Spilling Truth

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Summary: Faith ficlet; Post-‘Gift’; Faith doesn’t cope well with recent developments in her life.

AUTHOR: Aurora
EMAIL: girl292@hotmail.com
RATING: R; disturbing imagery and cussing
PAIRING: Faith/Angel
DISCLAIMER: not. mine. at. all. no. profit. for. me.
DISTRIBUTION: want it? take it, tell me where it’s going to live
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is just a scene from a larger F/A plot I have running around in my mind. The fic itself may never be written, but this scene wouldn’t leave me alone, so here it is…
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She's laughing hysterically again. Stopped for a second to watch the blade slice cleanly through the warm exposed flesh of her arm once more. Reverent in her attention. But now...

Now, it's over and the blade is still.

The blade is still, but her blood is not. Pounding angrily beneath her skin, seeping steadily out in drops of wonder, twisting silently down her arm to join the growing pool of crimson regret staining the bathroom tile.

Nice, neat, shallow cuts. Line by line, ducks all in a row...

Before, when she'd stumbled blindly into the bathroom, heart battering frantically against her chest, hands shaking, mind screaming, she couldn't move fast enough. Gripped the blade and held her breath. Hovered over the creamy expanse of unmarred skin, Slayer healing not allowing the scars from the past to remain, at least not on the outside anyway.

She'd paused, drawing out the anticipation, feeling the need spiral tighter in the pit of her belly until she had to stop breathing. Closed her eyes, counted to three, then opened them. Always have to watch. Watch the silver glint of steel rending flesh in two. Muscles once tight with tension melting into ecstasy as the fire spread in the wake of the blade

So. fucking. good.

Good to focus all the chaos in this one simple action. So pure. So easy. Feeling the rage, hurt, anger, fear, all mix and slide out of her body drop by drop by..

She can't change what happened. Can't raise the dead. Can't quite get past the pain he tries so hard to hide when he looks at her. Can't pretend it isn't there, that she doesn't wish for the same goddamned thing every second she's awake.

The edge of the bathtub is digging into her back but she does not shift her position. Can't disrupt the process. Bleeding for the sins of the fathermothersisterlover... Slayer.

She doesn't notice when her frantic laughter turns to sobs, her mind still swirling in time with her pulse as it slips from her veins.

Her ears still ringing with recently spilled words that won't let her stop...

'I love you Angel.'

Angel

She wonders how long it will be before he finds her. Wonders what he'll say to her. If he'll be gentle or rough. Wonders what he'll do if she presses the open cut on her forearm to his mouth.

Wonders if he'll pull away from her again

Doesn't matter. He can't hurt her now. He can't even touch her now.

Nothing can touch her.

Not even the truth that burns her flesh as it pours from her heart to rest, spent and silent, on the bathroom floor..

'I love you Angel.'

'I love you too... Buffy.'

**

end

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Aurora - girl292@hotmail.com