The Big Finale

Home : Stories by Author : Stories by Elsa Frohman : The Big Finale

Summary: Spike/Buffy and ? I'm not serious folks.

AUTHOR: Elsa Frohman
EMAIL: elsa@frohman.net
RATING: R
PAIRING: Buffy/Spike and ?
SPOILERS: Season 6.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ruppert Giles got off the plane to find Xander waiting for him in the departure lounge.

"God, Giles. I'm so glad you could drop everything and come. Things have got bad -- I mean really bad."

"I gathered as much. How's Buffy holding up?"

"She's wigged. But can you blame her? Willow -- her best friend. She's taken it in the chops before, but this..."

Giles sighed. "Yes, this is going to be very difficult for her. And there's something else that she doesn't know yet."

"This could be worse?"

"It has to do with her -- well, for want of a better term -- love life."

Xander gave Giles one of his better uncomprehending looks.

"We all know about the Spike thing. We're over it. Well, I'm almost over it... But be that as it may, I don't think her prospects for a date next Friday night are all that important right now. Willow's threatening to re- enact Hiroshima on Main Street."

"It's not exactly the, as you put it, 'Spike thing.' Though it has a bearing on that. And a great deal of bearing on the challenge she faces now."

"OK, lay it on me."

"It's a rule. Little known, because frankly, there haven't been many Slayers who survived as long, and fought as many major evils as Buffy has. It seldom comes into play."

"And this rule is?"

"If Buffy fights, well I suppose I'll call it what you would, a 'Big Bad,' and the 'Big Bad' survives, she has to sleep with him or her."

"What???? What kind of a rule is that?"

"It was introduced in earlier times as an extra incentive for the Slayer not to let anything evil off the hook. The Slayers back then tended to be a little less -- generous -- with their affections. Unfortunately, it seems to have had the opposite effect where Spike and Angel are concerned.

"The problem arises because Buffy may fight Willow, but she's going to be desperately looking for a way to avoid killing her. And this may lead to consequences she isn't ready for."

"But Willow's a girl and ..."

"Willow is gay," Giles said significantly.

Xander looked sick for a moment, then he brightened, "You know I still have some of those video cameras the Nerd Herd were using..."

"Xander! I'm shocked!"

----

Back at the Magic Box, Anya was dusting and tidying in preparation for her grand reopening. The bell over the door rang and she looked up to see Buffy coming in.

"Buffy, shouldn't you be off trying to sneak up on your best friend -- or something ..."

"I don't know if I can do this, Anya."

"Oh, now, buck up... Everything will be fine. You'll rip Willow's head off and make Sunnydale safe for commerce again. I have faith in you!"

Buffy started to cry. "I know what I have to do. But... but... I don't know if I can do it. And I don't have anyone to talk to. You'll listen to me, won't you, Anya."

Anya looked bored, but quickly covered up with a smile. "Well, as long as you've cleared off before I have to open up. Having a woman sobbing in the middle of the store doesn't generally put people in the mood to buy things."

"I went by Spike's crypt. Things haven't been that good between us lately, but he's always been a good listener." She sobbed again. "But he's gone."

Anya stopped dead in her tracks. "Spike's gone? Without saying goodbye? He cleared out?" The vengeance demon looked devastated. "How could he do that?"

Buffy wiped her nose on the back of her hand. "Clem's watching the crypt.
He said Spike took off for Africa. Something about getting his chip out. I don't see how that's going to work. But it doesn't make him any less gone."

Anya's lip started to tremble.

"Hey! I thought you said it was just a one night stand!"

Anya nodded, but a tear was sliding down her cheek. "I know, but I thought... I thought since he was still around, maybe I'd get another chance... Oh Buffy... This is awful. How can I go on living... He was the best ..."

"I don't think I want to hear this," Buffy said testily.

The bell over the door rang again, and Xander and Giles came in.

"Anya, what's the matter?"

"Go away, Xander. I don't want to talk to you!" Anya buried her face in her hands and continued to sob.

"Buffy, we have to talk ..."

"Hi Giles. Nice of you to drop in. How you been?" Buffy said ironically.

"Buffy, I know this is abrupt, but there's very little time..."

"Tell me about it. OK, what do I do?"

"You have to kill Willow. It's the only way."

"Either that, or you're going to have to start buying Indigo Girls CDs," Xander piped in.

"What?"

Giles explained the situation as concisely as he could, taking into account his tendency to use twice as many words as necessary to express an idea.

Buffy sat listening -- stunned.

"You're saying that the reason I felt compelled to ..."

"Make the beast with two backs with Spike," Xander supplied helpfully.

"Because of a Watcher rule? But I didn't know about the rule..."

"Few people do these days -- it seldom comes into play. But you didn't have to know it. There's a spell involved."

Buffy raised her eyes to the heavens. "Please, if there's a God. Let Spike get back in time and be de-chipped."

"I don't understand," Anya said.

"If Spike gets back and he's evil again, maybe he's the Big Bad and not Willow. Then I don't have to kill Willow -- we can think of something else to do with her, and I can fight Spike."

"Oh right -- you're already planning how to take a dive on that one, aren't you," Anya said suspiciously. "You fight him, let him live, and sneak off to his crypt for a bit of humpty."

Buffy looked evasive. "No, I'd fight him for real... I just don't know whether I'd win... He's very strong, you know."

"Yes. I know," Anya said, glaring at Buffy.

The bell over the door rang again.

"If only I got this sort of traffic when I was open," Anya said, but she looked over to see Spike standing inside the door. "Spike! You're back! We're all so glad!"

"Better be careful what you wish for," he growled. "This may not be the kind of luck you think it is."

"Spike, we really are glad you're back. But if you could answer one question for us, honestly," Giles said.

"What's that, pops?"

"Did you succeed in getting the chip out?"

Spike's eyes narrowed. He stalked across the room to Xander and picked up the construction worker by the front of his shirt. With his other hand, he punched Xander hard and fast. He let go and Xander fell to the floor in a limp heap.

"That answer your question?"

"Ah... Yes. I think it does." Giles said, cleaning his glasses.

Buffy stood up. "So this is it. We play the game once more..."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Only if you want, luv."

Xander picked himself up and put a hand under his bleeding nose.

"I don't want to break up a tender reunion," he said looking at the blood on his fingers. "But what about Willow? If we don't do something about her, we'll all be discussing this on the edge of the crater."

"Yes, Willow. That is the immediate problem," Giles added.

"Wait a minute," Xander said. "If Buffy doesn't fight Willow, then Buffy doesn't have to ..."

It was Spike's turn to look confused. Giles took him aside and filled him in.

"OK, here's how I see it," Spike said, when he was up to speed. "Buffy goes out and fights Willow, and tires her out, and Willow comes back to her senses. Then my new buddy Xander and I get a big bucket of popcorn and a six pack and a couple of those video cameras ..."

"Oh! Can I watch too? I may not be gay, but it might be interesting from a purely instructional point of view," Anya said brightly.

Xander had found a kleenex and had wiped most of the blood from his nose.
"As much of a happy ending as that sounds like, what if the outcome is Willow kills Buffy then blows up most of Sunnydale?"

"You're right," Anya said. "That would be bad for business."

"I'm not going to kill Willow," Buffy said with a frown. "She's my best friend. But I'm not particularly into the Indigo Girls either. Don't I get any say in this?"

"Not much, unfortunately," Giles said glumly.

"How about this?" Spike offered. "I'll kill Willow, then you can really hate me for it. And we'll fight -- but we're evenly matched, so it'll be a draw and ..."

"Shut up, Spike," Giles and Xander said in unison.

"What about this," Xander said. "Spike goes out and offers to join up with Willow. Then as her minion, he can talk her into taking a dive in the big battle."

Buffy frowned. "I don't see how that ..."

"Maybe not. But the three-way might be really intersting to watch."

Buffy glared at him.

The bell over the door rang again. This time it was Willow, bedraggled, red headed, eyes normal.

"Willow! You're OK. This is a miracle!" Buffy cried out in joy. "What happened?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all. How can I stay mad enough to be evil when I'm standing by myself out on the street and you're all too busy chatting to come out and fight me?"

"Oh... sorry, Will," Buffy said guiltily.

"When you cut your hair, everybody commented -- even when they couldn't see it. But I dye my hair black -- in a really astoundingly short time, I might add -- and nobody says a thing. I'm a total geek. I can't even stay mad long enough to destroy half of Sunnydale, let alone the world."

"Will, believe me when I say, we're all really, really happy you're a geek," Xander said. "It's going to be OK."

"And I think you look better with red hair anyway," Spike said helpfully.
He looked at the Slayer thoughfully. "The big question now is what can I do that will make you angry enough to fight me, but not quite angry enough to stake me."

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Keep talking."

The bell over the door rang again. Anya looked over. "Who could it be now?
We're all here. Could it actually be someone who wants to spend money in my store?"

All eyes turned to the door. It was Clem.

"So, you're all here together, where I can take care of you all at once. Quite considerate of you all."

"Clem," Spike said. "Not now. I'm fresh out of kittens, and nobody has any cards."

"Ha, you think I'm mild-mannered, card-playing Clem. Little did you know I'm really the (swell of music) BIG BAD."

"You?" Spike said incredulously.

"Well, they were my eggs, weren't they?" the cuddly demon said. "That really put the kibosh on your little thing with the Slayer, didn't it? And Anya, my bringing your old enemy out of the hell dimension to wreck your wedding, that really fixed things for you, didn't it? And Buffy, my luring Riley Finn and his lovely and slightly hard to believe wife back to Sunnydale, that really destroyed the only loving relationship you've had for awhile, right? And Willow, I left you that hair-darkening spell. You didn't know it was me, did you? And Giles, it really annoyed you when I short-sheeted your bed -- that's the real reason you went back to England, isn't it? "

Everyone looked at the floppy eared demon in mute shock.

"But why?" Buffy asked in a tiny voice.

"Evil. I'm pure evil," Clem said with an evil chuckle.

"Then I'm going to fight you," Buffy said with resolve. Everyone turned to look at Buffy.

Clem clapped in giddy joy. "And because I'm such a cute, sweet demon, you won't be able to bring yourself to kill me. And I'll promise to be good from now on..."

All eyes turned to look at Clem.

"Did *everyone* know about this but me?" Buffy complained.

Clem gave her a goofy smile. "I've booked us a room at the Sunnydale Marriott," he said.

Buffy had had enough. She went to a weapons display and picked out a sword. "This is more than anyone should have to put up with," she snarled, stalking back toward Clem.

"No need to bother yourself," Spike said, turning to Clem with a snarl on his game face. "I'll take care of this for you, luv."

"Only if you get to him first," Xander growled.

"This is easy," Anya said brightly. "Anybody here have any wishes for our friend Clem?"

There was a moment of chaos. Everyone piled on at once. The demon didn't last long.

"Well, that seems to have worked out to everyone's benefit," Giles said brightly as he looked for a wet rag to sponge the demon blood off his jacket.

"Yes it did," Buffy agreed.

"It only leaves one matter to be dealt with," Giles replied.

"And that is?"

"We have a de-chipped Spike on our hands now."

Buffy turned to Spike. "So what are we going to do about you?"

He shrugged. "I'm still bad. Always was."

Buffy nodded. "And you survived..."

Spike nodded.

"I think we're going to have to go back to your crypt and talk this over."

They started for the door together. Buffy suddenly turned back to her friends. "If I find a video camera *anywhere* heads are going to roll..."

The End.

These authors spend lots of time to write these stories. If you took the time to read this PLEASE take the time to give them some feedback. Happy writers write more ;-)

Elsa Frohman - elsa@frohman.net