And to make matters worse the three older girls were walking ahead of her talking. She grumbled and kicked a small pebble off the sidewalk. Tara turned around and smiled at her. The blonde slowed down until Dawn came abreast of her.
"Hey Dawnie."
"Hey," muttered the teenager sullenly.
"What's the matter?" Tara asked looking at the teenager. Dawn just shrugged. "I know it was to have been just us. I hope you don't mind. Willow says she invited Tracy because she doesn't have many friends and she thinks Tracy is lonely."
"It's okay," Dawn shrugged again trying to act nonchalant.
"I'll make it up to you Dawnie. You and I'll go on Thursday, just us," suggested Tara.
"Really? Just you and I?" Dawn asked perking up. She loved spending time with Tara. The blonde Wiccan treated her like an adult, not like a little kid.
"Yep, just you and I. We'll even stop for a milkshake," Tara linked arms with her.
"Cool," Dawn said with a bright smile, feeling better. "So, you and Willow?"
"What about us?" asked Tara happily. Every thing felt right for a change.
"Things seem to be good. Are you guys getting back together?" Dawn held her breath hoping for an affirmative answer. Tara was silent as she looked at the redhead walking in front of them. Willow was gesturing with her hands, talking excitedly. Tara smiled fondly.
"I hope so," she answered.
"Really?" Dawn squealed.
"I think so. We are taking things slow, so we'll see."
"Oh Tara! I'm so happy for you. She's been real good and I know she loves you and wants you back," Dawn frowned as she watched Willow talk with Tracy. "Well, I think she does."
"It's okay Dawn. Tracy is just a friend," Tara told her, seeing the look.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," Tara laughed and pulled Dawn forward. "I'm sure," was the firm answer. Willow looked back and caught Tara's eye. She smiled brightly, the love she felt for the other woman shining through.
* * *
"I enjoyed the movie, thanks for inviting me," Willow said to Tara as they walked back to the Magic Box. Dawn and Tracy were in front of them discussing the finer points of the dialog.
"I'm glad you came," the two lapsed into silence, each ached to touch the other and each was unsure.
"Uh, Tara, would it be okay if I held your hand?" Willow blurted out suddenly. Tara grinned.
"Oh yes," the two women grinned at each other and Willow felt her senses soar when her fingers interlocked with Tara's. It felt so right . They walked along in silence again; this time it was a comfortable silence.
"Willow I have a confession to make," Tara said suddenly.
"What?" Willow looked at her, uncertain.
"I uh, I don't know what the movie was about," Tara admitted blushing. "I couldn't concentrate. I think I was distracted," she giggled softly. The two women had sat next to each other feeling every move and shift. Their fingers had touched each time they reached for the popcorn. It had been a sweet agony for them both.
"Me too," Willow agreed sheepishly.
"Maybe we should see it again," suggested Tara hopefully.
"Maybe," Willow smirked. "Definitely," she clarified with a nod. Smiling the two women followed the other two toward the Magic Box.
"Well well well, what do we have here? A smorgasbord?" asked a voice in the shadows of the alley before the shop. Stepping out was a vampire, his game face on. He had two others with him.
Tracy screamed and froze. Willow pulled her and Dawn aside, stepping in front of them. She felt Tara move to stand next to her, keeping the others behind them.
"You better just be on your way now," Willow said more bravely than she felt.
"Oh, what are you going to do?" the lead vamp asked and laughed harshly. His buddies laughed as well.
"Slay you," a voice from behind the vamps said. They whirled around to see Buffy standing casually behind them. Her hands were on her leather-clad hips. The vamps looked at each other before rushing her.
Buffy became a blur of motion, blocking kicks and punches. She took out one with a roundhouse kick, dusting him before he had a chance to get back up. The second tried to come up behind her and with a flick of her wrist she sent him flying over her head, staking him as he tried to rise. The leader looked at her and began to move back deciding he wasn't as brave as he thought. He turned to run and Buffy grabbed the collar of his jacket, slamming the stake into his back stepping away as he became a pile of dust.
"You guys okay?" she asked looking for any sign of injury.
"That was a, that was a..." Tracy seemed unable to form a complete sentence, her face was pale and her eyes were large. For all the talk her sister did about demons she would have thought she would have been prepared to see a vampire, unfortunately she realized that that was not the case.
"Vampire," Buffy helped her.
"And you uh, you uh," she pointed at the small piles of dust, her hand shaking.
"Staked them."
"Oh my God," and with that Tracy fainted.
"Thanks Buffy for coming to our rescue," Willow said after they had gotten Tracy into the Magic Box.
"Not a problem, that's what I'm here for. How was the movie?" Buffy asked looking at them. She had thought about going but had changed her mind deciding to do an early patrol.
"Good."
Tracy groggily came to. She frowned when she heard Buffy and the others discussing the movie like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She looked around wide-eyed. Tracy realized she was lying on a brown leather couch in a room filled with odd things. There was a stuffed dummy, a pommel horse and knives on the wall. Willow and the others were standing in the middle of the room, talking nonchalantly. These people were crazy she thought.
"Willow's new friend is awake," Anya pointed out. Willow rolled her eyes and shrugged at Tara who just giggled.
"Tracy are you okay?" Willow asked. The brunette looked a little shell-shocked.
"I, uh, I'm not sure," Tracy looked around wildly again, almost as if she expected a vampire to jump out at her. She ran a shaky hand through her hair.
"I felt the same way," Willow told her with a sage nod remembering the first vampire she had seen.
"I think I need to go home now," the brunette said somewhat unsteady.
"We'll get her home," Xander said after Buffy slapped his arm. "Anya and I are heading out now. We'll make sure she gets home."
"And I'll take Dawn with me," Buffy piped up. Tara and Willow shared an amused look. Before they knew what happened the two found themselves outside the darkened Magic Box, alone.
"Still not with the subtle," Willow said with a rueful smile. Tara laughed a little self-consciously. She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.
"Uh, it's still early, would you like to go to the Espresso Pump?" she asked nervously.
"Sure, the Espresso Pump it is," Willow readily agreed. Tara smiled again and Willow felt her lips responding.
* * *
Willow sat at the small desk in her room, a textbook open in front of her. Her mind though, was not on the chemistry book. It was still on Tara. They had had a pleasant evening. After a few minutes of awkwardness things settled down and they carried on a normal conversation. It was almost as if they had never been apart. It had been nice. It had felt so right. It also caused a deep ache of loneliness and guilt in her chest. Sometimes the guilt got to be too much and she almost staggered from the weight of it. Buffy, Dawn, Xander and Anya had all forgiven her. But she had not asked for Tara's forgiveness, nor would she ever. How could she expect Tara to forgive her if she could not forgive herself?
Sighing she shut the book and moved to the bed. She turned off the light and got in. Willow reached over and her fingers grazed the pillow Tara had used the night before. The redhead pulled the pillow to her and clutched it close. She took a breath and smelled Tara's lingering fragrance. Still clutching the pillow to her she drifted off to sleep.
* * *
"The Magic Box. That must be where they have it," Myra said. She sat in a large ornate chair; her index finger thoughtfully tapped her lip. "I'll bet the witch knows exactly where the Key is. They most likely have the book we need as well."
"It's possible," Tracy agreed meekly. She kept her head down, not wanting Myra's attention. Her cheek still throbbed from Myra's earlier displeasure. Myra's eyes flickered to her. They were hard gleaming sapphires.
"I think it's more than possible," Myra snapped and Tracy flinched. Myra stood up and began pacing the length of the room. "They have to have it! I need it."
"Myra," Tracy began. Myra whirled around and pinned Tracy with a glare.
"Enough Tracy. The book is necessary," Myra turned away and moved to the mantle where the clay urn sat. Myra reached out and gently stroked the urn.
"My life changed that day," she began softly, reverently as she studied the urn. "The day that scabby minion of Glory's stumbled into Mom's bookstore was the best day of my life."
Tracy remained silent as Myra talked. She had heard it all before but knew better than to interrupt. The brunette kept her head down and listened.
"He had the urn and the book of prophesy with him. The book told me everything! I knew after reading it that I had to release Glorificus. A being such as her could not be left in this urn. She belongs in the world and I at her side!" Myra's eyes were glazed and she spoke with reverence. "I will be exalted before all others. I will finally be seen as better than you ," she spat and turned to face the still seated Tracy. "Mom and Dad will no longer be able to compare us!" Myra shouted stalking over to her sister. Tracy cringed and tried to shrink further in the chair.
Tracy didn't know why her sister hated her so much. Myra had always hated her. Growing up with Myra had been harrowing to say the least. Her sister had tormented her incessantly. Pulling her hair in church so she would cry out, tripping her while she carried the turkey stuffing to the table on Thanksgiving, were just small things. The punches and slaps in the privacy of the room they shared had escalated the older they got. Tracy had hoped that her transfer to UC Sunnydale would have gotten her away from Myra. Unfortunately, Myra had followed her moving into the small duplex that their parents had rented for Tracy.
Myra had followed not long after the urn had come into her grasp. The minion had died of his wounds before telling her of the whereabouts of the Key and the book with the spell that would restore the Hell God. Ever since that day Myra had been obsessed with Glory. She felt that the Hell God would reward her for releasing her from the urn and she wanted whatever Glory had to offer. Tracy, having heard the stories of torture and torment the Hell God would put people through hoped that her sister was not successful.
"You must seduce the witch," she said bluntly cutting into Tracy's reverie. "She will tell you everything then. I have plans that the witch will fit into nicely," Myra said a gleam in her eye. "I need the Key and the book and you will get them for me," Tracy's head snapped up disbelief pouring from her.
"W-what?" she cried. Tracy narrowed her eyes hoping she had misheard Myra. "Seduce her?"
"Yes. You said she likes girls. You're a girl," Myra pointed out needlessly.
"But Myra, I'm not like that!" Tracy cried out.
"So? What do I care?" Myra shrugged. "I want the Key and the book!" Myra moved to stand over Tracy as she sat in her chair, her face twisted into a scowl. Tracy sat confused, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to get her thoughts in order.
"Myra! I can't seduce her!" Tracy protested again.
"Tracy," her sister's voice rumbled threateningly.
"No Myra! Besides she's in love with someone else. They are trying to get back together."
"Then you must prevent it."
"Myra," Tracy sighed shaking her head. "Willow would never sleep with someone else if thought there was a chance with Tara."
"Then make sure there is no chance," Myra said flatly her cold eyes boring into Tracy's.
"No Myra," Tracy was firm in her resolve. She had spent enough time with Willow to know that the redhead would be devastated. Tracy doubted Willow would even contemplate being with someone else for months, maybe even years. She told this to Myra. Her sister frowned and digested the information.
"No Tracy, seduce her, like I said I have plans for the witch. I don't want to hear any more about it, you will do this or you know what will happen," Myra's eyes narrowed dangerously and her fists clenched. Tracy cowered back in her chair, Myra's meaning clear. Tracy didn't want to do what her sister was asking; every fiber in her being was fighting against it. But she knew she didn't have a choice. She had to do what Myra demanded of her. Tears stung her eyes and she lowered her head. Morosely she nodded her head hating herself for agreeing. Her mind though was already whirling with ways to try to get what Myra wanted without hurting Willow. Tracy didn't want to hurt Willow and she did not want to cause a problem between Tara and Willow. Tracy had talked enough with Willow to know that Myra's plan would never work. Myra watched the emotions play across Tracy's features and frowned.
"Tracy," she whispered her voice full of menace. Tracy froze the tone chilling her. "Do not disappoint me, you know what will happen if you do," Tracy shivered as despair settled over her like a blanket.
* * *
Sighing Tara threw back the covers and got up. The blonde had been tossing and turning for the last hour. She was finding it very hard to fall asleep. Her thoughts were crowded tonight and her body ached for the familiar form of Willow. Last night had awakened her need to be physically close to the other woman. And now she was having a hard time convincing herself to just go to sleep.
"Willow," she whispered, hugging herself. Tara went and lit a few candles, casting a soft glow throughout the room. The blonde sat down in the chair next to the window, her pose mirroring Willow's from a few days previously. She knew she still loved the other woman. With all her heart and soul. Tara also understood on some level why Willow had done what she had. But did she trust Willow not to do it again? Her heart said yes. Her head was still undecided. They agreed on one thing though, that being away from Willow and the rest of the Scoobies was torture. She didn't like it. Tara was glad that she and Willow were slowly trying to reach out to each other. Trust had to be built on both sides. She had to trust that Willow wouldn't violate her mind and Willow had to trust that Tara would not leave her.
Tara knew that was one of the root causes of Willow's spell. Willow was afraid that if they fought Tara would leave. Her parents had never argued, the one time she had fought with her mother, Sheila tried to burn her at the stake. Oz had left her after seeing the "fluke" with Xander even though he had come back he left her again. And of course there was the fight they had before Glory had brain sucked her. Willow had abandonment issues. She had to trust that Tara would be there even if they fought.
Tara sighed heavily. Would she be there? She asked herself, searching the depths of her soul and her heart. Yes, she would was the soft answer. Yes she would. Tara could do nothing less. Her heart and soul could do nothing else. Tara, her mind at rest finally, got up, blew out the candles and went to bed. With a soft smile on her lips, Tara fell asleep
* * *
Willow absently bit into an apple. She was leaning against her favorite tree, reading her English Lit chapters. The sun was filtered through the leaves casting shadows over the pages. The redhead was so engrossed she didn't hear the soft approach of feet. She took another bite of her apple.
"Hey," Tara greeted softly, her smile gentle as she looked down at Willow. The redhead jerked her head up, startled. Her lips curved into a smile as her eyes drank in the beloved features. Tara was dressed in a brown ankle length skirt and a beige low cut blouse with embroidered flowers on it. Willow's eyes shone as she smiled brightly at the blonde.
"Hi!" she made to get up, but Tara waved her back and sat down next to her.
"D-do you mind if I study here with you?" Tara asked shyly. Willow's smile exploded and she was nodding her head vigorously even before Tara had finished speaking.
"Of course not, you're free to study here. I mean who wouldn't be, it's a study tree, a great study tree and you can study until you can't study anymore and I can study and we, uh, you and I can study here at the study tree together or not," she finally trailed off, realizing that once again she was babbling. "Shutting up now so you can study," Tara giggled and pulled a textbook out of her bag. The two girls lapsed into silence as each turned to their respective texts. They had spent many hours like this before, sitting under a tree, enjoying the day, enjoying each other. Willow bent her head, a small smile on her lips. It was a start she realized, a good start.
"This gives me a headache!" Tara finally said in exasperation, slamming the book shut. Willow looked up, a tiny frown on her face. Tara smiled and shrugged. "I don't like the elemental table as much as you do."
"Oh," Willow brightened. "Do you need some help? Cause I can do that! Be all helpful and everything," Tara giggled.
"Maybe later," she said her eyes lowering shyly. "Right now I just want to enjoy the sunshine before my next class."
"It is a beautiful day," Willow agreed her eyes taking in Tara's features as the other turned her face toward the sun.
"Yes it is," murmured Tara. She looked over and her eyes moved down to Willow's lips and visions of them pressed to hers filled her senses. The blonde breathed deep as the light, almost citrusy scent that was all Willow drifted to her, pushed along by the soft breeze that sighed through the leaves. The breeze toyed with Willow's hair. Tara's eyes caressed Willow's profile, her mind remembering those lips on hers, on her throat, on her...
Tara reluctantly tore her eyes away. The blonde pushed those thoughts aside. She took a deep breath and looked back at the other woman.
"Will, are you busy tonight?" she asked cocking her head to one side.
"No, do you want me to help?" Willow asked indicating the textbook.
"N-no, um, for dinner," Tara said shyly, lowering her eyes. Her fingers nervously pulled at blades of grass. Willow's heart stopped, and her mouth opened and closed, her eyes wide, her mind buzzing frantically.
"Dinner?" she squeaked as she absently brushed away a small flying insect.
"Yes, with me." Tara told her with a half smile. Tara's eyes looked at her, smoldering briefly before she looked down shyly.
"Like a date?" she asked her voice small not daring to hope. Is she asking me out? Willow asked herself. Tara grinned her lopsided grin and Willow felt her heart skip a beat and a familiar ache began in the pit of her stomach and a sensual heat moved through her.
"Exactly like a date," answered Tara, her voice pitched low. Willow swallowed and grinned.
"Well, let me check my busy social calendar," she cut her eyes skyward and cocked her head. "Okay I'm free!" both young women giggled.
"I'll pick you up at seven okay?" Willow blushed and shyly nodded. Tara smiled again and looked at her watch. "I gotta go. I'll see you tonight?" She put her book away and stood. Willow watched with a bemused smile.
"Oh, okay!" Willow cried when she realized Tara was waiting for an answer. "Yes, I'll see you tonight!" Tara smiled, and touched Willow's head fondly before walking away. Willow watched until the blonde disappeared into the crowd of students.
Willow skipped into the library later that afternoon for her study session with Tracy. She could not help the large smile that seemed to be permanently plastered to her face. Willow sat down opposite Tracy at a table in the back and grinned at her friend. Tracy laughed at her exuberance.
"You look so sad," she teased.
"Oh I am, I am very sad," Willow laughed her eyes sparkling.
"So what has put that frown on your face?"
"Oh, it's because I have to have dinner with Tara tonight. It's this date thing and all and I'm really not looking forward to going," she tried to keep a straight face but it didn't last. Willow finished unpacking her books, biting her lower lip to keep from laughing.
"Sounds like a real hardship for you," Tracy said dryly, her mouth quirked into a small smile. The smile faltered as Myra's order to seduce Willow slammed into her mind. The brunette felt a pang of regret. It was obvious that Willow was still madly in love with Tara and Tracy was at a loss as to how she would ever be able to get between them. With a mental shake of her head she realized that she never could. Willow's excited squeal brought Tracy out of her private torment.
"Tracy, I couldn't believe it!" Willow finally broke down, she leaned close to her new friend, her eyes were bright and her smile seemed to grow even wider. "She found me at the tree and we studied for awhile. Then she asked me! She asked me out! I thought I would die on the spot!"
"Willow that is fantastic! So things going good?" she asked trying to sound casual. Willow had given her an overview of the situation after that awkward meeting at the Magic Box.
"Good, slow, which is good, cause I don't think I am ready for fast. Not that I'm not ready, I'm just not ready," Willow babbled. "Which probably makes no sense unless you're me." Tracy laughed.
"Don't worry about it Willow, I understand. So where is she taking you?"
"I don't know!" Willow frowned slightly. "Oh my God, what do I wear? I didn't ask, oh my God!" she looked like she would panic at any moment.
"Don't worry about it Willow, its not like Sunnydale is the hot bed of nightlife," Tracy pointed out.
"True, but I want to look good. I mean really good," Willow told her, eyes wide, nodding her head slightly.
"I'm sure you will. Besides she will be so busy being happy she is with you that she won't even notice what you are wearing!"
"You think?" Willow asked unsure.
"I do," Tracy's reply was firm.
"Well just to be on the safe side I think I'll get Buffy to help me," Willow told her opening her textbook. She was still frowning slightly as she searched for the right chapter.
* * *
"Buffy this just won't do!" Willow cried. She looked at herself in the mirror, totally dissatisfied with what she saw. Buffy and Dawn were in Willow's bedroom, helping her decide on what to wear for her date.
"Will, you look great!" Buffy protested. "I love that top on you and it looks great with that skirt," Willow looked at herself critically. She was wearing an ankle length floral print purple skirt with a purple and white peasant blouse.
"Are you sure?" she asked her voice small.
"You look hot Willow!" Dawn piped up from the bed where she sat watching. There were clothes strewn all over the bed beside her. "Very doable."
"What?" Buffy and Willow asked together whipping around to face the teen.
"What? I'm assuming she does!" Dawn tried to defend herself. "Doable would look like that," she pointed to the redhead in front of the mirror.
"Just stop saying that word," Buffy held up her hand. "I'm so hoping you don't know what doable looks like."
"Nope, sure don't," the teen replied innocently her eyes wide and clear. When Buffy turned back around she hid a snicker behind her hand.
"Buffy this just won't do!" Willow whined again, her eyes back on the mirror. "This is a first date I can't look doable! She'll think I'm a skank!"
"Will," Buffy was cut off by the doorbell ringing. Willow's eyes widened looking very much like the deer caught in the headlights.
"Oh God, she's here," whispered Willow, her voice agonized. Her hands fluttering in controlled panic. The doorbell rang again.
"I'll get it," Dawn finally said jumping up and running down the stairs.
"Buffy," Willow cried her voice rough her eyes pooling with tears, fright very obvious in her face.
"Willow it'll be okay," Buffy said softly, she gave Willow's hand a small squeeze.
"But what if..."
"No what ifs Will," interrupted Buffy gently but firmly. She wasn't about to let Willow work herself into a state of panic. "Now come on, your girl is waiting."
"I'll be right there, you go ahead." Buffy looked at her for a moment before nodding. Willow took a deep breath and faced herself in the mirror again.
"Okay Rosenberg, this is it. Tonight is the beginning. Tara's not gonna see Super Wicca Willow. She's gonna see Geek Willow. It's going to be up to you to make sure she falls in love with us again. Don't mess it up!" She told herself sternly. She straightened her blouse, took another deep breath and left the safety of her room.
Willow slowly made her way down the stairs. She could hear Buffy and Dawn talking to Tara. The blonde Wiccan's soft laugh drifted to her. She placed a hand over her stomach to settle the butterflies that were having a party. When she reached the entrance way to the living room Tara looked up and their eyes locked. Time stopped and had no meaning as they looked at each other. All the questions they were afraid to ask were in their depths, followed by all the answers. Buffy and Dawn looked between the mesmerized women before sharing a smug look.
"Hi," Willow finally managed, her throat dry.
"H-hi," Tara swallowed. "You look great," she said. Buffy shot Willow an "I told you so" look.
"Thanks, you do too," Willow answered, her voice tight. Her eyes drank in the sight of the blonde woman. Tara was wearing a low cut black blouse, a pendant around her throat stopping just before the creamy white swells of her breasts. Willow swallowed and pulled her mind away from the view looking back up into smiling blue eyes. Her mind barely registered the skirt Tara was wearing.
Silence descended on the four.
"Well, you two crazy kids have a good time tonight," Buffy finally said breaking the silence. "Now Tara I want her home before midnight," she admonished in her mother tone. Tara giggled.
"Yes Ms. Summers. I promise to have her home early," she shot a warm glance at Willow. The redhead gulped. She felt herself quickly losing control but in a good way. Buffy and Dawn followed the two to the door.
"You guys have fun!" Dawn called out as they made their way down the walk.
"Uh, this is for you," Tara said shyly holding out a single rose. Willow tentatively took it bringing the fragrant flower to her nose.
"Thank you," Willow lowered her eyes, suddenly feeling very shy.
"You're welcome. Uh, I had just planned to walk, but Buffy insisted we take the Jeep. I hope you don't mind," Tara told her, before lowering her eyes.
"No, that's fine," Willow agreed. Tara smiled brightly and they got into the Jeep. Conversation was at a minimum as Tara drove them to their destination. It was not an uncomfortable silence as the two were adjusting to being with each other again.
The restaurant Tara had picked was a small cozy affair and they sat in a private circular booth in the back. The atmosphere was romantic, with candles burning on each table and low lighting throughout. Their conversation was on general things as they settled in and perused the menu.
"Has Anya finalized the color of the bridesmaid's dresses?" Tara asked after the waiter had taken their order and left.
"She has narrowed it down to about five choices, I think. The last time I asked she went on a twenty-minute dissertation on how important it was to pick just the right color and design. Oh," Willow suddenly remembered. "She did threaten blood larvae and burlap but Buffy talked her out of it."
"Well thank God for that!" Tara laughed and Willow joined in.
"So how are your parents?"
"Good," Willow answered putting down her water glass. "Mom is taking a sabbatical and is going to write a book."
"Really? That's great! Please tell them I said hello," Tara told her. She thought fondly of the times she had spent with Willow's parents.
After Willow had come out to her parents, Ira, her father would insist that the girls come to dinner at least once a month. Sheila seemed oblivious to her daughter's relationship; possibly thinking it was just another phase, like Willow's friendship with "Bunny" or her dating a musician. But Ira had always gone out of his way to make her feel welcome. He may have been an absentee father but he loved his daughter dearly and as long as she was happy he was happy.
"I will," Willow nodded. "I'm going over there for dinner on Sunday. They are going away for awhile."
"Where to this time?"
"Back to Europe. Mom said they are going to do the whole "European Tour" this year. She told me all about it over the phone the other day."
"They went to France last summer right?"
"Yes, Mom likes it there, even if they do "perpetrate the male stereotype" or some other thing," Tara giggled before sipping her own water.
"You sounded just like her when you said that," Tara told her with a grin. Willow made a noise and rolled her eyes.
"Thanks," she said dryly and Tara giggled again. The two girls shared a warm look.
"I'm nervous," Willow suddenly blurted out. She looked down at her hands, which had twisted themselves together in her lap.
"Me too," whispered Tara. Willow looked up and offered a tentative smile.
"I'm glad. Not that you're nervous, but that I'm not the only one, so I guess then I can be glad you're nervous. Oh God stop me now," she groaned. Tara chuckled softly and briefly touched Willow's hand.
"It's okay," Tara told her gently. Willow gave her a grateful smile.
"Tara, I," Willow began only to be interrupted by the waiter with their meals. They were silent as they waited for him to finish serving them. Once alone, their talk drifted again to general, non-personal things. Soon they were once again comfortable with each other and their conversation entered that familiar place.
"This is nice," Willow said much later.
"Yes it is."
"I've missed this. Ya know, just being together," Willow told her with a wave of her hand.
"Me too Will," agreed Tara. "More than I realized," a brief flicker of pain crossed her features. Willow reached over and took her hand.
"Tara, I'm sorry," she took a breath. "I know that doesn't begin to make up for what I did. But I did want you to know that. To know that I know how wrong it was. So very wrong. I wish I could take it back, but I can't," tears sprang to her eyes as she looked at the woman next to her. "I can never take back how I violated you, how I abused your trust, how I destroyed the best thing in my life," tears streamed down her cheeks. "But I can say I'm sorry," she finished. Tara looked at her, her eyes searching the redhead's face. She could see the regret and remorse in her ex-girlfriend's eyes. Something in her heart loosened, another step had been taken.
"What a way to sweet talk me on our first date," she said with a cheeky grin. Willow's eyes widened and she blinked before laughing. The tension broken, both women laughed again.
"Seriously though," Tara began after the laughter had faded away. The blonde looked down at the table, where her fingers were toying with an unused butter knife. "I'm glad you realize what you did hurt me."
"Tara, I..." Willow began, her eyes bruised with the pain she had inflicted. Tara shook her head.
"No Will, don't apologize again," she interrupted her voice soft but gentle. Tara raised her eyes and looked at Willow. "What you did hurt me so much because I felt you didn't value me, when the truth was I didn't value myself. Remember when Xander called the Lord of the Dance? And I sang to you?" Willow nodded remembering the song and what had happened afterwards.
"There was a line, you know about living my life in shadows and how I thought that was my place," Tara took a sip of water before continuing. "My father and brother had belittled me so much that I thought that was where I belonged, that I didn't deserve to stand in the light and be counted, to have someone love me," the blonde looked at Willow her eyes haunted with old hurts and old scars. The redhead's expressive face was filled with sadness. Willow reached over and took Tara's hand, not saying anything as she realized that the blonde needed to talk.
"But you showed me other wise. You and the rest of the Scoobies, you all gave my life meaning, gave me meaning. And w-when you did that spell, it made me feel that it was all a lie, that I really was all those things my father and brother said I was," Tara's voice broke and she took a deep breath.
"Oh Tara," Willow breathed, her voice breaking with agony.
"But that was my fault, Willow," Tara said raising her eyes again. Willow frowned and shook her head, opening her mouth to interrupt. "No, let me finish, I should never have given you and the others that kind of power. My self worth should not be based on what you, my father, Donnie or anyone else thinks. I should be the one to determine that," her voice was firm and her eyes burned with an inner strength. "So, I'm sorry for that Will, I should never had burdened you with that," she apologized surprising Willow. The redhead had gotten so used to hearing those words but had never expected them to come out of anyone's mouth but hers.
"Tara, I, uh," Willow was at a loss; she had not been prepared for an apology from Tara.
"Just accept my apology Will, we can't change what happened, we can only go from here," Tara's voice was soft and her eyes bore into Willow's. The redhead saw forgiveness in Tara's eyes and her heart soared briefly. Tara had forgiven her, but now she had to forgive herself, and she wanted to, for the first time she wanted to let the darkness go. A slow smile spread over her lips and the corners of Tara's mouth twitched as an answering smile began.
"Where do we go from here?" Willow asked, her words echoing the lyrics to the song the Scoobies had sung in the Magic Box. Tara grinned.
"We go forward," was the firm answer. "Gaily forward," giggled Tara. Willow shook her head and laughed. Tara joined her as they both felt the pain and betrayal fall away, released from the tight binds that had been wrapped around their hearts. The two women firmly put the past in the past. They had all suffered enough.
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